Finding Traction: Recovery from Porn
Episodes
Ep. 92 - the #1 Recovery Skill Is...
15 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
It is no surprise that self care is often the first thing to go when we habitually engage in porn behaviors. There is no more important self care acti...
Ep. 91 - Sugar Porn
06 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
How is watching porn similar to consuming white sugar? On this episode Vern (who certainly isn't known for healthy eating) explores the interesting p...
Ep. 90 - Recovery False Starts
26 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
It is quite common for Vern to hear from a guy who emails him with a frantic - "I need help NOW" regarding their porn struggle. Yet a funny thing ha...
Ep. 89 - Recovery Invoices
19 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Most everything we want in life comes with a cost. The same holds true of recovery. In this episode Vern explores some of the ways that recovery will ...
Ep. 88 - Banana Peels and Stars Pt. 2
10 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Is it possible to speed up your recovery? In this episode Vern explores some of the ways you can accelerate your recovery (or at least keep it on tra...
Ep. 87 - Banana Peels and Stars
03 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
How long will my porn recovery take. Well it depends. In this episode Vern explores some of the way that you can actually slow down your recovery --...
Ep. 86 - Chat GPT on Porn
13 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
These days there is a lot of talk about AI and Chat GPT - Vern thought it would be fun to ask Chat GPT what it thought about the effects of porn. The...
Ep. 85 -Two Types of Relapses
08 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
All relapses are not the same. In fact there are two different types of relapses If you are going to be successful in your recovery you need to unders...
Ep. 84 - The 20 Second Rule
17 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Have you heard about the 20 second rule? This fascinating insight I picked up can play a huge role in increasing the chances of you doing a desired b...
Ep. 83 - How to Engineer Your Environment Pt. 2
09 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
An important first step in porn recovery is learing to engineer in your environment to give you better chances of success in your movement away from p...
Ep. 82 - How to Engineer your Environment Pt. 1
30 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
An important first step in porn recovery is learing to engineer in your environment to give you better chances of success in your movement away from p...
Ep. 81 - Positive and Negative Reminders
23 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
One of the most important tools that gave me momentum towards a recovery tipping point is a powerful device called positive and negative reminders. C...
Ep. 80 - Help - My Smart Phone is making me Dumb
16 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
It is no surpise that most people look at porn on their smart phones (or is it a dumb phone!) In this episode Vern gives specific advice for how he h...
Ep. 79 - Happy New Year - Looking Ahead to 2023
01 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
I'm not a big New Year's resolution guy but it can be helpful at the begining of a new season (like the start of a new year) to look ahead. Let this ...
Ep. 78 - Off Ramps (with John Fort)
28 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
You may have heard of the porn superhighway - in other getting on the freeway of porn and wondering how to get off. This this episode Vern is joined ...
Ep. 77 - How to Have a Porn Free Holiday
20 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Holidays can be tough because they throw us off our normal routine and give us all sorts of unplanned and free time. In this episode Vern talks about...
Ep. 76 - Random Recovery Rolos
24 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Rolos are those great individual caramel filled candies you may have tried. In this episode Vern talks about 3 different insights around recovery - a...
Ep. 75 - Win Lose vs Win Learn
14 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In the previous episode - Vern (and Jeff) talked about some of the connections between the martial art of Jujitsu and porn recovery. In this podcast ...
Ep. 74 - Fight Club
03 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Vern's friend and pastor Jeff is somebody who is heavily involved in the martial art of Jujitsu. In this episode Vern talks with Jeff about how some o...
Ep. 73 - Stopwatch Recovery
19 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Do you notice how you often cycle through the same behaviours over and over without thinking about them? In this episode Vern takes the idea of an add...
Ep. 72 - A Truce with Porn?
20 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Many of us get discouraged along the way without our efforts to eliminate porn from our lives. One of the temptations we will face in this discourage...
Ep. 71 - Blind Optimism is NOT a Strategy
14 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Generally it is good to be an optimist rather than a pessimist. After all who wants to be an Eeyore when you can be a Tigger right? But when it come...
Ep. 70 - Breaking up with Porn
06 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
There are lot of shows about bad toxic girlfriends and how they continue to wreak havoc on our lives. Using this word picture, Vern explores how and ...
Ep. 69 - The Pathway of Recovery
30 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Of course we are all special and unique - after all isn't that what our mothers told us? But when it comes to recovery - there are actually some comm...
Ep. 68 - The One Rule (to rule them all)
23 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
What is the one rule that I tell every new guy starting out with recovery - the one rule that will set you on the right path like no other - listen to...
Ep. 67 - Why Do I Still Feel Sad?
04 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
One of the most confusing parts of recovery is that you can at times find yourself nostalgic or "missing porn". In this episode Vern explains that mys...
Ep. 66 - Unleashing my Six Year Old Self
02 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Most of us probably don't want to return to being six years old again but in this episode Vern explores some of the things that our six year old self ...
Ep. 65 - Shopping Without a List
18 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
We may have heard the advice that it is not good to go shopping without a list - why - because we will probably come home with some things (and a bigg...
Ep. 64 - The Thrill Returns - 7 Ways to Welcome Joy
15 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Last episode Vern explored the topic of Joy and how it can be so elusive. Today Vern gives practical advice to how to practically invite joy back int...
Ep. 63 - Thrilled to Death
21 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
If recovery is about moving towards a better life - one of those things is the return of Joy. In this episode Vern explores a classic book by Archibal...
Ep. 62 - Rolling Toward Health
14 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
I get inspiried by lots of things - recently when i was in a local high school teaching I saw an Indigneous Wheel that represented what a healthy and ...
Ep. 61 - Allies not Adversaries
30 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
How does a couple restore their sense of closeness and teamwork - even after a disclosure (or discovery) of the presence of porn. In this episdoe Ver...
Ep. 60 - If you ever look at porn again
26 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In the hurt and pain that usually goes with the discovery of a husband's porn use - it is common for a wife to use an ultimatum to try to force change...
Ep. 59 - Bring it On
16 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Recovery is about much more than avoiding triggers. In fact if that is your sole focus, it seems that more and more triggers appear around you. In thi...
Ep. 58 - Open Concept Recovery
09 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In renovation shows it is a popular idea to tear out walls and create an open concept floor plan. In this episdoe Vern describes how our compartmental...
Ep. 57 - Measuring My Progress
02 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
How do you know you are making headway in recovery? In this episode Vern explores various ways to determine if you are making progress (beyond just c...
Ep. 56 - My Own Best Thinking
05 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
There is an AA saying - "don't go into your head without adult supervision". In this episode Vern talks about some of our best thinking which actuall...
Ep. 55 - The Slap heard around the World
29 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
When Will Smith slapped Chris Rock in the face at the Oscars everybody freaked out. Makes sense. But when do you do when you see red? What happens ...
Ep. 54 - Conversation with a Sex Therapist
18 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
What would a professional sex therapist have to say to guys in porn recovery? Monica Cook is a sex therapist from Sydney Australia and in this episode...
Ep. 53 - Saying Goodbye to Porn (Lifehack#8)
15 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
This episode is a thumbnail sketch of the lesson "Saying goodbye to Porn" in the Finding Traction Video Course - if you want to watch a free sample of...
Ep. 52 - Life Hack #7 - Dirty White Board
07 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Do you every feel like you are one of those white dry erase board that can't get clean? In this snapshot of one of the lessons in the Finding Tractio...
Ep. 51 - Resistance and Ukranian Seeds
02 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Sometimes courage is simply choosing to resist in the face of stiff odds. Using the example of the Ukranian resistance to the Russian invasion, Vern e...
Ep. 49 - Wife Sized Sex
10 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
When we engage in porn it supercharages our sexual drive. Over time we actually can end up messing up our sexual drive and arousal process. The messe...
Ep. 48 - Last Time Next Time
22 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode Vern cuts to the chase - if you haven't changed anything since the last time you acted out, your next time will look just like the las...
Ep. 47 - Recovery Year One with Matt P
15 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
What is normal to experience in the first year of recovery? In this episode Vern interviews one of his coaching clients and talks about some of the c...
Ep. 46 - Best Year Ever
03 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
As we start a new year - it is a good time to ask the question -What would it feel like to have the best year ever and what do you need to do to make ...
Ep. 45 - When the Levee Breaks
01 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
A dike or levee is what keeps water back from flooding people's land and homes. In this episode Vern shares about the flooding in his home town - a...
Ep. 44 - Porn for the Sports Fan
26 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Strong emotions, especially negative ones, are triggers for acting out with porn. If you are an avid sports fan, how do you deal with the negative emo...
Ep. 43 - Pathways into Porn (Why we Hire Porn)
24 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Porn serves a certain purpose in our life - that's why we hire it! In this episode Vern looks at why we use (or employ) porn and how we can find a be...
Ep. 42 - Ticking Toward Trouble
19 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode Vern likens our porn urges to a ticking stopwatch. What do we do when the stopwatch starts ticking? Better yet, is there a way to re...
Ep. 41 - Beyond Cop Accountability
08 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Thee is a lot of talk in recovery circles about having an "accountability buddy" In this episode Vern talks about the lousy form of this (cop account...
Ep. 40 - Tool time for Relationships Pt. 2
01 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
This episode continues from last episode and explores some further tools to get couples back on track who have experienced the crash of a porn discove...
Ep. 39 - Tool time for Relationships Pt. 1
26 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
For those who have had porn mess up their marriage relationship, how can we begin to restore trust. In this episode Vern gives some ideas on how this...
Ep. 38 - Letting Go
20 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Why is it so hard to let go of porn even though we know it only harms us? That vexing question is the one many of us have asked and one Vern explore ...
Ep. 37 - Precommitments vs. Willpower
13 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode Vern explores a simple but effective tool called "pre-commitments" that will keep you from having to exercise willpower over and over ...
Ep. 36 - The 2021 NFL Season
22 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
This episode has nothing to do with recovery - but about the shared NFL passion between Vern and a couple of other recovery coach friends. None of th...
Ep. 35 - A Magnetic Recovery
14 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Living life in recovery is about dealing with two magnets. The magnet behind you that is seeking to pull you back into old behaviors and the possibil...
Ep. 34 - How Ya Been?
07 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
It is alway interesting to run into guys who "used" to be in porn recovery groups. When you ask them the question "How You Been?" you get some intere...
Ep. 33 - Long Term Recovery with Matt D.
11 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
What does long term recovery look like? Matt Dobscheutz join Vern Tompke as they explore this question togethrIf you want to connect with Vern directl...
Ep. 32 - 9 Types of Kids
27 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Continuing on from the last podcast, Vern in this episode explores, Vern explores 9 different types of childhood experiences, and explains how each sc...
Ep. 31 - What about my Inner Child?
13 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Do we have an inner child - and if do we need to learn to soothe it or just give it a smack!If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he...
Ep. 30 - Are We There Yet?
06 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
How long will it take me to get over my embedded porn habit. In this episode Vern explores that question and gives some hope (as well as a some reali...
Ep. 29 - Am I a Neanderthal?
12 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
You've heard the jokes - you might be a redneck if... Here's a question - you might be an emotional Neanderthal if... If you want to connect with Ver...
Ep. 28 - Andrew Bauman Interview
09 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
If you have been listening to the previous couple podcasts you know how much Vern has been impacted by the writings of Andrew Bauman. In this episode...
Ep. 27 - Do You have a PSR?
22 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
PSR stands for Pornographic Style of Relating. Vern Explores this provocative concept based on the writings of Andrew Bauman.If you want to connect w...
Ep. 26 - The Sexually Healthy Man
15 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
What does it mean to be sexually healthy vs. being unhealthy? Join Vern as he walks through a concept he learned from Andrew Bauman's book of the same...
Ep. 25 - It seemed like a good idea (at the time)
12 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Vern recently did a crazy thing on the freeway he now regrets (after paying a big fine) Lots of things we do seem like a good idea at the time but do...
Ep. 24 - The Kind of Man
11 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
What type of man does not look at porn? Do you know any of them? Do you want to be that kind of man. In this episode Vern explores the idea of grow...
Ep. 23 - Does porn make me a dick?
30 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Can we look at porn and remain unchanged? To say it another way - does porn make me a dick?If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he...
Ep. 22 - Hope is on the Way
08 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
We all need hope on the journey. As the year comes to a close - Vern explores in greater detail how we can all hold onto hope.If you want to connect ...
Ep. 21 - Life Hack #6 - Hide and Seek
25 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Hide and Seek is one of the earliest games we learned as a child. It is unfortunately one of the oldest games we have used to remain hidden in our st...
Ep. 20 - Stop the Steal!
18 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Stop the steal these days has a particular political meaning to a certain group of people, but in your life how has porn stolen from you? In this epi...
Ep. 19 - Childish Things
10 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode Vern explores some of those childish ways of thinking that we need to grow out of if we are going to grow up before we grow old!If you...
Ep. 18 - Lifehack #5 - The Power of Technology
13 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
This podcast is based on a summary of a lesson found in Vern's Finding Traction Course. If we are going to be successful in porn recovery we will need...
Ep. 17 - The When-Then trap
13 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Do you ever find yourself thinking that "when this happens then I will do this or that" In this episode Vern is joined by David (his Iowan guest) and ...
Ep. 16 - The Donald and other Recovery Distractions
05 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
We are all passionate about many things including politics. I have found out in working with many guys, however, is that we often use distractions (i...
Ep. 15 - I've hurt my wife - Now What? (with Charity and Clinton Munoz)
29 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Is it possible to find a way back to healing when you're sexual behaviors have so hurt your wife? In this episode Verns introduces Clinton and Charit...
Ep. 14 - Help I just got Triggered
17 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
It's hard to live in this world without getting triggered one way or another. The key is to prepare for the next time you are triggered. In this epi...
Ep. 13 - Lifehack #4 Getting Started
09 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
It is not uncommon for even motivated guys to have a number of "false starts" when it comes to getting out of the starting blocks. In this episode Ve...
Ep. 12 - Number One Lie
24 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
What is the biggest lie you will need to confront if you are to distance yourself from your porn behaviors... take a listenIf you want to connect with...
Ep. 11 - Grow a Pair
17 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
To get started down the road to recovery requires courage at a number of levels. In this episode Vern talks about what will be necessary to "grow a p...
Ep. 10 - 2 Sides of Commitment
29 Jun 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Making a commitment to do anything - especially recovering from porn requires us to look at both sides of commitment - in this episode Vern explores t...
Ep. 9 - Life hack #3 Here I Go Again!
18 Jun 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Why do I keep doing the same things over and over? When I look back it is necessary to see the common cyclical steps of my behavior if I am going to ...
Ep. 8 - Five Myths of My Recovery
16 Jun 2020
Contributed by Lukas
For years I believed that I would get better when this thing or that thing happened first. In this episode I outline 5 myths that I believed that were...
Ep. 7 - When Recovery Feels Wobbly
09 Jun 2020
Contributed by Lukas
What happens when you spin and top and it loses it's momentum - it gets wobbly first! In this episode we talk about that "wobbly" feeling when it com...
Ep. 6 - Recovery Inspiration from a Hitman
02 Jun 2020
Contributed by Lukas
I love the Orphan X novel series by Gregg Hurwitz. It is about a hit man who goes straight and how he uses his skills to help people. The series also ...
Ep. 5 - Lifehack #2 Peeing on the Electric Fence (Why do I do what I know will hurt me?)
19 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Ever peed on an electric fence? I have. (remember I grew up on a farm) In this episode we give a glimpse of one of the video lessons in the Finding Tr...
Ep. 4 - Changing Tires
13 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
The main metaphor I use for recovery is that of driving on a slippery road. We need the right tires to maintain traction on the road. In this podcast ...
Ep. 3 - Lifehack #1 Red or Blue Pill?
11 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
The matrix movie was all about choosing between living in an unreal fantasy world or dealing with the reality of real life. In this episode I take a ...
Ep. 1 - Porn through the Ages pt. 1
03 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to Finding Traction! A podcast to help guys who want to move away from embedded porn habits into finding the life and relationships they deepl...
Ep. 2 - Porn thorugh the Ages pt. 2
03 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
In the first two opening podcasts I deal with how life changes and stages leave us targest for the lies (and false solutions) that porn invites us int...