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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
a listener production. This is Happy Hour with Lucy and Nikki. And if you're easily offended, then this might not be for you. Yeah, like, I'd have to, like, legitimately, like, be Margot Robbie or something. It's Margot Robbie or marriage.
I don't want anything else. It's not good enough. Famous actor.
Like, I'm, like, Hollywood-level fame. Like, legitimately, like, ripping and, like, a millionaire.
Or... That sounds pretty fucking true. Or married. That sounds pretty fucking true. Why do you want to get married?
LAUGHTER
Cheers, babes. Welcome to Happy Hour with Lucy and Nikki, the real life shit you only discuss over a drink. But before we start, a little disclaimer. So today we are joined by none other than Dee Salmon. Salmon? Salmon? Salmon. Salmon. She's here. She's here. Spoiler alert, she's actually here right now. She is an author. She's just recently written a book, wrote? Written a book. Written a book.
Called It's Not Love Actually. It's so good. I am currently like almost finished it. It's about everything from the trials and tribulations of being a girl, being single, loving your life, finding love, all the things. It's a book that every girl about to enter her, I guess like 20s, any time after 18, read it. Value yourself. Self-worth is life.
And, you know, we've just come recording this at the end and we're like, bing, bong. No, but fuck, it's a really great read and we are about to chat about everything. Everything. Everything. Let's just bring in Dee. I can't even fucking talk. Hey, Dee. Hey, Dee. Perfect. Okay, welcome D to happy hour. Thank you so much.
Oh my God, I love the space. First one in. One off. One off. Yeah.
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Chapter 2: What is the main focus of Dee Salmin's book?
She's got a Russian hat on like me.
This is stunning. And do you know what? I normally wear leopard print, but today I was like, I'm going to fuck shit up and wear like a zebra. I've never worn this before. It's new. Yeah.
So just to paint a picture, guys, Lucy and I have like animal print long fur coats on and Dee's rolled in in a furry animal print skirt. Sorry, what? We're like, this is on brand front. I was like, ah, just for the occasion. Perfect. So, Dee, this is our first time meeting you, but I just knew we would buy. Actually, I met you at Dom Dollar one year, but you didn't remember that.
Yeah, I didn't remember.
I was probably off my head.
Oh, yeah. I thought maybe you wouldn't have remembered. I know. When you were like, we've met, I was like, I had no, I'm like, obviously Dom Dollar. Yeah.
I'm like, no collection whatsoever. We love an honest queen. Are you going to go to Dom in September?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Absolutely. At Marvel?
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Chapter 3: What experiences led Dee to write her book?
I was living with my best friend, Brendan, at the time. And I just like, I just felt ready. I just like woke up and we like had this convo. I remember in the lounge room and I was just like to him, I think I'm ready. Like I feel really good in myself. I felt like a completely different person. I felt like I'd done so much work and I felt really secure and confident.
And I felt like I had so much more self-worth than what I'd done, what I had before. Yeah. And I kind of just was like, yeah, all right, I'm going to... Like I wasn't like I'm going on the apps, but I was like almost like saying it to the universe. You're like, I'm open to opportunity. I'm open to opportunity. Yeah.
And then the next person, maybe like a month later, was like a friend of a friend that I met at a queer music festival. And it was like such a different guy. I wouldn't have normally gone for him. It was like such a different experience to the kind of guys that I went to before. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, okay, I'm like, we're on here. Like I'm actually have changed. I have done the work.
I feel so much better about myself and like... And meeting new interesting people. And meeting new interesting guys. And I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was just in the headspace of I want to have fun and I want to have... I wanted to have good sex. Like I just wanted to have sex with guys that didn't treat me like shit and weren't... Take a bit of the power back as well. Stereotyping.
I actually want to have good sex, so I'm going to go find that and like be confident in looking for that.
And try and do it with people that I felt were really healthy, feminist, trustworthy guys. Yeah. Like people that are actually, I know exactly what you mean. Do you know what I mean? I know exactly what you mean. And sometimes that can be really healing. Like this experience that I had with this guy lasted like, we ended up sleeping together over like months.
And he, we just had such open communication from the start. Like straight away, it was like, he just got out of a really long-term relationship. He was like, I'm not looking for anything. I was like, I'm not looking for anything. And we just spoke the whole time. And it was just so nice because it was like clearly friends with benefits. Yeah. But we still went out for drinks together.
We still hung out with friends. There was still respect there. There was still respect. Yeah. And it was just so nice because that was really healing because I felt like all the times before I'd hook up with guys and have this like casual sex thing where like the guy wouldn't even kiss me because he didn't want me to catch feelings. Oh, see that. And it would be like in secrecy.
And like it was almost like he was embarrassed. Very transactional. Yeah. And just like embarrassed to be seen in front of others with me and like that kind of energy.
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Chapter 4: How does Dee emphasize the importance of self-worth?
Fuck, didn't talk to one boy though. But it's like you still had a really amazing night. But then the next day you're like, fuck, I probably should have put a bit of effort into like looking around. But of course I end up with my friends again. But it's like, is that the worst thing?
Yeah, and also like... I'd way rather be hanging out with my friends.
Exactly. I know, which you do, but it's like this lingering back thought of I should have been having my feelers out. I should have been, you know what I mean? Like trying to meet someone new or... Because it's like I kind of essentially want... Like I do really obviously want to be in a partnership and get married and have kids. Like I'm never going to deny that.
But I am, I guess, on paper, I'm a bit lonely sometimes, but I am on paper, like, I'm fairly content where I'm at at the moment. Like, I've got amazing friends. Fulfilled. I've got amazing friends in, like, every city, so I can go and have a beautiful, fun night in Sydney or Melbourne or whatever, and it's great. I've got a beautiful home. I'm challenged at work. So it's not like I'm...
vacant of things but it's more so I so I don't feel like like if I knew with confidence that I was going to meet someone and get married in a year and if I just knew like say for example relax I'd be like fuck I'm actually chilling this is great but it's that it's that feeling of like oh my god and like I've been single like properly single since my big long-term relationship now for like five years almost it's like five years and
And every year that goes by, I'm like, I thought it would have happened by now. I thought it would have happened by now. And so... that is what I think about. Probably less so than like, I'm not, I'm never pying over boys.
It's more of a, you're like tripping over your own expectation. Yes. Because you're like, I had this expectation that this would happen at this date. But it's almost for me, because I was single for seven years. And when I met my partner, I was in the headspace of just like, I could like, I lived with my absolute best friend.
And I was like, I could, I could generally do this for the rest of my life. I called him my platonic life partner because I was like, you basically are a partner. We just don't have sex because you're gay. But we had like a cat together. We had like a home together. And I was like so happy in that. And I'm not even sure if I want kids. I don't think I would do it on my own.
So it was one of those things where I was like, I don't have that pressure or expectation because I don't want to have kids. I'm not sure about kids. And so I kind of had a partner. And if I wanted to have sex, I could. So it was almost like I had the dream.
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Chapter 5: How does Dee define 'going boy sober'?
Like, I'm renovating my house at the moment. And genuinely, like, the... dopamine I get from just being in like a slightly nicer space is just crazy and that sounds super superficial but then I have these little moments of like I kind of like look around my house I'm like a little bit proud of myself, aren't I?
And then it's like yours. You're like, I'm building my nest. Like, this is my life. Look at the incredible things. Like, and your hard work that goes into buying the incredible things.
And it's like, you know, then, you know, yes, maybe I don't have a boyfriend, but I've got a nice house and that makes me feel, and a crazy dog, and makes me feel good. And so it is, that's my version of my current chapter of life. So it's like, maybe that's something that I do feel for these girls that write into us and they'll say things like, you know, I've just gotten dumped or whatever.
I'm super lonely. I can't afford to do anything fun because of the cost of living and stuff. And I'm like, fuck, that would be... You'd have to strip everything right back to like, you know, day-to-day things to make you happy. Like... A coffee in the morning.
Yeah. But sometimes you just do, right? Like, that's what I did in COVID. And like, yeah, every time I have a low moment, like, or a low period of my life, which is so normal, that's when I whip out the gratitude journal. Because I'm like, we need help. That's it.
It's like, you're just forgetting. Like, and I think it's okay to go off the bandwagon, but it's like reining yourself back in to be like, fuck, you're alive, you're breathing, you can walk, you're healthy. Like, that's the bare minimum, you know?
Yeah. yeah we almost need to do that like if you have those thoughts of being like I mean and it's so valid to be like I want all of these things but instead of being like okay how much time am I giving it if you like allow yourself like five minutes a day to like feel sorry for yourself or to be like fuck I really want this okay great but then the rest of the day Be like, how lucky am I? Yeah.
Call your friends that you love. Like, I talk about in the book, like, nurture your friendships. Like, how much do we just, as soon as we get a boyfriend, like, they just completely drop off or we, like, deprioritize them. And, like, I've made such a conscious effort with my current partner to make sure I'm, like, my friends are, like, just as important.
And I see them, like, you know, I put in so much effort.
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