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How To Have Sex

How to Explore Beginner-Friendly BDSM

02 Jun 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

0.031 - 16.69 Jay-Jay Feeney

Quick warning, this is an R18 podcast, explicit and completely unapologetic about it. If you're underage, look away now. If you're an adult who likes to be told exactly what to do, you are going to love it here.

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25.883 - 27.486 Melissa Vranjes

Let's start with something sexy.

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28.027 - 46.002 Jay-Jay Feeney

Our sponsors, obviously, Wild Secrets. If you're feeling curious, cheeky, and ready to upgrade something more than your mood, go to wildsecrets.co.nz and use code HAVESEX for 20% off site-wide and get your pleasure delivered.

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47.247 - 64.093 Melissa Vranjes

Okay, first of all, before we dive in, our pleasure practice from last week. So we discussed porn and if you are watching porn to change up to maybe reading erotica or listening to audio erotica. So we're changing things up, aren't we?

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64.113 - 82.941 Jay-Jay Feeney

Yeah, we're changing things up. Look, just... I don't mind sharing with you the pleasure practice. Well, I do, but I don't. But, you know, my boyfriend is a little bit uncomfortable with me talking about any, and I'd say yours as well, any real personal details coming from our private life. And I understand that.

83.642 - 91.534 Jay-Jay Feeney

And I think, look, just out of respect for him and the fact that he can't be anonymous and neither can I, I will not be reporting back on the pleasure practice anymore.

91.834 - 92.295 Melissa Vranjes

So fair.

92.395 - 100.827 Jay-Jay Feeney

But it's not about me. I think it's about our amazing followers on the podcast. So let's involve them. Let's hear what they've got to say each week.

101.368 - 125.721 Melissa Vranjes

So we're going to change it up. We're going to now go into our DMs and read your reflections from the pleasure practice, which means when I give everyone a pleasure practice at the end of the week, We're going to have a prompt on our stories and we want to hear from you so that we can read out your reflections. Good, bad, great, terrible, weird.

Chapter 2: What does BDSM really mean?

539.525 - 543.572 Melissa Vranjes

I don't think it's a main attraction, but I think it's a big part of it for women.

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544.314 - 548.361 Jay-Jay Feeney

What else would be an attraction of it? Why are some people into it?

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548.481 - 563.187 Melissa Vranjes

I think a huge part is novelty. It's the excitement of a newness, of exploration, of exploring something that you've never done before. And that brings up an edge, that brings up arousal, that brings up like,

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563.167 - 583.698 Melissa Vranjes

what am I doing you know or like I shouldn't be doing this the tabooness is what a lot of people find erotic about it like going down to a dungeon which we'll do that one time but going down there it's like oh my god I didn't realise this podcast involved field trips We're going on a school trip for sure.

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584.098 - 588.767 Jay-Jay Feeney

Oh my god. Can I bring a friend? I'm your friend. Oh no.

591.312 - 598.726 Melissa Vranjes

Yeah, I think there's lots and lots of parts to it that is really attractive about BDSM.

599.027 - 601.712 Jay-Jay Feeney

Is BDSM the most extreme thing you can do in the bedroom?

602.857 - 630.231 Melissa Vranjes

no I don't think so it depends what you mean by extreme you know it's like remember that could be extreme for you like there's golden showers well I am actually I've got a question about that in another episode about fantasies because I know so many people are into those but anyway that's for another day that could be extreme for somebody else but for another person it's like oh that's fun that's fine I love that

630.211 - 645.874 Melissa Vranjes

So it's the same in the realm of BDSM, being whipped or lightly choked. It could be like, oh my God, that's so extreme. But for somebody else, it's like, no, I need that to get aroused. I need some force or I need... Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Chapter 3: Why do people feel ashamed about their BDSM curiosity?

869.515 - 877.332 Jay-Jay Feeney

dominated, pinned down, told what to do, or vice versa. Is there anything alarming about that?

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878.088 - 883.515 Melissa Vranjes

No. Nothing? No. Well, if someone wants to be pinned down, dominated.

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883.535 - 888.581 Jay-Jay Feeney

So if someone wants to be a submissive, strongly, or wants to be really strongly dominant, there's nothing alarming about that?

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888.641 - 907.825 Melissa Vranjes

No. No, really? Okay. No. What have you got going on in your mind? Do you think that's a red flag? I'm just thinking of all the movies I've watched. Yeah, but do you look at that person being like, just throw me around, just tell me what to do, just tie me up? Do you see that as like, oh, gosh, she's got psychological problems or something wrong with her?

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908.885 - 912.97 Jay-Jay Feeney

I haven't experienced that myself, so I just think that would be abnormal to me.

913.611 - 913.911 Melissa Vranjes

Yeah.

914.051 - 917.375 Jay-Jay Feeney

Like, I'd be like, oh, hang on a minute. Are you okay? Yeah.

918.176 - 932.353 Melissa Vranjes

Wait, so it would be abnormal if someone did that to you? Like, it was like, throw me around. Yeah. Tell me what to do. Is that because of the dynamic of a heterosexual relationship? Like, a guy being in that thing that's... I don't know.

932.433 - 936.698 Jay-Jay Feeney

I was just wondering what you thought about it, whether there was any cause for alarm.

Chapter 4: How can beginners safely explore BDSM?

1564.134 - 1577.053 Melissa Vranjes

And then maybe the person says, open your legs. I'm going to go between your legs. And it's like, cool. I know that the person's going to go between my legs now, you know? So it's little things like that, that helps you keep safe.

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1577.033 - 1579.199 Jay-Jay Feeney

I'm squeezing my toes right now.

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1579.219 - 1579.459 Melissa Vranjes

Why?

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1579.479 - 1581.425 Jay-Jay Feeney

Oh, because you just say that so sexy.

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1583.47 - 1589.746 Melissa Vranjes

But that's what creates safety. It's not silent and you're like, oh, God, where are you?

1589.807 - 1593.777 Jay-Jay Feeney

What are you doing? It's the best to commentate in a way.

1593.976 - 1614.548 Melissa Vranjes

I think, yeah. Or you do it through breath or through touch. Okay, wherever my hand goes is where my mouth's about to go. Like my mouth's going to follow that. Or wherever the fabric or the whip or whatever, wherever that is, just know that I'm probably going to like trace my cock over that area as well.

1614.568 - 1614.668

Okay.

1614.648 - 1622.245 Melissa Vranjes

Wow. I love JJ's face when I say these things. She's just shocked.

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