Forget Pickup Lines: Why Vulnerability is Your Dating Superpower (with Lisa Hickey of the Good Men Project)
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How can vulnerability improve your dating life?
Excuse me, I just saw you and I had to come meet you or else I'm going to have to join the monastery. You're my last chance. It's either you or an inflatable woman, so fingers crossed. Welcome to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. And before we get to the interview you're about to listen to with Lisa Hickey from the Good Men Project, it's a great conversation. Lisa really knows women and men. So we've got so many great tips coming your way. And as I listened back to the recording, I realized so many of them were about hidden mistakes that you made. and many men are making in their dating life that they don't even realize they're making. And there's going to be a lot of great tips in the conversation I had with Lisa, but I wanted to start the episode by giving you four of the most common mistakes that men make that are killing their dating success, and they don't realize they're doing it. So here we go.
In no particular order, here are my top four or four of my top four. And then Lisa's going to have a lot more. And stick around because at the very end of my interview with Lisa, she mentions the single biggest myth and mistake that single men make. And I really do think it's going to melt your brain in a good way. And that's coming right at the very end of the episode with about two or three minutes left to go. So feel free to fast forward to the very end if you want to, if you don't have much time. But if you have time to hang with me, let me give you four of the biggest mistakes that men make, that I've seen men make in my 12 years as a dating coach and my, frankly, my 20 years of working on my dating life. And the first one is trying too hard to impress women. And the solution is you want to express, not try to impress. Here's a quick story to demonstrate this.
I was once on a rooftop bar in Los Angeles, a really cool venue called EPLP. And I'm with a brand new client at the time, a guy named Jason. And Jason is a very well-to-do, successful plastic surgeon in LA. And it was our first night out together. And one of the things I do as a coach is I take my clients out to cool venues, lounges, bars, and I help them approach women. I give them tips. I give them feedback. And that's what Jason and I were doing this night. So we walk into this cool rooftop bar, quite literally in the shadow of the Hollywood Hills. Beautiful women everywhere. It's a great venue. And I say, all right, Jason, show me your stuff. What do you got? And he walks up to two women, gorgeous, thin, stylish LA beauties. And I just said, yeah, let me watch and observe.
He walks up to these two women. And he takes out, he doesn't say anything right away. He takes out his business card, a black and gold business card. He hands it to the two women. And he says, hey, I'm a plastic surgeon, a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. And he hands them his card. And the women were confused. One of them put her hand up to her nose self-consciously. They looked at each other like, what is going on here? Almost like they thought he was trying to get business. But he was trying to impress them. And then they realized, they gave themselves a kind of a chagrined, embarrassed look. And they realized, oh my God, this guy, this is his pickup line, his business card. And they basically said, nice meeting you, which is polite woman code for we're not interested, dude. And they walked away. And I took him aside and I said, don't do that. Don't try to impress women. Bottom line is one of the biggest mistakes men make is trying to show off their status or their money. or trying too hard to impress a woman.
And by trying to do that, you usually accidentally lower your stature in a woman's eyes. Because if you're trying to impress her with money, or your Lamborghini, or your cool job, or something that you think is gonna be impressive, That's going to come off as try hard. It's almost like you're overcompensating for not being attractive enough and in her league, so you're trying to make up for it.
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