Chapter 1: What reflections does Emma share about turning 40?
Welcome back to All of the Above with me, Emma Keogh. I can't believe I'm saying this as this is the season finale of the podcast and I always finish my season with a solo episode. I know you guys love the solo episodes and... This episode is going to be from the heart. It's all about things I'm learning turning 40. I know I am the big 4-0 this year. What the hell?
I feel like the last 10 years has been a blip and it's wild when I think about it. But I do think I have grown the most in the last 10 years. Like I am the person I am today, especially now. the amount of things that have happened to me in my life over the last 10 years. But would I take it for granted? No. Would I change it? Do I regret anything? No, because I am that person I am today.
So I'm going to turn my phone on silent actually. So turning 40 and just thinking about a reflection, I was like, OK, where I thought I would have been by now, I'm being honest, this kind of hit home for me because when I was 30, I was at a place where I was saving for a house. I was in a long term relationship, as you know, before.
And I was planning a family and I had a career and everything was like ticked in a box. And I was like, this is what my life is supposed to be onto the next tick that box, you know. And I think looking back now, I honestly thought I would have been married by now.
I thought I would have had children by now and in a house and, you know, my day to day, my career, you know, going on your family holidays, everything like that. And I would have thought I would have had all that. Now, I did have that. This is the thing I had, you know, the partner, I had the house and I was planning a family and all that then went.
But now I've actually realized that that plan wasn't for me right then. And it's like the last few years, six years that's been since all that happened. I've been in a process. You'd nearly say you're grieving it all. You're grieving the life that you would have had and what you yearned for. And what you're actually going through right now.
So I'd say the last few years, I've been grieving a lot of that on top of like healing. And I only said to the lads here, actually, I was like, I'm actually done healing. I'm actually healing from the healing. And I'm so done with it. Like girls and guys, I'm absolutely wrecked from the healing. And It's like I'm moving into a new chapter now of, right, who is Emma?
What does she look like in this next chapter turning 40? And what version of me do I want to be? I'm thinking about it like it's like. I'm anxious about turning 40 as well. I'm like waiting on a mental breakdown to happen. And then I'm spinning loads of plates in the air. I'm like, do I need to go back to work because I'm self-employed?
And I constantly think of that structure, that stability, that security, that's always kind of in the back of my head for anyone who's self-employed. But at the same time, I really enjoy the mix of being self-employed and I'm so grateful for the opportunities that have came my way.
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Chapter 2: How has Emma's view on relationships evolved over the years?
And I just said, no, I wouldn't do it on my own. That's something I don't want. But even that as well, I had to ask myself all those questions because you see people out there, they're having babies by themselves with donors. And I think it's amazing. It's so inspiring. It's so empowering. But that's another question I had to ask myself. Do I want to do that on my own?
And I had to figure that out by myself because my mom was even like, oh, would you get your baby?
your eggs frozen and for a time I was thinking do I and then I'm like no I don't want to do that right now I know obviously I'm turning 40 but that could change by the end of the year this is the thing we all have a choice to change all the time and that's something then I had to make up myself and I think then moving back home like I live with my dad and I'm very grateful I get to live with my dad and
And a lot of us are in the same position that, you know, I'm 39 living at home and I thought, God, you know, I nearly feel like a failure that I have to live at home. But sometimes I'm like, I get to live at home. I'm very lucky I get to live at home because a lot of us are in that position. And I shared this on my socials as well about
trying to save for my own place as well due to the current climate with the housing crisis and the amount of people that were writing back on the TikTok that I put up about, you know, trying to save. I feel like I'll never get there with the house prices. A lot of people have families and they're living in their mom's bedroom with their children.
And, you know, a lot of us either as couples have moved back home or single back home. And that's the current climate we're in. That is actually normal then where I nearly feel I'm like, oh, my God, like I'm a failure. I'm living at home. That shouldn't be me. But then it's like this is the option I have to take in order to, you know, how do you say, navigate the next chapter of my life.
If I want to own a property, I have to move home to save. And these are things that we kind of have to accept. A big thing is acceptance. That's another part that I've been learning to accept is, you know, for this chapter of my life, I have to live at home or I get to live at home. I'm able to save. I'm with my family and then I'm figuring out what I want.
So I'm nearly allowing the last few years to grieve what I should have had, but really accepting all the amazing things that I have right now and the possibilities that I'm able to step into. And then thinking about who I was and who I am today, I think a big factor was like my old mindset.
Don't get me wrong, like I always think what I should have had and you go into that negative mindset of, you know, what it could have been and then looking at other people. But then you have to think about, okay, What is the life you have right now? And what is the life I have right now? And what has come my way because of the things that have happened in my life?
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Chapter 3: What inner work has Emma done during her transition into her 40s?
And I would have started to cling to people's words being like, oh, my God, they said that they said they like me. And like fantasizing, romanticizing about what how how things could be instead of what they are. I started focusing on what things are. what it is right away, how are they showing up. But the main thing is how I showed up for myself.
Because sometimes you can get obsessed with dating and you nearly want that validation of that other person or you want a bit of company. You really have to sit in your company with yourself and be content with yourself. And I started to really do that. Now, I love my company, even though... The last few days I've seen my boyfriend, seen my family.
And yet last night I realized I actually need my alone time. I need my alone time to sit with myself, to really just have a breather and not be around people for like a day to recharge. It's really important that you learn to do that, even when you're in a relationship, if you're not living together, saying, oh, I actually need a day to myself. Do you know what I mean?
You're allowed to talk to them. You're allowed to communicate. That is healthy. That is totally healthy. Like we need that time to ourselves because if you don't pour into yourself, you're going to be pouring from an empty cup into all your other relationships. So I really thought that as well. And then
I think how I approach even the likes of like my career at the moment, I kind of have a lot of hats on at the moment, as you know, like I have my podcast, I have my social media, I do events, I do workshops as well. And it's learning to kind of be uncomfortable with Uh, no structure. You kind of have to make structure for yourself and it's been okay with that.
Like some days I could be at events or I could be at home. I feel like I'm doing nothing because I'm not, you know, trying to get 10 hours work done at my laptop the way I used to when I was working in corporate. Where now I'm learning to really understand the ebb and flow of workload. One week you could be busy, the next week you can't.
You really have to understand that because even the last few days I wasn't that busy and I'm like, I feel like I'm going nowhere. I feel like I'm doing nothing. Where now I'm like, no, Emma, like you're doing the podcast today. You have a retreat on next week. You're doing like content in between. Like that's enough. Like even in my own head, I sometimes feel that's not enough.
And I do think a lot of you probably think on looking at me online that you're like, oh, my God, she has her shit together. No, babes, I don't have my shit together. I am still winging life as much as you are. And that's why it's so important to be open, to be honest, because I'm still winging life. I'm still learning about life as well. And this is what being a human is about.
I have to be real with you. Then next of all is my self-worth. So I actually wouldn't have thought I thought I had self-worth, but the last few years has really taught me. And I think when I was single, but not even that, I think being self-employed as well is knowing your worth and knowing what you're capable of in all areas of your life.
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Chapter 4: How does Emma define self-worth and its importance in her life?
That is huge for me. And I definitely I touched on it on my last solo episode about authenticity. I definitely think that is my number one thing. I keep it real and I'm just like, I'm going to tell you exactly how I'm feeling, how I'm showing up, because I do think honesty is the best policy. And like
you I want to be real with people in their ears like you you want to trust that person it's intimate you feel like you know them as well and I think it's really important when you're going through a different identity and not a crisis but a new chapter and circle and be like who do I want to be how do I want to show up because you have the choice to do that all the time and then
I think a big thing is not tying worth to relationships. So I would have tied my worth a little bit to relationships and, you know, what I'm worthy of. You know, could I get that guy? You know, could I date that guy? They wouldn't look at me because of my weight. My weight would have gotten in the way. And I always thought
I wasn't worthy of certain things over my weight because I'm a curvy girl, things like that. But that really changed for me. I'd say about four or five years ago, I started to realize my weight is getting in the way of my worth. And I'm worthy of so much because people don't see you for the way you are.
They see you, how you radiate and how you show up as a person and what you give out to people, how you walk into a room and how you make them feel. And I think that's something I've really honed in on over the last few years, how I want to make people feel, but how I want to make me feel like I want to be my own cheerleader, cheerleader. I want to be my own number one fan.
I want to say good things about myself and treat myself really well. And I've really started to do that over the last few years with solo traveling. And even when I bought myself, I bought myself a car, not a new car now, a few years ago, I saved up. But even when I was buying it, I was like, oh God, like, I feel like a lie. Like, why am I buying this? Like, I don't, I'm not worthy of this.
But then over time I was like, I saved hard for this car. I am worthy of it. And then when I literally bought that car and leveled up, I was like, I am worthy. So even having my car now,
It's like I worked hard and I'm worthy of that and I feel that now and I really embody that now where before for years I was like oh no like do you know what I mean so buy that car honestly because it's going to symbolize something of you and your hard work and what you've done for because you are worthy of anything even if you want like.
a designer bag you know if you go on a holiday by yourself whatever that thing is that you've been striving for that you keep putting off that you don't think is you're worthy of do it because you're gonna have this like quantum leap and this shift of going
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