Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What are the initial themes of advocacy and personal journey?
It's a Lot is recorded on Gadigal land. We pay our respects to the traditional custodians of this land and to elders past and present. We also would love to extend our respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people listening today and remind you all that sovereignty was never ceded and it always was and always will be Aboriginal land.
It's a lot.
Everyone, we're here with one of my favourite humans, Harry James. How are you going?
I'm very well, thanks. How are you?
I'm good. I'm so happy for you. I'm so proud of you. Thank you so much. For those of you who don't know, Harry has been... I mean, you were on the podcast in 2024 and you were in the middle of your journey of advocacy and activism in trying to get rid of character references in sexual assault cases. And since then, you've had so much success with it. You've gotten engaged to a beautiful angel.
Yes. That beautiful angel, Bella, has been on the podcast and is now pregnant.
Yes, that's true.
So, so much has happened. We had a fun night out in London. Yes, we did. I mean, so much has happened. Give me a rundown in your own words of what the past year and a half has been like for you.
Well, it's been a whirlwind, I think, is to say. That's the least I can say. But I think- Yeah, we've seen the provision of good character references for convicted sex offenders, so all sexual violence cases, be abolished in New South Wales, the ACT. Victoria is set to pass in the middle of this year and Tasmania at the same point.
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Chapter 2: How did Harri James achieve legislative change?
And ever since doing the episode with you, so many survivors have come forward and said this has happened to me to men, women. It doesn't. Unfortunately, this abuse doesn't discriminate. And that is the most devastating thing of it, that it doesn't discriminate. It can happen to anyone and come from anywhere. And I think.
I know we're recapping my story, but I think that was why I was so committed to writing this book, which I'm sure we'll get into, but writing it and using it as a tool for people to understand how rife this is and what they can actually do with their pain and the adversity that they faced.
Yeah, absolutely. And we will absolutely get into the book. But I want to talk to you about becoming a father again. Are you seeing it as becoming a father, quote unquote, again? Because you haven't had a contact with your daughter.
Yeah, I haven't had contact with my eldest daughter for close to a decade now. So the last time I saw my daughter was when she was three. And so when the sexual abuse ceased when I was on my 16th birthday, that's when the final act of sexual abuse occurred. I was still under the grip of my stepmother for many years after until she decided to flee the country.
And that's when I didn't see my daughter. That was in 2019. And I was this 19-year-old kid. You know, I'd lost my daughter. I was coming to terms with the fact that I was abused as a child and, you know, there was a myriad of other things that were going on. But it was a lot to take on as a 19-year-old man, young man.
And that's when, you know, I didn't want to be here anymore and I went to a mental health facility and got the help that I needed. And, yeah, as you said, I haven't been in contact with my daughter because, and this is one of those questions that I get online a lot, like why haven't you gone for your daughter or anything like that?
But I think there's one thing that I never had and that my daughter never had was that the fact that there weren't adults surrounding us that prioritised us. And I think for me I can, you know, I fight the urge every single morning to get on the plane to the Philippines and pick up my daughter and bring her home to safety.
But I can't do that because imagine telling a girl who's turning 11 this year who has autism as well, going to see her, she probably wouldn't remember me. Last time she was in Australia was three years old. She was three years old. She probably wouldn't have any understanding of who I am. And then you're saying, oh, remember that brother from Australia? Well, he's actually your father.
That can cause so much more damage and so much more harm to her quality of life than me suffering for a little bit until we get to reunite later, hopefully. So that's the decision why I haven't pursued... Obviously, I've worked out every... viable option for me to go pick up my daughter. That goes without saying.
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Chapter 3: What challenges did Harri face transitioning to advocacy?
You know, trauma more often than not is intergenerational. Like I know the trauma that I experienced, it didn't start with me.
Yeah.
You know, it happened generations and generations before. I just so happened to be the first person to say enough.
Yeah.
Yeah.
To end that cycle.
Yeah.
Well, you have been through a lot of pain, but transforming your pain into purpose, subheading How to Find Your Voice and Make a Difference, is your book. Yes. I want to talk about your journey in activism because a lot of people ā
See things, I think especially right now, see things going on in the world, see issues with our legal system, see issues with our media, see many big overwhelming issues and they think, well, that's fucked. I would do anything to change that, but I don't know where to start.
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Chapter 4: What does Harri's book 'Transform Your Pain Into Purpose' cover?
And also the New Zealand Prime Minister just announced yesterday that they're going to abolish good character references if they're re-elected, which is quite cool. It's gone international.
That's incredible.
Thank you. But I think, yeah, it's easy to get swept up in that and the change-making, but I think... I want to get to a point, I want to be at a point in my life where I don't have to wake up every morning and feel that urge to fight. I just want to be able to sit at my kitchen table and feel at peace and feel content. And I think that's what I'm going towards now. And I think there's
because I talk about it in the book as well, but to continue at the pace that I'm going at, I'll just burn myself out eventually. I won't be able to function as a real living human being. And I think part of my experience is also knowing when I've done my bit and I think I've done my bit. I've paid forward what I've needed to and I think now
I always get the question, like, what are you going to do next? And I think it's unexpected when people hear me say, no, I actually just want to be a human being. But it's the truth. I mean, if I'm constantly out there advocating for other victim survivors to prioritise their healing so they can live a life that is fruitful and prosperous and full of joy and happiness...
I have to practice what I preach and enjoy that too.
Yes.
And I think it's so important for me. I think it will be more effective for me in the future to only contribute where it's actually necessary because there's so many other survivors and their stories that haven't been heard that need to be put to the forefront. I just can't continue to take up all this unnecessary space all the time. Yeah.
I want to share that and I want to and that's part of why the book is what it is with all those tips and stuff so I can pay that forward to other people.
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Chapter 5: How does Harri manage burnout in his advocacy work?
And I think what the chapter does is it actually takes the reader and into a space of how can we pre-empt these things, what measures should I put in place to protect myself. And it comes from that place of just wanting to ensure that, you know, there's no adverse outcomes and that you're fully prepared before you engage.
Because I think it's easy to say, let's make a social media profile and let's just go and do it. But if you're not taking the steps to protect yourself, that's when a lot of harm can come about.
Yeah. And also I feel like there's a little element of... Performative isn't the word, but maybe faux validation that things are working when all it is is likes and engagement. It's like you have to also measure it in real-life outcomes.
I've fallen for that trap.
Yeah. Where you go, oh, my God, this is amazing, it's happening, and then in reality nothing's changed.
Yes. And also feeling as though that comments or likes on social media is the only measure of your worth.
Yes.
That's not the case at all. Yeah. I mean, what matters... in reality is the fact how do you connect with people? How do you make people feel better after leaving an interaction with you? Like that's how do you connect? That's what matters more and that's what's more impactful than anything to do on social media.
Yeah.
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Chapter 6: What role does social media play in advocacy according to Harri?
I'm going to. Please send it to me. Yeah, I will.
Please, or Bella will. Yeah. I'll be like, Bella, find the clip.
Yeah, it's out there.
But so I feel like this is the only path for you, I guess, is what I'm getting at.
Well, I think I was so determined with utilising and also the story, it just consumed me so much that I couldn't shake the responsibility to want to do something good with it. Yeah. And I talk about it in the book, it was like this, it was radiating from me. It was I wanted to make a change, I wanted to make a difference and I knew what that looked like.
In the end result, I just didn't know how to get there.
Yeah.
And I figured it out with a lot of trial and error.
Well, yeah, because you were doing this all yourself.
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Chapter 7: How does Harri define success and purpose in his life?
That's real change.
Yeah.
That's what it's all about.
Absolutely. It makes for a stronger community in general. If everyone is thinking that way, regardless of if they have trauma or not, if that's everyone's motivation to be joyful, content, to pay it forward, to try and hear people out, we'd all be much happier.
A more empathetic understanding society.
Absolutely.
And I think that is the key takeaway from this book. It's transforming your pain into purpose. Purpose is completely up to you how you define it. It's got nothing to do with anyone else. It's how you define it. And there's power in that. And I think for someone specifically who has experienced sexual violence, all your autonomy is stripped from you.
So to have that power to choose your purpose and have that autonomy, that's a wonderful thing. So don't take it for granted.
Harry, I'm so happy for you. I'm so proud of you. The book is Transform Your Pain into Purpose, How to Find Your Voice and Make a Difference by Harrison James. Link in show notes. Also links to all of Harry's social media. Go and follow him and go and see more accidental gender reveals, I guess, in the future. Yeah. And also listen to my interview with Miss Gorge's fiancƩe, Bella.
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