Chief Change Officer
#408 Jodi Silverman: When the Kids Grow Up, But You’re Just Getting Started — Part Two
Fri, 6 Jun 2025
Jodi Silverman never expected reinvention to arrive between carpools and client meetings. But once her kids left and the hustle paused, she realized success had masked something deeper: restlessness. In Part 2, Jodi shares the emotional (and practical) shift from parenting full-time to rediscovering your own interests. She walks us through her signature DARE Method and dishes out real talk on marriage, identity, and why your kids aren’t your best friends (even if you really, really like them).This isn’t just an episode about empty nests. It’s about refilling your own life—on your own terms.Key Highlights of Our Interview:“You’re always their mom—but not always their problem-solver.”Letting go means shifting from fixer to coach, giving your adult kids space—and yourself permission to grow.Best Friend? Nope. Mom Forever.“They have friends. What they need is a parent who actually knows when to walk away.”Jodi explains why clinging to closeness can backfire—and how healthy detachment brings deeper connection.The Real Empty Nest Challenges“It’s not just missing them. It’s not knowing who you are without them.”It’s not about quiet halls—it’s about a loud identity crisis. Jodi breaks down the emotional vacuum no one warns you about.The DARE Method“Decide. Awaken. Reimagine. Experience.”Jodi’s four-step formula to reclaim your identity—starting with a brain dump, not a five-year plan.Rediscovering You“What did you used to like—before you were someone’s plus one?”She urges listeners to list lost joys, try without judgment, and welcome failure as a doorway to rediscovery.Day Swaps, Not Date Nights“Plan a day around what lights them up. You’ll learn more than any heart-to-heart.”From partners to adult children, this method rebuilds connection through shared experiences and mutual curiosity._______________________Connect with us:Host: Vince Chan | Guest: Jodi Silverman --Chief Change Officer--Change Ambitiously. Outgrow Yourself.Open a World of Expansive Human Intelligencefor Transformation Gurus, Black Sheep,Unsung Visionaries & Bold Hearts.EdTech Leadership Awards 2025 Finalist.18 Million+ All-Time Downloads.80+ Countries Reached Daily.Global Top 1.5% Podcast.Top 10 US Business.Top 1 US Careers.>>>170,000+ are outgrowing. Act Today.<<<
Chapter 1: What challenges do women face after their children grow up?
Yeah, the top issues that show up every time women join the Facebook group, they have to answer that question, actually. They have to answer, what's your biggest challenge right now? And what are you looking to gain by being part of this community? The biggest ones are the feeling disconnected from their now adult, I do with the quotes, adult children. Because honestly, they're not adults at 18.
They're just not. They're considerably more adults, but they're not. Feeling disconnected. And within the disconnection is wanting to be present in their life without being that helicopter parent. The lack of feeling like they have a purpose. They've lost their main purpose every day in their life. And finding new friendships in this.
It's a midlife chapter and beyond because this is the only time in a parent's life, and I'll talk about moms because it's really the mom's life where her children are not the conduits to her meeting other mom friends, meaning there's no more clay practice, no more basketball, there's no more soccer moms, and that's where we tend to meet our mom friends. So it's
Then learning how to connect and be a parent to adult children without hovering. Mm-hmm. Finding and discovering their purpose. What do they even want to do, need to do, like to do? Because they put that on the back burner. And then connection, friendship. Finding that community, the friendships. Those are the three.
Chapter 2: How can parents redefine their purpose after kids leave home?
And what's great about all three of those, so the parenting one, I literally, I actually have a specific... And as far as parenting the adult children, Let me back up. One thing that can cover all three, that can help a mom navigate all three, the number one strategy is to shift your focus from them, where it has been for all these years, as a mom, as a full-time mom, back to you. Back to you.
So permission to say, okay, I get to focus on me. I get to put myself at the top of the list now. and start to discover or rediscover or reconnect to those lost passions, those lost dreams. So shifting the focus onto you will help you not be, fill your time so you're not worried, constantly thinking about where are they, what are they doing? I'm going to text them.
The cell phone, which I'm holding up right now, this is a great tool and a dangerous tool. Constantly connected. So if you have the ability to contact your child 24-7, that's not what this is for. So the first thing to do is to recognize that you get to put yourself first and you must put yourself first.
Chapter 3: What is the DARE method for self-discovery?
It will help you with your relationship with your now adult child because you are now focused on yourself, giving yourself them a little distance. When you're focused on a new hobby, a new business venture, you can't be texting 24-7 to your children. And we don't want you to. And you become more interesting to your adult children. You have more conversation with them.
And yet, with that being said, the number one parenting shift we all must make, and it really does, you brought this earlier, Vince, about being 10, 11, 12, 13 years old. The sooner that we can do this, we should be doing this throughout all of our parenting. And I was not good at this until I discovered it, is going from the fixer to the coach with our children.
Chapter 4: How do parents transition from being fixers to coaches?
This process isn't easy. Like you said, it's not like flipping a switch. It's more like turning a dimmer. The change happens gradually, so it helps to prepare for it step by step, stage by stage. Maybe that means adjusting small habits every day or every month. That way, when the day actually comes, when they really leave for college or move out. You are more ready for it.
I actually have a method for it. We call it the DARE method. We call it the DARE method and it's deciding. It's a simple, it's a decision. A decision that... you understand, I'm ready to focus on myself. A decision that, okay, my kids, I'm doing what, I did a great job. They're out there doing what they do. And by the way, Vince, you are never not a mom.
You're just, your role as their mom is shifting and changing, but you are always their mom. My 29 and 26 year olds still call me for advice. They only know what they know in the moment. So this whole thought process of I'm no longer a mom, I'm not needed, no. You are always a mom and you are needed always just in a different capacity and in different ways.
So decide that you're ready now to accept this and focus on yourself. That's the D. The A is awaken. Once you make a decision, when I made a decision and answering that question, am I fulfilled? Is this what I want to be doing? When I said no, that was a decision. That was a decision. And it awakened something within me. So awaken to what's possible. Awaken your heart again.
Awaken your mind again. Awaken that spirit inside of you that always likes to try something new. And then you get to go to the R, which is to reimagine. Reimagine what could my life look and feel like? Reimagine about the things that you used to like to do. You know, go back and reconnect to reconnect and reimagine. And then the E is the daring. That's the experiencing.
Allow yourself to experience these new things. Create a list. Like within the DA, the dare method, you're going to create a list of the things you used to like doing. What are the things that look like fun to do? And then you're going to just slowly dare to experience things. these new things. Maybe some are not so new. They just haven't done them in 10, 15 years.
You have to take yourself through them. You have to feel the loss. Vince, you always have to feel your emotions. We cannot just move through emotions and ignore them because they will come up. It's a resilience thing. It's how quickly can you understand the emotion you're feeling, what you're having, why you're having it.
And then once you can understand why you're feeling the way you're feeling, you can then say, okay, I'm ready to decide on what my next step will be. How can I move forward or move through it?
The empty nest experience isn't just something moms go through, dads feel it too. So I'm curious, how did your husband handle it? What was his reaction like? How did he respond to the shift at home?
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Chapter 5: What emotional challenges arise in the empty nest phase?
She would never be living permanently in our house again. She would come home for the holidays, but I knew that there was no way Ellie was going to move back home. And I remember when she graduated college, so Sam missed her. Sam missed her. Ellie was very big into basketball, and that was a very bonding thing for Sam and Ellie, basketball, so he was gonna miss her.
And then when Daniel left, he missed both kids. He missed both of them. And yet my husband's personal feeling was, now I get to hang out with you again, Jodi. We get to do things we like to do, just the two of us. And when we're with our kids, we can have fun again. But he was really excited to move through that with us.
Now, I know that there are dads, I've spoken to dads, that it hits really hard. And yet I'm going to make a very big generalization. Most of the fathers I know, although they miss their kids, it doesn't hit them as, what's the word I'm looking for, as deeply, or not deeply, that's not the right word, as emotionally. And maybe it's because most men don't give up their careers.
I guess, but I don't know, maybe dads handle it differently. They've missed their children, yet they seem to be handling it better. They don't have that loss of purpose that a mom has because now things are changing. In the future generations, you're seeing more dads. You're seeing more families because of the financial issues in the world with daycare.
More families sit down and say, okay, who makes more sense to stay home, the mom or the dad? Which parent should stay home? So there are more families. stay-at-home dads, work-from-home dads, and more fathers since the pandemic are working remotely from home, so are taking a much more active role in the day-to-day activity of their children.
So I'm curious to see as generations go on, my feeling for dads are that they miss their children, and yet they don't have that feeling of disconnectedness that moms have, and they don't have the same loss of purpose. They feel sad, but they're not into the level of a mom. That's just been my experience.
I think in general, just speaking broadly, men tend to be less, outwardly, sentimental. Part of that comes from how society has shaped us Across cultures, men are expected to be the strong ones, the calm ones. I still remember being told as a kid, boys shouldn't cry. Well, it was okay for girls, which doesn't make any sense. We're all human. We have sentiments. We have feelings.
So I think for many fathers, even if they feel the sadness intrinsically, deeply, they may not show it. Maybe they shed tears in private, but that conditioning runs deep and it definitely shapes how they process things like the empty nest stage.
I think it's valid. I think it's valid. Yes, we're making some generalizations here and yet it is valid because society still raises boys were to not feel their emotions the way girls feel them and it's wrong it's wrong because i do believe what makes us strong what makes us resilient is our ability to feel and sit with our difficult emotions that's what makes everybody i don't care who you are
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Chapter 6: How do dads cope with the empty nest differently than moms?
I have my tennis. He has lots of community through golf. I have my mom's hudera. I plan events for just my moms. It's very important to have a sense of togetherness and a sense of self. It's very important to have both. I believe that to have a successful, strong relationship, partnership, there has to be both of that. Combined. I will share. Can I give one tip on this one? Of course.
If you are a couple that's feeling disconnected with each other or from each other, my friend and a fellow coach who is brilliant at this, she came up with a great tip and I love it. It's my favorite one. It's called a day swap. And you can do it with your adult children as well, Vince, to feel more connected. So one person in the relationship plans their ideal day.
What is their favorite thing to do? You are invited to come along on their perfect day. And then you swap and you do the other person. What that allows you to do is it reminds you of what this other person who you love so much, what lights them up. watching them enjoy and connects you back to what it is they really enjoy doing. And it's a shared experience.
So a day swap with your adult children would be if they don't live at home anymore, you go visit them at college or you visit them wherever they live. You'll plan a day and take me around to all your favorite spots. You will feel reconnected to them. So now when you talk on the phone and they talk about, I'm standing in line getting my latte, mom, you know exactly where they are.
It ignites connection and it allows you to see that other person, a view through their eyes of what really lights them up. It's good. But yes, I believe you need both of that.
I really like what you said. Being together, but still being yourself. You can have different interests. Maybe you love ice cream and he doesn't like dessert. That's fine. And that day swap idea is great. You get to rediscover each other. What they like was changed. Even something simple like gift giving becomes more thoughtful because we all change over time. If we do notice that in each other,
That's when we start to feel disconnected.
Yeah, and it lets you day swap, allows each party in the day swap to feel seen, heard, understood, appreciated. And isn't that what we all really want? We want to be seen and heard, and it can't help but bring you closer because you abandon anything that you feel or think, and you're just there to be with this person and witness what it is they truly enjoy doing. So it's a wonderful dare to do.
Today, you've shared a lot of great insights. from the importance of togetherness and self to ideas like the day's walk and a dimmer approach to identity change. I really like that one. Slowly refocusing on yourself over time so it doesn't feel like a sudden loss when your kids leave home. You also reminded us that being a mom never ends.
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