Finding Traction: Recovery from Porn

Ep. 204 - Recovery Path to Joy

27 Apr 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Today Vern shares an inspiring couple of bible verses that have recently encouraged him on his recovery journey and makes up his own new verse!If you ...

Ep. 203 - When Killing Time is Killing Me

20 Apr 2026

Contributed by Lukas

What do you do when you get bored?  What do you do when you want to just "kill some time".  In this episode Vern talks about how being unskillful in...

Ep. 202 - Porn Problems go Mainstream

06 Apr 2026

Contributed by Lukas

When porn is mentioned in media it is often joked about or minimized.  Now and again a serious article appears that actually describes the tsunami ty...

Ep. 201 - What do I Deserve (this Good Friday)

03 Apr 2026

Contributed by Lukas

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the followi...

Ep. 200 - Looking Back at Helping Men

29 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Hard to believe its been 200 Episodes of Finding Traction!  In this episode various men share about podcasts and lessons (from the Finding Traction c...

Ep. 199 - Do You have a Spank Bank?

16 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Are you able to see images in your mind?  Do you struggle with fantasy as a result of carrying your own porn library betweeen your ears?  In this ep...

Ep. 198 - Are You a Pervert?

26 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Do you ever think you may be a pervert or used that term to describe someone else?  In this episode Vern explores that term particularly in reference...

Ep. 197 - Are you a Broken Boy? - with Dr. Patrick Morley

16 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Many men get into recovery and eventually start asking the question "How did I get here?"  One of the things that begins to crop up are questions aro...

Ep. 196 - Re-engineering Arousal

09 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

In the last episode we talked about the statement that "Arousal is not something that happens to us but something we engage with".  In this episode V...

Ep. 195 - My Favorite Porn Free Triplets

03 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Today I lean on a bit of my bible teaching background to share some insights from the book of Romans - in fact two "triplets" which encourage me that ...

Ep. 194 - 15 Years of Freedom - with Matt Dobscheutz

26 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

One of my recovery heroes (and recovery friends) is Matt Dobschuetz.  I recently heard a great episode on porn free radio where he spoke about being ...

Ep. 194 - 15 Years (NOT) A Slave - with Matt Dobschuetz

26 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Matt Dobschuetz is both one of my recovery heroes as well as a recovery friend.  Recently I listened to an amazing podcast he did on Porn Free Radio ...

Ep. 193 - Ozempic Recovery

20 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Recently I heard some interesting information about the benefits of taking drugs like Ozempic and what happens when you stop.  It got me thinking abo...

Ep. 192 - Your Worst Day

06 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

What do people like Bill Buckner, Steve Smith, Scott Norwood, Andres Escobar, Steven Gerrard, and Tyler Loop have in common.  They are all profession...

Ep. 191 - A Daily Recovery Exercise for 2026

27 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

As you head into 2026 - rather than looking at the whole year why don’t you start with one day - one day at a time! The following is a simple exerci...

Ep. 190 - Men Midlife and Porn

08 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

There are a number of challenging seasons of life where porn can re- emerge from the corners of our life.  One of these seasons is the season of midl...

Ep. 189 - What does it mean to be P*rn Free?

01 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

When a lot of us started out on this porn recovery journey we had a very limited view of what it was to be porn free?  In this episode Vern talks abo...

Ep. 189 - What Does it mean to be Porn Free?

01 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

When a lot of us started out on this porn recovery journey we had a very limited view of what it was to be porn free?  In this episode Vern talks abo...

Ep. 188 - From Passion to Purpose

24 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Passion is good - purpose is better.  In this episode Vern talks about a change he has made to how people checkin their weeks and why connecting peop...

Ep. 187 - Inside Out Porn Recovery (from Down Under)

17 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, Vern is joined by his Australian buddy Matt who talks about inside out recovery.In a desire for a wholistic model of behavior change,...

Ep. 186 - Should I do a Dopamine Fast

10 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

There is a lot written these days about the role of dopamine in our addictive struggle with porn.  One of the books "Dopamnine Nation" talks a lot ab...

Ep. 185 - Your Guided Tour Out of Porn

03 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Last week we popped the baloon that said that the recovery journey is simple or quick.  We spoke about how long it takes to break a habit in a sustai...

Ep. 184 - How Long Does it Take to Quit Porn

27 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

There are a lot of claims on the internet about helping you quite porn in just a few weeks.  Sounds great - right?  In this episode Vern takes a bit...

Ep. 183 - Procastination and Quitting Porn

20 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

One of the things I have noticed in working with guys who struggle with porn is - - they also struggle with procrastination.  In this episode we look...

Ep. 182 - Learning Warfare - Lessons on Fighting Porn

14 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

The metaphor of war is used a lot in recovery for the reason that it often feels like we are in a battle!! In this episode Vern talks about principles...

Ep. 181 - The Porn Recovery Journey with Nate Larkin

06 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

One of the forerunners of the porn recovery field is Nate Larken.  His book - Samson and the Pirate Monks is a classic read for anybody starting out ...

Ep. 180 - Porn Relapses Ripples and Resets

29 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

A relapse is always possible but never inevitable.  There are inescapable ripples that follow a relapse but how do we prevent a slip from becoming a ...

Ep. 179 - Marriage Hacks Pt. 3

22 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In this third and final episode of Marriage Hacks - Vern explores some of the ways to explore why you hit a wall on certain topics with you partner as...

Ep. 178 - Are You a Deep Fake

15 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It seems that deep fakes are everywhere these days. My question for you is this - are you a deep fake?  Are you a person with a deep disconnect betwe...

Ep. 177 - The 5 W's - Examining a porn relapse

08 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In a recent television episode of The Paper the new boss teaches his employers what it takes to be a local report.  Toward that end he talks about th...

Ep. 176 - Sexless Marriages - A Marriage Plea

01 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Women Please Note:  This episode is not mean to shame you if you are struggling with the after effects of the disclosure of your husbands porn use. ...

Ep. 175 - More Marriage Hacks Pt. 2

28 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We had so much fun last time I thought we would do it again.  Actually I realized there was a number of marriage tips and hacks that didn't make the ...

Ep. 174 - 5 Marriage Hacks Pt. 1

25 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Relationships can be hard work - especially maintaining a marriage over the long haul.  In this episode Vern shares 5 marriage hacks that can make th...

Ep. 173 - Dating Honesty - Why When and How

18 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What should I tell my girlfriend about my porn history (or other sexual history).  Should I hide it?  What if honesty will end the relationship?  I...

Ep. 172 - Welcome Back

12 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

So how did your summer go?  Vern has been away for the last month and shares somes up and downs from his summer holidays including a recovery lesson ...

Ep. 171 - Porn and Men's Health - A Conversation

09 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It's fun to talk to people outside your circles who dont' necessarily share your experience or assumptions.  The following is a conversation I did wi...

Ep. 170 - Breaking the Acting Out Cycle

25 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Back in Episode 73 I introduced the idea of the Acting Out Cycle using the picture of a Stopwatch.  In looking back I felt I could give a more robust...

Ep. 169 - Anxious vs Confident Recovery

19 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It is not uncommon in our early recovery to feel anxious that a next relapse is just around the corner.  Is there a way to grow in our confidence as ...

Ep. 168 - I'm Good (Until I'm Not)

05 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

One of the reasons we are unsuccessful long term in porn recovery is because of some of the ways of thinking we practice.  One problematic thing that...

Ep. 167 - Disappointed in Sex

29 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What is the difference between real sex and our porn binges?  The differences might explain why some people confess that real sex is hard and less ex...

Ep. 166 - Relationships on the Line

15 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What if positive feelings toward your wife were a powerful motivator to move away from porn.  In this episode Vern builds on a recent book he read ca...

Ep. 165 - Is Your Door Closing?

01 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Country songs are known for their - "if only I knew then what I know now" regret songs.In this episode we ask a sobering question - is the door to you...

Ep. 164 - What Set Me Up for Porn (with Tim Fletcher)

24 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever wondered what set you up for your struggle with porn?  In this interview Vern talks with Tim Fletcher who is an extremely popular Youtu...

Ep. 163 - When Porn Crashes Your Marriage (with Barbara Steffens)

14 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

When porn use is disclosed (or found out)  in a relationships it often comes with a thudding crash.  In this episode expert Barbara Steffens talks t...

Ep. 162 - Lessons from a Relapse (with Hercule Flambeau)

03 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What can we learn from a relapse?  In this episode one of Vern's coaching clients bravely shares what he learned from a recent relapse in the hopes t...

Ep. 161 - Wave Go To's Part 2

26 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode Vern goes back to the topic of dealing with a wave of temptation and craving.  In this episode he argues that we need to strengthen o...

Ep. 160 - Waves of Craving

20 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Do you ever feel that craving hits you like a big wave?  In this episode Vern provides hope that the next big wave doesn't need to overwhelm you!If y...

Ep. 159 - The Hidden Costs of Porn Use

10 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Most of us are tempted to think that our porn use is free.  Sure we may not be "paying" for porn but you are paying in ways you many not even realize...

Ep. 158 - Dial it In

20 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Did you ever start a day feeling "off".  Today's podcast is all about "dialling your day" in to maximize the chance of the day going well.If you want...

Ep. 157 - Ten Rules for Life

10 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This episode is a bit different.  One of the benefits of recovery from constantly battling with porn is that you can now start to think more clearly ...

Ep. 156 - The Porn Adjacent Challenge

30 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

One of the biggest challenges that is new in the porn recovery area is the new pattern of staying away from porn but engaging in all sorts of porn adj...

Ep. 155 - Those Pesky Emotions

21 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We spend a lot of time trying to block ourselves from external threats using content filters, removing problematic apps etc.  The peskier problem, ho...

Ep. 154 - A Punch in the Face

10 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What is the actual problems that porn causes men?  Wtihout needing to take on the porn industry - I walk through as succintly as I can some of the co...

Ep. 153 - Theme for 2025

03 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We are starting a brand new group for 2025!  This group will consist of 5-7 men who want to journey together throught the finding traction course.  ...

Ep. 152 - Unleash the Man Within with Sathiya Sam

27 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Today It is my priviledge to introduce a fellow recovery coach.  Sathiya Sam has an inspiring story of how to walk free from porn and move towards a ...

Ep. 151 - Motorcyles Mouthwash and Magical Thinking

20 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

As we get ready for Christmas - I thought I'd fill our stockings with some random recovery ideas.  Yes they are random - but in them hopefully you ca...

Ep. 150 - Faulty Approaches Redux (with Matt Dobscheutz)

16 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Last weeks' episode felt unfinished to me.  I thought it would be great to have to have my fellow coach Matt Dobscheutz come on and add his thoughts ...

Ep. 149 - 6 Recovery Approaches Bound to Fail

09 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I have coached guys in porn recovery groups for many years.  Over the years I have seen various guys try various things that have proven to be unhelp...

Ep. 148 - How Did I Get Here?

02 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

When I meet new guys I like to ask them this question "How did porn get embedded in your life?"  Over and over again I hear some version of the same ...

Ep. 147 - Direct from Brazil

23 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Vern has been down in Brazil working with couples around marriage and men in the area of recovery.  Take a listen to some of his thoughts and screwup...

Ep. 146 - Before the Day After

02 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

November 5th is a big day - its Guy Fawkes Day, Vern's Birthday and yes - the American election.  How deal with the big feelings that will follow the...

Ep. 145 - Welcome to Plan B

28 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

There are two types of pathways we can walk in recovery - Plan A is the one we prefer and we have all tried it - unsuccessfully.  This episode is abo...

Ep. 144 - Porn Free Millennial

21 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A big step of recovery is when you turn around and help guys who are not as far along the journey as you are.  Mac is one of the guys I coach and he ...

Ep. 143 - What is Your Primal Question?

07 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What is the Primal Need which drives your behaviors, informs your fears and causes you to reach for your medicine jar? (porn)  In this episode Vern a...

Ep. 142 - The C's of Recovery

18 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We all know the things that we want to leave behind - do we have a clear sense of what we want to see grow in our life?  In this episode Vern shares ...

Ep. 141 - What If

09 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

When it comes to living in sustained recovery two of the most problematic words we can utter are the words "What If".  Today I unpackage why those tw...

Ep. 140 - 6 Dumbest Things I've Heard

04 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I've heard a number of pretty dumb things in coaching guys.  I've even thought and said a few of them myself - the following are six of the dumbest t...

Ep. 139 - Signs of a BaaaaD Recovery Group

27 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

frEver been in a bad recovery group? Ever felt nervous about joining a group because of the many ways it could go wrong?  In this episode Vern explor...

Ep. 138 - Eat Your Frogs

20 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever heard of the saying "Eat Your Frogs"  I hadn't!  But today we talk about an issue that many porn strugglers have embedded in their liv...

Ep. 137 - Relapse After a Long Sobriety

12 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What if we have a relapse after a long period of sobriety?   In this episode Vern shares from his life about how demoralizing this can be but also ho...

Ep. 136 - Snickers Bars and Marriage Tips

27 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Ever seen that Snickers Ad - "I'm not myself when I'm hungry"?  Today we introduce a marriage tip called Filters that has been of immense benefit to ...

Ep. 135 - Letter to Me

01 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What if you could write a letter to the younger version of yourself?  What would you say?  In this episode Vern introduces the idea of writng a lett...

Ep. 134 - Its Finally Done!

24 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Remember what it's like to walk out of the final exam of your degree or finish a project you have been working on for years?  Today Vern shares is se...

Ep. 133 - Help I Act Out Every ??? Days

24 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Many guys express that they have noticed that their acting out tends to be cyclical and regular.  They often feel that they come up to a wall that th...

Ep. 132 - I'll Die Without Sex!

17 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Most peoople who struggle with porn actually believe some version of the mistaken belief "I'll die without sex"  In this episode Vern explores how th...

Ep. 131 - A Strategy for Sunny Days

12 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode Vern shares a useful tool to be more strategic in how you handle this coming summer.  If you want a copy of this weekly planning tool...

Ep. 130 - Platform Arcade Recovery

03 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

One of the biggest strategic challenges in our recovery is dealing with the many transitions we face.  In this episode I look at the challenges of th...

Ep. 129 - The Art of War (Losing and Regaining your Territory)

29 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Do you ever feel like the enemy is seeking to push past your borders and take ground that should be rightfully yours.  Today we use the example of th...

Ep. 128 - My Favorite Recovery Practice

29 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

My favorite recovery practise is actually an ancient spiritual practise that helps me throughout the day ... it actually was best taught by a Catholic...

Ep. 127 - How we do Life

22 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

When most of us started recovery we thought we needed to just tweak a few things so that stopped our problematic porn patterns.  What we soon find, h...

Ep. 126 - Porn Drive versus Sex Drive

17 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Is our porn drive the same as our sex drive?  In this episode Vern explores the differences between the two and how returning to our normal sex drive...

Ep. 125 - Recovery Drift

29 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Anybody who has been at porn recovery for a while can identify with the natural drift that can take place.  When we take our hands off the steering w...

Ep. 124 - 3D Relapses

20 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Most of us would like to reverse engineer our last relapse so it doesn't happen again.  In this episode Vern looks at the idea of 3 different dimensi...

Ep. 123 - Recovery Doldrums

11 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What happens when life feels "Meh..."  Today we talk about the term recovery doldrums - the feeling that you could use a pick me up to compensate for...

Ep. 122 - The Critical Stages of Recovery

04 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Is there as way to look at our recovery in a series of stages. In this episode Vern looks at some of the stages common to recovery, how we can get st...

Ep. 121 - If Relapse is Forgetting then...

19 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

There is a funny super bowl ad that says to remember something you need to forget something. In this podcast Vern talks about the role that forgettin...

Ep. 120 - Intensive Recovery with Jonathan Daugherty

12 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

When I tell guys about what caused a tipping point in my recovery - I often forget to include an event that helped cement some of the recovery changes...

Ep. 119 - Mission Impossible - Mission Accomplished

05 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

There are two opposite ditches we can get into when we are walkg out our recovery. One is the despair (Mission Impossible) that creeps in when we rela...

Ep. 118 - Random Winter Recovery Thoughts

29 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Being at home on a "snow day" gives you time to think. In this episode Vern talks about how to "keep your road clean" as well as the NFL advice given...

Ep. 117 - Erectile Dysfunction and the Dallas Cowboys

22 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Ever heard about PIED? - it stands for Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction. In this episode Vern explores a not so fun topic through making fun of his a...

Ep. 116 - 12 Rules for Recovery

15 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It is popular these day to write a "12 rules for Life" to try to replicate the success that Jordan Peterson had in his book (whatever you think of him...

Ep. 115 - Do You Have a Yearly Focus?

09 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

As we head into 2024 Vern shares about a tool that has been helpful for him as he starts out a brand new year. It just so happens that this one leads...

Ep. 114 - Mulligan Thinking

26 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In golf, a Mulligan is a do-over where you pretend that you're last shot never happened! What are the ways that mulligan thinking gets in the way of u...

Ep. 113 - Stuff is Getting Better

20 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

To quote Kevin Costner from the Postman - "is stuff getting better" for you in your recovery? In today's episode Vern explores a number of ways that w...

Ep. 112 - When Can I Check This Off?

11 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It makes a huge difference whether you see your recovery as a project to complete or a process (or way of living). In this episode Vern outlines the d...

Ep. 111 - How "Ish" is your Recovery?

04 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Recently a politician covered over a lie he made about his heritage saying he never said he was Jewish - he only said he was Jew-ish. "Ish" is a word ...

Ep. 110 - Lessons from Rutting Season

27 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Are you a deer hunter? I'm not. But one of the guys I coach is and he shares some fascinating and fun parallels with things he learned in deer hunting...

Ep. 109 - Recovery Gratitude

21 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

One of the absolutely central tools to move forward in your recovery is to combat discontentment through the practise of gratitude. This podcasts give...

Ep. 108 - Recovery Rules with Mark Denison

13 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Vern loves the new book that Mark Denison has written Recovery Rules because it gives simple one page reminders to help any porn struggler re-orient t...

Ep. 107 - Whiteknuckling vs. Sobriety

06 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Recovery is a lot more than simply not looking at porn. In fact there can be a sort of psuedo recovery which is really just a form of abstinence or "w...