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Chapter 1: What issues can arise during a group holiday?
As the sun continues to shine, I think it's fair to say that many of us are thinking about the long summer days ahead and perhaps the holidays that we have planned. But what about those who are going on a group holiday? A new BBC drama called Two Weeks in August has highlighted some of the issues that can arise. And Jess put the villa on staff. Yeah, somewhere we can barely afford.
And it's so typical of Jess to make everyone split the cost and then do the best out of it.
We can always swap in a few days.
Like, no one in the history of the world has ever swapped rooms during a holiday. Come on, once the bag is on the bed, it's like a done deal.
I love this room anyway.
So our bedroom is basically a corridor off the communal toilet. So can you go away on a group holiday and live to tell the tale? Well, Lesley Shoemaker is with us, Chartered Counselling Psychologist and Lecturer at TU Dublin. And James McInerney, International Makeup Artist from Leash and star of Netflix, Glow Up. James is with us too.
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Chapter 2: What experiences do guests share about group holidays?
James, I'll start with you. Have you done this? Have you been on these group holidays?
Good morning, Clare. Thank you for having me. I definitely have. I would say I travel a lot for my work and there's times that I'm going to the airport that I often think, would my pals enjoy my company when I'm in work mode? And then when I'm off the work agenda with mates, I've been on various different ones. I think, you know, you just need to know like your friends group.
Like, are we going to have a nice, fun, like sunny weekend at Casa Brava or are we all into paragliding and interlacking?
So,
And I've done the two. So I'm very ventured in this regards. And it's where I've had my best mates, is where I've met so many different mates, even across the pond. So, you know, it's definitely shaped a lot of memories for me.
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Chapter 3: How important is it to know your friends' preferences for a group trip?
Does it work, though, in general terms? Or is it something that you have to be really careful about?
I think that you always have to have caution, but in a way that what do we want to do? That's like the larger question for me, because if we plan a holiday and I'm just even here in that segment from the show that's coming out. Yeah. Imagine you planned a villa.
But if you don't have purpose of, let's say, a social exercise or an event or something experiential, I always find that problem solves how we're going to enjoy ourselves. Like there needs to be a purpose and And that probably brings in the deeper psychology of what's the purpose of what we get into, what we like as a group of friends, what we even like for ourselves.
I think you always have to have some grace and kind of like open expectation that things are not going to go your way or for everyone's way. But if you've got some like peace of mind and clarity, I find that that saves a lot of like, not unnecessary, but, you know, time that could be, let's say, put elsewhere for your enjoyment.
And that's where, you know, we hear arguments and other things might come up. So it works, but it's always a pinch of salt. I would be, I'm the diplomat here.
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Chapter 4: What role does intention play in planning a group holiday?
Yeah, you are being very diplomatic. But I'd say you've got to be careful because you're going to have potentially someone who is as wild as a hare and out till five or six o'clock, right? Every night. That's why they're going on holidays. And somebody else in the group who wants to do yoga at 7am and never the twain shall meet. Like it's just, it can be really difficult to marry those agendas.
Yeah. And you know what? I think to find a way that it marries it, like it's knowing about like some type of accountability that, okay, if John wants to go out till, you know, the cows come home, I'm doing some vinyasa flow at 7am with Moira and I'm loving it. But I had, I had, I, I mean, out from John, you know, I got an hour's sleep. It's accountability and knowing where the two might merge.
Like for me, I had an experience where my age kind of tier bracket is the early 30s now. And there's a few in the later 20s. They're just about getting through the gates.
Chapter 5: How can different agendas affect group holiday dynamics?
And a lot of birthday parties are 30s. I've been on some where we've done a planned like mystery weekend, like let's say classic mansion mystery. And now this could be happening in Cannes or it could be happening in Clonmel. So again, credit crunch or credit card. But the experience doesn't change.
Like the crack that we've had, once you have an event or something that can almost take away from, like a trip can be like a distraction on the differences that we have as pals and the dynamic friends group. And then finding out more about ourselves and what we actually might have in common that's not, you know, seen on the outside front.
So I find if you have events that can help like entertain and bring kind of some creative ingenuity into the picture, like for me, that's my cup of tea. But again, that could bring someone who's like, you know, a little uncomfortable or a little bit socially shy.
But my struggle from the FOMO, I find a lot of people are in two different baskets of wanting to go on a trip because they're like, it's liberating, it's free, it's freeing from the shackles of whatever's going on in their work life, home situation and
And then you've got other people that could be doing it out of anxiousness because they think, oh, if I don't go, I'm going to be missing out, but I'm not really comfortable doing it. So listen, you can sign me up because I like to feel I am a fair mediator that there's space for both. But at the same time, having like an activation in your week, in your plan, wherever you go.
And again, we could be back in Interlaken, it could be Prague, it could be in Kerry. The intention, I think, is the most important thing.
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Chapter 6: What are some strategies for maintaining peace during group trips?
So what are your purpose and what are your intentions?
Okay, and the planned events, Lesley, that James talks about there, I mean, there are people who would love that, the idea of a murder mystery weekend. For others, it can bring them out in a rash, the very mention of it. And this is the problem, isn't it? Because people's differences on holidays, I think, are highlighted.
Absolutely. But I think James is I want to go on holiday with you, James. You know, I think you're a wise soul for somebody in your early 30s. And he's hit on so many of the big points here. And I think intention is a lovely word. You know, what's the intention of this trip? And.
I think trips can become self-selecting in some regards, because if you throw it out and say, look, this is what we're going to do, the people who want to go are going to sign up. Those who don't want to go are not going to sign up. But I think it's important to say next time, let's go do a spa weekend over in Galway or something like that.
Chapter 7: How can planned events enhance group holiday experiences?
But for me, it's also about. putting down boundaries. It's about saying, okay, we've signed up. This is what we're going to do. Where do we want to stay? I heard a delightful conversation the other day on the Lewis, a group of young people discussing the saga of booking a villa. One fellow wanted to be on the beach. Nobody else did because they didn't have the money.
One person said, if there's an en suite, it's mine. Another person declared that if there was a wardrobe in the room, they wanted that particular room to hang up their clothes. I ended up giggling. Now, they caught me earwigging, and we had a great giggle about it. But You know, those are the concerns that happen. So you need to be open and honest about that type of thing from the get-go.
Chapter 8: What lessons can be learned from group holiday experiences?
Otherwise, somebody's toes is going to get stepped on. Somebody's going to be really hurt. And for the people who really struggle with saying no, they're going to end up doing a holiday spending a lot of money and really resenting it. Because they've gone along with the flow because they don't want to say no.
I have messages coming in from this listener. We went on a holiday with another family and it was a bit of a disaster. They wanted to go on lots of excursions and we wanted to chill, but they more or less pushed us into doing what they wanted. The friendship survived, but we'd never go on holidays with them again.
Another one, we have a group holiday booked for three weeks time and I'm so nervous about it. Some of my friends are quite fiery and I'm honestly worried that it could be a disaster. Like, that's no way to be going into your holidays, is it, Leslie? Like... being nervous and anxious and worried about it, that it's all going to blow up.
And I went away a few years ago to Madrid with a friend of mine I work with, and I really were very different, similar in some ways, but quite different in other ways. And what I loved about her, she's like, look, I pack light. I'm going to stay here, you know, somewhere cheap and cheerful. I know you want to go to a hotel. I'll stay. We'll stay somewhere close to each other. So we planned it.
And she said, I need my Greta Garbo moments. And I laughed. I said, what is that? My alone time. And it was wonderful. And what was great was we decided each of us would get to pick an activity that the other wouldn't normally do and do it. And Jane introduced me to parks. Madrid has the most beautiful park. I would normally never go to a park because I'm like, a park is a park.
Oh, she introduced me to a whole new world. Now when I go away, I always make a point of finding the parks in the cities I'm in. And for me, we went to an antique store and we had the best giggle with the owner. And each of us walked away with items that we were very chuffed with. And Jane kept laughing, saying, I never intended on buying anything.
And here I've gone and spent a couple hundred euros. You see, that's the way to do it.
It's to set out the sort of the ground rules. You know, I need my alone time. I need to stay somewhere where you wouldn't stay and that will be OK. James, I like the sound of that. Do you?
I do. Listen, if you're Greta Garbo, I must be your Audrey Hepburn. I think that we could be in the same Hollywood town. It's like holidays are a learning curve. I find that even hearing people's conversations and messages coming in, I'm like, God, we could really all go away on a holiday to simply share collected memories. That is a bonding practice from what has gone right, what has gone wrong.
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