Club Shay Shay
Tony Baker Discusses The Levels Of Cheating, Choosing Face Over Body, & Making Women Work For “The D.”
19 Jan 2026
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Hi, I'm Dr. Priyanka Wally.
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It's a new year, and on the podcast Health Stuff, we're resetting the way we talk about our health.
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A new year doesn't ask us to become someone new. It invites us back home to ourselves. I'm Mike Della Rocha, host of Sacred Lessons, a space for men to pause, reflect, and heal. This year, we're talking honestly about mental health, relationships, and the patterns we're ready to release.
If you're looking for clarity, connection, and healthier ways to show up in your life, Sacred Lessons is here for you. Listen to Sacred Lessons with Mike Della Rocha on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
This is Dr. Jesse Mills, host of the Mailroom Podcast. Each January, men promise to get stronger, work harder, and fix what's broken. But what if the real work isn't physical at all? I sat down with psychologist Dr. Steve Poulter to unpack shame, anxiety, and the emotional pain men were never taught how to name.
Part of the way through the valley of despair is realizing this has happened, and you have to make a choice whether you're going to stay in it or move forward.
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Chapter 2: How do body and face preferences shape relationships?
Those dynamics can get a little shaky further down the line. Yeah, but it's never 50-50.
But we're not talking about that being 50-50.
You want the man to be the dominant. A girl wants a leader. A woman wants a leader. Most women. Yeah. Right? And so if you're a leader, it's like you're the queen, right? And when you look at old medieval time movies, the king sits on the throne, and she kind of sit like a step down. But her throne, she got a throne, though. Yeah.
And so it ain't that I'm saying her duties go unnoticed or what her responsibilities are in it, but most of the time the man is going, he has to bring more to the table than the woman. He has to. On the surface. You got to think about what women do on the underneath or like behind the scenes in terms of like, because I feel like relationships,
they ebb and flow in terms of just dynamics and roles and stuff like that. You know, we might be, you know, it might not be 50-50. It might be 60-40, 70-30, just depending on the zone. Like if a man gets sick, you know, nobody holds you down better than a woman does. You know, they got you locked in. And so if you got a good woman that's a partner, she's fiscally responsible.
She got you making the right moves financially, even though you are the breadwinner. But she's like, yo, you should invest in this. Right. What about this property? Those behind the scenes things can change the dynamic a little bit more. Even though you steal the head, she's right there.
And then when you falter, you might, if she's also working and then whatever you're doing falls back a little bit, she can pick up the slack and then those dynamics change in a good relationship. You talking about aliens and dinosaurs. Those don't exist.
I don't believe that.
And then we can open out, man. When you open up to a woman, man, we all soft in the bed and shit. Laying there, the vulnerable moments, that's if you got a good one. But it's so hard now because women use your vulnerability against you. Some do.
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Chapter 3: What are the implications of choosing between body and face?
It's an honor for a man to be able to tell you their vulnerabilities and be open and soft with you. And like a lot of women love that and love the opportunity to be able to hold that space for a man, you know, because men don't get those spaces too often. So you can't speak to all women.
And men do the face throwing too, though. They be throwing stuff in women's faces too. You know what I'm saying? Like when they get heated, you know, dudes be like, that's why you, you know what I'm saying? You know, we'll throw that. We're not innocent, you know, in this. And so anytime you open up and get vulnerable with somebody,
there's always that worry of, like, you going to throw this in my face? And I feel like people on both sides can feel that. Yeah. But it's all about if you're the right person. That's hard. Man, I might need to get a new bed frame after I take Rose Sparks. After it dissolves under my tongue, I can get right in 15 minutes on average. Nice. And they last up to 36 hours.
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Yeah. Cause this is like, you know, there's a lot of people out here that will throw it in your face. You'd be like, this is why I ain't telling you single right now. I'm loving on somebody right now, but we ain't official.
Okay, okay, okay. I love that. So you met someone that took you out of your solo because you were like, I would like to be alone.
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Chapter 4: How do societal expectations influence dating dynamics?
For sure.
So you made a decision to waste your years miserable with somebody. And when you get older, that's really tough because I've seen it firsthand. When people are like almost 80 and they're still married and they're like not getting along, like that's hard because you don't have many options at that point.
No.
So, you know, like I feel like being single can actually be, it doesn't have to be weaponized. Like I can actually be making the right decision, you know? And we talk about like people saying, like Paul was saying, like if you're over 40 or if you're over 35 and you don't have any kids or you've never been married, like, you're desperate or there's something wrong with you, right?
Automatically, huh? Yeah.
And so, you know, I'm 34 and I don't have any children, but, you know, that's a choice that I've made. And I don't feel like anyone's better than me because they do have children. You know, like I can come to a relationship without any baggage, you know, and not have to deal with a baby daddy or whatever the situation is because obviously I'm, you know, I wasn't with any of those people.
So I wouldn't have been in a good situation. I mean, not to say a kid is a blessing.
For sure. But I know exactly what you mean. You know what I mean?
So I feel like we can't weaponize those people.
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Chapter 5: How does one unlearn toxic behaviors in relationships?
You have to unlearn it. Yeah. You know, you have to like.
And do you feel like you have?
Yeah, over time.
Yes.
Over time, I'm like, when you have so many people telling you the same thing, it's like, dude, you're fucking right.
Yeah.
You know, you have to look in the mirror. Right, for sure. You know what I'm saying? You got to take that look like, no, it's not like, no. You're selfish and you're like, you don't believe them. But then it's like when so many people say things about you, you're like, damn. When you first got married, how old was you when you got married? I got married at, let's see, I was like 33 maybe, 34.
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Chapter 6: What mindset did Tony have when he got married?
And you were still in the NBA at that time. Yeah. So at that time of like, you know, the marriage, the engagement or whatever, what was your mindset in terms of relationships at that time to be able to think, all right, I'm ready for this. Well, I was with the girl. We were living together for like three or four. We had a kid. Okay. And it was just like. Might as well. It was like, yeah.
Chapter 7: What are the layers to the decision of marriage?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, it wasn't.
I loved her. I mean, we lived together. We had a kid. But I didn't want to have more kids and not be married to her. Okay. And then I go to her sister's wedding. Yeah. And I'm kind of looking at her. Her sister kind of looking at her like, You know, she got the ring now. You can see the... Yeah, kind of like the... And I was like, hold on. I'm not even... You know, I'm with her. We live together.
We got a kid. So you did it for her more so than you actually wanting to be married. He's like, man, let me make it official for her. When I look back at it, probably so. Because I remember when I was with her, I said, I'm never getting married. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And maybe so when I think about it. Yeah. Because I think a lot of men do that where it's just like – We got the kids.
But we live a married life. Yeah. We live together. But it's not true marriage intention, though, from a man's perspective. It's just like, let me do this for her. We already doing this. We might as well. It's like the Jagged Ears song. We ain't getting no younger. We might as well do this. That's a wild ass song. But it's not like I want to marry this woman right here as opposed to
I mean, we already, you know what I mean? It's a different intention on it. Think about this too. This is the thing I thought about. So like, I thought it was important to marry her actually. Yeah. Because what if something happened to me? You know what I'm saying? I thought about all of that. That way she's taking care of the kids.
Marriage doesn't have to just be about... It's the business of marriage, too. It's a business, for sure. You know what I'm saying? I thought about the business of it, too. If something happens to me and she's living in my house, we got a kid... something like, she's gonna be fucked. And I'm like, you know what, we'll get married, something happens, you're taken care of.
So it's like, there's layers to it. It's more than just, I'm doing it for you. It's like, I'm doing it for you, but I'm doing it for the family, I'm doing it for the things if something doesn't work out. It was a business decision. It was a business decision. Yeah, for sure. And sometimes you have to make a business decision. Yeah.
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Chapter 8: What role do sexual fantasies play in relationships?
This segment is brought to you by Rose Sparks. So, what do you feel like is a sexual fantasy that you haven't done that you want fulfilled?
A sexual fantasy that I haven't done that I want fulfilled.
Like, what would you want?
From your partner, right?
Yeah, or whoever.
Probably for her to hold accountability.
That has nothing to do with sex. That'll turn me on. I'm talking about like bondage, choke out, handcuffed, blindfolded, or like threesomes, like something.
I wouldn't mind like a scripted role play.
Okay, so what would be the role play?
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