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Chapter 1: What is the context of the World Cup's history?
Yeah, Maradona in 86, I mean, where do you even begin? What can you say about Maradona that hasn't already been said? He's black, he's not, but people haven't called him that, so. I'm telling you, no one, no one had it like Diego. There were talented players on our team, but we weren't allowed to do what he could do. It was like he were playing a different game.
I remember trying to get the ball off him and you just couldn't because he just held on so tight. He was doing things with the football that we just couldn't. He was literally picking it up and bouncing it on the floor with his hands. You know, I put him up there with LeBron and Michael Jordan as one of the greatest basketball players of all time. Sadly, we were playing football.
You know, modern football, it's all about the system now, the team. It's not like the old days, the magic, where it was just about moving around, not even using your feet, just jumping up and punching it past the keeper. He had the left foot of Pushkas, he had the right foot of Pelé and the uppercut of George Foreman. Football has rules, and he did not stick to them, ever.
I mean, he took the rule book, chopped it up, racked it into a line, snorted it. Unbelievable. What a player.
I don't know what drug he was taking, but he had cocaine all over his face. He was definitely the biggest inspiration in my life.
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Chapter 2: How did Jules Rimet influence the creation of the World Cup?
Thank you.
Welcome back to Finn vs History.
Joining me is Horatio Gould.
And today I feel African. I feel disabled. Today I feel gay. Today I feel disabled. Today I feel like being pegged by a trans man. That's me responding to comments on my Instagram reels. The long road to Gianni Infantino. The peak press conference. We're talking about the history of the World Cup. It's World Cup fortnight. The World Cup is on, I think, as this goes out.
I hope. That was the plan.
We'd be very stupid if it wasn't.
Because we would have just missed it. We've missed it. This might have been the end of the World Cup. The theme is over. Now the history of the World Cup.
We've completely ruined this. This is going out during the England test summer.
and it's a four-part series we'll be joined by the upshot probably they're in our sphere i'd say i think so yeah of like i don't know just having a plan have a podcast that's researched but ultimately you still just talk about people being gay and autistic and pedos and pedos yeah it's paying a full-time researcher just to talk about the nazis pedos being gay yeah exactly that's the sphere if you can research everything else we'll just talk about how they're all pedos and gay and nazis okay yeah
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Chapter 3: What role did Mussolini play in the 1934 World Cup?
Yeah, he says some stuff, you know. You know, I'm allowed to leave some shots. Just because you're bowling doesn't mean that I'm you.
No, what's happened to your stamps though? So we start this story in the 1890s. Or rather, the guy that starts this story is a guy called Jules Rimet. A Frenchman, a mad Frenchman. Off his head. Off his nut. He's born in 1870s in a small village in France. It's the 70s. It's not the 70s, it's the 1870s. But as a young man, he moves to Paris. And in the 1890s,
he begins breathing in the air of 1890s Europe. It still smells of shit, but there's some mad ideas around. You know, phrenology, the idea that you could see a criminal just by looking at how long his forearm was.
It's the golden age of ranking races.
Yes.
Which ChatGPT refuses to do.
Yeah, but YouTubers do. Tier list. If we're going to rank races now, let's do a clip for the S tier. You've got S tier, A tier, B tier, C tier. Okay. White. I don't see colour. He's left that one. Fair enough. I thought we could do a little clip there. What have you got found, Charlie?
This is an obese baby, unnamed, from 1904. It's like the unnamed soldier. I think it survived 11 hours, although that baby looks older than 11 hours.
They don't start smiling until about three, four months.
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Chapter 4: How did the 1930 World Cup impact international football?
Hitler's fat brother, it's sort of... Yes, Lord. So we're in the 1890s and Jules Rimet is a French lawyer. I think he's had a pretty shit amateur football career. Which is not a euphemism. It should be. It's a slur. Not Jules Rimet, Charlie. What is muckrack? Get that off the screen. Get that off the screen. Is that one of your disgusting sites? Muckrack.com.
I'm a muckranger.
So Jules Rimet is a Frenchman who I think maybe been an amateur footballer for a bit and when he moves to Paris he realises that everyone's very poor and he gets sad about that and also this is the era of amateur football so you can't do it you can't compete if you're being paid and I think
yes and certainly in english sport and culture there's a lot of respect for the amateur and it's a class thing as we talked about in the cricket series yes uh it's the more noble thing is to not do it professionally do it for the love of the game professionalism ruins it ruins it it's prostitution with you sorry phrenology yes yes professional phrenology it's like that's working class phrenology yeah that's not the gentleman the gentleman does it
I don't take a fee when I conduct my phrenological experiments.
You're doing it as an exercise in honour, in curiosity, a gift to the world. Yes. To professionalise it would be to ruin it.
To ruin it. It would take all the love out of it that I have for it. You know, don't make your hobby your job. Yes. I'm not a phrenology prostitute.
No. No. God, no. I'm a phrenology pimp. But you will use a lot of prostitutes in your experiments. Of course.
Someone needs to see what's going on. How big are their heads? Is that why? Is that why they're a prostitute? Is their head too big? I'm not drawing any conclusions, but I am an author now. Anyway, so Jules Rimet is in 1890s Paris. A lot of other crazy ideas are going on at this time. Who's around?
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Chapter 5: What controversies surrounded the early FIFA tournaments?
This is the birth of sociology. In Paris? 1890s France.
This is the Belle Epoque.
This is the Fantasie Eclipse.
It's funny that that's where it all came, and Belle Epoque means...
Like the good times. Good times.
Yeah. You view it as the good times.
Yes, exactly. I called it the Belle Epoque. Yeah. So this is, but what's very funny is that the stereotype of the kind of brooding, depressed, French nihilistic intellectual. Beret, cigarette. Yeah. Sociology is invented with a text in 1899 by a guy called Durkheim. And the book is called Suicide. And it's about how- Does it have a subtitle? No, it's just called Suicide.
And it's like, suicide is not just when you are mad, it is because the world is leaving you bad. And he basically, he frames suicide as like a result of sociological stuff rather than just a mad cunt.
What is the response to your place in the social hierarchy?
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Chapter 6: How did political climates affect the World Cup in the 1930s?
Not that you're just mental. Right. Although that can happen, I'm sure. So to place, I mean, FIFA is founded in 1904. To place that, it is after suicide is explained in 1899. And it's before Franz Reifel jumps from the Eiffel Tower.
And accidentally commits suicide. Is it suicide if, you have to mean it if you're doing suicide?
No.
Yeah, he thought he could fly.
So it wasn't suicide? No. Well, it was. What's the definition of suicide?
I don't know. Right, Charlie's just Googled, does suicide require intent? And the Samaritans have gone. Samaritans have cock-blocked us. Define suicide. It's the act of intentionally causing one's own death.
So he didn't commit suicide?
No.
No. What's the word for accidentally killing yourself?
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Chapter 7: What were the dynamics of the 1938 World Cup?
Because it's a French federation.
And they're pissed off that we invented it. And they'll always say shit like it actually started in China. No, they were kicking heads down the stairs. Yeah, that's not the same. You can't say that that's early football.
But then also, this is very funny. We're watching footage of the historic Derbyshire football match where someone throws a ball into a massive crowd.
Everyone beats the shit out of each other.
This is at least 1667. This is basically... This is what the Spanish think is English football. This is Sam Allardyce, originally.
But there is a link to this. Our approach to England football is because... We started with that. We started with this.
Fucking get it off him. Fucking get out of there. Get rid of it.
Put a challenge in. A lot of Spanish footballers, when they come over to England, they realise that in Spain, you don't applaud a slide tackle in the same way. In England, we applaud slide tackles more than anything.
Yes, that's true.
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Chapter 8: How did the World Cup evolve post-World War II?
It's much more of an expressive, you know, early form of the sport or art form.
And it's only when, you know, the Europeans start getting involved and it becomes a sort of commercial reality.
Something else becomes, yeah. The kind of... The innocence is gone.
Yes. The idea of... I'd say Ray Gunn is a noble savage.
Breakdancing. I imagine in 100 years when breakdancing is this huge commercial enterprise, people will look back on Ray Gunn saying, that was actually the golden age of breakdancing.
What have we lost? What have we lost? She was pretty pissed off with how people responded to it. She sued people. Yeah. Now, what did she say? What did she say? She was exploring mental health.
So was she that bad? Because she made it in. So surely she wasn't. Why was it so funny?
Because it's like someone had asked me to breakdance the minute before an Olympic breakdancing. Top 10 illest ray gunners.
It's also her face. She looks like she's kind of...
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