Somehow, Even More Broken News
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What is the Vitamin Water promotion that opens the episode?
This episode of Distractable is presented by Vitamin Water. Some drinks are fun. Some drinks are functional. But Vitamin Water
said, why not both? The Elevate Blue Raspberry. Actually very good. As I'm getting older, I found that I'm a raspberry guy.
Yeah, they also have zero sugar rehydrate pineapple passion fruit.
As I'm getting older, I'm finding I'm really a pineapple guy. I'm like Wade, but with apples. Grab a vitamin water today, copyright 2025, Glasso. Vitamin water is a registered trademark of Glasso.
Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode. Maze-like Mark cancels Chipotle, promises GBH, and invites a flurry of current events. Bonafide Bob flames long johns, gets righteous ribs, threatens to Dufrain, and turtle todgers. Webermatic Wade likes it curly, has domestic dung scent, has mat eating faces, has contractions and cries. From Mark triumphant to At cemetery. Yeah. It's time for Somehow, even more broken news. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted. And enjoy the show. Then
welcome back! The distractible. Today is another wonderful day because you get another new episode of Distractable, hosted by me, Markiplier, the winner of the last episode. Every episode has a winner, and it just so happens that I'm probably crushing the scoreboard this uh season. I've never won a season before. Wade has somehow won twice. And I think that this will be my year.
Yeah, buddy. I all I know is it's not gonna be me, so you don't have to worry about any competition on my end. Uh it's you and Wade battling it out. I want you to upset the the two time.
When did the season start? I don't know. So I've had a couple of months of pretty sparse hosting, so if depending on when it started, it could just be literally Mark's show right now. Wait, do we miss the end of the season?
Wait. Uh oh it really depends. So we had the council, but that wasn't the end of the season for some reason. So we'd done three seasons and the third one just never had a winner. How long have
we been
here? I think we've been doing this for almost five years now.
The Council of Destructible Two happened on February seventeenth. Okay, we do this for five years.
We've had two seasons that are each a year.
Something feels a little off. If you're new to the show, you know about as much about it as we do. Clearly, we don't know anything that's going on. Um, but I'm Mark. This is Bob and Wade. They're gonna be playing in uh an episode of my choosing. It's not really so much gonna be a game. Oh no! I'm in violation of the law!
Like a podcast law or like an FBI coming?
I think he doesn't he doesn't have his score book potentially. I'm assuming he's gonna come back with his his tablet in hand and now he's gonna write his scores down or something. Sorry about that.
Hey, what's up? You could? You wanna do the intro again? You wanna No, that's good. Kinda's all we needed. Sometimes you just gotta run from your problems. Didn't you run and solve your problem? It seems good. Sure did. Okay, where was I? So this isn't necessarily gonna be a game this episode, don't worry. The perfectest crime Is coming. It'll be incredible when it gets here. But that's not today's episode. I'm so excited for that. I can't I honestly can't wait. But before we do that, how are you guys doing?
I'm doing good. I don't know if you all noticed. There was an Easter egg in the last episode that was a hint to my small talk for this episode. What? I ate some food because Arby's has the meats again. My Hammond Swiss sliders are back. I've waited years. They've been gone for a long time. And I swore off Arby's.
This is not a this is not sponsored segment, by the way. No, no, there's
no sponsor here. I'm just really happy to have the Hammond Swiss sliders back.
I just want to throw this out there because I feel like it's gonna it's gonna change people's opinion. Hammond Swiss Lidders. Very good. Lovely. Wade prefers Arby's crinkle cut fries. Discuss. He doesn't you don't like
the curly? They're fine. I don't dislike them. I just only ever want- Well, that's not what you said to me.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the Vitamin Water promotion that opens the episode?
0:00–7:03
2
Who is the current winner of the show and how is the competition described?
7:03–15:59
3
What debate do the hosts have about fries, fast‑food apps, and restaurant pricing?
15:59–24:12
4
What incident involving sewage at a Top Golf location is reported?
24:12–33:17
5
How does the new O‑3 AI model behave when asked to shut down?
33:17–42:33
6
What proposal is being discussed for an AI chatbot to run as mayor in Wyoming?
42:33–51:20
7
What unusual story about a turtle hidden in a traveler’s pants at an airport is shared?
51:20–57:40
8
What is the story of the parrot that foiled a burglary and escaped?
57:40–59:26