Chapter 1: What hilarious prank does Jubal pull off this time?
This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.
In the middle of the night, Saskia awoke in a haze. Her husband, Mike, was on his laptop.
What was on his screen would change Saskia's life forever. I said, I need you to tell me exactly what you're doing. And immediately, the mask came off.
You're supposed to be safe. That's your home. That's your husband.
Listen to Betrayal Season 5 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Breaking news. It's the Jubal Show. Nike claims that its new shoes can now activate the brain, heighten sensory awareness, and improve concentration. Oh. Meanwhile, the makers of Crocs say their shoes stimulate your need to sit on a lawn chair in your driveway and drink 90 light all day. Hey!
Nice. See how easy it is to create fake news? That's why every single week at this time, we bring you the Cleverly Named segment, Real News or Fake News, where I give you a news story from the week that's gone viral, and you have to tell me if it's a real news story or a fake one that people actually believed. Here's your first headline for Real News or Fake News.
Authorities at Wildlife Park in China warn influencers that snow leopards aren't props for your selfies. Okay. Oh, you think? Here's the story. An influencer at a popular ski destination in China is recovering after a snow leopard, who just didn't want to be a part of her get ready with me to ski video, did, well, exactly what snow leopards do and attacked her. Mother trucker, dude.
That hurt like a butt cheek on a stick. The influencer was able to get to within five feet of a wild snow leopard and tried to take a selfie with it. Eventually, a ski instructor was able to scare the snow leopard off by waving his ski poles around and emergency services was called and took her to the hospital. But don't worry, she was still able to post a picture of herself laying there. Aww.
With her leopard wounds as she waited for help, officials at the park are issuing yet another warning to people who visit that snow leopards don't care about your likes and they will eat you, so don't take selfies with snow leopards. Is that a real news story or a fake news story, Nina? Oh, this is real.
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Chapter 2: What wild secrets do listeners share in Dirty Little Secret?
This just has to be real.
Yeah.
Victoria?
Unfortunately, I do think this is real as well.
Producer Freeze, authorities at a wildlife park in China warn influencers that snow leopards aren't props for your selfies. Real or fake? I have no confidence in people it's real. It's definitely real. It's very obvious that that is a real one. Don't take pictures with wild animals that will eat you. No, that makes me so sad. What goes through your mind? You're not an exception.
You're just as yummy as anybody else. It's cute, and they look comfy and cozy and adorable. I'm in my cute snow bunny outfit, and how cute would it be if there's a snow leopard right next to me? Where's that kid's parents? How cute would my picture look? And then I get a lot of likes, a lot of comments. Okay, so Victoria is going to be the next one we report on.
It's Real News or Fake News, a segment where I give you a news story that's gone viral this week. You have to tell me if it's a real news story or a fake one that people actually believed. Here's your next headline for Real News or Fake News. After numerous hospitalizations, the FDA warns Americans that you cannot get nutrients from just looking at pictures of food created by AI.
Here's the story. Are you sure? Popular influencer... Had a video go viral where they insisted that AI food is actual real food. Stop it. And they cite that it has digital macronutrient absorption. They say your body doesn't know the difference between a steak and a very convincing photo of a steak, she explained.
And now she's pushing back against the claims by the FDA that say, don't just look at food and think that you're getting nutrients. The popular wellness influencer is now pushing back, saying that the growing AI meal trend that she created causes malnutrition and insisting that humans can. She says that humans can, in fact, receive nutrition from looking at food.
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Chapter 3: How does You vs. Victoria trivia work?
What? In a 12-minute long video filmed in front of a ring light and an unlit stove, the influencer assured her followers that critics don't understand how modern biology works anymore. Nutrition isn't physical, she said. It's informational. Here's the science behind it.
According to the influencer, the human body is fully capable of absorbing nutrients through what she calls visual gastro-transference. A process that she claims occurs when the digestive aura syncs with the image's macro density.
She went on to explain that the brain can download the proteins, vitamins are emotionally bioavailable, calories exist on a quantum spectrum, and hunger is a legacy sensation from pre-Wi-Fi times. Is she high? According to... To her, she got her results from a Harvard study, European doctors, and studies on how astronauts eat. None of which she's been able to link to, by the way.
The influencer emphasized that nutrition absorption depends heavily on the image quality. She says if you're still using 720p, you're literally starving. She said that you need to visually eat your meals in 4K, sometimes 8K if you're bulking.
Okay.
She then promoted her new course on losing weight and feeling better by viewing your calories instead of eating them, available for $399. Authorities had to issue a warning after hospitals began reporting that people are coming in for malnutrition because of the new diet. Is that a real news story or a fake news story? Okay, so which part of my saying is real and fake? The whole thing.
That she was real or that people believed it? You only get one answer. This one's complicated, but I'm going to go with fake just because people please don't be that dumb. Victoria, is this a real news story or a fake news story? After numerous hospitalizations, the FDA warns Americans that you cannot get nutrients just from looking at pictures of food created by AI.
I don't want to say fake, but I really think this is real, unfortunately.
Producer Freeze, is this a real news story or a fake news story? What do you think? I wish I could get jacked just by watching other people go to the gym, but I'm going to say it's fake.
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Chapter 4: What shocking revelations come from To Catch a Cheater?
This is a fake news story. Thank God. But the shocking part of this news story is that it did go viral and people actually started Googling. Apparently, there was reports of over 12 million Americans Googling trying to buy the made up influencers diet book. So it's a fake story with also real sad implications.
I will also say that stoners will sit there and watch shows and see something on television, a commercial or whatever, and get motivated to go buy some junk food and go eat it and then gain some weight and then get heavier. Not the same thing. I know. No? No? Come on now. I think the people that were Googling the book were like, oh my God, that's such a great idea on how to lose weight.
I could just literally have AI make my dinner every night and just stare at it for a while and it'd be fine. Absorb it through my eyeballs. Yeah. Here's your next headline for real news or fake news. The Washington, D.C. Poogizer is back and going strong. Oh! The Washington, D.C. poo geyser is back and going strong. Here's the story. So much for draining the swamp.
The Potomac River in Washington, D.C. is one of the country's most prestigious bodies of water. George Washington grew up next to it and called it the river of our nation. The Lincoln Memorial, Jefferson Memorial and Arlington Cemetery all sit alongside it. And just like our politicians, it's always been full of crap. Swimming in Washington, D.C.
's water has been illegal since 1971 due to the high levels of bacteria from human fecal matter.
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Chapter 5: How do First Date Follow-Ups help people find closure?
But over the past few years, it looked like things were improving and they actually thought people would be able to swim in it soon. But now there is currently a huge geyser of poo everywhere.
flooding into the potomac thanks to a collapse last week in a sewer line carrying wastewater from virginia to maryland drinking water isn't affected but the potomac river washington dc's beautiful river where all those things sit is now even more full of poo it's bubbling up three to five feet into the air so gross Is that a real news story or a fake news story? Nina? I'm going with real.
I am going to say real. Victoria, the Washington, D.C. Pooh geyser is back and going strong. Real or fake? I'm going to say fake. Okay. Yeah. Producer Freeze, the Washington, D.C. Pooh geyser. I'm saying it's real. You're saying it's real? Yeah. Yes, this is 100% real. What? Yes. 100% real. So gross. Ew. Is that it or is that just the universe trying to give us a clue like, hey, you guys.
We're full. How high do I have to make the Pooh go here in Washington, D.C. for you guys to realize what's going on? Yeah, oh my gosh, right? It's another Jubal phone prank.
Chapter 6: What trending news does Nina cover this week?
Weekday mornings on the 20s. Hello. Hi, this is Pete Eakins calling from moving. I was looking for Jewel. Hi, Pete. Yeah, this is this is Jewel. Yes. Hello. So I'm calling in regards to the items from your move being a little bit delayed. Yeah, I've been expecting this call. I've been trying to get a hold of you guys and had no luck. So thank you for calling. Yeah, yeah.
So there's a little bit of an issue. And I know we're already late with your, you know, multi-state move. So you probably want your stuff. I'm able to just transfer you to the driver if you'd like to speak with him so you can, you know, talk to him about it and get your items to you as quickly as possible. Yeah, that'd be great, Pete. I really need this resolved.
You guys will have all my shit, so thank you. Sorry about that. His name is Heinrich. I'm going to transfer you there right now. Hello? Hello? Hello? Is this Joel? Hello, this is Heinrich. Hello, this is Heinrich. Hello?
Chapter 7: What are the funniest moments from today's Daily Show Highlights?
Hello? I'm so sorry about this. I'm so sorry. I have my radio up. For some reason, my radio just plays on the Bluetooth and I don't know how to stop it sometimes. So I'm so sorry about this. That was just playing my music. Is this Joel? Yes, this is Joel.
Hello?
Yes, hello. You can't figure out how to turn off that music? I'm sorry, one second. I'm trying to turn the Bluetooth off on my device here because for some reason it plays over the speakers when I'm trying to speak on the phone and I'm so sorry that I'm in Montana with your items. They're supposed to be in Arizona. One second.
okay hello i think i've got it off did i just hear you say that you're in montana with my stuff yes i'm in montana and i'm so sorry about this i know i'm supposed to be in arizona with your items uh three days ago but i've been in montana for a few days and i don't know how to get out what you don't know how to get out no i don't know how to get out i don't know how to get out you guys are already two days late with my stuff and you said montana what the that's the
I'm so sorry. Oh, no. The music came back on. I'm so sorry about this. Let me turn it. I need to try to get my music off. One second. I'm so sorry. If you're talking, I cannot hear you. I'm so sorry. One second. Let me see if I can just tap the button. Hello?
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Chapter 8: How does Jubal's phone prank reveal unexpected truths?
Is it off? It's off. Yes, it's off. Okay. What were you saying? He said it was off last time. I'm so sorry about this. But yes, I'm in Montana and I don't know how to get out. You're in Montana with my stuff or you're in Montana making another run? No, I'm in Montana with your items. I've been here for a few days. What are you doing in Montana? That's the completely opposite way.
What the f*** are you doing? I got lost on the way and my GPS wasn't working. So I just followed a truck that was next to me. You just followed a truck? Yes, it had a GPS. You could have stopped. Yes, but my phone has been malfunctioning just like how it is doing with the Bluetooth and the music. So I... That's not my problem.
I was trying to get it to work, but... I need you to shut the f***ing music down. I'm sorry, it's just... One second. See, my phone is malfunctioning again with the Bluetooth. I've got to get the Bluetooth off my red. I'm so sorry about that. Hello? Yes, hello? I think I've turned it off now. I don't want to hear your sorry anymore. I want you to cut off the music.
Cut off the f***ing music so I can figure out when I'm going to get my s***. Have you ever been to Billings, Montana? I... I... Maybe you could come and pick it up from me. Do you have a manager? Do you have somebody I can talk to? Because this is not it. I will transfer you back to the office. You're going to transfer me back? No! Are you going to talk to them first? I better not get this.
Hold on. Please hold, please. This is f***ing ridiculous. Yo, wait till I tell you this. Hello? It's a great day at Blank Blank Women. This is Pete Eakins. What can I do you for? Pete, you know what? I just got a call from you, and it's not a great day for me right now. You just transferred me to one of your trucks, and apparently my s*** in Montana. That's not where I'm at.
That's not where I came from. That's our Heinrich. What's going on? What's the deal? Yeah, our driver Heinrich, he's kind of new here, and apparently... I'm glad that you find this funny, because I'm not amused. What's going to happen here? My stuff was supposed to be here two days ago. So Heinrich follows random trucks around the nation and that made me pretty fired.
He doesn't know how to work a phone. He doesn't know how to work a radio. He doesn't know how to deliver things. I don't even understand how he has a job. Yeah, he's just a pleasure to work with. That's why we keep him. He's a fun guy. A pleasure to have on the road because he's clearly not with you in the office.
Hey, Jewel, this is actually Jubal from The Jubal Show doing a phone prank on you, and your husband set you up. Oh. It's a joke. Your husband just told us that your movers are really late, and you were upset about it, and he wanted me to mess with you. Wake up every morning with Jubal phone pranks. Weekday mornings on the 20s.
Give us three minutes and we'll give you everything you need to know for the day. Brought to you by Muckleshoot Bingo in Auburn, your home from a shingo. It's time for Nina's What's Trending. So it was clearly only a matter of time before everybody decided to jump on and try to make a jingle for a soda. Just like the Dr. Pepper girl, right?
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