How to Be Bold, Flirty—and Never, Ever ‘That Creepy Guy’: A Dating Guide for Modern Gentlemen
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What is the litmus test for being a man?
But I also want you to know that the litmus test for being a man is not how good you are with women. The litmus test for being a man is how good you are to women. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett, helping you flirt with confidence, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. Authenticity is the secret. And I want to open with a quick story from many, many years ago about a date I had that might resonate with you. Years ago, I'm on a first date. And I'm walking a woman named Stephanie to the subway from the bar. We just had our first date. And I hear this little voice in my head saying, kiss her, kiss her. As we walked to the subway, it's now or never do it.
And Stephanie and I stopped at a crosswalk near the end of the date. And then I went for it, but she had been checking her phone. So when she looked up, My incoming lips must have seemed like a sneak attack. She recoiled. And I caught the corner of her pursed mouth for a very awkward first kiss that she did not see coming. And I said, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I felt clumsy. I felt a little bit creepy. And she said, it's okay. And then she vanished down the steps to catch the train. Good night. And there was no second date. She went totally quiet. Now, looking back years later, I now realize my rookie mistake. I call it the lunge. What is the lunge?
What is 'the lunge' mistake in dating?
It happens near the end of a date when a guy like you or me, you sense that you've been playing it too safe and you feel pressure to make a move because you don't want to get friend-zoned. But at the same time, you don't want to make a woman feel uncomfortable, especially in the Me Too era. And so finally, feeling that you have to do something, you just go for the first kiss. You lunge like a quarterback heaving a desperation fourth down pass. This usually doesn't end well because the woman is surprised, it's miscalibrated, and she either pulls back, which sucks and hurts, or she endures an awkward lip lock like poor Stephanie did that evening many years ago. If you're like most men, the Me Too era has made dating even more confusing than it was before.
How should I text her charmingly without being pushy?
You're a good-hearted guy, and you probably... If you're like a lot of guys, you feel caught between two extremes. On the one hand, you don't want to do anything appropriate. On the other hand, you fear that not making a move is going to lead you to hearing the dreaded, hey, let's just be friends, or I'm just not feeling a connection. And so new dating lines have been drawn post Me Too, and you might not be sure where they are. Can you approach in the daytime, or is that harassment? Can you ask for her number? Or do you have to wait until she gives her number to you? Do you need verbal consent before sex, before foreplay, before kissing? Can you sext a woman? Is that creepy and wrong? Well, in today's episode, I want to address some of the biggest problems that you might be facing in terms of looking for love here in the Me Too era. And I have really good news. I want you to know that because you are a man with integrity, you're a gentleman with good intentions, that actually dating today is gonna be, it's easier than you think. You can still make moves.
What are the do’s and don’ts of office romance?
You just have to do it the right way. And also at the end of this episode, I'm gonna share a really powerful personal story about a woman I once knew, the love of my life. In the 2010s, I dedicated my book to her, Dating Sucks But You Don't. I dedicated my book to her. She's a woman I knew and used to date. She is a survivor of sexual assault. And just knowing her and being with her as she went through that experience really opened my eyes to the importance of the Me Too movement and just helped me become a better, more empathetic man. So let's get into it. First things first, as I tell my clients, and I want to tell you, my podcast listener, that the Me Too movement affects men, but it's not about men. It's not about you.
It's not about me. It's about the awareness of the widespread mistreatment and abuse of women and girls. It's also about empathizing with survivors and sufferers of that mistreatment. And I believe the Me Too movement is also about our men doing our part to make women's lives better. And so I think the Me Too movement is a cultural shift that is welcome and long overdue.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the litmus test for being a man?
0:00–1:59
2
What is 'the lunge' mistake in dating?
1:59–2:55
3
How should I text her charmingly without being pushy?
2:55–4:06
4
What are the do’s and don’ts of office romance?
4:06–6:15
5
Should you ask for permission to kiss her?
6:15–8:01
6
How to sext effectively without crossing lines?
8:01–11:13
7
What should you do when she visits your place for the first time?
11:13–18:25
8
What do women need most from men today?
18:25–48:22
More from How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
8 Flirty Things to Say (and Not to Say) When You Freeze Up Around Women
The 10 Most Surprisingly Sexy Things to Say on a First Date
The 7 Lies that Keep You From Approaching—and 7 Tips to Confidently Talk to Women Anywhere
The 10 Texting Commandments: How to Stop Getting Ghosted and Start Getting Dates
21 Flirty Ways to Make Her Feel Authentic Attraction (How to Escape the Friend Zone, Part 2)
The Date Seemed Great… So Why Did You End Up in the Friend Zone? (Part 1)