Introducing Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent
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Who are Queen Mortuana and JoJo and how does the episode open?
You there, tis I, Queen Mortuana of the Night Realm, a.k.a. Kate McKinnon.
And her raven minion, Jojo, a.k.a. Emily Lynn.
We interrupt your podcast to tell you about a different, better podcast. It's the podcast of my life and it's called Heads Will Roll, Air Apparent on Audible. And I can guarantee that it will fix all of your personal problems and make you a millionaire.
No, we can't do false advertising. It's more just like a really funny show with great guest stars like Richard Kind, Carrie Coon, Jimmy Fallon, et al.
Listen now exclusively on Audible and download the Audible app today or off with your head!
What comedic pitch do Mortuana and JoJo give for Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent?
I'm kidding.
You there! Approach your queen. What is it you seek? Ma'am, I... Silence! That was a rhetorical question. Everyone knows that anyone who dares petition me, Queen Mortuana of the Night Realm, shall be put to death. And you, you acne-ed male teen, you have the nerve to approach me on a Monday morning before I've had my eggs. For your insolence, for your gall, for your floppy hair and your cash vibe, I say to you, off with your head! No!
Oh, fuck. That was my gynecologist son. God damn it. Oh, I knew he'd look familiar. JoJo, had you clocked that? I had. I have a pap next week. JoJo, what am I going to do about my pap? Oh well, I'll do it myself. Prepare the stirrups!
Excuse me. Hello! I'm Hildegard the Bard. Oh, and I'm Ermengard the Bard. And we are sisters in our seventies. We sing the tales of castles and realms of old. You may remember the tale of Mortuana of the Night Realm, an evil queen and total bee, and her raven minion Jojo, once a hot teen princess, now cursed to be a 30-year-old bird. Now it was some years ago that they relinquished the kingdom to live in the woods. But they immediately got bored as F and now they're back, baby. And they are feeling themselves. Jojo the Raven has taken that bird body. Oh, and she turned it into a brand. And Mortuana has finally found work-life balance. She's leaned in. And so have we. Wink, wink, we're getting laid. A lot. Now our girls are on top and life is a song.
How does Mortuana establish her ruling persona and threats to petitioners?
Everything's fine now, so what could go wrong? Let's listen in. You! McQueen.
What is it you seek?
I'm but a lowly apple farmer, and I seek a permit to open a brewery. You know, a cider on top, wood fire pizza, cornhole for the kiddies.
Oh, you know what? I don't like places like that. Off with your head. It's, yeah, it's off with your head. I'm sorry.
Yeah, you're right. It's schtick. And a tired one at that. Anyway, before I get beheaded, I got to say, it's good to have your back.
Oh, thank you so much.
Forgive me for saying this, but you look younger.
Thank you, sir. I think it's because I finally made peace with who I am, which is a single, childless, evil bitch.
That's great.
And you know what? I love it. So with that, I say to you, my good man, off with your hand.
Ha! No! Are you kidding me? Are you serious? Oh, McQueen, thank you so much. Keep crushing it, yeah? Oh! Oh, yeah!
Have a good one.
Ramo, you are just giving off light and joy, and people see it.
I know. I feel like I finally found inner peace, and things will be good now forever? Dolphinately.
Oh, my God. Oh, I spoke too soon. What is this hullabaloo and fanfare?
It's... It's... My bus! Hi, it's Tempesta.
What humorous royal health gag leads to the pap and stirrups bit?
I know. Sorry, I'm on a call. Yes, kill all of the dogs. Yeah. Okay, I'll talk to you later. Sorry, that was my son. I'm here! Surprise!
Yes, yes, and what a blessing you are. Tempesta, this is Jojo, my raven minion. Jojo, this is Tempesta, queen of queens, ruler of the Federation of Scorched Earth, and technically my boss, who usually leaves me alone but is for some reason here now, which is what is the reason I'm good? Oh, wow, I've heard so much about you.
You are a presence among us. Jojo, I read your book. I mean, I read about it. Bird body positivity. Now that is some money-making bullshit. thank you anyway so Mo I came to tell you that we're obsessed with you and we think the night realm could be one of our top realms that was a clip from the first episode of heads will roll air apparent it was good listen to the rest of it on audible download the audible app and sign up for a 30 day free trial today or off with your head just kidding
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
Who are Queen Mortuana and JoJo and how does the episode open?
0:02–0:40
2
What comedic pitch do Mortuana and JoJo give for Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent?
0:40–2:59
3
How does Mortuana establish her ruling persona and threats to petitioners?
2:59–4:47
4
What humorous royal health gag leads to the pap and stirrups bit?
4:47–5:49