Stop Freezing Up IRL: How to Confidently Talk to Women Anywhere Without Overthinking
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Why do people freeze up when talking to women?
Less is more. This is not a Cheesecake Factory menu. I want to keep it simple.
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, and bestselling author, Conal Barrett. I want to help you know what to say, how to flirt, and attract that incredible girlfriend. And do it all by being authentic. And today's topic is knowing exactly what to say. I think the single most common problem I hear from guys when they come to me and talk about wanting some dating help is they say, I see women in real life and I see women at my gym. I see women at the bar and I never talk to them. I just don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. That's the most common problem I hear from men. And that's what today's episode's about. I want to tell you and give you exactly what to say.
Because if you're like me 20 years ago, and if you're like most men today, or most single men anyway, you see some pretty incredible women who you would love to meet. You probably see them at Starbucks, at your gym. If you're a bar guy, you might see them at your local bar when you go out a couple nights a week. And you want to talk to that interesting, attractive, bubbly, cute girl, but you just don't know what to say. And so when you don't know what to say, you freeze and you miss your chance. And then if you beat yourself up, it's so frustrating. It's so frustrating. So the very first time I ever decided I needed to get my dating life into a better place, I was at a Starbucks on Park Avenue, 29th and Park here in New York City.
And there was this gorgeous woman sitting by herself, brunette, on a Sunday afternoon. And I walked over to try to say something. But I didn't know what the right thing to say was. And so I literally circled her chair for 90 seconds like a frightened shark. And then I went back and sat down and tried to figure out, okay, I'll say this. I'll say that.
What is the What-to-Say Method?
And then she got up, walked out. probably out to meet some other guy. And it certainly wasn't me. And so that made me just beat myself up. I felt so frustrated. I was like, why can't I talk to women? And if you can't or don't talk to women out in the real world, then this can leave you to settling for women you're just not that attracted to. Or it means you pretty much are stuck with whatever scraps you can get on the dating apps if the apps aren't working for you. So that's where I was once upon a time. And yeah, so if you're not approaching women and you're struggling on the apps, then you've got pretty much no dating life at all. At that point, Netflix is pretty much your girlfriend. Okay? So today's episode, I want to help you with that.
I want you to know exactly what to say. to confidently talk with women out in the real world, in your normal day-to-day or night-to-night life. Because I want you to become the man who can talk to any woman anywhere comfortably, confidently, so that you get out of your head, you're not constantly overthinking. So I want to share with you what I call my what-to-say method. This what to say method is how to know what to say, even if you're in your head. Even if your inner monologue sounds like a hostage negotiation, you're going to know what to say at the end of this episode. And also, this is about 90% rejection proof. About 90%. Using the elegant framework I'm going to share with you right now, this will get a positive response response.
somewhere between polite and very attracted to you 90% of the time. And a little bit of background as to how I came up with this. I used to get so in my head around attractive women. I was in my late 30s. I was still 38 and I still had never approached a woman in my whole life. I froze up so often. Oh my God, people were checking me for frostbite. I froze up like I had 27 tabs open on my computer.
How can I start a conversation at a coffee shop?
All my RAM was taken by, what do I say? How's it going to go? Will she like me? So then I started approaching women, kind of forcing myself to do it. And then I noticed what worked. And I call what has worked best for me and then for my clients. is what I call the what to say method.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why do people freeze up when talking to women?
0:00–2:23
2
What is the What-to-Say Method?
2:23–4:36
3
How can I start a conversation at a coffee shop?
4:36–6:21
4
What should I say when approaching women at a bar?
6:21–7:55
5
What are effective conversation starters for the gym?
7:55–9:08
6
What are the common reasons for hesitation in approaching women?
9:08–10:38
7
How can I overcome self-doubt in dating?
10:38–12:15
8
What steps can I take to confidently talk to women?
12:15–30:09
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
8 Flirty Things to Say (and Not to Say) When You Freeze Up Around Women
The 10 Most Surprisingly Sexy Things to Say on a First Date
The 7 Lies that Keep You From Approaching—and 7 Tips to Confidently Talk to Women Anywhere
The 10 Texting Commandments: How to Stop Getting Ghosted and Start Getting Dates
21 Flirty Ways to Make Her Feel Authentic Attraction (How to Escape the Friend Zone, Part 2)
The Date Seemed Great… So Why Did You End Up in the Friend Zone? (Part 1)