Chapter 1: What triggered the discussion about 'Stranger Danger'?
Okay, got the red smoke. Okay, copy. West of the smoke. I'm looking at danger close now. Copy, cleared hot.
What's up, everybody? It's Friday. Well, by the time you listen to this, it's Friday. I'm doing this on Thursday. Before we get into it, I got to do a little bit of admin work or administrative work if you didn't come from the military. Where do I begin? A few things. I guess first and foremost is this. I don't like selling stuff.
If anybody has followed the show or me for some time, that is obviously a part of what I do. I have some merchandise that's associated with the podcast. I'm wearing one of the shirts right now. I'll talk about that in a second. But I'm not a good salesman. And oftentimes I don't think I do a good job of... perhaps talking enough when I should in certain areas.
Specifically, what am I talking about? Okay. I have a book. The book is getting ready to come out April 14th. This is what's called a galley copy. It's like 90%, probably even more than that. But I can give you an example of what it's missing here. author photo, not here.
There was a time where I only had one of these and I did do a social media giveaway and to everybody who reached out and said they wanted a copy, thank you so much. I did send it to the person though. So if you were not notified that you won, you didn't win. This book comes out April 14th. The publisher took a risk on me. I'm a non-published author.
Jocko wrote the foreword, took a risk on me in supporting me. And he was able to read his portion for the audio book as well. I was able to read the audio book for what I wrote. Joe Rogan wrote an amazing blurb. A portion of it is on the front cover. And the reality is they cut it down from a couple paragraphs that he wrote. I have no words to express how thankful I am.
And inside blurb, all of those people took a risk on me. And I not only am contractually obligated to do the best that I can to promote the book, but I want to do everything I can to make it as successful as possible in a way to say thank you to the people who helped me create it. Legitimately wasn't my idea. Point in all this comes to this.
I would humbly request that if the podcast has ever been a positive influence or impact in your life, and you have the ability, whether it's through an audio book or the hard cover, because these soft covers come out eventually. I don't necessarily know how it works. I know they're printing the hard covers right now, of which I don't have any, and I shouldn't until mid-March. But if you can,
If you've ever gotten value from the stuff that I do, do me a favor, put this episode on pause And support me in making this book as successful as possible. I'll put a link in the show notes that will send you to a portal that I got from the publisher. And it has everything from the written book to audiobook. And you can buy it on Apple or Audible. You can buy it on Amazon or Barnes & Noble.
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Chapter 2: How should one handle unexpected relationship changes?
and the damage there was substantial, I can't blame you for thinking about that. And I'm about to completely mess up this parable or analogy, whatever it may be, but this helps me sometimes and hopefully this can help you. And it's a thought exercise. You're in the woods in North America and you're having a great time and you start hearing some hooves.
Now the hooves don't necessarily scare you because this isn't a thought exercise about whether or not you are being scared. It's a thought exercise about what you should maybe consider or expect. You're better served in that environment, in the woods, in North America, where you hear hooves hitting the ground, to peek out from around a tree and see a horse.
As opposed to thinking in your head, I bet that's a zebra. And you peek around and it's not. Because what's the likelihood of finding a zebra here in North America? Now I say that, let me tell you something. I'm aware of a zebra here in Kalispell, Montana. And I'm not going to tell anybody anything other than that, because I'm not a narc, because I don't know how this person has it.
I don't even know if this is a wild zebra, but there's a zebra up here. How they got it here? I don't know. Do I want them to lose their zebra? No, because what's more awesome than a mountain zebra? I don't know if I've ever seen anything more awesome than a mountain zebra, but
If every time that I heard hooves in the back country, I thought I was gonna see a zebra, I'd be really let down, because I've actually only seen this thing one time. Today's episode is brought to you by Better Wild. If you follow me on any platform, you know I have a dog. I love dogs. My dog's name is Javelin.
He is of the most superior breed on planet Earth in the history of humans, and that is a mini dachshund, or a dachel, depending on where you're from. I love that little guy so much. But he is tiny, and his digestive tract is like... This small. It's just a very compact package.
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But some things he will literally turn his little snoot up as. These he devoured. So I was hesitant at first, no issues incorporating these into his diet. They're the first and only choose with ancestral advantage wolf probiotics derived from your dog's mighty ancestors, the wolf, that help restore a healthy balance of good bacteria in the gut. Better Wild is
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Chapter 3: What advice is given for recovering from major surgery?
I'm not going to say this is a deficiency, but I think it's something that people don't think about that often. And it surprises me that they don't. And that is that half of every day occurs in darkness. Or you spend a lot of your life in environments that have other than direct sunshine levels of brightness. So the 365 Fuse, I think, comes with tritium sights or trigicon sights.
It may not, though. Did you have a red dot? Did you have a flashlight on your weapon? Because there's another issue here too. You might be able to see your sights, but what if it is just dark enough that you can't see what is in the other person's hands? Are you going to risk everything to include your freedom
on a maybe somebody has something in their hands, or would you like something that is very easy to attach to the 365 Weapons Platform that can illuminate and make that decision for, not make the decision, it will provide you the information with which you can make that decision. And also, Flashing somebody in the light, in the eyes, in the lights, man, one of those days with words.
You flash somebody in the eyes with a very powerful light, they're going to be disoriented. And let's say it is somebody who has ill intent. They might actually have their effectiveness drastically reduced. So that's going to be a two thumbs up as it is. But what are you going to do in this situation where it's darked out?
And cool, you can see your sights, but you can't identify with any level of accuracy and precision what somebody may have in their hands. It's going to be a problem. And you want to talk about a level of anxiety and uncertainty? Man, live in that moment for a bit with, again, the totality of what may happen even just legally from a decision that you make. on incomplete information.
So, food for thought. Half of every day is at night, everyone. I have, it's across the table, I have a flashlight on my pistol. I almost never use it.
In full disclosure, my pistol almost never comes out of the fanny pack that it's currently sitting in, except for when I'm doing a press check, making sure that everything's still going, making sure my battery's good on my red light, making sure my battery's good on my flashlight, and putting it right back into the fanny pack.
I do that quite often, but there's a reason why I have all those things and why I do those checks. It's so it allows me a level of functionality regardless of the environment that I go into. There's some other things you have to think about in these environments, backdrop being one of them.
If a person maneuvers into the middle of a room and they have people behind them, how comfortable are you taking a shot in that environment? Is it possible that you could injure others in the attempt to stop somebody? Yes. And I'm not going to tell you whether or not you should do that. I will just say that there is a reason why you should train and be as capable as possible.
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Chapter 4: How can parents address online safety with their children?
So you're going to be okay. This is how it feels, you know, on the edge of your seat, because you were questioning yourself or you got yourself to a place where you were a little bit emotionally escalated. That's what it feels like.
You know, I'm not immune from having those things in my life as well too, whether it's even overseas where it's, it's up and down and it's peaks and it's valleys and it's spikes and it's cliffs and Your body has natural emotional reactions and physiological reactions to these things.
You can see people who can be cool, calm and collected in the middle of a tactical situation and they shake afterwards. And a lot of people view that as like some type of, oh man, they must be a pussy or they must be scared. It's like, no, it's probably just the adrenaline working its way out of your system.
Or they could shake during and be totally cool, calm and collected afterwards, like totally lock up during and be fine afterwards and everything in between those things. So I think the, you know, being on edge in questioning yourself is actually a great thing. These reflective, what could I have done better? How could I be better prepared?
will serve you better in these environments going forward. I think it's glad, or I think it's glad, wow, really a word day. I am glad that you feel that way. It's the person that thinks, no, I don't have to worry about anything and I'm just going to be a game time player and I'm going to step up and handle all issues when they present themselves.
I worry way more about that person than I do about somebody like yourself. So take it easy on yourself. You already have many, many steps in the right direction. You're already tactically paying attention. You're making decisions based off of preparation and thinking through if A happens, I'm going to do B or I'm going to put myself in this position in case A, B or C does happen.
Layer in that communication with your spouse. Work as a team. Share with her your concerns as well. I am. I don't know about you and your marriage, but I don't want my wife to be worried about things that she hasn't shared with me. Offload a little bit of that anxiety onto me. I'm talking about my wife and our relationship, but do the same thing with your wife too.
She's not going to want you to be the only person thinking about this. And she might help ground you a little bit in that horse reality than the zebra one.
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Chapter 5: What are the emotional impacts of traumatic events on individuals?
So you're doing good. Keep doing what you're doing. Maybe do a little bit more here and there. Preparation is going to be the biggest key. That's all I have for number All right, question two, we're going to shift gears a little bit, shorter question. Then we'll go back to a little bit of a dark one. Hey, Andy. Oh, not that this one's amazing, by the way. Sorry.
Long-term listener and love the podcast. I've just been totally blindsided by my wife wanting to separate and having to tell my two young boys the news. It absolutely broke them and me. I'm a distant listener in the Highlands of Scotland, but any scraps of guidance on how do I go about any of this would be greatly appreciated. My man, I am sorry. I am sorry that this happened to you.
And there is nothing that I'm gonna be able to say to you that is gonna make this hurtless, that is gonna make this easier, but I do have some suggestions and I do have some advice. Take your time when talking to your kids And make sure that you are in a good place so you can talk about this from the place of being the person that you want to be, not emotionally falling apart.
And I'm not saying it's bad for your children to see emotions. But what they really need right now in a tumultuous situation like this is hopefully two parents, whether or not those two parents can get along, that are as stable and rock solid as possible.
And I think there's actually only one thing that you can say to your kids that is hopefully for you and your wife slash potentially future ex-wife that is true. And that's this. Regardless of what happens in the relationship between the parents, each of those parents individually will always be there for the kids.
Now, maybe you are unsure of your ability to do that, and maybe you have no idea if your future ex even wants to. So let's carve the future ex out of this because you can only control yourself. Maybe you are unsure as to the way forward. Am I going to be able to provide? Is this going to have to change everything about my life?
And I am going to have to work my ass off and take every job and miss time with my kids and all of these things to provide for them. The answer to that question is who knows, depending on your situation and maybe, but your kids don't need to hear that. They need to hear that.
that regardless of what happens in their life going forward, as you're working your way through this, that you are going to be there for them, that you are going to be there with them. And then more importantly than all of that, you need to live up to that. Now, I understand that there are situations, maybe you're the sole breadwinner, Maybe you're not. Maybe you travel for work.
Maybe you work remotely. I am not sure. There may be things that will be required of you that takes you away from your kids. And you may not be able to be there in every moment. That is okay. And it's okay to have those conversations too.
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Chapter 6: How to effectively communicate with children about serious topics?
The last piece of advice I will give you is this.
I hope that everything goes well for you and this is amicable and it can be quick and it can be fair and that co-parenting will not be an issue for the rest of your boys' lives and that it'll be a stable environment on both sides and transfers will be seamless and communication about the kids will be seamless and you guys can absolutely define every aspect of co-parenting.
If that isn't the case, regardless of what the other side of that equation is doing or saying, or they are behaving, Do not, under any circumstance, deviate from being the example that you want to set from your boys. The other side of that is talking negatively about you. Do not engage and do not return fire.
The other side is trying to restrict in some way, shape, or form or be punitive with you, with your time with the kids. Do not lash out at that person. Use the legal system, which may take longer than And you may lose a little bit of time up front, but it is a better path than hammering it out with your ex-significant other while your kids are watching.
I'm not incredibly familiar with the divorce laws in Scotland. I'll assume they're all, I don't know. I'm actually just going to say they all have some degrees or level of being similar. I actually have no idea if that is the case. But don't ever deviate from that person. You hear her talking around in town, saying things about you that aren't true. Let people believe them.
Show your kids who you are. You don't have to tell them. Show them who you are. Not once and not twice, but over time, over years, over decades. They will figure it out on their own. That's a lonely path for a little bit, especially early on.
But I am telling you right now, it pays so many more dividends than getting into the pig pen and just throwing shit everywhere else just because somebody else is. Under no circumstance Do that. And also be okay with you having some up days and some down days. Be okay by this process destroying you sometimes. It sucks. This whole concept of what you're talking about sucks.
It's okay if that levels you on some days. And it's also okay to have days where it doesn't seem to be bothering you as much. And you can see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. You can start to think about what your future may be. It's all okay. There is no textbook for how this should go. Base it, though, on being there for your kids, and you're going to get out of it okay.
And that's all I have for question two. Today's episode is brought to you by AG1. Well, guess what? We're into February. How many of you are still just jamming on your New Year's resolutions? I think the data shows that most people are done with them by about 21 or even 14 days. I have talked about this many times. in for well over a year.
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Chapter 7: What strategies can help in preparing children for online dangers?
Laid back down and immediately went to bed. So I understand exactly what you're talking about. Here's the cool thing about what you wrote. I have always been active and in shape and able to do anything and everything around the house. Suddenly, I feel like a huge burden to her. Well, you're her partner, and it sounds like you guys have a fantastic relationship.
And if you've been able and willing to do everything around the house, I'm going to assume, I'll make an assumption here, that she has noticed that over time. Which... I'm sure was appreciated.
I'm sure she also notices that you just had very major medical procedures and she knows the person that you are and who you were and what you have done and probably can put the dots together as to why you're not doing those things right now. Like, I really don't think we got home.
four days later, maybe five days later after my surgery, I don't think that Leah, A, expected me to, or B, would have been anything other than pissed at me if I had been house cleaning when we got home. Actually, if anything... she kept telling me to stop doing the things that I was doing.
And I was like trying to go roll out of bed and take a piss or put socks on or go to the sink and fill up a glass of water. She was pissed at me for doing those things. And the reason I was trying to do those things is I was exactly in the headspace that you were in.
I was used to being so capable and able to take care of myself that it pissed me off to the nth degree that I couldn't do any of those things because So I kept pushing it and not like I wasn't trying to set myself back, but it's just that headspace of, I used to be able to do so much. What do you mean I can't go get my own glass of water?
And I got a wife telling me to lay down and just tell me what it is that you need. You're going to be fine. Your wife knows who you are. She knows the work that you've done around the house. Probably not a voluntary thing or something you opted into to have this happen. So let her do what I bet she wants to do, which is take care of you. That's what a partnership is.
That is what a healthy marriage is, is that somebody who absolutely cares about the other person. And I don't know how anybody feels about their wife. But when I think about how I feel about Leah, I want to do absolutely everything that I can for her at all times. when she's healthy, let alone if she were sick, I would wanna like redouble my efforts and do even more.
Not because I feel like I have to, not because I feel like I'm burdened, but because I love her more than I have the vocabulary to describe. Let's just assume your wife is like that, okay? Now, if you can get yourself to be a lazy sack of shit for a few days, obviously a joke, right? You're literally flat on your back because of medical procedure. What you're gonna get is this.
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Chapter 8: How can parents balance awareness and anxiety regarding child safety?
So don't discount that either. You're going to want to be productive. Be productive at resting and recovering. I would recommend when you get to a place where you don't need the pain meds, get off of them.
I'm not saying rush to get off, and I'm certainly not a doctor or giving you medical advice, but I think your body can recover better and will give you better feedback on when you're pushing it too far if you're getting a clean signal back. If you're in pain and you can't sleep, do what you need to do to be able to get through that phase. I'm talking about in those weeks and months afterwards.
So that is what I chose to do. Talk to your medical professional. It has been my experience, though, every time I get that cleaner signal and I can listen to and feel my body better off of those things. You're going to be okay. Mentally and emotionally, the farther you get from this, the better off you're going to be.
You're going to have days where you feel like you can't do anything and days where you feel like you can do more. Appreciate the fact that your wife wants to take care of you and then take care of yourself. Take the time that you need and just keep telling yourself this. It's going to be okay. You are going to get better and then slowly work at that.
And if you can do that, you're going to be just fine. All right, last question. Get a little bit darker. Hey, Andy, I would like to know your thoughts on whether it is better to be aware of online grooming or to be blissfully ignorant of it because of the stress it can cause just reading about it. This question comes from a conversation I had with the owner of the company that I work for.
The FBI made a press release stating the following about an 18-year-old from our area, which is Los Angeles. A Pennsylvania man has been arrested and federally charged after grooming a girl who recently turned 13 years old to send him sexually explicit material of herself and images of self-harm over the Internet.
A pattern of abuse consistent with nihilistic violence extremist NVE ideology that culminated in law enforcement rescuing her at a Santa Clarita Valley motel. I have three young children. The owner has two children under 10 who I have seen playing Roblox, a game facing widespread controversy over child safety concerns.
If anybody wants to hear more about that, I did an episode almost specifically about Roblox with Nick McKinley, the CEO of DeliverFun. So just go to the Cleartop page and put in Nick McKinley. I've done basically once a year we try to scare the crap out of parents on issues just like this. The last one we did was specifically about Roblox.
I shared with him that the attorney in the press release advised parents to keep their children offline. His response was something like, statistically, it could be one in a million or one in a billion children actually get hurt from something like this. Those stats are wrong. And you can go on Google and find stats that are going to blow your hair back even more.
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