Can you stress craft and decorate your way out of a pandemic? We’re not entirely sure...but Em is currently doing ALL of the crafting and decorating research that she can manage, in a lah lah lah, nothing to see here, not watching the news, not even asking “how are you?” kind of vibe, that naturally comes from extended pandemic lockdowns. Thankfully the arrival of Spring and blossom and wattle blooms and sunshine are helping on the distraction front, there’s also a wedding anniversary for her and Scott to “celebrate” (more on that later) and a toddler who has clearly reached the “you’re not the boss of me” chuck a tanti and usher in meltdown mode, whenever I feel like it part of his development. So with all of that playing out in the background, and a pre-warning that Em is about to get her rant on, we usher in Em’s high school bestie Michael to get things underway. We’re gonna start with some loving for the return of Spring. There's a teeny tiny lockdown mention that immediately gets shutdown so we can focus on the positives, like celebrating the fact that Em and Scott have been married for 14 years, and together for 21 years, which is more than half of Em’s life. There’s some brutally realistic tips and secrets on how to keep a long term relationship alive, which includes words like “puppy dogs and sunshine” plus “you’re a fucken liar” and a wheezy laugh that ends with the word “fuck”. Honestly though, you will actually get some beautiful tips and theories, it’s entirely up to you if you decide to apply them to your relationship. Then it’s onto a topic that has both Micahel, and Em’s daughter Chella, asking “are you sure you really wanna talk about this?”. The topic that’s got both of them on edge is James Corden’s need to insert himself into popular culture moments, that he has no right inserting himself into. Both Em and Michael admit they initially really liked James Corden, and that he’s the kid they would have definitely been friends with in high school, BUT...things have certainly changed in the last few years. They’ll work through the examples of what has helped change their point of view. It’s an extensive list, which reached a peak when he donned a rodent suit and violently thrust his groin at a crowd of commuters trapped at a traffic stop on the streets of LA. Heads up, if you’re a fan of James, you don’t need to offer up your opinions via DM’s or posts tagging Em, she’s sure he’s a nice person, you also don’t have to agree with her, but she has a firm feeling about this and she is gonna have a vent. After that’s sorted we move onto the return of Dilemma Doctors, where Em and Michael offer up their thoughts and feels and try to solve a bunch of dilemmas from Emsolators. This means you’ll get answers on how to allow yourself to reach orgasm, rather than getting too nervous and shutting it down, whether you should keep or sell lockdown purchases that don’t fit, should a teacher still keep going with their career, and even a side quest about how appealing Scotts butt is, plus a bunch of stuff that isn’t really appealing AT ALL. There’s also two appearances of Elio and Scott during the recording, which have peak toddler making a sudden appearance during a BBC News cross energy. The first one really shows off that chuck a tanti vibe we mentioned earlier too. So get ready for a joyous ranti slash tanti filled edition of the only podcast that is feeling, all of the emotions, all of the time, and never really knows which one will be turning up at any moment, so standard operating procedure and job well done, HUZZAH! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ask this episode

“What did the council decide on item 42?” — answered with the speaker and the moment.

Transcript

Related