The Perfectest Crime
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable, this legendary episode. Brainstorming Blueprints Bob rejects a southern door, and Wistering Wade Wade detects a cold hard one, and... Magnifico Mark the Sempiternal Maestro finally unleashes the most anticipated event in podcast history. From sucking ass to extensive notes. It's finally time for The Perfectest Rhyme. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Welcome, everybody, to Distractable. You read the title correctly. It is time for the perfectest crime. I've been working on this for a very long time. I actually... You know, man, I can't spoil it. You don't even know who I am. I'm Markiplier, inventor. If you're watching this in the future in some historical archive of the greatest podcast episode ever made, which is only this episode, it's me, the creator of the world-changing, it either brought world peace or it destroyed everything even more than it already is, me, Markiplier, legendary host of the future greatest episode of Distractible that ever existed.
Actually, your podcast nickname in the future, Mark the Creator Applier.
The legend. That's pretty good. Yep, I'm going to give you both points for kiss ass, suck ass. Suck it ass? Kiss ass point. Wade, you get a suck ass point. oh hell yeah i'll take what i mean just have just have what the fuck i'll address it in small talk all right that's good uh well too bad you guys there is literally no time for small talk this is going to be such a dense episode that there will not be an opportunity to discuss your lives because your lives are now on the line oh also also it's bob and wade for anyone also the future historians that are watching this yes it's the legendary participants the legendary the legendary other two guys also known as and friends for all time it's bob middle name my skins what's your middle name martin wade wade barnes do you not want to reveal your true name no i don't want people knowing george is my first name that'd be helpful
I know the audience has been excitedly waiting for this to happen, but I think Wade and I are at least 60% as excited as the audience is to see what exactly this is about to be.
Well, Bob, I work in fractions, but that probably adds up to the percent you were talking about. Six tenths, sir. Yeah, I don't like to condense. Are you boys ready? Yes. I want you to close your eyes. Mine?
Wait, what the fuck? Sorry.
The ones on the front of your face, yes. Everyone at home, you don't have to close your eyes, especially if you're driving. Like, please keep them open.
Unless you want to really see what excitement is.
You gradually wake up from a drug induced sleep. You can't see. It's currently dark everywhere. Even if you were to open your eyes, you closing your eyes right now is not the same as in the room. You could open your eyes, but just you can't see right now. Suddenly a speaker crackles overhead and you hear the following.
Rise and shine. Rise and shine. I have to ask you a question.
What is the setup for 'The Perfectest Crime' game and who are the players introduced?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, Then does it really matter who is holding the axe? You see, I have a problem. My crimes have become too perfect. No one will ever know who I am. Surely I am not perfect. Is that even possible? I am a criminal. I have perpetuated chaos. But if no one knows... Why then would I even do it in the first place? But that's why you're here. Look around the room. In this place, I have committed the perfect crime. You don't even know what you lost, but you will if you are as good as this. Say, if you're not, then no one will ever know of my crimes. And I was too. Perfect. Solve the mystery with the clues I have left you, detectives. Some of them may be true.
Some of them may be false. It is up to you to differentiate the method from the madness. But look carefully. Just nothing. Trust everything? Can you really even trust the man standing across from you? Perhaps only the most perfect detective could perpetrate the perfect crime. Good luck, detectives, and act quickly.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–3:58
2
What is the setup for 'The Perfectest Crime' game and who are the players introduced?
3:58–25:00
3
How does the host explain the rules and structure of the clue-based detective challenge?
25:00–35:09
4
What is discovered when Bob searches the south (kitchen) — freezer, fridge and initial clues?
35:09–40:49
5
What does Wade find in the west (science area) and how does it change his theory?
40:49–1:10:26