Why Most Couples Are Having Disappointing S3x (Dr. Emily Morse Explains) | DSH #1830
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What are the 'pleasure thieves' affecting sexual satisfaction?
There's something I call the pleasure thieves.
Why is most sex education considered misleading?
Stress, trauma, and shame are the three things that are getting in the way of us having the sex lives that we want and the pleasure that we want.
What biological factors contribute to the fading honeymoon phase?
If we're living in a state of anxiety and stress, which a lot of us do, and we have this spike in cortisol, it's a lot harder to be in a state of arousal.
How can couples effectively communicate about sex?
You could be the sexiest person on the planet.
What is the impact of mismatched libido on relationships?
You could know all the moves.
What is the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire?
You could have all the toys. You could do all the things. But if you grew up in an environment that told you that sex was wrong or you just don't feel great in your body or you're not feeling confident about your experience level or the way your body looks, it doesn't matter how much right things you do.
How can couples redefine sex to enhance intimacy?
It's going to be hard to live in a pleasure home.
Okay, guys, Dr. Emily Morris, a.k.a. Sex with Emily here at A4M.
Hi.
Fellow podcast host of 20 years.
Yes, 20 years.
That's insane.
It really is.
Hats off to you for making it that long.
Thank you.
Because I know a lot of podcasters that make it like a month or two.
I know. It's been a journey for sure, but it's something that, you know, I think you can't get enough sex education. In fact, most of what we've learned about sex is simply untrue. And so there's always people who are constantly learning, relearning about sex.
What practical tools can help reignite passion in long-term relationships?
Yeah.
And you were so early. Now I feel like it's more talked about. It's still a little weird in certain circles, but now it's way more accepted.
It's definitely less taboo. So people always ask me in 20 years, what's changed so much? And so I love that there's podcasts and there's more people talking about it. But what hasn't changed is that people still have a lot of misinformation about sex. And so they are, you know, having, they're just having all these expectations around sex and they're still having sex that's really disappointing and not enjoyable and making assumptions based on things like, and lack of sex education. So I will always have a job.
Would you say a majority of people are having disappointing sex these days? Yes. So more than 50%?
I would say more than 50% of people, if they're not in the honeymoon stage, the early stage of a relationship, which we all can have great sex at that point. That's when we're supposed to have great sex. But after six months to two years, people tend to get into this point where they're like, well, how come we're not having the kind of sex we had at the beginning when we were so excited and everything was amazing? And then that's when you really have to start doing the work.
Yeah. What do you think causes that fall off with amazing sex at first and then it gets worse?
Yeah. It's actually a biological condition. It actually serves a purpose. So when we meet somebody, we are sipping on the most delicious cocktail of feel-good hormones, right? Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and everything's exciting and new. I've never seen this person naked. I've never touched them before and everything's exciting, right? And it's the bonding hormones too. Yeah. So what happens is we're in this stage where like any kind of great drug, though, what comes up must come down. So that can only last so long. So that's all that. So that's what happens. And then it falls. And then we look at our partner. We're like, huh, we used to want to have sex every single day. Now we don't. Now we're really getting to know each other.
Right. So we move through these different phases. So then, you know, I usually find people at this at this point where they're like, now what? What do we do? How do we keep the desire alive? How do we continue to have incredible sex that isn't driven by these, you know?
And have you seen success when it comes to sexless marriages?
Absolutely. Really? Oh, yeah. I mean, this is what I do. If people that that is my well, my audience is everybody. But absolutely. Couples can reconnect from a sexless relationship or a sexless marriage. We just can't rely on the same things that got us together. So we have to learn new skills.
OK, so you got to spice it up.
We have to spice it up.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What are the 'pleasure thieves' affecting sexual satisfaction?
0:00–0:01
2
Why is most sex education considered misleading?
0:01–0:09
3
What biological factors contribute to the fading honeymoon phase?
0:09–0:17
4
How can couples effectively communicate about sex?
0:17–0:19
5
What is the impact of mismatched libido on relationships?
0:19–0:21
6
What is the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire?
0:21–0:34
7
How can couples redefine sex to enhance intimacy?
0:34–1:11
8
What practical tools can help reignite passion in long-term relationships?
1:11–33:23
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Digital Social Hour
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