Chapter 1: What are some of the most outrageous dating app stories shared?
A listener production.
This is Happy Hour with Lucy and Nikki. And if you're easily offended, then this might not be for you. He found out who my ex was, but he did. He added him and started messaging him, telling him he was going to bash him. Oh, my gosh. And saying how big his dick was and saying that he would never see me again as now I was his. What a freak. Cheers, babes.
Welcome to Happy Hour with Lucy and Nikki, the real-life shit you only discuss over a drink.
Chapter 2: How does online dating feel for those who are single?
But before we start, a little disclaimer.
So today we are here for Dating App Disasters. And wow, guys.
Oh, they're disastrous, baby.
You guys keep me young in the sense that like knowing that everyone is out there in the trenches makes me feel way less alone.
Oh, babe. And it's so hard online dating, isn't it? Like there really is so many flops out there. It's so unnatural for me. We should do AM positive dating app stories. Oh, how boring. Not really. It'll give you a good like motivation doll. We know the most fucking epic couple that met on Tinder. We do know a good couple that ended up that was on Tinder. And like they're so chic.
So chic, so hot and have a beautiful life together.
Yeah. I mean, it's not impossible. Dating apps are...
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Chapter 3: What went wrong on the date with the guy from Hinge?
I struggle not because I think people are freaks on dating apps because I don't. There's plenty of normal people on dating apps. I struggle personally with the attachment style of a dating app because I much prefer being friends with someone before I date them. That's how I get the feels.
Yeah, it's a whole different way to like meeting people. You're kind of working in reverse.
You're like jumping straight on their doorstep as a romantic prospect. Yeah, exactly. It's like we both know we're here to date. And it's kind of like if you don't into it after the first or second time, you don't see each other again unless you like. And you're not really looking to make new friends. Nah, it's hard.
So you do kind of have a lot of like wasted interactions.
It was very unnatural for me. Although I've been on a couple of good dates recently from Hinge, but now I'm off the apps because I'm boy sober.
That's right.
This week.
In this episode we are.
Stay tuned for another week of what's Lucy's love life doing.
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Chapter 4: What unexpected events occurred during a Tinder date?
Anyway, let's get into these tales.
Dating app, disasters. Okay, from garden prints to ka-chow, cryptid. Okay. Okay, so I met this guy on Hinge. He's asking thoughtful questions, using full sentences, no fish photos. And I'm like, ladies and gentlemen, we may have found him. First date, unreal. He literally picked me a flower from his garden. I'm looking for flaws. There's nothing.
Not even a suspicious vibe, just green flags and floral arrangements. Second date, okay, slight plot twist. He's an hour late to pick me up and he cancels our movie date plans. I'm like, okay, there's an orange flag, not red. We're not panicking, we're observing. He's apologetic. So we go and we sit on the couch and we watch a movie. Then we go to bed. Things are getting a little bit spicy.
Chapter 5: How did a romantic evening turn into a disaster?
You know, vibes are vibing. And then, without warning, this man flips me over, licks my ass crack. Oh. Full blown. My entire soul left my body. I turn back around and say, whoa, I'm actually not into that. Ten minutes later, he does it again. At this point, I'm like... He's an arse licker. Arse licker. At this point, I'm like, okay, so you don't listen. Immediately cancelled. Closed for business.
Lights are off. Security escort. Now, here's where I made a questionable decision. I let him stay. It was midnight. He lived an hour away, but I thought, be a decent human. Mistake. You're joking.
Chapter 6: What lessons were learned from a chaotic dating experience?
He tried to lick her bum again. I turn the TV off, hoping to sleep through the night unscathed, until this man begins to quote random movies to fill the silence. When I didn't know the movie, he'd say, fuck that rock you've been living under. Keep in mind, they were all really niche movies. Until he fucking says... This is like my date from hell. Until he says, ka-chow. And I said, sorry, what?
I lay there staring at the ceiling thinking I have just let a stranger lick my ass and quote Cars in the same evening. Where did I go wrong in life? Oh, it's Ka-chow from Cars. Must be. 6am hits. I wake him up and go, hey, I've got breaky plans. He leaves. I block him on everything before he even reaches the end of the street. Whoa, what a weird situation. It's like he's got... Like Tourette's.
Yeah. Ka-chow. Flip you over, lick your bum.
Chapter 7: What happened when a date took a shocking turn?
Like, what do you mean? So much, like, rough and ā Like, so much rough and movement. And, like, real quick into it.
Like ā Is that ā I think I told you this story before, but I was, like, frantically, like, pacing around the house last night, like, putting things in the dishwasher and then, like ā And Jim was like... Bowing. Very zany vibe going on from you today, Lucy. And I was like, wow, so maybe I'm the ka-chow person.
Oh, my God. Someone writes in, I took Lucy Jackson home once. She licked my bum hole.
Trust me, I'm definitely not reaching to lick someone. Oh, Dad. Okay, so I've got... I'm going to tell this story with a bit of not a lot of context. But I know a boy and a girl. Yeah. That have slept together, but I know them both as like single people. Okay. And he was like, oh, she put a finger in my bum. Like it was a bad thing.
Chapter 8: How do these dating app stories reflect modern dating challenges?
Yeah. And like this chick's like sexy. Yeah. And I was like to the dude, I was like... Is that a problem? And he was like, I didn't like it. And I was like, fuck, you'd be the only person in the world that doesn't like that. I want to know who it is. I'll tell you later.
I reckon sometimes when boys are like, oh, you're just fucking like not so gay. I'm like, you are gay, to be honest. Honestly. If you've got a problem with that, you're a gay and you're trying to hide it.
I will say, as someone that's had a finger jammed up their ass without a lot of pre-warning.
I'm not going to lie, this ka-chow moment reminded me of that.
I was like, whoa, ease into it, buddy.
He just, yeah.
Did I tell you that I spoke to someone that's also shagged him and she kind of insinuated the same thing and I was like... Didn't she say, is he still doing that manoeuvre? No, well, I haven't slept with him for years, but I was like, takes one to know one, doll. The old... Finger up the doot. Dead.
Finger in the doodle. So funny. So funny.
Like, you have to pre-warn someone if you're going to do that, I reckon.
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