Chapter 1: What challenges arise when moving in together?
How was the move, Kim?
Are we going to welcome back?
Okay. Welcome back. You do it. Okay.
Welcome back to Excuse My Grandma. It's Kim and my co-host. Grandma Gail. Okay. Now we can start, Grandma.
Okay.
Okay. Well, congratulations on your move.
Thank you.
To get the sofa in, the furniture in.
It's a lot. Oh, yeah.
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Chapter 2: How does moving in together compare across generations?
It's a process. I mean, you know, I had, you know, if it wasn't so costly, I would have liked to have taken the apartment, but she wasn't leaving anyway a month before. So you could do all this before. That's the way you mean my current.
Yeah.
Well, no, I think, though, what it is, it seems that everyone has this transitional time where it's like the first month or two, it's just not done. Like it just because no one gets it.
Because you have too many details, unless you're ordering all from one source and they're bringing it all in. So you like your last department. You laughed at it, but we did everything from West Elm. So everything came from one basic warehouse and they checked it off. But there were some things that I remember they lost or they broke. So it always has ebbs and flows on all these things.
Nothing is perfect.
Yeah. Also, I didn't have stuff from before. It was all new stuff. Correct.
And I was one stop shop.
Yeah. And for some reason, we knew that I could have that lease like three months in advance. That's not typical. And so usually you don't have that amount of prep time and things like that. But yeah. It'll all get done. I feel like I'm excited for you to come in and help a little bit. I know you've been in Florida while I've been here. Don't you want to help?
No, the two of you there, you can manage it perfectly. Mom and I did the stuff.
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Chapter 3: What compromises are necessary when sharing a space?
We had some moving day on Friday out of here, moving stuff to the beach, to you, to whatever, to charity. We were so busy. It was nine hours of movers going in, going out. The dog had her opinion also. She liked this guy. She didn't like that guy. So, you know, it is, but it all gets settled. By the end of April, you'll be fine.
Yeah, Millie can be unsettled. But today, Grandma, I want to go deeper on the question, what changes when you move in together? So excuse my grandma while we talk about it. Okay. Well, so Grandma, I want to learn more about you and Poppy living together at first and moving in in the 60s so I can learn from that as I enter this new chapter with Zach.
Obviously, things are different because we're not married and you guys already were.
And it was just like, Oh, I think that's a very big difference. Yeah, big difference. And I think that's why people who get married today, right? You know, young couples who go right into marriage, they're doing the learning process that you guys have been doing for two years. So there's good and bad in both instances. We certainly didn't have that living in process in the 60s.
Yeah, we moved in and, and we managed. But you know what, we weren't that The big difference is you're not that set in your ways at 21 and 23. You're basically both starting out at the same level of newness. But the both of you have lived on your own in your own apartments and had your own separate careers naturally, which you still do.
And that becomes a bigger transition because you're very much set in your ways. So this will have to be something you guys work at as a compromise in certain areas. And one will have to give in one area and one has to give in another area. Nothing, you know, it's you're combining two different individuals together.
Did you make any compromises?
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Chapter 4: How can merging possessions become a conflict?
Like how did your life shift or change?
Well, my life basically changed completely because I left my parents home and my husband and I had to make a home. But the big difference was I had to assume responsibilities, which, you know, nowadays is very different. I would be going to the market in the morning and I would be preparing dinner. And I was actually a part-time teacher the first year we were married. I did remedial.
Oh, I don't know if I knew that. Yes.
You did what? On seven, I taught at a school for it was actually literacy program. I taught children who didn't know how to read English to, you know, they're mostly Hispanic and I taught them reading. So, you know, but that was a volunteer. I never really worked that way. And then I took some courses because I was not working. So we had a one family income.
And I managed to do all of it while your grandfather went to work from at 7 o'clock in the morning. And he would come back, though, at, you know, like 6 o'clock. And we would have either dinner or take a walk. We lived on 75th Street. It was a very nice area. We had great fun. I love the city. The city is very nice for young marrieds. There's so much to do.
But do you remember, like... In the beginning, you're totally switching up roles from living under your parents to going. And now you're the one like going grocery shopping and getting. Yeah, it was a whole different thing. Right. Like, was that shock, not shocking transition, but did you feel like.
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Chapter 5: What responsibilities change when living with a partner?
It wasn't shocking.
I had to learn how to do it. I had never done it before. I went right out of college to getting married. So, you know, you can't really, it's comparing apples to pears today and yesterday. But there, you know, as far as compromising, I think that's a very important thing. If you know somebody really wants a certain type of lettuce, don't order the wrong lettuce. You know, check with him.
Do you like iceberg or do you like bib? If he says, I only like bib lettuce, then only order the bib lettuce. You're two people. So you have to make you don't just do it. Well, you don't do it if there are if you know your partner is difficult. My partner at the time, he's now he's difficult. But at the time we got married, anything I did was fine with him.
He didn't care as long as as long as I look good when he came home and fluffed up my hair, which in those days was a major thing. And I look pretty. He was happy with that. It was very it was an idyllic time for us and very little stress. And he worked in a business with his father. So he had a very nice relationship with his dad and he would come home and everybody.
We were very happy and it was very easy for us. And our families both were very supportive. And that's very important when you're moving in. to sort of have a good relationship, even with Zach's family and with your parents. It's nice to have that.
Yeah. Zach's parents were here all day yesterday. Zach's dad is very handy.
So he was very helpful with like some of the issues.
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Chapter 6: How can couples navigate the transition into a shared home?
He said he was like,
He was like, there's a nice three-bedroom on this floor I was looking at. And his mom was like, Howard, stop right now. But, yeah, no, I agree.
That's very nice. But wait until your other stuff comes. Then he has to come back in.
I know. I know.
Because handy is something very important. Is that handy at all? Because Poppy was never handy.
don't think to this extent like he's good with tech obviously oh yeah when the tech breaks and he he already is brainstorming a whole system for like pretty much a smart house where you're like open the shades and they open and all that stuff would be able to do anything I know. So we're figuring all that out.
That's good. Let him do it. That's fun. That's his project. You know, it's like what Poppy used to say. I'll take care of the big things. You handle everything else. The big things was whether we should invade Vietnam and I'll do all the bills and all the marketing and all the decorating and all this stuff.
The thing is, I know we say this, like, obviously, it's a joke. Like, I don't know. Like, he wasn't invading Vietnam. Like, what was it? What was so big? Because it seems like if you were handling all those other things, those seem like the things to do.
His responsibility was go to work and make money.
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Chapter 7: What role do family dynamics play in moving in together?
Right. That was his sole responsibility. And we used to joke about it. And then you'll do all the big issues, whether we should go into China or Taiwan and I'll do everything else. But you know what? That was our relationship. And don't forget that was our relationship from the beginning. I mean, I was just 21 years old. What do I know? I had no concept of how to make any money.
So there was no conversation about that. And your grandfather was very smart. He had gone to graduate school. He was in a good business and he was very creative in business. So he really liked that. And that was his strong suit. So I really didn't have anything like, you know, and I had some very good girlfriends. We all...
A whole group of us who graduated school all got married at the same time. So we'd all meet for lunch. And many of the couples then would go out at night. And, you know, we wouldn't go out to fancy restaurants. Sometimes we did, actually, because I think we actually had more money in the beginning than later on when we had kids because it was just the two of us. Yeah, right.
So it was it was a very nice time. But you know what? Things like, you know, bathroom issues. Now, you, of course, have two bathrooms, so it's a different story. We had to share one bathroom, one shower. Now, he went to work early, so of course he went in first.
Chapter 8: What lessons can be learned from past experiences of living together?
And I would do it later. I would go in and take a shower, whatever I wanted to do later on. But if you're both working at the same time, you know, you're lucky you have different flexible hours. He does not. Then he has to get first shot into the into the bathroom. But he should use another bathroom or whatever. You know what? It all gets worked out. And that's part of working together.
As long as there are no major issues. You know, we never really thought about anything. So, you know, I don't know what the big deal would be to fight over, to be very truthful.
Yeah, I remember telling you about we were going to move in together. And I didn't really know what your reaction would be because obviously you're opinionated. But you were like, okay, well, now is the real test. It was a very Jewish grandma response.
Well, it is a real test because you were really since you were never in the same city, you really never spent your time together, but it wasn't the same. So now you see some of these true habits. Do I believe in living endlessly together? I don't because I think that's just playing house. But, you know, it is this first step. And, you know, times are different than when I got married.
So I don't like to project my. Yeah. My thoughts on this type of relationship, it's not what I would do, but everybody has to do what they're comfortable with.
We've talked about what your first apartment looked like and like how Poppy's closet wasn't that big. Did Poppy bring anything with him?
His black socks. He was not a clothes horse. He wasn't, probably never really, you know, he had work clothes, naturally. And he had his golf clothes that he would wear on the weekends or whatever. You know, we didn't have that much at that point. We had what we had when we went on our honeymoon.
and we didn't take we didn't have households so we took whatever we had wanted from our parents we had no articles you know for the apartment we did my my mother did the apartment when we were on our honeymoon i don't even know what we picked out did she work with the designer she just found stuff no i think she just she might have worked with somebody i don't know it was nothing that terrific and then what about stuff from your registry maybe
Well, that we had beautiful things from our registry. Because in those days, you know, we didn't have china that we had accumulated together. So we had all this beautiful china. And we had glasses. And in those days, we had registered at Tiffany's. My mother and my mother-in-law, and she was the sweetest person, decided before we went on a very long honeymoon.
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