Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hello, I'm Fern Cotton and this is Happy Place, the show that helps you realise you're not alone in how you feel. Today I'm chatting to Sam Claflin.
I have like a form of body dysmorphia, I think. And I think that may have stemmed from my being a teenager and hitting puberty late and not feeling like I was good looking or too short or not strong enough. I felt really broken. Last year was a really difficult year for me mentally and emotionally. Like at the beginning of the year, I was crying constantly. I was just so depleted.
I was so exhausted and I needed to ask someone for help and I didn't know how.
You find me at my kitchen table again, which is now my preferred place to record these introductions. And you find me in a reflective mood about to make some Rice Krispie chocolate treats for my kids.
Chapter 2: What is body dysmorphia and how does it affect Sam Claflin?
Yeah, I'm being one of those knobs who's trying to do it all and, you know, dropping plates here and there. But I'm trying to make snacks from scratch here and there for my kids. Oh, I sound like a twat even saying it. I mean, look, especially my 13-year-old son is just mainlining a lot of shit at the moment.
Chapter 3: How did Sam's childhood experiences shape his body image issues?
So I'm trying to balance it out by making some stuff. So I've snuck in, well, I'm about to sneak in, some brown rice puffs into these chocolate treats. And Rex has asked me to put marshmallows in them, which sort of mitigates the whole point here. What are we doing? I don't know.
I'm like you, just probably trying to do too much and juggling work and in my case, kids and trying to make fucking Rice Krispie cakes. Anyway, that's where my head's at today. This will probably last all of a week and I'll go back to buying them crap in the newsagent from there on in. Anyway, we try. We're all trying, aren't we, gang? We're all trying. So, should we talk about Wonderful Sam?
Where do you know Sam Claflin from? Because he's had an extensive, varied career. Maybe from The Hunger Games. Maybe from Peaky Blinders or Pirates of the Caribbean. I mean, what a career! Or, like me, maybe you were herb-sessed with Daisy Jones and The Six. Oh, that show! It still lives in my heart! Sam's had a huge career and is now part of a new series called Vanished.
And we talk about that and it is very, very cool. I've seen three episodes and I bloody loved it. Now, Sam has tended to keep his private life pretty private. So this was really lovely getting to know him. He was not one of those...
movie slash TV stars that is really cagey sometimes with these types of interviews I overly prep because I'm worried that they're gonna think I'm prying or they won't want to talk about their personal life so I've got a bunch of questions that feels a bit gentler maybe because look I'm not an intrusive journalist interviewer I don't want to get shit on people I've got no interest in that I just want to have a nice chat
But Sam is in this conversation, as you're here, so open. And he actually kicked off talking about really personal things straight away. I didn't really have to tentatively move into those areas. So we talk about being a people pleaser. And again, you might think that I had brought that subject up because it's, you know, something I'm talking about a lot at the moment.
But no, Sam was straight in there with that being a big issue for him. Also, I'm really grateful that Sam, as a man who is approaching his 40s, was very open in talking about body dysmorphia and limiting food at times and pushing himself with his fitness and all the things that sometimes feel like an exclusively female-based chat. It's of course not. There are loads of men out there that...
have all of these issues. Hopefully some of you are listening to this now. I know we have less male listeners than we do female listeners, which, you know, maybe irks me slightly personally, but, but less so about my own podcast, more so that men don't want to listen to women hosted podcast in general. I mean, that fucks me right off actually.
But, um, but we know some of you brilliant men listen. So I really hope that you get a lot from this or if
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Chapter 4: What challenges do people pleasers face in their relationships?
But we were very much taught when you walk into a room. You know, you make eye contact, you say hello to the person, you say your name, you know, you act with confidence and you bring a sort of a pleasing energy into the room because, of course, you're there to impress them and to get noticed.
And I think being a people pleaser in my line of work, in your line of work, does serve you well because people want to work with people that are easy to rub along with. They don't want to work with people that are causing a fuss and, you know, there's plenty of them in your industry.
Yeah. Apparently. I don't feel like I've ever met one.
Really?
And the problem is because I adapt myself to meet... Ah, yes. But, you know, I'll get in a black cab and I'll start talking with her. Oh, mate, yeah, yeah. Just go down the right. It's your next left. And then I'll sort of be on the phone to a lawyer or something and immediately sort of sound posher. It's a real... But I've realized that I thought I was doing it for a long time.
I thought I was doing it to make the other person comfortable. But also, I think it's more I was trying to make myself comfortable in the situation. I want to feel like I fit in. And that obviously stems from a childhood where you didn't quite necessarily feel like you...
were fitting the norm or or whatever but yeah it's it's a really interesting topic I have to say and I've done I've done an endless amount of reading about it but now it's a matter of putting those things those teachings into practice and and you know living what you what you preach yes easier said than done that's the difficult
I think it's a life's work. I'm pretty sure I'll be thinking about it until I'm hopefully an old lady. Because it's just something that you have to keep. It's like a muscle you have to flex and keep practicing.
I think it's having an awareness, even if you make, be it people pleasing or be it anything. I think as long as you're aware of said behavior, then even if it's in the aftermath, I think it's okay. People make mistakes and, you know, I'm going to slip up many times.
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Chapter 5: How does masculinity influence Sam's parenting style?
I was like, I hated it. And it's my face I don't like. I don't like me.
I've seen you talk about this before. What is this?
I have... like a form of body dysmorphia, I think. And I think that may have stemmed from my being a teenager and hitting puberty late and not feeling like I was good looking or too short or not strong enough. I mean, I remember a PE class specifically where I couldn't do a pull up. When everyone else in my year was doing pull-ups and I just felt incredibly embarrassed.
So I think it sort of stemmed from that. But also being in the industry that I'm in, especially now the entire world has the opportunity to have their opinion. I think, yeah, it really affects you. And a lot of the roles I played earlier on in my career... I had like a topless scene in one of my first movies, but wasn't told it wasn't in the script.
And I got told like a week before they were going to take my top off. And I was like, I haven't been working out. What am I going to do? This is my first introduction to the world. Yeah, I think I think it's I've been massively affected by it. And I think I'd say most guys are that I've spoken to anyway in some degree. But mine got worse. Quite bad, yeah.
In what way? How does that manifest then? Are you talking shit about yourself in your head or you're pushing yourself to work out further? How does that turn out?
I think for me, I really overthink everything. So, you know, I will skip meals. I don't eat breakfast. I have like a juice in the morning and... I work out doubly hard if I've had a bad meal the night before and I try not to drink as much alcohol anymore. I try to get as much sleep because I'm overthinking. I don't do that so much. It's a real struggle. It's like an everyday struggle.
And again, I think that's part and parcel being like an actor with the sort of career that I had specifically, you know, and also being massively affected by what other people think. The people pleasing thing seeps back in. Yeah. You just immediately it bothers me that people might not like me or might not think I'm a nice person or whatever it is or might not look good or.
And again, I'm sort of in the process of working through that and being aware of it, trying to embrace it. But it's a challenge.
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Chapter 6: What role does social media play in body image concerns?
I'm very happy. And especially now, I think as I've kind of got older and I'm sort of like people try to wind me up that I'm nearly 40. I don't care. I think, well, it's a good thing. Oh, 40s are great, by the way. I feel more healthy and happy now than I did through my 20s and my 30s.
Oh, yeah.
The majority of my 30s. I feel like I know better who I am. And now I'm a dad. I embrace that role with all of me. And I think... I was born to be a nurturer, like to look after people and to make sure other people are OK and to be a host. And so having kids is sort of giving me my life's purpose, I feel. And I'd love to have more.
I'd love to, you know, just sort of spread that love, because I think that's. That's what I was made for. That's what I believe. And I think I believed that when I was a kid. So the acting is great. I love the acting. I love my job. I love what I do. But I also just love being a dad and a parent and being able to...
sort of go through this process as a parent and my kids are like 10 and 8 now and being able to kind of share what I'm learning currently with them and then having them talk to me about their fears and about their insecurities I'm like wow and now I know how to deal with that rather than saying we don't talk about we don't talk about our emotions we don't we shy it's kind of it's a real blessing and I feel like you know again I know I speak on behalf of most men
across the world actually in my generation that were taught to be a man, you don't cry, you don't speak about your emotions or say I love you or I'm proud of you. And I think that affected me more than I had hoped maybe. And I have two very loving parents, very supportive parents.
But I think for me, I am very sensitive and I can see my little boy, for example, is very sensitive and having that dialogue with him is really life-changing.
Yeah, it is interesting because I think, you know, throwing no shade on that generation, my parents, your parents, it wasn't necessarily the done thing to sit and talk about how you're feeling or your emotions and what you're going through. It was like you just crack on with things. And a lot of the time, you know, I'm from a working class family.
You know, my parents were both out of work and there wasn't time to have those sorts of deep chats and discuss things. You know, how you were coping with certain situations. How do you approach things with your kids now? Because, you know, my kids are 10 and 13. And so I'm sort of like looking at some very tricky conversations to be having.
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Chapter 7: How does Sam cope with the pressures of fame and public opinion?
a moment where I read a book and I actually put my phone in another room moments where I properly let my nervous system recalibrate and I just slow the hell down I think that for me feels like a good healthy move in the right direction it's going to be different for everybody yours might be the absolute opposite of that but for me as a bit of a speed demon and
someone that can be too urgent with everything, slowing down feels immensely important. Another thing that really helps me stay inspired on my wellbeing journey is listening and learning from other people, which is obviously why I love doing my podcast, Happy Place, so much. Audible.com. He speaks to experts who really cut through the noise and make wellbeing feel accessible and doable.
He's uncovering the mysteries of the gut, the impact that chewing soft foods versus crunchy has on our health, and even learning how to protect the brain as we age. That's just one place to start on Audible if you want to get your fix of wellness content. Visit audible.co.uk to find your wellness today. See audible.co.uk for terms. It's such a hard one. Yeah.
Because we're sort of conditioned from, I don't know what age it might begin, probably when we go to school, that we've got things wrong. You've done it wrong. You are wrong. You're bad. And that's where I think it all starts to mess with our psyche that we... we're questioning are we a good or a bad person and we need someone else to tell us that we're doing okay.
Everything we're doing is meant to be the way that we're doing it. I think, and again, this is a lesson I'm trying to get through to my kids, is that it's okay to make mistakes. And yeah, fine, I might be disappointed in something you've done, but it's okay as long as you learn from this mistake. Yeah, yeah. And fine, you might make the same mistake twice, but please don't make it third time.
I think it's just sort of embracing the learning and the education. And you said it yourself. So we never really stop learning. We'll always be trying to perfect everything. well, hopefully people should be trying to perfect themselves or better themselves or grow to evolve.
And I think, again, I've always been a perfectionist and I've always found myself sort of polishing little things and actually rather than going, wait, I feel like there's a deep rootage problem, there's a bigger problem that I've just been kind of glazing over or just completely pushed under the rug. And sort of now I'm attacking those parts of myself. I think I'm getting more out of it. Yeah.
What's that soul searching look like? What are you doing to kind of get to know yourself, like yourself better?
Now it's a matter of just being present, like being with the people I love and again, not disappearing into the Internet and doom scrolling and things that I don't know. I just feel like the more I spend time with the people I love, friends, family, and, you know, I'm kind of going through. certain things at home that needs my attention and needs me here to be more present.
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