291. Why Every SAHM Needs a Financial Safety Net
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What 15-word post sparked the tradwife vs. stay-at-home-mom debate?
I posted a video last week, 15 whole words on a screen, and my phone has not stopped blowing up since. In this video, I said, we're not envious that you're a trad wife. The hand that feeds you can also starve you. The comments split into three camps. Camp one, just say you're traumatized and leave people in healthy relationships alone. Camp two, nobody plans to marry a narcissist. There are reasons our grandmas told us to keep a stash of money hidden. And camp three, no one's starving me. I have a law degree and my name is on every goddamn thing. Here's the thing. All three of these women are making my point and I don't think they realize it yet. So let's talk about it.
But first, a word from our sponsors.
Hi, I'm Tori. I'm a money expert. I'm a multimillionaire. And I've helped over 5 million women be better with money. And today on Financial Feminist, we are talking, yes, about the trad wife movement. But more specifically, are trad wives and stay-at-home moms the same thing? And more broadly, how do we think about women who earn a living but don't actually make money for the work that they do? So first, we need to define what a trad wife actually is. If you are unfamiliar with the phrase, which, by the way, fun fact to my producer, Kristen, and anybody listening, I have brought up Tradwives multiple times in my life recently because, like so many other people, I have recently read and absolutely devoured Yesteryear, which is an incredible book if you have not read it.
about tradwives. And I brought up this book multiple times to people and they went, I've never heard that term. So first of all, tell me you're not chronically online without telling me you're not chronically online. But I think it's important that we all have a working definition before we continue with this episode. Tradwives, as the internet has come to understand them... are women who end up living a very traditional relationship with their husband. And I say husband because it's never with another woman. It is always with a husband. And this lifestyle is not only a lifestyle that they live, but also a lifestyle they promote. And this looks, in practicality, like maybe living on a farm, having seven children...
And being subservient to your husband. At the end of the day, trad wives are out here telling you that you should live a soft, feminine life. And that the greatest gift you've been given is being a doting wife and mother. In our society where capitalism has weaponized absolutely everything and we are all exhausted and the cost of... Absolutely everything is more expensive. It is very easy to look at the trad wife movement as something that feels idyllic. That's something that feels like your shoulders dropping and you breathing a big sigh of relief because maybe you won't have to worry so much anymore. Maybe if you can give someone else the responsibility of earning an income, of managing the finances, of worrying about a lot of the stuff that you're worried about, because capitalism makes you worry about it, you can focus on what truly matters.
Being a good partner, specifically being a good wife, but also being a good mother. The issue that we start having with trad wives is not the demonization of motherhood or partnership, which are two incredible roles that women can play, but it's in this larger movement of giving away your power, of saying that above all else, you should sacrifice your own needs and definitely your own wants for everyone else other than yourself. And that not only should you sacrifice all of those needs and wants, putting you in a very precarious position, but you should also promote that kind of lifestyle to women everywhere. We're thinking about Ballerina Farm, right? That is the token trad wife that we are discussing.
But the irony of trad wives on the internet is that they haven't given up any money or power at all. The very women that are promoting a trad wife lifestyle are who have millions of followers and a whole product suite and a whole content team, they're actually the breadwinners.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What 15-word post sparked the tradwife vs. stay-at-home-mom debate?
0:00–7:47
2
How does the episode define a tradwife versus a stay-at-home mom?
7:47–14:28
3
Why is the tradwife aesthetic so appealing and potentially misleading?
14:28–21:19
4
How do real-life examples like Ballerina Farm reveal power dynamics in the trend?
21:19–25:19
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Financial Feminist
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296. Can I Actually Afford a Home? with Daryl Fairweather
295. How to Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs About Money with Nir Eyal
Investing for Beginners with JL Collins
294. How to Graduate College Debt Free with Jocelyn Pearson