#186 - The Friend Who Copies You: Flattering or Frustrating? (Candace Ourisman)

episode

Previously titled “#186 - The Friend Who Copies Everything You Do: Flattering or Frustrating? (Candace Ourisman)” — renamed by the publisher on Aug 2, 2026

Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship not yet transcribed

▲ 0

Transcript

This episode hasn't been transcribed yet Upvotes decide what gets transcribed next — 0 so far. Sign in to upvote

recent transcribed audio

FOMO, Meme Stocks and Robinhood Chain | Andy8052 & Eric Conner 56 min · 23 Sep 2026 · Bankless

Booked out doesn't mean you're ready for an associate OD 23 min · 23 Sep 2026 · The Optometry Success Podcast

Make Me Salt, Make Me Light | The Gospels | Matthew 5:13–16 14 min · 23 Sep 2026 · Ten Minute Bible Talks Devotional Bible Study

September 23rd, 2026: Britain Joins Saudi Arabia’s Fight With the Houthis & Russia’s $7 Billion Financial Network 23 min · 23 Sep 2026 · The President's Daily Brief

Threats, boasts, walkouts: the key takeaways from Trump’s U.N. speech 15 min · 23 Sep 2026 · Apple News Today

Health Trackers Are Everywhere. Do Babies Need Them, Too? 36 min · 23 Sep 2026 · The Daily

Report any issue

Source

Recorded01 Mar 2026

Publisherfeeds.redcircle.com ↗

Handlerec:16209952

Show notes

We're unpacking a surprisingly charged friendship dilemma I answered for Real Simple magazine: How do you handle a longtime friend who copies everything you wear and do—outfits, home decor, and more—and doesn't mention the inspiration? She just shows up in her life as the mirror image of your choices?When I answered the letter for Real Simple, I side-stepped the fashion elements of the question because I'm not a fashion-forward person, at all. I stuck to wondering why the letter write would let the issue fester for 15 years.To help me address the parts I missed and even expand the conversation to friends who ask you to work for free AND friends who cannot give you a direct compliment, I’m joined by Candace Ourisman, creative director, brand consultant, and founder of Secretly Fancy.Candace lives in the world of personal style and taste! We talk about why this situation of being copied can feel flattering to some people and suffocating to others, and how oftentimes it depends on how the request for resources is addressed. We get honest about the part nobody wants to admit: sometimes the feeling of being copied isn’t about the item or the idea—it’s about what’s missing underneath it (acknowledgment, appreciation, and basic communication).In this episode, we get into:When copying feels like connection vs. when it feels like your identity is being erasedWhat to do when something has bothered you for years in a friendship—and you’ve never said a word (as I addressed in the magazine)Where “friends don’t gatekeep” is true . . . and where it’s not the full storyThe tricky overlap between friendship + expertise: when a friend is asking for “quick help” and when they’re asking for unpaid labor. I dug out the 2015 question I answered on this exact issue. It's probably a bit dated now, but I stand by the sentiment of my advice. Meet Candace OurismanCandace Ourisman is a creative director, brand consultant, and gifting expert based in Washington DC. She founded Secretly Fancy in 2009, a lifestyle platform that blends fashion, home and hosting with a distinctly playful point of view. Candace is known for curating immersive, high-touch experiences, from designer trunk shows and intimate salons to editorial-driven events, bringing together luxury brands, tastemakers, and community. Her work and perspective have been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, New York Magazine’s The Cut, Washingtonian, Yahoo Finance, and more.Find her on Instagram: @secretlyfancyCheck out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

Ask this episode

“What did the council decide on item 42?” — answered with the speaker and the moment.

Transcript

Related