Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. What if mind control is real? If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have? Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car? When you look at your car, you're going to become overwhelmed with such good feelings. Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you?
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You can scroll the headlines all day and still feel empty. I'm Ben Higgins, and If You Can Hear Me is where culture meets the soul. Honest conversations about identity, loss, purpose, peace, faith, and everything in between. Celebrities, thinkers, everyday people, some have answers, most are still figuring it out.
And if you've ever felt like there has to be more to the story, this show is for you. Listen to If You Can Hear Me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Chapter 2: Why do women want to get married?
And the thing is, like, Why does marriage make things better? Like, if they're happy how they are, let them be happy. But they're not. She wants to be married. She not happy? How you know? I mean, I'm saying she wants to be married. Like, women, we've talked about this before.
Why do women want to be married?
What's the thing about, do you, is it like security? It's security, it's safety. Oh, so it's security is knowing that, like, if we divorce, I normally get half the bag.
Is that the security the girl's looking for?
Can I say something? When you're a woman and you invest all your time and energy in a man. Security is being with me, under me. Listen to what I'm saying. You're asking questions. Yeah, you're right. So security, we've talked about this before with them on the show. And you agreed.
The thing about it is, is as a woman, when you're investing your time, your energy, your resources, and everything you have into a man, I'm making my life about you and helping you. That's the mission. Like we want to, we're doing this together. The woman is always like the second player to the man.
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Chapter 3: What are the perceived benefits of marriage for women?
Like I'm here, I'm behind you. I'm packing your bag. I'm making your shirt. I'm doing this. I'm making sure the house is straight. I'm like, my life is yours. Like her life. is like his now, like she had a whole career, but like mainly it's now about him and making sure he's straight.
So what ends up happening is, is I made this and I invested all this time and energy, all this thing for you not to fully 100% commit to me in that way. If something was to happen to you in the hospital, they're not gonna say, where is his girlfriend? Are you his wife? Okay, well, where is his mother? Are you this? They might even, hell, go to the next wife before they go to the girlfriend.
And that makes a girlfriend feel not secure at the end of the day. Like, if anything was to happen, you don't have no say. You don't have no precedence over nothing. When you're the person who spent every waking day with this man, you know his ins and outs.
You know him probably better than anyone because who you're in an intimate relationship with, they know you better than everyone because you're with them every damn day. You see...
Chapter 4: How do men feel about the institution of marriage?
Every flaw you see, everything. So as a woman, yeah, it's security because women are looking to men to be this person and the men are looking to the woman to cater to them, to make their life. If they need something, we're dropping everything to be there. It's all these things. So when anything happens or anything, we don't get no say at the end. Women want that safety and security.
It's not just about the money. It's about being able to say, I'm his wife. Like I can make these decisions. I can feel this. And men treated a certain way too. We had a conversation on the phone where you said, I mean, on the last episode where you were like, a wife should sit in the front. A girlfriend should sit in the back. Men say things like that.
And you wonder why a woman wants to be a wife. Like, yeah, I don't want to be the girl having to sit in the back seat. I want to be the wife. Like, men take that seriously. Other people take that more seriously than you saying I'm your girlfriend. So, yeah, sorry that women want to be, feel like they actually have a say and want to be that person. Like, yeah, period.
There's a difference between I was your ex-wife and I was your baby mama. There's a difference. Having a kid and now I'm your ex-wife versus having a kid and I'm your baby mama, it's a way different thing. It's a respect thing. And it's for a woman to feel that safety and security. Period, point blank. All right. I heard what you said. All right.
So, in saying that, without getting married, and I will tell you, security is a bill that costs money. I can give you security without marrying you. You know why? Because if I say, hey, you know what, baby, I know, you know, you live with me, we're together, we got a kid, and I'll take care of your life. But you know what? I want you to feel safe. So how about this at security?
As a guy with money like Cam, say, hey, like, hey, you know what? I'm going to get you this house on the side while we're together. Boom, get you this house. I'm going to get you, put this in your bank account. Boom. All of that. I'm going to put you on my wheel. So if shit go bad tomorrow, we got this. You ain't going to feel secure? Like I said, it's different. That's what marriage give you.
Marriage give you all those things. So when I pass, if we marry, you get it. So I'm going to give it to you before I pass without getting married.
Like I said. So is that security?
Like I said. That's real talk. No. If I give you a crib and I throw a certain amount of dollars in your account, Pay for, boom. If I die tomorrow, you ain't going to feel secure.
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Chapter 5: What does Cam Newton's relationship reveal about modern dating?
Why did you say this then? Why did you say that the wife could sit in the front and then the girlfriend could sit in the back? What is the difference then? When we're talking about sitting in the car and if the mom is in the car, if it's the wife, she sits in the front. You're talking about a car ride. But it doesn't matter.
You also said that if you're playing basketball on the court, ex-wife is off. I mean, the wife is off limits, but the girlfriend is not. You could talk about someone's girlfriend, but you can't talk about their wife. There is a difference in the respect level and even how a man views a woman when you are married. Even at the level that Cam is at, you can't talk about my girl.
It's just everybody else. Like, me as a man, as a public figure, you talking about my girl? What's up? All I'm saying is... Like, no, what you talking about, my boy? You can't just say anything. I think... It's different on a celebrity level, though. I'm telling you, things are always different.
Whatever.
Why, though, do you feel like... Because I think, like, because a celebrity, like, I don't like that because you make it different. Because our stuff is more public. I understand that, but I still feel like it makes it worse because now I'm just your long-term girlfriend living with you. Are you worried about the perception? What everybody else think?
It's not about that.
It's about how a woman feels at the end of the day. As a woman, I feel that you're not willing to make that commitment to me, then I'm cool. Period, point blank. You even said on the show, if a man doesn't propose within one year of living each other and you're past the age of 33, you shouldn't fuck with him. You said one year of living with each other. Yes, I can pull the clip, Darnell.
You said one year. Pull the clip and put it right here. Please.
Pull the clip and put it right here.
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Chapter 6: Why do men get engaged to buy time?
I'm not saying the paper does that, but it makes it official. It may be harder to break up, and it's harder to break up because what's at stake because of marriage? Right, so I'm not going to go back and forth. If you don't want to get married, don't get married again.
I know that I'm going to get married one day, and I feel like I'm going to value my marriage because I think that marriage is important because there's reasons why in which a woman feels like... And this is why I say marriage is for older people. I'm not an older person. Like, what do you mean? I want a real family. I don't want a broken family. I don't want to be a baby mother.
If as long as I'm not married to you, I will be a baby mother, and I'm not going to be that. I'm never going to pop out kids for a man. What if you get married, have a kid, and he divorces you? Yeah, then you're an ex-wife. You're a baby mama. You're an ex-wife. There's a difference.
You're a baby mama.
You're an ex-wife. If you get married, have a kid, and break up, you a baby mama. You're an ex-wife. You're not a baby mama, and there's a difference.
What's the difference? You made that commitment.
I can say this is my baby mama. Yeah, but you don't, though.
Currently, you're my baby mama.
Yeah, but you don't say that.
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Chapter 7: What are the implications of living together without marriage?
You can't convince people to want what you want. Like that's just it. I think that that's an important factor. Shoot your shot on PrizePix and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. That's right, PrizePix is now giving you $50 in lineups when you sign up and play your first $5. PrizePix makes every dunk, every dime, and every board that much more exciting.
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This is the more or less segment brought to you by Price Fix, where you can win real cash by picking just more or less on your favorite players. Use code TAD and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. Okay, so... There is a girl, right? And she went viral because she got kicked out of her friend group because her friend said she wears Shein. You know that brand, Shein? No.
So Shein is like Timu for fashion. You know Timu?
Mm-mm.
You know Alibaba? It's like cheap, cheap, cheap from China clothing. I don't know it. Right. But no, she and as much as it's like cheap, we have little items out there. You know what I'm saying?
I don't know it.
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Chapter 8: How does societal pressure influence marriage decisions?
Use code TAD and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. Let me ask you something. Like, you have how many sisters? Five. Are they all married? Yes. Yes. And you're not. Yes. Do you feel pressure there? No, I don't. I don't feel pressure because of that at all. I'm the youngest out of all my sisters. I don't feel societal pressure to be married because I would be married by now.
I've been engaged. Don't just say I'll be married by now. I don't feel like it because you're just not going to marry anybody. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But I was in a relationship and I was... Have you ever been proposed to? Yes, I just told you I was engaged. How many times? You was engaged. What happened? We broke up. We didn't make it to the marriage. It was trifling.
So when you got engaged, did y'all have a wedding date? No, we didn't.
We just got engaged.
So let me tell you something about how niggas do. Yeah, they're just going to do shit. They're just going to get engaged to you just to buy some time. I feel like when you get engaged... Well... No, no. I'm talking. Go ahead. When you get engaged... I feel like when you get engaged, you should say, all right, let's plan the marriage right if we get engaged.
So if I get engaged to you in June, hey, let's get married next summer. The next summer.
Well, we did say that.
Some people get engaged and they just be engaged for years. No, we did say that though. The thing is, is we said that, but it was on me to like plan it and do the things and I wasn't even in it anymore. So you don't want to be married no more. I didn't want to be married to him, no. So what happened? Like, I'm saying the next week we should plan to marry. No, we were.
He was talking about the marriage and everything, but I just think that I was checked out emotionally. So you got engaged, checked out already? In the middle of checked out? I got engaged, but I was like, okay. During the check out period? Yeah, during the check out. So why you got engaged? Well, he proposed and I say, yeah. Why you saying yeah?
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