19. Finding Freedom from Survival Mode with Håvard
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Who is Håvard and what challenges does he bring to the conversation?
For over four decades, you've been wired to desperately scan your environment to not do anything wrong.
I remember my dad kicking in a door to the bathroom, me standing on the outside and my mother and my two sisters standing in the bathroom. What does that feel like in your body? It kind of feels unsafe. But at the same time, if I think more deeply about it, it's kind of this frustration or anger as well.
What is it like as a man, constantly as a husband, as a father, constantly living in the world of make sure you don't do anything wrong? What does that feel like to live like that? I want you to consider it's a lens that you look through. Whatever you do, don't f*** up. Whatever you do, don't make a mistake. Whatever you do, don't upset anybody. That's exhausting. It's not who you are. It's a role that you learned at a very young age that has become so embedded in the way that you relate to life that that's now... Pleasure to meet you. Pleasure to meet you too. How do I pronounce your name correctly? It's Hovard. Hovard. Hovard. Okay. Is that, where are you from? Is that German or? No, I'm from Norway. Oh, okay.
Awesome. Living in Denmark.
Okay. Amazing. There are two countries I've yet to actually visit. So I've got... I've got them on my list to make it sometime to get there. I hear they're both beautiful people, beautiful countries with beautiful people. Yeah. So, well, welcome to... Finding Freedom podcast. I got your video and I did my best to sort of unpack what you were sharing about the pressure that you feel and how sometimes that can build up, build up, and then there's maybe a bit of an explosion and how it's impacting your relationship with your wife and you have two daughters, I believe. But just for myself and the viewers, the audience, I'd love to get a better understanding of what it is that you feel you're struggling with or how I can help you.
Yeah, well, I think it's several things that is kind of building up the pressure. Okay. But I think, I mean, I have a full-time job and I'm also trying to set up my own company on the side as well. Okay. I'm part-time. At the same time as I have two daughters of almost three and four years old.
Okay, beautiful.
Yeah, and then there's not a lot of time to build on the romantic relationship with my wife. It's more practical stuff. Then there's things at work. I'm trying to set up my company and I have this fear of not making it with my own company. And that's also because I've tried to work as a personal trainer on my own before. And now I'm working as a physio. But yeah, I'm afraid to fail. I guess I didn't fail last time, but I didn't get the business that I wanted to. Last time I tried to set up something on my own. So now this fear returns at the same time as... I'm trying to be a great dad for my daughters and a great partner for my wife and there's my mother as well. adding to the pressure as well trying to be a great son but feeling the pressure from her that she's missing her grandkids
Okay.
Got it. Okay. Well, I acknowledge your efforts for all of the different departments that you're wanting to excel in and be great. I think that's a beautiful intention, but I can feel the stress that that creates. When you were talking about your business that you tried before, was that the same? You were trying to do a personal training business?
Now I'm trying to do a physiotherapy business. Okay.
Okay, but just independently, just do your own thing versus working within a bigger firm? Yeah. Okay, got it. But before it was you tried to be a personal trainer?
Yeah, that was before I became a physiotherapist. So that's several years ago.
Okay.
Okay, perfect. And how long have you been married? We married in 21. Okay. Yeah, five, almost five years.
Okay, beautiful. and so you're obviously familiar with my work um you've um heard me on podcasts or i'm assuming you're obviously a member of freedom membership and yes so you've gone a lot done a lot of the courses so um what would you say you know based on however familiar with my teachings what might be some of the things that hovard is kind of struggling with right now what might be some of your limitations do you think
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