Turning 40 - '' I thought my life would look different''
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What reflections does Emma share about turning 40?
Welcome back to All of the Above with me, Emma Keogh. I can't believe I'm saying this as this is the season finale of the podcast and I always finish my season with a solo episode. I know you guys love the solo episodes and... This episode is going to be from the heart. It's all about things I'm learning turning 40. I know I am the big 4-0 this year. What the hell? I feel like the last 10 years has been a blip and it's wild when I think about it. But I do think I have grown the most in the last 10 years. Like I am the person I am today, especially now. the amount of things that have happened to me in my life over the last 10 years. But would I take it for granted? No. Would I change it? Do I regret anything?
No, because I am that person I am today. So I'm going to turn my phone on silent actually. So turning 40 and just thinking about a reflection, I was like, OK, where I thought I would have been by now, I'm being honest, this kind of hit home for me because when I was 30, I was at a place where I was saving for a house. I was in a long term relationship, as you know, before. And I was planning a family and I had a career and everything was like ticked in a box. And I was like, this is what my life is supposed to be onto the next tick that box, you know. And I think looking back now, I honestly thought I would have been married by now. I thought I would have had children by now and in a house and, you know, my day to day, my career, you know, going on your family holidays, everything like that.
And I would have thought I would have had all that. Now, I did have that. This is the thing I had, you know, the partner, I had the house and I was planning a family and all that then went. But now I've actually realized that that plan wasn't for me right then. And it's like the last few years, six years that's been since all that happened. I've been in a process. You'd nearly say you're grieving it all. You're grieving the life that you would have had and what you yearned for. And what you're actually going through right now. So I'd say the last few years, I've been grieving a lot of that on top of like healing. And I only said to the lads here, actually, I was like, I'm actually done healing. I'm actually healing from the healing.
And I'm so done with it. Like girls and guys, I'm absolutely wrecked from the healing. And It's like I'm moving into a new chapter now of, right, who is Emma? What does she look like in this next chapter turning 40? And what version of me do I want to be? I'm thinking about it like it's like. I'm anxious about turning 40 as well. I'm like waiting on a mental breakdown to happen. And then I'm spinning loads of plates in the air. I'm like, do I need to go back to work because I'm self-employed? And I constantly think of that structure, that stability, that security, that's always kind of in the back of my head for anyone who's self-employed. But at the same time, I really enjoy the mix of being self-employed and I'm so grateful for the opportunities that have came my way.
Amazing opportunities and even this podcast as well to be able to talk to you and be in your ears and give my own expertise about it as well. Yeah, it's just thinking about my reality right now. And I think a lot of us take our reality for granted. We take, you know, we look at other people's lives and we're thinking that is supposed to be me. And funny enough, you know, even with my sister has two beautiful children and she's married. I kind of don't even look at her anymore to be like, I should have had that by now. I should have had babies by now. I should have been married. I should have had a house. It's like I'm so grateful that she has that. But I'm nearly at a different point in my life that Maybe is that a plan for me?
You know, you know, am I supposed to go on this course and this different road now to experience who I am and what I truly want in this chapter of my life? You know, yes, I'd like a child, but is that meant to be? You know, I know that I don't want to say like a child on my own before I got into a relationship with my boyfriend.
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