Cheek Clappers

Total War

23 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

WE'RE BACK! In this episode we talk about pube shaving, bus drivers, Pingu, autism femdoms, Gregg Wallace's obsession with Total War, and also a very ...

You Are Very On The Spectrum

22 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We're back! On this one we talk about Gregg Wallace, autism, Scarlett Johansson, being bummed for burgling and much more. Check out our new YouTube se...

Bean Hijab

30 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we deal with AN EXTREME APOCALYPTIC POWER CUT EVENT and talk about Mr. Bean, Hijabs, McDonalds and much more. Check out our new YouTub...

The Doughnut of Surprise

26 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about big black asses, paranoid DNA, Tara being afraid of children, flying machines and much more. We also introduce our BRAND...

BIG CHEEK CLAPPERS ANNOUNCEMENT

15 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

There is a shorter, censored version of this uploaded to YouTube which you can check out here if you want: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYhJmAUPRL0...

Me So Horny

06 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This is a video episode but we're uploading the audio here as well. Check it out on our Patreon if you want to see the video: https://www.patreon.com/...

A Cheek Clappers Christmas Special

25 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This is just an audio version of the Christmas video we uploaded to YouTube this morning. Check it out here!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfqiTl2n...

Time Distorts Everything (ft. Sean Connery)

02 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about Monica Bellucci, how time distorts everything, music, chairs, Sean Connery, Black Adam being kidnapped, and all sorts of...

Storm Preppers Halloween Special

31 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this one we talk about the deadly storm heading our way, Liam Payne's death, Indian men, lizards, John Lennon and much more. Patreon: https://www....

Chocolate Syrup (Remembering Stuff)

22 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this one we take pills and talk about Jose Mourinho, Eminem's new song, chocolate syrup and much more. I love this episode, although the ensuing co...

I'm Gonna Rape Love to Hitler

03 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We talk about pregnancy, Hitler, Gregg Wallace, babies, Tara stomping everywhere, chavs loving Star Wars and much more. Patreon: https://www.patreon....

Rock Hard

24 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about some recent fart related issues that Tara's been having. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CheekClappers Subreddit: http...

Bike Fixers

17 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this video we talk about McDonalds, an interesting residency appointment, the changing face of Europe and Gregg Wallace's marital history. Patreon:...

Da Phat Olympics

10 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we take 2C-B and talk about fat people, hip-hop culture, The Special Olympics, Oscar Pistorus, Gino D'Acampo and more. Patreon: https...

AYFKMRN? (ft. Jordan Jensen)

28 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

WOW! In this episode we talk about MILFs (as usual), The Matrix, drill music, Americans not knowing how to speak, stand up comedy and step siblings. A...

Something Touched Me (ft. Dasha Nekrasova)

22 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about various different embarrassing incidents we've had with animals, drug addiction, the situation in the UK and various oth...

I. Won't. Gob. (ft. Ricky Gervais)

13 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We start this episode by talking about a strange Arabic gentlemen I encountered looking for a job online. We also talk about the Olympics, fat people,...

Punjab Spice Epidemic (ft. Ben Avery)

02 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

On this episode I get really angry about Gregg Wallace and his "healthy pizzas", and then after I get that off my chest we talk about the Punjab spice...

The Hand of Fate (ft. Nick Mullen)

25 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about Aussies, awkward childhood incidents, Sir Jimmy Savile and more. We also have an interview with NICK MULLEN. Patreon: h...

Vagina Doctors (ft. Adam Friedland)

20 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about vagina doctors, Dr. Cosby's comeback, Tara twatting a sickly Indian child, school bullying and much more. We also have a...

Kramer's Back (ft. Shane Gillis)

18 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Kramer's Back! We come up with various different ideas to ease his transition back into show business. Tara also tells us about her experience at fat ...

Sex and The City (ft. Black Adam)

17 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode me and Tara talk about Sex and The City and Indian gurus, and then later I interview long time Clappers listener Black Adam. Check out...

Shroom Clappers

30 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We take shrooms on this one. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CheekClappers Subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/CheekClappers/ T-shirts: https://www....

The Mercedes-Benz Curry House of Doom

23 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Fuck me, this is an absolute Clappers classic, a top 10 episode for me. We've got some Tara childhood stories, some more recent ones and a bunch of ot...

Emerald City Runners ft. Harry Slime

14 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode I talk with the fantastic Harry Slime (aka Cam) of the 'Life & Time with Harry Slime' Podcast. The audio is a bit fucked in this one, ...

I'm Not Gonna Die This Way

04 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

WE'RE BACK! With an unmissable Clappers banger. We talk about more weird stuff that happened when Tara was at school, the listeners ABANDONING US, Gre...

Marty Garza: UFOs, Government Disclosure, Angels, Demons & Beyond

16 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Marty Garza who has amassed an enormous wealth of research on UFO and UFO encounters, to talk about what these things may or may not be, and how we mi...

Fuck Your Life UP

08 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

WE'RE BACK! In this episode we talk about what we've (not) been doing, Omracer, men going missing and much more. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Che...

Peru vs. Australia

15 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about an awkward encounter I had on a basketball court, koalas, grave robbers (sort of), UFOs and much more. We also hold a ki...

Should've Worn a Diaper That Night

29 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

WE'RE BACK! We talk about a lot in this one including Jamaican guys, Freddie Kreuger, mental hospitals, Santa and much more. Patreon: https://www.pat...

Food Poisoning?

06 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

WARNING: THIS EPISODE CONTAINS DIARRHEA AND VOMITING SOUNDS. In this episode, sickness befalls The Clappers Kingdom, and we fall into a fairly deep de...

Omracer, We Need to Talk.

01 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This episode is a good one but it's mostly about Om, so if you are not interested in Om then might be worth skipping. That said, even if you aren't in...

HAMas

23 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about Israel, Hamas, me needing to piss during a driving lesson, fertility clinics and a RIDICULOUS email from Tyrone. Patreon...

You Don't Actually Eat Hot Food

10 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about the situation in Gaza, dog rape, crocodiles, MILF suicide and we hear some truly RIDICULOUS comments from Gregg Wallace....

Fuck It

13 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

BOOM! Cheek Clappers is back with an absolute banger. We talk about giving away a free bed frame to some angry youths, squirting, arse cramps, infant ...

You Can't Force The Funnies

11 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This one starts out funny and then we fall into SERIOUSNESS and DEPRESSION. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CheekClappers T-shirts: https://www.etsy....

Sleep Whackers/Question Time

06 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This is two episodes combined. First we talk about a terrifying incident in which Tara was assaulted in her sleep, then later on we answer questions f...

OAP Fighters

08 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

On this episode we talk about a recent incident with our neighbours that ended with me having a (sort of) fight with an old man. We also talk about fo...

Flavoured Condoms

03 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We start off this episode by talking about flavoured condoms and then we invent our own flavours. After that we read some listener correspondence and ...

The World Is Not As It Seems

17 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Things get freaky on this one. Our forum: https://saidit.net/s/CheekClappers/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CheekClappers T-shirts: https://www.e...

Life Fucked The Shit Out of Me and I'm Sick of Everything Being Wrong

05 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this one I talk about my DAY FROM HELL while Tara tries her best to derail it with POINTLESS and SHITTY interjections about NOTHING. Our forum: ht...

Start Again

28 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this one we try to start again after a bad weekend. Our forum: https://saidit.net/s/CheekClappers/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CheekClappers...

Remember When Pride Was a Sin? (ft. Chris D'Elia)

23 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We get deep on this one talking about Pride and various other things. Chris D'elia also stops by at one point. Check out my new album: https://spoti.f...

Don't Rape

22 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We're BACK (in the studio)! We talk about the variety of Oloffs out there, Blink-182, Good Charlotte, Blur vs. Oasis, incest, Two and a Half Men, pedo...

No More Monkey Business

10 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this one we take 2C-B and go for a walk. The first half hour or so is a bit slow but then it gets good after that. We talk about scooters, wanking ...

Pieter Tritton ("Posh Pete"): Surviving Ecuadorian Prison, Drug Trafficking, Addiction & More

09 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Today on Cheek Clappers we are joined by Pieter Tritton (also known as "Posh Pete"), a Cardiff university student turned drug trafficker who spent alm...

For Concrete

03 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This is a good one. First I relive some INFURIATING family memories and get some stuff off my chest and then we talk about what foods black and white ...

A Required Taste

25 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we start off at home and talk about anorexic people, an OUTRAGEOUS homeless man outside Lidl and various other things before Tara make...

Dildo Suckers

20 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This episode starts out quite manic and then Tara brings up an embarrassing story of me sucking a dildo which really pisses me off. Later on we talk a...

Happy Easter

09 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about my resurrection, inconsiderate locals, deer being sexy, Tara wanting to fuck jaguars, scruffy wrongons and much more. W...

RIP Ciaran

03 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

RIP Ciaran

Monopoly Money

29 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Wow! This is a mad one. It starts off fairly normal, with us on our way to a letting agency to resolve a dispute over an apartment. After that we talk...

2Clappers-B (Clippers) or: The Ghost of Love

13 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this one we take 2C-B and talk about Tara having a spicy wank, Pandora's Box, Greek people, a Chinese man being forced to eat shit, Spanish people'...

We're Back! Again.

27 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We talk about black people being brown, stolen Irish valour, the Ugly Bitch Awards and a disastrous hiking trip we went on. Our new forum: https://sai...

Rite of Package

24 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this one we talk about cinnamon, baby swapping, ethnic cuisines, and a weird song Tara used to sing when she was a child. This episode is quite goo...

I Don't Know You From Anybody

16 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we start off talking about ragebait cultural nonsense but then decide that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and we should stop talking about politics ...

Anal Douches

15 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this one we start off talking about anal douches and then a bunch of semi-interesting political stuff. After that we have a fight. Our new forum: h...

Grape Crushers

03 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This is a good one. We talk about people leaving dog shit everywhere, pretending to be Muslim to survive in prison, Avatar (sigh), and much more. Our ...

The Rings of Destiny

01 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The Rings of Destiny is another special bumper edition containing TWO full episodes, Wakey Wakey and Willy Wop. In Wakey Wakey we discuss a horrible i...

Avatar 2: Football Crazy, Chocolate Mad

25 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This is an interesting episode. We start off with some weird/funny stories from Tara's childhood, later on we talk about 9 to 5 jobs, Avatar and vario...

Cum Countdown

23 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this one we talk about drugs, porn, cuckoldry, cum countdowns, an incident at the supermarket and various other things. It's quite good, not as goo...

Fook Me That's Fookin' Nice

11 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Fook me this one's fookin' nice. We start off with an exposé on masterpundit Gary Neville, before moving on to talk about SM:TV Live, Kylie Minogue, ...

Pigeon Crappers/The Omracer Express

09 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This is a special bumper edition with not one but TWO full episodes. In Pigeon Crappers we start off with a fantastic compilation of all of Tara's fin...

Christmas Twin Flames Prohibited Period

25 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Merry Christmas Clappers Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CheekClappers

The Promised Land

21 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

After what has been a tumultuous time in Qatar we finally start our perilous journey to safer shores. Hopefully we make it there in one piece. Lord kn...

WE NEED YOUR HELP

19 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

I was savagely tortured by the Qatari police. They made sure I was mentally broken to the point that I will probably never be able to be with a woman ...

LIVE from Qatar

28 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Cheek Clappers is LIVE from Qatar. We talk about Kabsa! We talk about Lugimats! We talk about Abadi Al-Johar. And of course Tara gets a lesson in Qata...

Put On Your Spiritual Armour (That's Good Clappers)

16 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

This is a fantastic episode. We talk about putting on your spiritual armour, the cabal, delivery men, Popeye's, women with short hair and all sorts of...

Observation is a Dying Art

10 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We talk about some seriously spooky stuff in this episode.

Fuck Off

08 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

This episode starts out a bit slow but then gets really good when I start telling Tara to FUCK OFF. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CheekClappers T-s...

I'm Bussing

06 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about Mrs. Doubtfire, school shootings, someone stealing my tamoxifen and a black that cums weirdly. This episode is okay but ...

Come To The Soup

31 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about all sorts of shit, I can't remember. It's quite good though, maybe a 6 or 7 out of 10. Certainly better than some of the...

Something Else Under The Crisps

24 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We spend the majority of this episode talking about Gromit's fuck style, and which people we think have the same fuck style as Gromit. We also talk ab...

Futuroscope

18 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We talk about a lot of things on this episode, like Martha Stewart, Tara stealing my takes constantly, 9/11, WWE vs. WWF, Tara bringing down a Chubby ...

Swordfish

14 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about terrible gifts we've received, bad Christmases, tiny food, Arab Sheikhs, Indian guys penises, swordfish and more. Also, ...

La Vida Loca

03 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we have a deeply serious chat about the allegations made against flamboyant Latino popstar Ricky Martin. We also talk about weird soci...

THE QUEEN IS DEAD.

15 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

This is one of our favourite episodes. We start off talking about a couple of horrible poo related incidents, and then we start remembering a bunch of...

Hats Off

06 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

If Tara had had her way I would have called this episode Black Breastfeeding Week, because she won't SHUT UP about Black Breastfeeding Week on this on...

The Device Already Ready to Connect

18 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Back to business as usual on this one, no more fighting. We talk about a lot of stuff including a new Sopranos character called Quiggy Soprano, holy t...

Exercise Obsession

17 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we have a serious heart to heart about my exercise addiction. Jokes aside though, this one contains a lot of arguing so if you don't l...

Claptastic

05 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

As the title says, this episode is absolutely claptastic. We talk about beefeaters, Chinese shops, immortal technique, rape, Nick Mullen stealing our ...

The Yulluh Whisperer

03 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're back! It's been a crazy few weeks. In this episode, right off the bat we have a big argument. If you don't like listening to those then you can ...

Alien Clappers/Ice Cream Clappers

25 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

This is a bumper episode containing two separate recordings: Alien Clappers and Ice Cream Clappers. We talk about Tara shitting herself, aliens, joke...

Fuck Yeah

11 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about suicide by cop, being trapped on a boat with the Hussein family and accidentally killing Reza Muhammad with cocaine. Pat...

Jumbo Cheese Sausage

22 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about the time I had sex with a prostitute in my parent's bed, Jimmy Savile, gay rape, clowns, Red Nose Day, a serious inciden...

The Land of MILFs and Money

09 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

This episode starts out a bit slow because I was stoned and Tara is a stupid bitch but later on it really gets going. We talk about leering at women, ...

Turkish Delight

06 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about the war, Turkish people, dates, Jar Jar Binks and much more. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CheekClappers T-shirts: ht...

Dildo Market Research

26 May 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about the time I did dildo market research and various other crap jobs. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CheekClappers Music u...

My Wideotape (ft. Andy Dick)

24 May 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about the sick, twisted things people are doing with deepfake technology. Elsewhere we have an excellent interview with TV and...

Lord of The Fries

05 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Strap in clappers because this is a special episode. One of the best ever. My microphone wasn't working for the first 7 minutes but after that it come...

Coleman Hughes

04 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

This week on the show we have the fantastic Coleman Hughes. Rapper, producer, writer, public speaker, podcaster and more. We talk about a wide variet...

The Big 69

16 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Here it is gang. The moment you've all been waiting for: the 69th episode. This is a beautiful megasode in which we talk about a wide variety of topic...

Get In Your Chair!

21 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about getting into fights with women, our new dog, Rene Higuita, having sex with various fruits on a desert island and a reall...

Shutup

07 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about putting coke up our arses, Tara's weird childhood stories and the time I wanked off to a post office leaflet. I also tel...

rUSH hOUR 4

13 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we discuss our ideas for Rush Hour 4.

Cream Chargers

08 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode we talk about Jewish curses, cream chargers, Tara's ant infestation and much more. T-shirts: https://www.etsy.com/shop/GetClapped YouT...

"true"

29 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Business as usual.

Elephant Surprise

11 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

We talk about beggars, another argument at the Chinese shop, a drama involving my landlord, gangstalking, having sex with deer, the Travis Scott debac...

Minion Meltdown

09 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This one starts off a bit boring but then Tara has a complete meltdown about Minions.

str8 mustard face

25 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

str8 mustard face