Glen Reads Gothic Horror (to you)

2025 Christmas and New Years special episode by various artists

30 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Besides one Canadian, my voice sounded like a LOT of people from the east coast I’ve decided that NONE of these impressions are mocking m...

‘Ringstones’ by Sarban - The End

29 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I think I have voice cancer I can’t handle my wife’s birds I finally figured out a way to make money off people coming to my house unin...

Halloween Episode 2025

28 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Covid Costumes are insulting The crows are louder than I remember I can’t play Pearl Jam anymore Go on, read them for yourself: The Nint...

‘Ringstones’ by Sarban Ch: 12 & P2

10 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: The author was a pervert I’ve finally made my basement cool for teens Reddit is the worst source for Eddie Vedder fun facts Go on, read ...

‘Ringstones’ by Sarban Ch: 10 & 11

05 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I decided to give a character a lisp The ‘brown kids’ thing was weird I dropped the lisp. I don’t know why I was going for that. Go ...

‘Ringstones’ by Sarban Ch: 8 & 9

02 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I tried to get through all the boring parts, but its still pretty boring. They’re STILL sexualizing 15yr olds My text for this episode is...

‘Ringstones’ by Sarban Ch: 6 & 7

19 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I tried to get through all the boring parts, but its still pretty boring. They’re STILL sexualizing 15yr olds I actually think I don’t ...

‘Ringstones’ by Sarban Ch: 1-5

20 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I made a long episode to try to get through he boring parts I really liked this book, but I forgot, somehow, how they sexualize 15yr olds I...

‘The Triumphs of a Taxidermist’ by H. G. Wells

26 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I’ve fixed my own knees This story was dumb I didn’t fart once this episode Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/...

‘Four Men in a Cave’ by Stephen Crane

06 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: We see the result of room temperature chili dogs Small-men are natural leaders Thank you for letting me finish in the bathroom Go on, read...

James Joyce’s Love Letters to Nora Barnacle

29 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: This man LOVED farts I had to filter out the really bad ones His girlfriend was wild Go on, read it for yourself: https://youtu.be/4BdV07a...

‘Janice Breast and the Sex Book’ by A.I.

22 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: A.I. Does better than you’d think. But it’s still lame The only last name I could think of was ‘Breast’ Maybe A.I. is good, because...

‘About Barbers’ by Mark Twain

15 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I guess barbers are annoying? Greatest American author I went to an old fashioned barber once. It wasn’t good. Go on, read it for yourse...

‘The Cat’ by Banjo Paterson

08 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: This author doesn’t like animals having ‘agency’ I have nothing to talk about This author isn’t as horrible as most I learn about ...

‘The Empire of the Necromancers’ by Clark Ashton Smith

22 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: My God, did I just find an author that isn’t human garbage? AGAIN with the sci-fi names! I wanted to keep this gentle author separate fro...

'The Fearsome Touch of Death’ by Robert E. Howard

16 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Another author who is a horrible person This story is clearly his attempt to impress Lovecraft Rubber gloves are ALWAYS wet Go on, read it...

‘A Bottomless Grave’ by Ambrose Bierce

08 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I don’t know what a ‘farce’ is Ambrose Bierce can get weird I only drank 3 White Claws- I’m FINE Go on, read it for yourself: http...

'Beyond Lies the Wub' by by Phillip K. Dick

01 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: When I think of how to re-vamp my show, it just becomes a seperate show The first story was weird I should get my bladder checked Go on, r...

'Hellflower' by George O. Smith CH 21 & 23

25 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: America is FINE. NOTHING horrible is happening and I’m NOT WORRIED ABOUT IT I just skipped a whole chapter because I’m sick of this boo...

'Hellflower' by George O. Smith CH 19 & 20

12 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: The Cadillac Ranch restaurant doesn’t make any sense I seriously don’t know how this story can end Elon Musk never stops being an idiot...

'Hellflower' by George O. Smith CH 17 & 18

04 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: A chapter can still be really boring My leg is FINE Another near-sexual-assult but not enough for me to officially stop reading this Go on...

'The Rise of the Crimson Claus' by Chat GPT

21 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: A.I. can actually make a funny story My boss’s boss’s boss love shit like this The story of uprising was inspiring Go on, read it for ...

'Hellflower' by George O. Smith CH 15 & 16

15 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Both chapters were completely useless My beautiful dancers knees have made me get a fat leg I’ve become a huge fan of heating pads lately...

'Hellflower' by George O. Smith CH 13 & 14

08 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: People who are into board games are really aggressive I WANT to like this author, but he keeps finding ways to prevent that My wife can’t...

'Hellflower' by George O. Smith CH 12

01 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: My dad suffers from Chicken Leg I nearly was able to drop this story- but nope. He’s just playing with us I’m trying to reimagine my ba...

'Hellflower' by George O. Smith CH 10 & 11

24 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I’ve been told to stop caring and let the world see the real Glen I still hate reading this book I never knew a fight scene could be so b...

'Hellflower' by George O. Smith CH 8 & 9

10 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: FUUUUUCK Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/hellflower-heathen-edition-george-o-smith/19899197?ean=9781948316439 L...

'Hellflower' by George O. Smith CH 7

03 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I guess a woman’s worth is based on if they look classy or not I’m just waiting for this book to go south so I can drop it and move on ...

The Mystery Story episode

26 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I’m an artist that likes to sit around and listen to his own stuff I can’t wait to get rid of these sweaty pumpkins Thank god we don’...

More ‘The Little Oregon Book of Horrors’ by Baki

20 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: If you live somewhere with a pronunciation that is complicated- don’t live there I’m drinking a cursed white claw I guess you can creat...

‘The Little Oregon Book of Horrors’ by Baki

13 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Don’t hike with someone who uses you as bear food I kinda didn’t like that I was reading some of this in a ‘funny voice’ Nature doe...

‘Beyond the wall’ & ‘A Cold Night’ by Ambrose Bierce

06 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: You never have to stop flirting with chicks- even if they’re dead My wet pumpkins are back Just because you shoot someone in the head, it...

‘Hellflower’ by George O. Smith CH 5&6

27 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I didn’t know you could ‘bury someone in space’ by just ejecting them into space I got bees in my house Apparently women’s legs can...

'Hellflower' by George O. Smith CH 3&4

15 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I hate that this author doesn’t think very highly of women I hate that our protagonist is horny all the time I hate that none of the char...

'Hellflower' by George O. Smith CH 1&2

06 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Just like a YouTuber, if you kill 33 people you can just apologize and get back to work Apparently a ‘spacer’ is a spaceship. I’m rea...

'Time for survival’ by George O. Smith

31 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Just because something is short and punchy- doesn’t mean it’s good Maybe the author was only given 8 pages to write so this wasn’t th...

‘Horsesense Hank does his bit’ by Nelson S. Bond

25 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: My wife sings along to ‘that thing you do’ movie- which is a solid 2 hours of singing the same song over, and over. Go on, read it for...

‘My past is mine’ by Gerda Rhoads

11 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: My science fiction was horse shit I’m not smart enough to understand this story I pee a lot and it’s FINE Go on, read it for yourself:...

'Scared to Death' and ‘Spells of Death’ by by Drac Von Stoller

04 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Drac and I are roughly the same age If you’re on a revenge spree- feel free to skip over people who aren’t as important Don’t be an e...

'The Metal Pig' by Hans Christian Anderson

28 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Anderson wasn’t a pervert- he was FINE Children's stories have kids suffering to the point of absurdity The pig was from hell Go on, rea...

'The man who hated himself' by Walt Coburn

21 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I’ll never see Nates (from words about books) beautiful face Cowboys are also called “Cow-punchers” for some reason Cowboy sleuths al...

'The Little Wooden Doll' by Margery Williams

14 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Sometimes, Whiteclaws are disgusting Things can work out for the best- if you’re a doll Apparently theater kids are the most dangerous ki...

'Let’s Get Together' by Isaac Asimov

05 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: You can catch a robot with good ‘ol fashioned sleuthing Saying “I don’t care how late it is” is an American tradition Yes, I take b...

'Treasure Island' by Robert Lewis Stevenson Ch: 32-34

23 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Pirates will always be fun-loving little scamps There’s a Long Johns Silver’s open by me that I will go to now In this story Tom Hanks ...

'Treasure Island' by Robert Lewis Stevenson Ch: 28-31

17 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Long John Silver is a smooth talking jerk I’m SUPPOSED to be on a PLANE I didn’t know you could use a corpse as a compass Go on, read ...

'Treasure Island' by Robert Lewis Stevenson Ch: 25-27

09 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Little boys can become big boys thanks to pirates I JUST want to swim in my white-trash pool Long John Silver is back at it Go on, read it...

'Treasure Island' by Robert Lewis Stevenson Ch: 22-24

01 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: When you’ve been cleaning up blood all day, you want something different I’m going to get you go like my basement someday I don’t kno...

'Treasure Island' by Robert Lewis Stevenson Ch: 16-21

27 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Action scenes back then were really weird I have no idea what holiday I’m celebrating tomorrow If your friend dies, just roll his body ov...

'Treasure Island' by Robert Lewis Stevenson Ch: 13-15

18 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: It’s storming out and I’m recording with the windows open, I don’t care if it sounds bad Our hero doesn’t tolerate the homeless Sil...

'Treasure Island' by Robert Lewis Stevenson Ch: 7-12

12 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I had to drive my kid back from college- that’s why I’m late Our hero isn’t going to be much of a pirate if he keeps snitching it’s...

'Treasure Island' by Robert Lewis Stevenson Ch: 4-6

27 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I have to go to a high school play, of all goddamn things Our hero gets his act together Rich people LOVE adventure Go on, read it for you...

'Treasure Island' by Robert Lewis Stevenson CH: 1-3

20 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Your dad can die but man, pirates are so exciting that it almost doesn’t matter! I got a cat with a ‘bad back’ Who would have thought...

‘The Velveteen Rabbit’ by Margery Williams

14 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: World War 3 again? What a relief that the rabbit doesn’t get burned alive This book is about my stuffed Grover- and I’m still waiting f...

'Asleep in Armageddon' by Ray Bradbury

29 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Sleep is for idiots I got a neighbor who is probably a Q-anon idiot I’m speed reading to try to get done before my idiot dog has to take ...

'Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Brontë 32 - 34

24 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Heathcliff FINALLY DIES After a whole winter in Minnesota without snow - we have a huge storm coming. Ugh. Was there really a time where we...

'Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Brontë 28 - 30

15 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Linton has actually managed to be more of a snot than usual My recording room is really echoey Lockwood is an incel Go on, read it for you...

'Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Brontë 25 - 27

02 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Linton actually, somehow, seems to get MORE annoying My wife is sick and my house is burning hot How awkward is it to abduct someone and pl...

'Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Brontë 20 - 24

19 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Cathy is just as much of an entitled turd as her mom There was an actual bird in my basement Linton is at Malfoy levels of getting on my ne...

'Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Brontë 16 - 19

10 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: People just die, and not a lot of buildup happens for it. Getting through 4 chapters is draining Now the book is all about kids, like a Nic...

'Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Brontë 14-15

02 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Heathcliff is a self absorbed jerk. The kind of guy who paces around his basement listening to Attack Attack I’m putting dirty water into...

'Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Brontë 12-13

27 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Catherine gets delusional, and Nelly might have a crush My dishwasher is leaking Isabella is barely introduced and we already hear she’s ...

'Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Brontë 10-11

21 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I got the WRONG CLOCK from Germany Guys, Heathcliff is BACK Does Heathcliff actually have a revenge plan? Or is he just talking a lot about...

'Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Brontë 6-9

13 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I finally conquor saying “Thrushcross Grange” Catherine is an affluent nanny-slapping, baby-shaking jerk I picked ‘phallus #5’ in B...

'Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Brontë 1-5

06 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Want to read a book from the point of view of a man writing what he can remember someone else telling him in his journal? I have a European...

'A Pail of Air' by Fritz Lieber

30 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: You can make an airtight, spaceship-like capsule with just blankets Little boys still think about girls, even in the apocalypse I’m going...

'Beasley's Christmas Party’ by Booth Tarkington

22 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Can Christmas be racist? Of course it can. You want to spend your Christmas listening to the longest short story in the world? You want to ...

'Christmas Eve at Swamp's End' by Norman Duncan

16 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Another story where children are treated like adorable pets There’s an open market for babies in the woods? I wasted my new Christmas dec...

‘What luck! A study in opposites’

09 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Grandma baby-porn from the turn of the last century was horrible I’m GOING to GERMANY to drink beer from a glass boot and embarrass mysel...

'The Legend of the Seventh Virgin’ P9 by Victoria Holt

02 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: oh my god- after over two months, I finally finished the goddamn book. I think that Granny B is the biggest ‘7th virgin’ in this story....

'The Legend of the Seventh Virgin’ P8 by Victoria Holt

27 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Kim is back! And it’s not looking good for Karensa This book is TOO LONG and I’m TRYING to get to Germany There are some dead bodies in...

'Captain Christy's Thanksgiving' by Carolyn Sherwin Bailey

20 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I can’t read a holiday story without worrying about pedophiles I’m learning horrible German phrases so I can get people in Germany to l...

'The Legend of the Seventh Virgin’ P7 by Victoria Holt

12 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Karensa’s idiot kid accidently murders the drunk For some reason there are flies in my basement, which is normally a sign that my house h...

'The Legend of the Seventh Virgin’ P6 by Victoria Holt

05 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Karensa gets married to Johnny for almost no reason- but to piss his family off? She has a baby boy, and is all smug that she can now rule ...

Two Halloween Stories by Algernon Blackwood

27 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: The whole “it was all a dream” concept has been around forever I didn’t come up with ANY spooky sound effects How can you drill holes...

'The Legend of the Seventh Virgin’ P5 by Victoria Holt

23 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Apparently the Abbas is so amazing you’ll marry anyone to get into it. If you want to get into the abbas, you will consider marrying a ra...

'The Legend of the Seventh Virgin’ P4 by Victoria Holt

13 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I have to keep making the longest episodes in the world to get through this book The mice in my basement are eating the peanut butter witho...

'The Legend of the Seventh Virgin’ P3 by Victoria Holt

09 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: If someone’s sibling dies and you have the same name- you’re IN We’re 100 pages in and the story is kinda getting started The Twins w...

'The Legend of the Seventh Virgin’ P2 by Victoria Holt

30 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Rich people used to lay down traps for the poor The mice in my house have begun negotiations Make the rich kids work for YOU Go on, read i...

'The Legend of the Seventh Virgin’ by Victoria holt

25 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Rich kids are the worst It’s fall, and the mice are back I don’t trust this “Granny Bee” Go on, read it for yourself: https://www....

'Jeeves and the Unbidden Guest' by P. G. Wodehouse

16 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: This is like reading an episode of Friends I learned the phrase “throwing soft-boiled eggs at an electric fan” For some reason there is...

‘Wind in the Willows’ CH 11 & 12 - by Kenneth Grahame

12 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: I don’t know how this book works anymore Were the weasels tall, or weasel sized? My basement has gnats now. Go on, read it for yourself:...

‘Wind in the Willows’ CH 9 & 10 - by Kenneth Grahame

01 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Popularity in this world is based on how many bird-friends you have The author wouldn’t stop writing about the sea This toad is seriously...

‘Wind in the Willows’ CH 7 & 8 - by Kenneth Grahame

28 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Animals have their own gods Toad is still an idiot Apparently toad is at least 5 feet tall and can wear a human woman's clothes? Go on, re...

‘Wind in the Willows’ CH 3 & 4 - by Kenneth Grahame

11 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: This author is just another monster writing children’s literature Leave it to grunge.com to tell me just how horrible this author is Badg...

‘Wind in the Willows’ CH 1 & 2 - by Kenneth Grahame

04 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: This author was a jerk to his kid- because he based Toad on him. Mole is some unicorn that every other animal is after. If you can’t affo...

'Much Ado About Nothing' by William Shakespeare - Act 5

29 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: No one is concerned that Hero has married a spaz that will probably flip out again. Anti-Stratfordians are morons In the end- I guess this ...

'Much Ado About Nothing' by William Shakespeare - Act 4

03 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: The dad asks the audience for a knife so he can kill himself Apparently, when someone passes out, it’s normal to ask “oh, are you passi...

'Much Ado About Nothing' by William Shakespeare - Act 3

18 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Everyone is an idiot don’t take the part where you can ruin a woman’s life seriously enough to question the bastard Being a cop has alw...

'Much Ado About Nothing' by William Shakespeare - Act 2

02 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Claudio is a spaz, Don John basically wants people dead and people are tricked into liking each other. Great. Go on, read it for yourself: h...

'Much Ado About Nothing' by William Shakespeare - Act 1

19 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: If a child-servant wants to get married to a woman he’s barely spoken to, men fall all over themselves to make that happen. . Go on, read ...

'Softie' by Noel Loomis

12 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: You can be a sensi-poo piss-baby and still be respected by alpha males? . Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/6968...

'The Great Gatsby' by F. Scott Fitzgerald - Ch 9

05 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Nick might be gay? But still doesn't stop him from being a huge jerk. There’s a huge review of this book at the end. This was a book recom...

'The Great Gatsby' by F. Scott Fitzgerald - Ch 8

28 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: You got a dead Gatsby, and a fussed Nick who pretends he didn’t like him anyway. This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him ou...

'The Great Gatsby' by F. Scott Fitzgerald - Ch 7

18 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Have you ever got stuck at a couple’s house while they argue? Did you like it? Then you will LOVE this. This was a book recommended by my ...

'The Great Gatsby' by F. Scott Fitzgerald - Ch 6

10 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: Daisy is a turd, Tom is a turd, Gatsby is a turd so I guess we like Nick? This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out: verisi...

'The Great Gatsby' by F. Scott Fitzgerald - Ch 5

03 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: This author makes up words that are probably anti-semitic. This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out: verisimilitudino.us G...

'The Great Gatsby' by F. Scott Fitzgerald - Ch 4

27 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: That this book is anti-semetic. Surprise, surprise. This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out: verisimilitudino.us Go on, r...

'The Great Gatsby' by F. Scott Fitzgerald - Ch 3

20 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: The chapter actually ends with the protagonist saying he’s the most moral person ever. This was a book recommended by my friend- go check ...

'The Great Gatsby' by F. Scott Fitzgerald - Ch 2

06 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We learn: When it came to physical abuse in the 20s, the only concern anyone had when a man hit a woman is that they have to call it a night. This was...

'The Great Gatsby' by F. Scott Fitzgerald - Ch 1

13 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Reading a book recommended to me 2 years ago by https://verisimilitudino.us/@baki We learn: Its basically the first season of Vanderpump Rules. This w...