If I Speak
Episodes
111: Do we need more women mentors?
05 May 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya are reunited and ready to answer a mystery question, inspired by Lena Dunham’s memoir Famesick: do we need more women mentors? Plus: a ...
110: How Andrew Tate poisoned a generation of young men w/ Jamie Tahsin and Matt Shea
28 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
With the manosphere back in the headlines, we’re republishing our 2024 interview with the authors of Clown World – the book that exposed Andre...
109: How can I tell my parents I’m a stripper? Your dilemmas solved w/ Shon Faye
21 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Moya answers your dilemmas with former Vogue agony aunt Shon Faye. Featuring: a graduate abroad who might have a saviour complex; a gay man who doesn’...
108: Is it time to quit your job? w/ William Rayfet Hunter
14 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Moya is joined by doctor-turned-novelist William Hunter to talk about what it takes to abandon your career for something new. What are the signs it’...
PSA: We want to hear from Special Ones!
07 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
A special announcement from producer Chal. Ash and Moya are on their holidays but will be back next Tuesday! Take part in our audience survey here to ...
107: Do we love success but hate ambition?
31 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Moya has a big theory about success: we love the idea of it, but hate people going on about it. Did Timothée Chalamet’s naked ambition cost him an ...
106: When does the mask become the face?
24 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash react to Louis Theroux’s documentary on the manosphere. The antics of YouTubers like HS and Sneako seem designed to amuse teenage boys ...
105: How can I connect during sex?
17 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Ash has a big theory about why so many aspects of modern life feel like masturbation: private, self-centred, disconnected. They discuss the objects a...
104: Why are Brits flocking to Dubai?
10 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash wonder what’s attracting young British ex-pats (and influencers) to cities like Dubai and Bali. Is emigration the new face of aspiratio...
103: Will getting back to nature heal my feelings of burnout?
03 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Ash wants to cultivate a better relationship with nature, but Moya detects a deeper issue around burnout, and the lure of the countryside for busy cit...
102: I’m not ready for relationship – but I don’t want him to see other people
24 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
CONTAINS WUTHERING HEIGHTS SPOILERS! What else would two literature lovers (and actual Brontë experts) be talking about this week but the film of the...
101: Her toxic ex returned and now our friendship is ruined
17 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
It’s a dilemmas special! (Because the Special Ones have a lot of problems.) Ash and Moya answer your emails about: two student housemates who don’...
100: We’re 100 episodes old – ask us anything!
10 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
We’re 100 episodes old! To celebrate, our audience of Special Ones ask us anything, from the personal to the political to the completely potty. What...
99: How do you know when it’s time to quit?
03 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Moya has been breaking the habit of a lifetime by choosing to stick with her choices rather than quit. She asks Ash how to trust your gut when it come...
98: Are we obsessed with having our feelings validated?
27 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Have we become reliant on having our feelings validated instead of taking valid criticism? Ash and Moya offer their own strategies for worrying less a...
97: When will I start feeling like a grown-up?
20 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Ash has a big theory about what makes someone into a proper adult – and it’s less about age or wisdom than the experiencing of caring for someone...
96: Why are women choosing looks instead of books?
13 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Sure, you look great – but can you spell pharaoh? Ash and Moya start the year with a tough conversation about the beauty regime that rules over us ...
95: Does British culture need saving? w/ Lanre Bakare
06 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Culture writer Lanre Bakare joins Ash and Moya in Manchester to talk about the precarious state of arts and nightlife around the UK, Black cultural id...
94: Resentment, hostility, scarcity… is this modern dating? w/ Jordan Stephens
23 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya are joined by Rizzle Kicks star and author Jordan Stephens to talk about changing attitudes to gender and relationships. Are we regressin...
93: I’m addicted to guilt. What’s wrong with me?
16 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July 2026 – tickets are available now from https://crossedwires.live/ now! Ash and Moya debat...
92: Should we say something about women’s shrinking bodies?
09 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
NEW LIVE SHOW! Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July 2026. Presale tickets available at 11AM on 10th December – go to crossedw...
91: If there’s no ‘ethical consumption’, can just I buy what I want?
02 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Last chance! We’re at EartH in East London on 16 December with guest Jordan Stephens – a handful of tickets are still available from Dice. Ash an...
90: Are rightwing politics affecting my sex life? w/ Dr Annabel Sowemimo
25 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We’re in Manchester tonight (25 November) with Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There – final tickets available from Contact Theatre! Then EartH in...
89: Am I doomed to get more conservative as I get older?
18 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
LAST CALL for our Manchester event on 25 November with Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There – get tickets from Contact Theatre! Then we’ll be at ...
88: What are the ethics of oversharing?
11 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Come and see us live! We’re in Manchester on 25 November with Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There – get tickets from Contact Theatre. Then we’...
Live news! Come and see us at EartH in London on 16 December
06 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
A special announcement: Moya and Ash will host a festive edition of If I Speak on 16th December. Joining us at EartH in East London will be special gu...
87: I’m losing interest in my fiancée. Should she make more effort?
04 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Come and see us live on 25th November in Manchester with special guest Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There! Tickets are available now from Contact T...
86: Why do we lap up other people’s horror stories?
28 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We’re coming to Manchester! On 25th November we’ll be at Contact Theatre for a live show with special guest Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There....
85: Has pop culture turned to slop? w/ Kemi Alemoru
21 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*Display your Special One status with our only piece of merch so far – a bag! Available from shop.novaramedia.com* Moya and Ash are joined by Kemi A...
84: How to ace a first date (by two very different daters)
14 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*Flag your Special One status with a massive foldable Baggu bag, available from shop.novaramedia.com* Are you a stranger dater or a fan of the ‘inde...
83: Is jealousy the spice of life?
07 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*We’ve got merch! It’s a big foldable bag just for Special Ones, available from shop.novaramedia.com* Prompted by Elena Ferrante’s novel My Bril...
82: Help! I can’t stop hating men
30 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*Join the Baggu believers: it’s a huge foldable bag just for Special Ones, available from shop.novaramedia.com* Moya wants to stop hating men and st...
81: Is it wrong to love my AI boyfriend?
23 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*We’ve got merch. Gift yourself the If I Speak x Baggu bag, only from shop.novaramedia.com* A mystery question from producer Chal prompts a conversa...
80: September is the real new year. Will your resolution stick this time?
16 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*Flag your Special One status with our official tote bag, only from shop.novaramedia.com* Moya has a simple proposition: September is the best month f...
79: Help! I’ve moved back home and now my mum hates me
09 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*Check out the official If I Speak tote bag on shop.novaramedia.com* Moya and Ash tackle your dilemmas, featuring a middle-class mum who’s become di...
78: What does it take to feel safe?
02 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*Get the If I Speak Baggu bag from shop.novaramedia.com* A shocking real-life incident prompts a conversation about feeling safe, trusting your gut an...
77: What’s the difference between a girl and a woman?
26 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*The If I Speak Baggu bag is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available from shop.novaramedia.com* What would it mean to be valued simply a...
76: How porn went mainstream and changed everything w/ Sophie Gilbert
19 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*Support the show by copping the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available from shop.novaramedia.com* Ash ...
75: The world needs more flirting. Here’s how
12 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*Support the show by copping the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available from shop.novaramedia.com* Moya...
74: Can your racial identity change over time?
05 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*Flag your Special One status with the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedi...
73: Where did it all go wrong on the dancefloor?
29 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*Flag your Special One status with the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedi...
72: Why does it always have to be me taking responsibility?
22 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*We’ve got merch! The If I Speak Baggu bag is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com* Ash and Moya desc...
71: If I’m so angry then why am I crying?!
01 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*We’ve got merch! The If I Speak Baggu bag is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com. Support the show ...
70: Can you ever change what you want?
24 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
*We’ve got merch! The If I Speak Baggu is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com. Support the show and ...
69: Is marriage a hard border? w/ Jeremy Atherton Lin
17 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Is marriage like an island, or more of an open house? Ash talks about state-sanctioned relationships with memoirist Jeremy Atherton Lin, whose new boo...
68: Help! My housemate is a pig
10 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash deal with your dilemmas, including a daughter who wants to give away her inheritance, a scared mum facing up to her prejudice, a singleto...
67: What’s up with Generation Alpha?
03 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash wonder what’s up with kids these days, thinking about parenting, advertising, social media and anxiety. Plus, advice for a bereaved lis...
66: I’m right, you’re wrong, end of!
27 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Moya has an intrusive thought about our need for certainty and Ash responds with an idea about how the internet has polarised our thinking. Plus, advi...
65: Has your smartphone broken your brain?
20 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya face up to all the ways their smartphone has warped their minds. Plus, advice for a trans woman struggling to interact with the world in ...
64: What is the female gaze?
13 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What do straight women find attractive? Too many men think the answer is ‘big muscles’ says Ash, who has a big theory about sensuality. Plus: what...
63: Do people just want to be told what to do?
06 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Moya has a big theory and you’re not going to like it: most of us would rather be told how to live our lives by someone else than work it out oursel...
62: I’m not sure I want to call myself a feminist anymore…
29 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya confront their feelings after a bad fortnight for feminism, from Katy Perry in space to the Supreme Court’s anti-trans ruling. Plus: ad...
61: Can friendships cross class lines? w/ Natasha Brown
22 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ash speaks to author Natasha Brown about the big questions raised by her acclaimed second novel Universality, a ‘whydunnit’ mystery about identit...
60: Are we too addicted to convenience?
15 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya answer a mystery question and wonder if our quest for a life of convenience was a mistake. Plus: advice for a listener dating a much, muc...
59: Does my ex owe me money for the house we renovated?
08 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash offer advice to a special one who’s lost everything after renovating a house with their ex. Plus: what if some of us are ‘relationshi...
58: I want to be fun again. Help!
01 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ash has an intrusive thought that she thinks Moya can help with: make me fun again! Plus advice for a listener navigating the identity politics of the...
57: Do you really want to know about your partner’s past mistakes?
25 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Nicola Dinan returns to the show to talk about her second novel, Disappoint Me, and respond to Moya’s question about how to deal with a partner’s ...
56: The one where Moya grills Ash on her new book
18 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
[Updated audio! Please refresh, redownload and/or clear your cookies for fixed version] Moya has a bone to pick with Ash about Minority Rule and the c...
55: Joy is an act of resistance… right?
11 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash discuss the uses and abuses of self-care culture and its roots in Black feminism. Plus: how to get over homesickness. Send us your dilemm...
54: Forget the boycott, gimme that brand deal
04 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Why did Stormzy delete his pro-Palestine posts just before unveiling a Happy Meal tie-in with McDonald’s? Ash asks Moya if big artists are all just ...
53: Getting ‘the ick’
25 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When did we all start ‘getting the ick’? And why does it mainly seem to be women who get it? Ash and Moya unpack the gender politics behind the ‘...
52: Happy birthday IIS! Now ask us anything…
18 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
One whole year of If I Speak! Moya and Ash celebrate with an #AMA, tackling your questions on career growth, love songs, role models, Irish politics a...
51: Am I feminine enough for you?
11 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya respond to a mystery question about femininity with a conversation about desire, agency and sexual politics. Plus: advice for a listener ...
50: The return of the slur
04 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After hearing the R-word on a comedy podcast, Moya offers an intrusive thought about the limits of language policing. Plus: what to do about a horribl...
49: We need to see more wrinkles on screen!
28 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya discuss women’s changing faces on screen and the intensifying obsession with ageing. Plus: tough love for a Special One who’s getting...
48: Is it time to cut off my lying dad?
21 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya tackle a mailbag full of dilemmas, including a committed couple arguing over money, a daughter considering cutting off her dad, and a stu...
47: Is the era of public shaming over? w/ Yomi Adegoke at London Podcast Festival
14 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Recorded live at London Podcast Festival last September, Ash and Moya are joined by Yomi Adegoke – author of The List and Slay In Your Lane – to t...
46: Porn is everywhere. How damaging is it really?
07 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What happens when sex becomes an online stunt? Ash and Moya discuss OnlyFans creator Lily Phillips, who challenged herself to have sex with 100 men in...
45: Surviving end-of-year burnout
31 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
What has 2024 taught us? Ash and Moya reflect on a year of discomfort and grief, from personal challenges to political setbacks. Plus: what classic da...
44. How to deal with people who can’t deal with you
24 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash swerve the fuzzy festive feelings in order to get some things off their chest. Plus, advice for a listener who feels trapped in their hap...
43: How far would you go to be yourself? w/ Amrou Al-Kadhi
17 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash talk to writer and director Amrou Al-Kadhi about their brilliant debut film, Layla, which follows a young drag queen in chaotic pursuit o...
42: Why won’t they just break up?
10 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
[Updated file!] Moya has a theory for Ash about unhappy couples who will do anything except break up. Why are we sometimes so hesitant to pull the plu...
41: When do good habits become dark obsessions?
03 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash tackle a mystery question about breaking bad habits, with a frank discussion about open relationships, exercise and disordered eating (co...
40: Do aesthetic trends offer clues to political shifts?
26 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya has a big theory for Ash about aesthetic trends as a harbinger of the US election results, which prompts a very adult discussion (read: argument)...
39: I’m in big trouble! Your dilemmas answered
19 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya tackle another bumper crop of your dilemmas, including a special one who wants to stop mothering her friends, a burned-out student strugg...
38: Why is Andrew Tate’s manosphere so seductive? w/ Matt Shea and Jamie Tahsin
12 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash are joined by the authors of Clown World, a new book exposing Andrew Tate’s grip on his followers around the world, to talk about why p...
37: Do you believe in ghosts?
05 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The veil is thin this time of year, so Moya and Ash tackle a mystery question about the spirit realm. Plus, neighbourhood cat panics and advice for a ...
36: Should being a girlboss earn me a break from cleaning?
29 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya wonder why women still shoulder the burden of housework, even when they’re #leaningin to their careers. Plus, a listener who doesn’t...
35: Help! My scatty friends can’t meet my standards
22 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Are you a Black Cat? Or a #cleangirl? Do you have Main Character Energy? Moya has a big theory about the urge to give ourselves new labels. Plus, a li...
34: How mean can you be to other people’s kids?
15 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya channel their inner Clint Eastwoods to lament the rise of trick or treating, and consider how to interact with other people’s children....
33: What makes you embarrassed to be leftwing?
08 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash turn the weapon on themselves with a Mystery Question about the lows of being on the left – haters and losers, pyrrhic victories, strat...
32: What makes a house a home?
01 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Inspired by Moya’s big move, Ash wonders what the necessary ingredients are to turn a house share into a home. Plus, advice for a listener whose fri...
31: Why isn’t my best friend excited about my wedding?
24 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash argue over a big theory about our need for surprise. Has modern life killed off spontaneity in everything from dating to holidays? Plus: ...
30: Unbothered, moisturised, happy – and ready for a relationship?
17 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Are you sitting comfortably? Because Moya has come to a big realisation – and some new rules on dating etiquette. Plus, a whole a new batch of your...
A message from Moya…
10 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash are absent this week – but in the meantime, they’re preparing for a LIVE recording of the show this Sunday, 15th September, as part o...
29. Has therapyspeak improved our lives?
03 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Does knowing your attachment style make life any easier? Moya and Ash tackle a mystery question about our newfound fluency in the language of therapy....
28: What the hell is a gut feeling, anyway?
27 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya is on the brink of change – but can she trust her gut on the biggest decision of her adult life? Plus, advice for a listener confused about th...
27: I’m in big trouble! Your dilemmas answered
19 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya dedicate a whole show to answering your dilemmas! Featuring a woman questioning her age-gap relationship, an infuriating parent who won’...
26: I’m so sorry, I’m English
13 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya has a big theory for Ash – but the script goes out the window when they start talking about the far-right violence engulfing the UK and unpack...
25: I hate the way that you walk, I hate the way that you talk
06 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Prompted by Kendrick’s anthemic Drake diss, Ash claims we’re living through the summer of the hater. But what does it mean to hate so hard? Plus: ...
24: Help! What’s my purpose in life?
30 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash butt heads over the lure of individualism and living a political life. Plus: Moya enters her busy-body era with a new segment, Missed Con...
23: Surviving your Saturn return
23 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash debate the power of astrology and explain how they survived their ‘Saturn return’ era. Plus: Ash’s best anti-procrastination techni...
22: How will I know if I really want kids? w/ Renay Richardson
16 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Ash and Moya are joined by podcast entrepreneur and single mum Renay Richardson to talk about the realities of solo parenting, from being blocked from...
21: What does it take to be effortlessly cool?
09 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Ash has a theory of cool that involves nonchalance, style and timing – but Moya’s not so sure. Plus, advice for one listener who wants respect in...
20: Skinny is back in fashion. FFS!
02 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The return of low rise jeans was a harbinger of something worse: being seriously thin is back in fashion. But why now? Moya and Ash have a Big Theory....
19: We’re boiling with rage
25 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya has a big theory about why everyone’s on such a short fuse these days and Ash responds to a listener with a debilitating crush. Plus: science o...
18: Why does everything feel so disposable?
18 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Ash presents a big theory about disposability and social shame prompted by a wardrobe clearout, and Moya responds to a dilemma about dating while livi...
17: Feeling seen w/ Nicola Dinan
11 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash talk to Nicola Dinan, author of Bellies, about why we crave external validation yet hate to be perceived. Plus: advice for a listener who...
16: How do you recover after betrayal? w/ Chimene Suleyman
04 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Moya and Ash talk to Chimene Suleyman, author of The Chain, about uncovering her ex-boyfriend’s secrets and why society lets abusive men get away wi...
15: Dissociation is my superpower
28 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Does the body keep the score? Ash and Moya explore the border between grief and trauma and how to embrace being emotionally messy when disaster strike...