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Criminal

Breaking Up is Hard to Do (Criminal+)

29 May 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

2.14 - 25.057 Phoebe Judge

Hi, it's Phoebe. This is an episode of Criminal Plus, the show I make with Lauren Spohr, co-creator of Criminal. It's very different from Criminal. My father thinks it's the better show. If you like it and want more, become a member of Criminal Plus at patreon.com slash criminal. It's the very best thing you can do to support all of our work.

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25.077 - 49.734 Phoebe Judge

I know you've heard me say that before, but it is really true. And right now you can use a special promo code JOIN25 to get 25% off an annual membership. Again, that's patreon.com slash criminal. There's a link in the show notes too. Welcome to Criminal Plus. I'm Phoebe Judge. I'm Lauren Spohr. Lauren, I have been on a journey.

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49.754 - 62.612 Phoebe Judge

I have been on, it's maybe one of the biggest journeys I've ever been on in my life. And it has nothing to do with traveling. You also have been alongside me for part of this journey over the past 10 days.

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63.533 - 68.26 Lauren Spohr

I have to say, and I don't mean this to be rude, but you have really impressed me.

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69.657 - 93.923 Phoebe Judge

We are starting something new, and that is going to be a new video series. We're going to be releasing videos of interviews I do with people, and there'll be an audio version too, but there'll also be a video version that's going to live on YouTube. And, you know, everyone else is doing it, so we thought, why not us? We'll try. We'll try. We'll try.

93.943 - 120.471 Phoebe Judge

And so because of this, because we were going to do video, and we haven't done it before, we decided that we were going to make my studio that I'm in, in Massachusetts a lot of the time, into more of a video studio. And that meant that for the past four days, I have been there. I'm back in North Carolina now. But I've been there with very talented people.

120.451 - 150.76 Phoebe Judge

camera people, and more importantly, as I'm learning, lighting people, getting the studio video ready. So they did their jobs, and they did a wonderful job. But I had a job. And that job was getting camera ready myself. And it was suggested that I should try a bit of makeup. Now, I've, of course, worn makeup in the past. I wear makeup for the live shows.

150.86 - 158.153 Phoebe Judge

I wear makeup for photo shoots when I do them. I wear makeup for big events. But I don't wear makeup in my daily life.

159.567 - 164.022 Lauren Spohr

And I think it's safe to say that you haven't applied the makeup that you've worn in the past.

Chapter 2: What journey did Phoebe undertake regarding makeup?

183.422 - 208.46 Phoebe Judge

You know, someone's not going to come in and put the makeup on me every time I do a video interview. So what were we going to do? So last week, Lauren went out to Sephora. Yeah. And said, I'm going to buy you some makeup. I wonder if it's worth putting up the journey pictures of the makeup stages. Lauren came over to my house with a bag from Sephora.

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208.48 - 212.608 Phoebe Judge

And Lauren, you had just decided what you thought I might need.

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212.774 - 230.952 Lauren Spohr

Yes, and I think that our Criminal Plus listeners, our most trusted best friends, we can say Phoebe has had a little bit of a red face for the last year or so. And so one challenge for this camera project was like, how do we mitigate the redness?

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231.033 - 237.601 Phoebe Judge

Lauren, we can talk about rosacea at another show. It's a journey.

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238.262 - 262.473 Lauren Spohr

Well, when I walked into Sephora, I thought to myself, she's going to need something green. Because I think you use green. I think if you put green makeup on top of red face, it makes the redness look better. So I was looking for a green product, which I found. I was looking for a translucent powder, which I got from Clinique. This was a Sephora located entirely inside of a Kohl's.

262.793 - 278.993 Lauren Spohr

Have you ever experienced that before? I walked at the front door. What I was looking at from the parking lot was a Sephora next to a Kohl's. And then I walked in the Sephora doors and I was in the Kohl's. And I was like, oh, I went in the wrong door. So I walked back out. And then I was like, oh, no, I guess that's right. Walked back in.

279.554 - 297.106 Lauren Spohr

And then the Sephora was entirely, it was like the middle of a donut. And all around you in the Sephora, you were inside of a Kohl's. So it wasn't the most that Sephora could offer. It was a little bit of a smaller selection, but I made it work. Translucent powder, got you some mascara.

297.487 - 322.629 Lauren Spohr

I got her a brown eyeliner that had a brush on the other side and a La Niage lip mask, which is a product that I like, and a clear eyebrow gel. And a blush stick. And so I was operating with this. When I put on makeup, I like to keep it simple and fast. You can do it in the car if you need to. You can do it with one hand if you need to.

322.669 - 326.114 Lauren Spohr

So I thought Phoebe probably wants it to be simple if she's going to do it at all.

Chapter 3: What advice did Lauren give about applying makeup?

493.591 - 515.103 Phoebe Judge

She didn't really know what to say. And then she had me, she said the first thing we're going to do is she had me put on this headband. It's a makeup headband. It has a big bow in the front of it. And she said that's going to help. And so then she taught me. What does that do? Keeps your hair out of the, so you can get the makeup all the way up on your forehead. She said I had to wear it.

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515.364 - 522.855 Phoebe Judge

We have a little video that she had me take of how I should apply the makeup. Should we play a little clip of it?

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523.493 - 552.027 Unknown

Okay, it's in my eyebrows, but we'll fix that, right? Yeah. Okay, do you think I need more or do you think this is good? More? How much do you usually put? I mean, you just put a little more of the... Okay, yeah. But don't use the green drops or should I? You have green drops? Yeah. Oh, that. Oh, you can use that. Oh, girl. You could do that too. This is why you need to have like a brush.

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552.287 - 556.515 Unknown

This is like, you don't, no one uses their hands. I would put a little here.

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558.138 - 566.112 Phoebe Judge

So then I sent a picture to Lauren and I said, what do you think? And you said, can she do my makeup?

566.132 - 574.948 Lauren Spohr

I mean, it looks so good. These kids today, I don't, how did they learn? It looks fantastic. It looks fantastic. But...

574.928 - 593.091 Phoebe Judge

It wasn't, it maybe was a little too much. It wasn't no makeup makeup, which is what I was going for. High glam. And so then, so I get to the studio. I leave everyone. I'm by myself. The camera people are setting up cameras and lights. And here we go. I'm on. I got to do it myself.

593.131 - 600.7 Lauren Spohr

You were unresponsive to phone calls and texts for a pretty long time. And then I just received the photo. And then you received it. And I knew what you had been doing with your time.

600.68 - 601.561 Phoebe Judge

What did you think?

Chapter 4: What products did Lauren buy for Phoebe's makeup journey?

624.431 - 629.017 Phoebe Judge

It's makeup life. Every day or? No, not every day. Only when we're doing the videos.

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629.553 - 652.744 Phoebe Judge

Which is going to be often. Yeah, but you know, the thing about the videos is it's been, I think for all of us here, we've all been a little bit, you know, we know how to cut audio. We don't know how to cut video. But it's actually kind of fun. It's... Katie Bishop and I were on a 6 a.m. video interview yesterday with a man in Australia.

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653.084 - 656.212 Phoebe Judge

That was a little rough to get the makeup looking right at 6 a.m.

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656.252 - 660.121 Lauren Spohr

And another thing for you is you don't want to have wet hair.

660.141 - 664.251 Phoebe Judge

I think that's for you.

664.602 - 669.088 Lauren Spohr

But what if, like, can you imagine turning on, like, morning news and the newscaster had wet hair?

670.83 - 671.03 Phoebe Judge

Yes.

671.591 - 688.433 Lauren Spohr

But I have another question for you, which is you're doing some off-the-cuff videos for social media. Are you worried about the contrast being very great between an off-the-cuff Phoebe on her way to go jogging and then high glam Phoebe? People, are they going to know it's the same person or...?

Chapter 5: What challenges did Phoebe face while putting on makeup?

1215.927 - 1219.293 Phoebe Judge

This is the story about the woman and the bees in Massachusetts.

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1219.925 - 1241.68 Phoebe Judge

So this was a few years ago. A woman, she was in her mid-50s, she showed up at her friend's house, an elderly gentleman, who was being served eviction papers. He had cancer, he was sick, and the sheriff's office had shown up to serve him eviction papers.

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1241.66 - 1278.563 Phoebe Judge

His friend, this woman, shows up wearing, she's a beekeeper, and she showed up wearing her beekeeper suit with a truckload of beehives behind her. She got out of the car. In her suit. In her suit. Full suit. As the deputies were trying to evict the man, serve her friend eviction papers, she opened all of the hives and let the bees... Go towards the officers. Officers were swatting bees away.

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1278.603 - 1305.94 Phoebe Judge

Beehives were falling on each other, crushing some bees. The officers were very stung, some of them badly. They were all okay, but they were badly stung. She says it was an accident. She didn't know the hives opened. She, though, was in her full suit. With Hood. But she was in her full suit, so she did not get stung. She was convicted...

1307.438 - 1336.686 Phoebe Judge

of four misdemeanor counts of assault and battery and two counts of reckless assault. She spent six months in jail waiting for the trial and then served another couple of weeks. What she said when they asked her, she said that she was, why she opened the hives, she said she was only wanting the bees to forage on a lovely landscape. She had no intention. She was wearing the full suit.

1336.733 - 1345.763 Lauren Spohr

Well, I also read that she was wrestled to the ground by the police officers. And that a bunch of her bees died during that issue.

1345.783 - 1365.424 Phoebe Judge

And a queen bee dies after it stings. So if they're stinging all of the police officers, I understand it could be very dangerous if any of the officers were allergic. But it's kind of creative, at least. I mean, we need to hear some creativity in the world today.

1365.725 - 1371.464 Lauren Spohr

It's hard to imagine hearing about your friend, something bad happening to your friend, and then your first thought is, I'm going to load up the bees.

Chapter 6: How did the hosts react to their makeup experiments?

1539.373 - 1541.276 Phoebe Judge

I absolutely think she could be.

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1541.897 - 1551.735 Lauren Spohr

What? Without ever telling me? No. Oh, absolutely. Oh, I think that would be like a weird violation. Don't you think? Does your therapist listen?

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1552.076 - 1577.843 Phoebe Judge

We're just going to... Well, no, no, no, no, no, no. But, you know, I don't really have, I just, it's kind of a retainer situation with me. It's a, I keep her on retainer a bit. It's a rather quick check-in every two weeks, sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes, so I don't want to waste a lot of her time. So, yeah, I think she gets it.

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1578.463 - 1583.888 Lauren Spohr

I think that this is one of the more difficult social projects I've undertaken in my entire life.

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1583.868 - 1588.656 Phoebe Judge

We discussed this this morning and you and I differed on how we would have approached this.

1589.377 - 1607.327 Lauren Spohr

Well, this is what I wanted to ask the listener. I wrote, it's sort of like if you're receiving difficult professional news, a lot of times they send an email so you have a minute to sort of digest. So I sent an email saying that I would like to discuss, but I am feeling like it's time to wind down.

1609.028 - 1609.829 Phoebe Judge

And then you're going to see her.

1609.849 - 1612.493 Lauren Spohr

And then I said, looking forward to your thoughts. Yeah, and I'll see her on Monday and we'll talk.

Chapter 7: How did Phoebe's niece contribute to her makeup learning?

1612.533 - 1620.864 Lauren Spohr

And I imagine that we'll meet a number of times to talk about it. It's not just like a goodbye forever. But I am stressed. I am stressed.

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1620.884 - 1659.03 Phoebe Judge

And I said that I would be too. I said that the way I would handle this is not at the end of the session. At the beginning of the session, I would have said I'd like to talk about something. And what words would you... Okay, keep going. What would you have said? I'm not getting as much out of these conversations as I used to because I think I'm very different now. And I think I've changed a lot.

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1659.531 - 1673.533 Phoebe Judge

And I've just been thinking about it at the end of our sessions, making it about you. I've been thinking about it at the end of our sessions. I'm realizing I'm not getting enough. And so this long preamble, me, it's me, I'm the problem, I'm the problem, I'm the problem.

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1674.014 - 1691.01 Phoebe Judge

And then she says, Lauren, of course, I just want to support you in anything you want. And then you've opened. So that's how I would have. Now, cats out of the bag. What's done is done.

1691.412 - 1710.583 Lauren Spohr

Well, I think I was worried that if I didn't sort of take a minute to choose my words carefully, that if I said I'm not getting as much out of these sessions, something like that could feel like an insult to her. So I wanted to make sure that I was deploying the information carefully. I planted the seed, so now she'll know what I want to talk about.

1711.264 - 1717.134 Lauren Spohr

Also, like, what if something sort of chaotic happens the morning of the session, and then I chicken out and don't bring it up?

1717.775 - 1717.875

Yeah.

1717.855 - 1725.086 Lauren Spohr

Well, I think this is a new level of feeling like a grown-up.

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