How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
My Girlfriend Tells All! How We Connected on Our First Date (Featuring My Amazing Partner Jessamin) Part 5 of 5
Fri, 22 Nov 2024
If you don’t know what to talk about or how to flirt on first dates, this is the episode for you. In part 5 of this week-long series on how to get a girlfriend, host and dating coach Connell Barrett welcomes his romantic partner Jessamin. The couple breaks down the fun, connected first date that put them on the path to love. What do women from want on dates? Jessamin will tell you!In this episode, Connell and Jessamin will discuss:(3:20) The Photos on His Profile that Made Her Swipe Right(3:55) The Kinds of Photos NOT to Use(13:05) The Right Way to Text a Woman Before a First Date(15:00) How to Write Light, Flirty Messages to Keep from Getting Ghosted(18:20) Jessamin’s Top First-Date Tip(26:30) How to Make a Great First Impression(29:00) What to Talk About to Never Run out of Things to Say(30:48) How to Avoid Interview Mode and Not Get Friend-Zoned(34:15) The Simple Way Connell Went in for the First Kiss(37:18) How to Ask Her Out for a Second Date(39:21) Jessamin’s Top 3 First-Date Mistakes that Guys Make(45:00) Why Women Want Authentic Men, Not Toxic “Alpha Males”Are you ready to stop hearing “Let’s be friends” and start getting second dates? Listen now.Quotes"Seize your first impression in online dating—it's your chance to stand out from the start." - Jessamin"Great conversations flow when your humor and interests align." - JessaminFOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES: https://datingtransformation.com/contact/TO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH: https://datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30/
Chapter 1: What makes a great first impression on a date?
That's a great tip. A woman notices if you're rude to the hired help.
Yeah.
Like I verbally assaulted my butler this morning and I felt so bad afterwards. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Connell Barrett. I help men confidently flirt, get dates, and attract their dream girlfriends, all by being authentic. No creepy pickup moves needed. And in this episode, you're about to find out what women want on a first date.
And also, you're going to find out what they don't want. This is so that you can have really great dates that lead to second dates and third dates, and eventually finding that dream girlfriend. And today's guest is a woman, and she's not just anybody. She's my girlfriend. She's my best friend. She's my soulmate. She's my schmoopy.
She's the most important person in my life, and I wanted to have her on to talk about, well, how I got her to be my girlfriend. Welcome to the podcast, Jessamyn.
Hi. Thanks for having me.
I was about to start chatting with you and all of a sudden I had flashbacks because we've never done a podcast together. And I'm like, wow, this is kind of like a new first date.
It definitely feels like it's the first date all over again.
A little nervous. How's it going to go? Is she going to like this? Let's see what happens. And by the way, stick around to the end of the episode because Jessamyn is going to share with you three of the biggest mistakes that men make on first dates that you might be making. And we're also going to talk about how to fix those things. So stick around until the very end.
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Chapter 2: How did Connell's dating profile attract Jessamin?
Yeah. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach a
so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. To get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. That's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start
confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. So on our date, I remember, and even though I'm a dating coach, in a weird way, when I go on a date or went on dates, and when I have my clients go on dates, I say, do all the preparation in advance. Plan a great, fun place to go. Have a clear, simple plan. Be that man with a plan.
And then, but on the date, be really present. Just be a real active listener. and discover the right things to say on the date. So I remember on our date, after the first 15, 20, 30 minutes, which was just fun banter, talking about nothing like Seinfeld, I remember thinking, I really want to get to know her. And we talked a lot about your family. I remember making a little mental note.
OK, her mom's name is Liz. Got it. Brother's name is Aaron. Got it. I wanted to remember this, because I wanted to show you that I was listening. Uh, because that was important to me to understand. I think I shared a story, a couple of stories about my family too. So we connected about, I think we connected about each other's families among other things.
Yeah. I mean, very straightforward. Um, yeah, I think, I think families, it's not always easy for people to talk about their families.
Right.
So you can always, you know, if you're asking her like about her parents or siblings, you know, if there's not a lot coming back, it's probably, they may not be super close or maybe tension there or whatever the case. There's always other, you talk about friends, talk about coworkers. I'm sure I talked about like my coworkers and bosses a little bit too. Yeah. Yeah.
So we had a really good couple drinks at this bar in New York City. And then we went to the back room. We went to a different part of the bar just to change the scene.
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Chapter 4: What are common first-date mistakes men make?
Chapter 5: How to keep the conversation flowing on a first date?
That was pretty right. I was thinking before that we got on to record today, I was thinking of something. I remember you telling me that you liked about my profile. And this is something that I think the listener can find interesting. his way to do the same thing that I was able to do to get a date with you.
I think you said to me, I had a school teacher vibe or like a high school or professor type vibe based on my photos. Am I making that up or is that something you recall?
I feel like when I've described you to people in the past, I've been like, I don't know any other way to describe it other than like the cool middle school teacher. Yeah. And not in like a weird way, literally just like a very like gentle, friendly, open presence. Like that comes out immediately.
It doesn't come out of your profile, but just even getting to know you, I'm like, there's no scariness or bad weirdness here. It was just like a very genuine person in front of me.
Yeah, I've heard that before from other people. Like, oh, Conor, you come off like a school teacher, high school teacher, college professor. And I'm not necessarily going for that in my photos. But what I do try to do is to say, okay, what's like a real, the real but best side of me that a certain person might be attracted to? A type, in other words. And
What I like to have my clients do is I say, cool, let's come up with a couple avatars that are genuine to you, that are authentic to you. Because if you had seen me on a motorcycle with a leather jacket trying to look all cool and tough, either that would have seemed really off to you and not seemed like me, or when you met me, you would see that that's not who this guy is.
What I teach my guys is, hey, let's come up with an avatar that's authentic, that's genuine, and maybe play up that side of you so that you don't have to be Mr. Six Pack Abs or male model, but if you are just one of the kinds of types of guy a woman might be into, that's more than enough to get a date.
Right. Or, you know, thinking about what kind of woman you actually want to attract. Do you also want to attract a motorcycle riding babe? I mean, you know, if you do, great. Or maybe opposites attract if you're taking that approach, whatever the case may be. Yeah, definitely tune into what you actually are and not what you maybe want to be or think you should be.
And the other thing you said was, oh, the whole dating coach thing was an unusual thing. hook that was unusual for you, which makes total sense. There's not a lot of dating coaches out there, at least not dating on the league like I was at the time. And so just the fact that that was unusual, that caught your attention as, oh, that's different. Is that basically what you're saying?
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Chapter 6: What do women really want to see in a dating profile?
Chapter 7: How to avoid the interview mode on dates?
Chapter 8: What are Jessamin's top tips for a successful first date?
I remember they were mostly, they were good photos. They were, I don't, I couldn't tell if they were necessarily professional photos. I think a couple of them were, but they were like well-framed. It was just you. I think there was one of like you and your niece.
There was one of you with a dog, but the pitfalls that you see a lot are like, you know, guys that have like a clearly cropped photo, like group photo. And it's like blurry, um, Or they just take a bunch of selfies. Like there needs to be some sort of effort put into it. And there was obviously some effort in there. And then you also had a photo.
Your head was cut off, which was a little concerning. But it was like the last one. And I'd seen your face. I didn't care. But it was you in the policeman's Halloween costume.
Right. I was a hot cop. Sergeant Dick Utopia. My alter ego. Halloween photo. Yeah.
So it was a good variety. You weren't taking yourself too seriously, but you were taking dating pretty seriously.
That's good to know. I've found that the best, most effective photos for a single guy, one or two really good portraits.
that probably were taken by a professional or a good photographer but that don't feel super editorial that your smile is authentic it's genuine you're caught in a moment of feeling good as opposed to here's my linkedin headshot cheese which is exactly the wrong way to try to get a match so it sounds like that got your attention when you saw mine and thought okay these are maybe these are professional but relaxed genuine yeah
Yeah, I put effort into my profile. I do expect the guys I'm matching with, the guys I'm seeing on there, to do the same.
I liked your profile because, well, you're super pretty, obviously. And I thought, wow, super cute girl. There's a big check from me. And there was a sense of kind of quirkiness that came out. You're making a funny face in one of your photos, like an intentionally ugly face. Yeah. And that seemed weird, the good kind of weird. Like, oh, she's kind of a quirky type.
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