Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
The Clare Byrne Show on Newstalk with Aviva Insurance.
Chapter 2: What sporting regret does Chris O'Dowd share?
Well, despite being a huge Hollywood success, the actor Chris O'Dowd recently spoke about the hurt he still feels from losing a Connacht minor final when he played for Roscommon nearly 30 years ago. And that got us thinking, does everyone have some sort of competitive or sporting regret in their life? And if so, how can you get over it? Can you ever get over it?
I'm joined in the studio by Dr. Stephen McIver of TU Dublin Sports Sciences. You know, when we were talking about this, Stephen, we realised everyone has one. Like, you might think that you don't.
Chapter 3: Does everyone have a sporting regret?
Take a minute to think about it.
Are you sure?
I think a lot of people haven't.
I was under the complete impression that you and I were both perfect.
Ah, well, listen, there's that too. But when I was talking to Anton about this this morning, I was reminiscing about the community games, under 12, basketball, semi-final. I'd say it was 1987, maybe 1988. 97, 97. Going back to leash on the bus from Skerry's crestfallen. I'll never forget it. You know, that feeling.
Yeah, yeah. No, I hear you. And I have the same memories of losses in rugby and in many sports. And it is part of sport, but it's also part of life. You know, those losses, those mistakes we make, those regrets. But, you know, it's also a choice. Would we prefer not to have played those games?
Even when we look at Chris O'Dowd and it's a lovely article and his mate slagging him off in the small video, you know, those connections that they make are brilliant.
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Chapter 4: How can we learn to cope with sporting regrets?
The key thing with regrets is what we do with them. Do we allow them pull us back or do we reminisce and actually enjoy the memory, but see how much it's added to us? Because we learn and we grow. through errors and through those mistakes.
Is it normal, though, for someone like when you read that article where Chris was talking about it, to have such vivid memories of that time? You know, do you find that with people that they don't really remember the winning?
No.
Remember the failing.
No, no, no. Absolutely. And then we interpret that. What happens is, obviously, when we commit to something wholeheartedly, the more we invest, which is where we succeed, is also where it hurts the most. If we don't invest, we probably won't succeed. But when we do invest and we lose, it creates that regret. That regret then creates a reflection. So we hold it.
So what we're doing is we're reminiscing, we're thinking about it. So we're really embedding those memories in our brain. So we hold on to them. Mm-hmm. It can be really useful. Humans need to regret to open up reflection to be able to grow.
But if we're holding ourselves back, judging ourselves, identity being undermined by that without seeing that actually this is added to us, that experience that you had, that Chris had, that we've all had. actually shows our grit. It shows what we've come through and we learn about ourselves in these processes.
And that's the key journey in our lives is learning how we get out of our own way and how we get in our own way.
Well, I suppose if you're remembering it and blaming yourself. Or blaming somebody else on your team, for example, and it's a very negative thing.
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Chapter 5: Why do we remember losses more than wins in sports?
And this is a brilliant thing because how do we prepare a young kid for their for their big competition and long jump? Don't make it a big competition and long jump. And this is where really smart parenting comes in. And they recognize that the young daughter, their young son is mad about this sport. It's everything, their sport. They wake up in the morning, they want to do it.
Getting them to clean their room, to make them do their homework, to go and hang out with their mates or do something else, cut the grass, actually spreads our identity. If we're reinforcing that they're a long jumper, they're a tennis player, they're a swimmer, constantly, constantly, then that young kid who's enjoying it It's then all about that.
And then all of a sudden, we're rolling a big dice when we play a sport. And every sport is going to have setbacks, Clare. You know, yes, we succeed, succeed, but it's non-linear. So every athlete, no matter how good, Michael Jordan, Johnny Sexton, Brian O'Driscoll, etc., etc., will have setbacks.
So the parenting job is to minimise it a little bit in their lives?
Minimalise our identity that we're more than just a long jumper. We're more than just a rugby player. And the more we have that, we're carrying less. And also reinforcing the message, yeah, a win is great. Brilliant. But did you enjoy it? Did you get stuck in? How's your mates? I love the way you made. You dropped the ball five times and you picked yourself up and you ran after.
Oh, my God, I was so proud of you doing that.
Right. Makes complete sense. Stephen, thanks so much. That's Dr. Stephen McIver.
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Chapter 6: What role does investment play in experiencing regret?
We're coming. The Clare Byrne Show on Newstalk.
With Aviva Insurance.