When It's Okay to Lie
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
This is Hidden Brain. I'm Shankar Vedanta. It's a story that is familiar to every American. A young George Washington chops down his father's prized cherry tree. When his father confronts him about the deed, young George doesn't hide. He doesn't deflect. He doesn't minimize.
How does the story of George Washington illustrate the complexities of honesty?
I cannot tell a lie, he says. I did cut it. Instead of scolding him, George's father embraces him. He declares that his son's honesty is worth more than a thousand trees.
This tale, first popularized in the early 19th century, is one of America's most cherished moral parables.
It celebrates honesty and the courage that often accompanies it. Yet the story's enduring power rests on a deep irony. The parable is almost certainly a fabrication, a lie invented to teach the importance of telling the truth. The myth-makers behind the story believe that fiction could serve a higher truth, that people might be inspired to be truthful by the story of a hero who could not tell a lie. The story of George Washington and the cherry tree reminds us that the motivations behind honesty and deception are rarely straightforward. Lies can sometimes uphold moral ideals, and truths can sometimes be wielded to wound. Today on the show, and in a companion episode on Hidden Brain Plus, can engaging in deception ever be the right thing to do?
The psychology of good lies continues. This week on Hidden Brain.
We grew up learning that honesty is a virtue, that good people tell the truth, and that liars are bad people. But life has a way of complicating simple lessons. A husband hides his elderly wife's dementia diagnosis in order to spare her needless worry. A friend says, you look great, knowing it isn't true. A parent tells her child that everything will be okay when it might not be. These moments leave us wondering, when is telling the truth cruel? And when do lies become an act of love? At the University of Chicago, Emma Levine studies the psychology of truth-telling and deception. Emma Levine, welcome to Hidden Brain.
Thank you so much for having me. It's great to be here.
Emma, a few years ago, you were planning your wedding, and you faced a dilemma regarding the guest list. I understand it involved your grandfather and his friends? Yes.
Yes. My wonderful grandfather, who loves me very, very much, wanted to celebrate my big day with all of his friends. The only problem was we had run out of invitations and space at our venue.
I'm imagining this must have caused some stress for the bride-to-be.
Yeah, I was pretty stressed, not only because I was planning the wedding and had to deal with this tension between hurting his feelings and telling him his friends couldn't come or telling the truth. But I was also studying for my qualifying exam. This is my first year of graduate school.
Wow. How did you address this dilemma, Emma? What did you do?
Well, my mother was actually an integral part of all this. She was helping me plan my hometown wedding in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where she lived and still lives. And she basically took over. She said, you know what? I'm going to take care of this. I won't let my dad, who was my grandfather, bring his friends to the wedding. I don't want you to sweat it. I don't want you to worry at all.
Great.
Yeah, it was great. I was very relieved. I was very grateful. The wedding was amazing. Best day of my life. Nothing was problematic at all. But a few days after the wedding, I started receiving a few gifts from people I never heard of. And I did some digging, right? So I get these strange gifts, looking up the names online and the return addresses. And I realized, oh, hmm, they're coming from this place near where my grandfather lives. And I asked my mom, who is this? What's happening? And it turns out these people were invited to my wedding.
Wow.
My mother photocopied my wedding invitations to send to them.
Wow.
Yeah. And I think what's funny is it all kind of worked out quite perfectly. Wow.
So your mom actually lied to you. She told you that your grandfather's friends were not going to be invited when she herself actually invited them.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–0:19
2
How does the story of George Washington illustrate the complexities of honesty?
0:19–8:48
3
When is telling the truth considered cruel?
8:48–12:58
4
What dilemmas arise when planning a wedding guest list?
12:58–46:09
5
How do cultural differences impact perceptions of lying?
46:09–51:41