Finding Traction: Recovery from Porn
Episodes
Ep. 191 - A Daily Recovery Exercise for 2026
27 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
As you head into 2026 - rather than looking at the whole year why don’t you start with one day - one day at a time! The following is a simple exerci...
Ep. 190 - Men Midlife and Porn
08 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
There are a number of challenging seasons of life where porn can re- emerge from the corners of our life. One of these seasons is the season of midl...
Ep. 189 - What does it mean to be P*rn Free?
01 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When a lot of us started out on this porn recovery journey we had a very limited view of what it was to be porn free? In this episode Vern talks abo...
Ep. 189 - What Does it mean to be Porn Free?
01 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When a lot of us started out on this porn recovery journey we had a very limited view of what it was to be porn free? In this episode Vern talks abo...
Ep. 188 - From Passion to Purpose
24 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Passion is good - purpose is better. In this episode Vern talks about a change he has made to how people checkin their weeks and why connecting peop...
Ep. 187 - Inside Out Porn Recovery (from Down Under)
17 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Vern is joined by his Australian buddy Matt who talks about inside out recovery.In a desire for a wholistic model of behavior change,...
Ep. 186 - Should I do a Dopamine Fast
10 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
There is a lot written these days about the role of dopamine in our addictive struggle with porn. One of the books "Dopamnine Nation" talks a lot ab...
Ep. 185 - Your Guided Tour Out of Porn
03 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Last week we popped the baloon that said that the recovery journey is simple or quick. We spoke about how long it takes to break a habit in a sustai...
Ep. 184 - How Long Does it Take to Quit Porn
27 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
There are a lot of claims on the internet about helping you quite porn in just a few weeks. Sounds great - right? In this episode Vern takes a bit...
Ep. 183 - Procastination and Quitting Porn
20 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
One of the things I have noticed in working with guys who struggle with porn is - - they also struggle with procrastination. In this episode we look...
Ep. 182 - Learning Warfare - Lessons on Fighting Porn
14 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
The metaphor of war is used a lot in recovery for the reason that it often feels like we are in a battle!! In this episode Vern talks about principles...
Ep. 181 - The Porn Recovery Journey with Nate Larkin
06 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
One of the forerunners of the porn recovery field is Nate Larken. His book - Samson and the Pirate Monks is a classic read for anybody starting out ...
Ep. 180 - Porn Relapses Ripples and Resets
29 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
A relapse is always possible but never inevitable. There are inescapable ripples that follow a relapse but how do we prevent a slip from becoming a ...
Ep. 179 - Marriage Hacks Pt. 3
22 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this third and final episode of Marriage Hacks - Vern explores some of the ways to explore why you hit a wall on certain topics with you partner as...
Ep. 178 - Are You a Deep Fake
15 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
It seems that deep fakes are everywhere these days. My question for you is this - are you a deep fake? Are you a person with a deep disconnect betwe...
Ep. 177 - The 5 W's - Examining a porn relapse
08 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In a recent television episode of The Paper the new boss teaches his employers what it takes to be a local report. Toward that end he talks about th...
Ep. 176 - Sexless Marriages - A Marriage Plea
01 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Women Please Note: This episode is not mean to shame you if you are struggling with the after effects of the disclosure of your husbands porn use. ...
Ep. 175 - More Marriage Hacks Pt. 2
28 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We had so much fun last time I thought we would do it again. Actually I realized there was a number of marriage tips and hacks that didn't make the ...
Ep. 174 - 5 Marriage Hacks Pt. 1
25 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Relationships can be hard work - especially maintaining a marriage over the long haul. In this episode Vern shares 5 marriage hacks that can make th...
Ep. 173 - Dating Honesty - Why When and How
18 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What should I tell my girlfriend about my porn history (or other sexual history). Should I hide it? What if honesty will end the relationship? I...
Ep. 172 - Welcome Back
12 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
So how did your summer go? Vern has been away for the last month and shares somes up and downs from his summer holidays including a recovery lesson ...
Ep. 171 - Porn and Men's Health - A Conversation
09 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
It's fun to talk to people outside your circles who dont' necessarily share your experience or assumptions. The following is a conversation I did wi...
Ep. 170 - Breaking the Acting Out Cycle
25 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Back in Episode 73 I introduced the idea of the Acting Out Cycle using the picture of a Stopwatch. In looking back I felt I could give a more robust...
Ep. 169 - Anxious vs Confident Recovery
19 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
It is not uncommon in our early recovery to feel anxious that a next relapse is just around the corner. Is there a way to grow in our confidence as ...
Ep. 168 - I'm Good (Until I'm Not)
05 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
One of the reasons we are unsuccessful long term in porn recovery is because of some of the ways of thinking we practice. One problematic thing that...
Ep. 167 - Disappointed in Sex
29 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What is the difference between real sex and our porn binges? The differences might explain why some people confess that real sex is hard and less ex...
Ep. 166 - Relationships on the Line
15 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What if positive feelings toward your wife were a powerful motivator to move away from porn. In this episode Vern builds on a recent book he read ca...
Ep. 165 - Is Your Door Closing?
01 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Country songs are known for their - "if only I knew then what I know now" regret songs.In this episode we ask a sobering question - is the door to you...
Ep. 164 - What Set Me Up for Porn (with Tim Fletcher)
24 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever wondered what set you up for your struggle with porn? In this interview Vern talks with Tim Fletcher who is an extremely popular Youtu...
Ep. 163 - When Porn Crashes Your Marriage (with Barbara Steffens)
14 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When porn use is disclosed (or found out) in a relationships it often comes with a thudding crash. In this episode expert Barbara Steffens talks t...
Ep. 162 - Lessons from a Relapse (with Hercule Flambeau)
03 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What can we learn from a relapse? In this episode one of Vern's coaching clients bravely shares what he learned from a recent relapse in the hopes t...
Ep. 161 - Wave Go To's Part 2
26 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode Vern goes back to the topic of dealing with a wave of temptation and craving. In this episode he argues that we need to strengthen o...
Ep. 160 - Waves of Craving
20 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Do you ever feel that craving hits you like a big wave? In this episode Vern provides hope that the next big wave doesn't need to overwhelm you!If y...
Ep. 159 - The Hidden Costs of Porn Use
10 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Most of us are tempted to think that our porn use is free. Sure we may not be "paying" for porn but you are paying in ways you many not even realize...
Ep. 158 - Dial it In
20 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Did you ever start a day feeling "off". Today's podcast is all about "dialling your day" in to maximize the chance of the day going well.If you want...
Ep. 157 - Ten Rules for Life
10 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
This episode is a bit different. One of the benefits of recovery from constantly battling with porn is that you can now start to think more clearly ...
Ep. 156 - The Porn Adjacent Challenge
30 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
One of the biggest challenges that is new in the porn recovery area is the new pattern of staying away from porn but engaging in all sorts of porn adj...
Ep. 155 - Those Pesky Emotions
21 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We spend a lot of time trying to block ourselves from external threats using content filters, removing problematic apps etc. The peskier problem, ho...
Ep. 154 - A Punch in the Face
10 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What is the actual problems that porn causes men? Wtihout needing to take on the porn industry - I walk through as succintly as I can some of the co...
Ep. 153 - Theme for 2025
03 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We are starting a brand new group for 2025! This group will consist of 5-7 men who want to journey together throught the finding traction course. ...
Ep. 152 - Unleash the Man Within with Sathiya Sam
27 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today It is my priviledge to introduce a fellow recovery coach. Sathiya Sam has an inspiring story of how to walk free from porn and move towards a ...
Ep. 151 - Motorcyles Mouthwash and Magical Thinking
20 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
As we get ready for Christmas - I thought I'd fill our stockings with some random recovery ideas. Yes they are random - but in them hopefully you ca...
Ep. 150 - Faulty Approaches Redux (with Matt Dobscheutz)
16 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Last weeks' episode felt unfinished to me. I thought it would be great to have to have my fellow coach Matt Dobscheutz come on and add his thoughts ...
Ep. 149 - 6 Recovery Approaches Bound to Fail
09 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
I have coached guys in porn recovery groups for many years. Over the years I have seen various guys try various things that have proven to be unhelp...
Ep. 148 - How Did I Get Here?
02 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
When I meet new guys I like to ask them this question "How did porn get embedded in your life?" Over and over again I hear some version of the same ...
Ep. 147 - Direct from Brazil
23 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Vern has been down in Brazil working with couples around marriage and men in the area of recovery. Take a listen to some of his thoughts and screwup...
Ep. 146 - Before the Day After
02 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
November 5th is a big day - its Guy Fawkes Day, Vern's Birthday and yes - the American election. How deal with the big feelings that will follow the...
Ep. 145 - Welcome to Plan B
28 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There are two types of pathways we can walk in recovery - Plan A is the one we prefer and we have all tried it - unsuccessfully. This episode is abo...
Ep. 144 - Porn Free Millennial
21 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
A big step of recovery is when you turn around and help guys who are not as far along the journey as you are. Mac is one of the guys I coach and he ...
Ep. 143 - What is Your Primal Question?
07 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
What is the Primal Need which drives your behaviors, informs your fears and causes you to reach for your medicine jar? (porn) In this episode Vern a...
Ep. 142 - The C's of Recovery
18 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
We all know the things that we want to leave behind - do we have a clear sense of what we want to see grow in our life? In this episode Vern shares ...
Ep. 141 - What If
09 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
When it comes to living in sustained recovery two of the most problematic words we can utter are the words "What If". Today I unpackage why those tw...
Ep. 140 - 6 Dumbest Things I've Heard
04 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
I've heard a number of pretty dumb things in coaching guys. I've even thought and said a few of them myself - the following are six of the dumbest t...
Ep. 139 - Signs of a BaaaaD Recovery Group
27 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
frEver been in a bad recovery group? Ever felt nervous about joining a group because of the many ways it could go wrong? In this episode Vern explor...
Ep. 138 - Eat Your Frogs
20 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever heard of the saying "Eat Your Frogs" I hadn't! But today we talk about an issue that many porn strugglers have embedded in their liv...
Ep. 137 - Relapse After a Long Sobriety
12 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
What if we have a relapse after a long period of sobriety? In this episode Vern shares from his life about how demoralizing this can be but also ho...
Ep. 136 - Snickers Bars and Marriage Tips
27 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Ever seen that Snickers Ad - "I'm not myself when I'm hungry"? Today we introduce a marriage tip called Filters that has been of immense benefit to ...
Ep. 135 - Letter to Me
01 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
What if you could write a letter to the younger version of yourself? What would you say? In this episode Vern introduces the idea of writng a lett...
Ep. 134 - Its Finally Done!
24 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Remember what it's like to walk out of the final exam of your degree or finish a project you have been working on for years? Today Vern shares is se...
Ep. 133 - Help I Act Out Every ??? Days
24 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Many guys express that they have noticed that their acting out tends to be cyclical and regular. They often feel that they come up to a wall that th...
Ep. 132 - I'll Die Without Sex!
17 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Most peoople who struggle with porn actually believe some version of the mistaken belief "I'll die without sex" In this episode Vern explores how th...
Ep. 131 - A Strategy for Sunny Days
12 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode Vern shares a useful tool to be more strategic in how you handle this coming summer. If you want a copy of this weekly planning tool...
Ep. 130 - Platform Arcade Recovery
03 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
One of the biggest strategic challenges in our recovery is dealing with the many transitions we face. In this episode I look at the challenges of th...
Ep. 129 - The Art of War (Losing and Regaining your Territory)
29 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Do you ever feel like the enemy is seeking to push past your borders and take ground that should be rightfully yours. Today we use the example of th...
Ep. 128 - My Favorite Recovery Practice
29 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
My favorite recovery practise is actually an ancient spiritual practise that helps me throughout the day ... it actually was best taught by a Catholic...
Ep. 127 - How we do Life
22 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
When most of us started recovery we thought we needed to just tweak a few things so that stopped our problematic porn patterns. What we soon find, h...
Ep. 126 - Porn Drive versus Sex Drive
17 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Is our porn drive the same as our sex drive? In this episode Vern explores the differences between the two and how returning to our normal sex drive...
Ep. 125 - Recovery Drift
29 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Anybody who has been at porn recovery for a while can identify with the natural drift that can take place. When we take our hands off the steering w...
Ep. 124 - 3D Relapses
20 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Most of us would like to reverse engineer our last relapse so it doesn't happen again. In this episode Vern looks at the idea of 3 different dimensi...
Ep. 123 - Recovery Doldrums
11 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
What happens when life feels "Meh..." Today we talk about the term recovery doldrums - the feeling that you could use a pick me up to compensate for...
Ep. 122 - The Critical Stages of Recovery
04 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Is there as way to look at our recovery in a series of stages. In this episode Vern looks at some of the stages common to recovery, how we can get st...
Ep. 121 - If Relapse is Forgetting then...
19 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There is a funny super bowl ad that says to remember something you need to forget something. In this podcast Vern talks about the role that forgettin...
Ep. 120 - Intensive Recovery with Jonathan Daugherty
12 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
When I tell guys about what caused a tipping point in my recovery - I often forget to include an event that helped cement some of the recovery changes...
Ep. 119 - Mission Impossible - Mission Accomplished
05 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There are two opposite ditches we can get into when we are walkg out our recovery. One is the despair (Mission Impossible) that creeps in when we rela...
Ep. 118 - Random Winter Recovery Thoughts
29 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Being at home on a "snow day" gives you time to think. In this episode Vern talks about how to "keep your road clean" as well as the NFL advice given...
Ep. 117 - Erectile Dysfunction and the Dallas Cowboys
22 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Ever heard about PIED? - it stands for Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction. In this episode Vern explores a not so fun topic through making fun of his a...
Ep. 116 - 12 Rules for Recovery
15 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It is popular these day to write a "12 rules for Life" to try to replicate the success that Jordan Peterson had in his book (whatever you think of him...
Ep. 115 - Do You Have a Yearly Focus?
09 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
As we head into 2024 Vern shares about a tool that has been helpful for him as he starts out a brand new year. It just so happens that this one leads...
Ep. 114 - Mulligan Thinking
26 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In golf, a Mulligan is a do-over where you pretend that you're last shot never happened! What are the ways that mulligan thinking gets in the way of u...
Ep. 113 - Stuff is Getting Better
20 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
To quote Kevin Costner from the Postman - "is stuff getting better" for you in your recovery? In today's episode Vern explores a number of ways that w...
Ep. 112 - When Can I Check This Off?
11 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
It makes a huge difference whether you see your recovery as a project to complete or a process (or way of living). In this episode Vern outlines the d...
Ep. 111 - How "Ish" is your Recovery?
04 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Recently a politician covered over a lie he made about his heritage saying he never said he was Jewish - he only said he was Jew-ish. "Ish" is a word ...
Ep. 110 - Lessons from Rutting Season
27 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Are you a deer hunter? I'm not. But one of the guys I coach is and he shares some fascinating and fun parallels with things he learned in deer hunting...
Ep. 109 - Recovery Gratitude
21 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
One of the absolutely central tools to move forward in your recovery is to combat discontentment through the practise of gratitude. This podcasts give...
Ep. 108 - Recovery Rules with Mark Denison
13 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Vern loves the new book that Mark Denison has written Recovery Rules because it gives simple one page reminders to help any porn struggler re-orient t...
Ep. 107 - Whiteknuckling vs. Sobriety
06 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Recovery is a lot more than simply not looking at porn. In fact there can be a sort of psuedo recovery which is really just a form of abstinence or "w...
Ep. 106 - When Resentment Comes Knocking
30 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Anybody who is in a relationship knows something about resentments. Resentments are especially dangerous because they give us permision or a sense of ...
Ep. 105 - Today could be the day (I look at porn)
23 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
No matter how far down the road you travel - the ditch is still the same distance away! This is a podcast about combatting the complacency or over-con...
Ep. 104 - Control Freak
11 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
At it's core - many of our porn behaviors are an attempt to control everything around us - something which is unhelpful and ultimately fruitless. This...
Ep. 103 - The First 100 - Looking Back
27 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Hard to believe but there are now over 100 episodes of Finding Traction! In this episode Vern talks about some of the episodes that have elicited the ...
Ep. 102 - The Steps of Recovery
18 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Building on the stages of recovery from last podcast, Vern talks about specific markers or signposts for each of these three stages that can help us d...
Ep. 101 - Stages of Recovery (and fixing my car)
05 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
When you look at recovery from a higher altitude, you see that there are really different stages we go through. Using the analogy of fixing your car, ...
Ep. 100 - Slot Machine Porn
16 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
There is a new kind of internet activity which is even more problematic than the traditional forms of "surfing the net" In this episode Vern explores ...
Ep. 99 - Verns Summer Musings Pt. 3
27 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Is it possible to over-spiritualize our struggle with porn? In this episode Vern explores some of the ways that "spiritualizing" the issue can actual...
Ep. 98 - Verns Summer Musings Pt. 2
17 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
The term "betrayal trauma" is applied as a catch-all term to describe how wives view their husbands internet behavior. Is this term helpful? Does it a...
Ep. 97 - Verns Summer Musings pt. 1
12 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Do we need to see ourself or call ourself a sex addict (or porn addict) if we are going to find recovery? In this episode Vern approaches some of the...
Ep. 96 - Is There Hope for Me?
28 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Porn recovery is a marathon not a sprint - and if you are going to run the marathon you are going to need lots of hope! In this episode Vern invites ...
Ep. 95 - Young Men pt. 2
21 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
This week we interview two young men, Cody and Mack, who are coming out of their 20's, are looking back at the struggles they had, and sharing how the...
Ep. 94 - What's going on with young men?
31 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
If you are nearing the end of high school, or in your 20's (or know someone who is) this podcast is for you? There is a massive change that is happeni...
Ep. 93 - What is Your Tell?
20 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In poker, a tell is how to read someone as to what cards they are holding. Is there a way to spot our tell that we are leaving a place of safety and m...