Dead Ringers Ep4. Much Ado About North-ing
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What happens in the opening satire sketches and who’s introduced first?
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Ai, ai, ai, niin se on. Eloveena. Täyttä eloa.
Welcome to Sunday with Laura Koonsberg, with me, the mean head of sixth form who shouts at girls for wearing nail varnish. I'm joined by outgoing Prime Minister Keir Starmer to talk about this week's announcement of his new defence investment plan involving drones. No, Laura. Not drones. Drone. There's one drone? Yep, and you're looking at it. You're the drone. Well, my time in government has made me realise that our most effective form of defence is listening to me droning on and on and on and on. Policy this, funding that. Accountability this, toolmaker that. It's exhausting and no one can get past it. Basically, I've weaponised dullness. Sakhir, does your drone have any military advantages beyond being unbelievably charisma-free?
Well, Laura, you see, the beauty of the StarMut drone is that it's completely undetectable. During my time in office, I've reset relations with Europe, signed a trade deal with India, expanded free school meals, enacted the Workers' Rights Act and reduced NHS waiting lists. And absolutely nobody noticed! LAUGHTER All of it operates far below the threshold of public interest. My achievements have become the political equivalent of a stealth bomber. Oh, sorry, I totally zoned out there. Keir Starmer, thank you. Dead ringers from the Crosstwiles Podcast Festival in Sheffield.
CHEERING
You're listening to Today with Nick Robinson in London and Emma Barnett in Sheffield. And that's still too close. We can cross live to Chris Mason now as Andy Burnham prepares to give his first major speech with his agenda for Britain. Yes, Emma. It really is quite something to be here in the People's History Museum in Manchester to feel the buzz as we await the arrival of a politician so at ease with himself, so confident, confident in his own skin as he lays out his vision for a very different Britain where there is prosperity for all. Yes, but Chris, we all... Andrew Murray Burnham, the People's PM. Chris, it's not happening again, is it? Is what happening again? Well, you going into ludicrous fanboy mode, just as you did with Nigel Farage a year ago.
I don't know what you're talking about, Emma. I'm here reporting in my usual dispassionate manner about the undisputed King of the North... Andy Andrew Burnham, who from his lovely eyelashes to his effortless, smart, casual jeans, T-shirt and sometimes tight running shorts, embodies all that he's good and decent about northern life. Oh, Chris, you're embarrassing yourself. Oh! Oh, my God, oh, my God, I think he just recognised me! That's not surprising, Chris. You are the BBC's political editor. He knows that, but what he doesn't know is that I've covered my bedroom with posters of him. Honestly, Emma, all the media are here and all the media loves him. Yes, but, Chris, how long for? Give it two weeks.
Chris Mason, thank you. I've got a tattoo of a bus on my arm.
Welcome to The Rest Is Football with me, Gary Lineker. So glad not to be hosting the BBC coverage this year and having to pretend that anyone's ever going to scan that QR code to pay the TV licence. Joining me to discuss England's nerve-shredding win over DR Congo is England manager Thomas Tuchel.
How is Keir Starmer’s ‘drone’ gag used to parody BBC political interviews?
Hello again, Gary. At half-time in that game, Thomas, you must have been tearing your hair out. No, Gary. As you can observe, my hair is currently too short for me to gain sufficient purchase to remove it myself manually, even if I should want to, which I did not. You seem to be making very effective use of the hydration breaks to tweak your tactics, but would you agree that by introducing them in the first place, FIFA has rather moved the goalposts? No, Gary. LAUGHTER The hydration breaks do not involve any repositioning of the goalposts, whatever, and I do not think that it would even be possible, given the goalposts are extremely large, very heavy, and firmly anchored to the playing surface at all times.
Right, well, what about your captain, Harry Kane?
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What happens in the opening satire sketches and who’s introduced first?
0:00–5:02
2
How is Keir Starmer’s ‘drone’ gag used to parody BBC political interviews?
5:02–13:37
3
Why does Chris Mason go into ‘fanboy’ mode over Andy Burnham at the festival?
13:37–21:26
4
How are sports shows and pundits lampooned in the Gary Lineker and Wimbledon bits?
21:26–29:46
5
What is Andy Burnham’s ‘go north’ migration speech and how is it satirised?
29:46–31:20
Speakers
5 identifiedMore from Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4
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