Chapter 1: What are the main grievances discussed in the episode?
Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay-triots, they-triots, black-triots, brown-triots, and all of the triple Trumpers and anybody on the planet that actually still supports Trump can do what, Pumps? Fuck off! Welcome to America's Top DEI Podcast, trying to change the minds of voters one episode at a time. Poms, what have you had it with?
Okay, what I've had it with are people that trap you with a text and then immediately call you so they know you have your phone in your hand. So if you ignore it, you're just like the biggest dick on the planet. It's like the minute the bubbles start, then they call you or the minute it gets delivered, they call you.
And I just, I don't, I'm sure it's my codependency, but I'm just like, I can't ignore it at this point because they know I have my phone in my hand and I'm typing to them. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. I think I both hate this and do this.
I think this is one of those where I've had it with it, but I also participate in the grievance because sometimes I have to tell somebody something and you know, it's hard to get tone in text. Like sometimes when I'm writing out a text, I notice I'm like using four exclamation points and then I'm like backtrack, backtrack, backtrack. Am I really that enthusiastic about this?
And then I just put the period. And then I'm like, does that make me sound like a cunt? You know, is it one exclamation point? So sometimes if I text somebody something and then they respond, I'm like, I have to tell them in person. Like I want the voice to voice contact, but I too have been in this trap.
where somebody has texted me and I just want to respond really quick to clear out my text, you know, texts that need to be returned. And then I get zapped with a call. And depending on how much I like the person, will I answer? If it's a person I absolutely 100% don't want to talk to, I have no problem saying, so sorry, can't chat right now, can only text.
I would say that's, I hadn't thought of that, but I will say this about you because I thought about that. You and I kind of do that sometimes, but here's the difference. You can call and say, Hey, do you know where the red lipstick is? Yes.
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Chapter 2: How does the host feel about texting etiquette?
Okay. Bye. Like it's not prolonged. The problem with these people is they're the prolongers. They want to talk about superfluous shit. If it was just a question in and out, let's do this. I don't care, but it's never the people that are efficient. It's always the people that just prolong everything.
Have you ever found yourself like, I'll be getting a lot of texts like a Sunday and I'm like, I'm going to pretend like I'm not using my phone today. And so I'm like not responding to the text thinking I'll respond to him like much later in the evening because I don't want to get involved in a belabored texting. And it's stupid shit.
Somebody sending me something and then the conversation goes on and I don't really enjoy text conversations at all. I don't get any joy anymore. out of belabored text conversations. So I'm ignoring like five text messages, right? So then I get over to Instagram and it's like, here's a video of Rafa Nadal winning the 2022 Roland Garros. And I'm like, double tap.
Here's Punch the Monkey fighting back. And I'm like, double tap. And it's like, and here's the resistance and somebody making fun of Trump. And I'm like, double tap. And they've all been posted within an hour. And then I'm like, oh, shit, everybody knows that I'm not returning the text, that I'm over liking shit on Instagram and I'm so busted. And that's the thing about the smartphone.
Anonymity and avoidance is damn near impossible. No, I agree. I don't do that because I when I'm doing all that tap like I'm sometimes I can't I just have to hit the heart like the double tap still escapes me. But yes, I do that while I'm trying to ignore people. Here's what I hate. And this happens to me all the time. with my ex-husband. I will send a text. It will be ignored.
But then there will be a text stream with one of my children and it's rapid response. So I know I'm being ignored.
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Chapter 3: What challenges arise from misgendering pets?
Why are you texting your ex-husband? About like, okay, this is what I paid for tuition or whatever. Like the reimbursement. We're just talking about old times and love. But you know, you know that he like... that particular person enjoys more than anything, having some drama where there is no drama. And so he's dying for you to say, why didn't you text me back? He's dying. I know.
I just, which back in the day I would have, but now I'm just like, no, no, no, no. You're right. It's just, it's, it's trying to lure me in. So that's a little bit of growth. Yeah. Little. Yeah. I think, I think that the final coup de gras and the growth would be to have your children text and say, you owe mom X amount. Hey, by the way, mom said. Complete blackout of all communication.
Like a total block. Yes. If anybody deserves a total block from you, it's that MF-er. No, no question about it, but I think it would be a show up at my door. Can you imagine anything worse than that? I really can't. I really can't. We're in the middle of a Trump presidency. Listener, that's how bad the situation is. It's so undesirable. It's the torture. Uh, I, uh, God, that's, it's something.
All right. Welcome. Oh no, I need to tell you what I've had. All right. I've had it with my husband misgendering my French bulldogs. So for years he misgendered my cat, Kitsky, the late Kitsky. She died as everybody knows after a long lifelong battle with asthma and diabetes. And she lived to 18. Um, so Kitsky is a girl, Josh, for the entirety of her life referred to Kitsky as he, him pronouns.
And so my husband and I just went on vacation together and we took our dogs because our children are in college. And I just, honestly, dogs are fantastic to travel with. And he kept calling Cha Cha who is female, him and he.
he him pronouns and i'm just like she's five we've had her for five years she is a girl like you need to use the correct pronouns with our dogs and the same thing with tabby he'll be like she needs to take her medicine i'm like we've had him for 10 years and the misgendering and it's like this i i don't I don't understand what it's about.
I don't know why you would want to misgender a dog or a cat. It's just so bizarre to me. But he does it all the time. And I can tell that the dogs don't like it. They're very offended. When I first got Tilly, I kept calling her him or he. And my daughter came on. I mean, she was on me every second about the misgendering. And I've gotten really, I mean, I don't do it anymore.
I'm like, how are my boys and my girl? But if I said, come here, boys. No, you're not misgendering her. And I was like, okay, okay, okay. So I was going to say with Josh, it was a new thing. that the evidence suggests this goes on a long time. There's really just no excuse for it at this point. What's your excuse for misgendering? Because I had two boys.
So like the first month that I had Tilly, I kept referring to like as him, like I need to take him outside. And it was like, you know, just in the very beginning. Yeah, I don't know what I don't know what Josh's deal is other than we did make it to Mexico on this trip. And, you know, he has just such prolonged hypochondria. Yeah, we didn't have any ear issues. Headaches seem to have subsided.
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Chapter 4: How does the guest relate their upbringing to their current beliefs?
And I put Sam Altman is a fascist collaborator because there was an other. Good for you. Altman is a fascist collaborator. And I joined Anthropic, who's fighting with the Department of Defense. And I'm now a Claude user. But this is before we fired ChatGPT. And listener, everybody should boycott ChatGPT because Sam Altman is a pussy and a fascist collaborator.
But anyway, so it's something about kidneys or something. And he brought it up once and I kind of just side-eyed him. And we went through eight days in Mexico without any hypochondria, but something terrible happened. So, you know, Josh has been working out like crazy. Like he works out all the time, lifts weights all the time, drinks creatine, protein powders, all that shit, right?
And he looks really good. I mean, he's just turned 57. He looks the best he's looked. I mean, looks fantastic. Sober, clean living, the whole nine. So we're walking down the beach one day, and this couple, a rather older gentleman with a younger weekend tryst, it looked like, on his arm.
And he kind of says to Josh, and this guy had on like a swim top cover up, so must not be super proud of his, like a rash guard. He wasn't super proud of his upper body, I would say, because she was in like a skimpy little bikini. And he walks by Josh, and he goes... You think maybe you ought to work out more, bro? Because Josh has no bills. So it was a compliment, right? Did he take it there?
Immediately, he took it that way. He immediately picked up what they put down. And since that incident, I've had to relive that story five times with five different people. And he starts it off by saying, why don't you ask Jennifer what the guy said to me on the beach? It's like, it's like, It's like passing the narcissism.
He wants to be a narcissist, but he wants to pass it to me for me to bring up. So I've had it with that. I've had it with the misgendering. We are doing better on the hypochondria front. So that's growth. I'm really happy about that. And I just wish that nobody would give Josh a compliment anymore. And it's not that I'm a mean person, which people can make an argument for that.
It's that I have to live with the aftermath of that compliment. Right.
he doesn't just say oh my gosh thank you so much that's so nice and that's it that's it it's over that compliment lives on i mean just two days ago he brought it up he was in new york visiting me and he brought it up to a girl at the gym my chef jennifer tell me tell you what the guy said to me on the beach and i was just like why don't you shut the up what how about that how about we how about we shut the up it was two weeks ago let's move on from it
Here's the deal. The minute you said the guy said that I knew exactly what you're thinking. Because it's true. Like it really is true reliving it, bringing it up. That's kind of funny that he's now he's brought you in to be part of the narcissist instead of just saying,
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Chapter 5: What are the implications of MAGA ideology on country music?
And she looks like a million bucks, right? So then the next day she like puts on the same outfit because she wants all the gay triets, the les triets, the black triets, the brown triets, the patriots, even fucking MAGA. She wants everyone to see how spectacularly cunty her outfit is. And each time we're unable to film the episode due to time restraints, scheduling restrictions, et cetera.
And so have you given up on the outfit?
yes yeah it i refused to put it on today but only because i was worried it would mean something would go wrong like every time i put that shirt on the third time was pretty humiliating i was putting it on i just was like the episode's not gonna happen and i'm gonna look like a loser sitting in my outfit for the third time and so i was like i'm not fucking putting it on today and look we're filming
But it really is. It's so good. And it will make it to air. It's a great outfit. You look great in it. You look really fucking great. You would break the lezzernet. The lezzernet. I really would have. I really would have. It would break the lezzernet. I mean, it would be like, I think it could be a really good positive thing for lesbians, that outfit, and it on the World Wide Web.
The third time I had it on, I don't know about you, but when I repeat an outfit, I like it a little bit less each time. Totally. First time I felt just the hottest I've ever looked. Seth even threw me a compliment. Second time I was like, okay, we're going to get this in there. Third time I sat there and I was just like, this is fucking ugly. I hate this shirt. I hate it. Yeah.
really hate that about me too i have that same affliction and it's so stupid like if i wear something then i'm like well i've already worn it before and that's just so shallow and pretentious and i just have to i came to terms with the fact like 20 years ago just like you're just shallow and pretentious jennifer you just are both of those things like you just need to accept it like you are shallow you're pretentious
You fall prey to the worst pitfalls of capitalism. And I've been to a lot of therapy and on a lot of various different issues. That's just not something I've been able to really fully rectify yet is the shallow, pretentious nature in my character. I really haven't. I've tried. I really like things. I do. I like clothes. I really like those things.
And I wish I could be one of these people who's like, it doesn't matter what I wear. Pumps used to be like that for years. She'd be like, I don't care what I wear. She never cared. She'd show up in a robe in public, a robe and slippers, never gave a fuck. And I was just like, I just like clothes. I just love fashion. I love it. I love all different facets of fashion. Yeah.
One of my things is when you were saying that, like, I don't remember what I wear. I'm afraid I'm on the opposite spectrum. I feel like I wear the same thing over and over and over again because I just don't. So just call me out on that if you notice it, because I'm kind of starting to think I wear the same thing over and over. I've started to wear the same thing over and over.
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Chapter 6: How does the guest view the intersection of Christianity and politics?
But if every day I put on a brand new outfit, I'd be fucking invincible. I just, I don't know what I couldn't tackle. I really don't. Like if I could have somebody come like, here's your new outfit of the day, and then come and take it after that, I'd be like, good riddance, see you later. And that's just a horrible, I mean, I'm telling you, I'm really shallow and pretentious. I really am.
It's a horrible character defect, horrible. Jen, you fixed so much. I just think like, let's let you have this one. Yeah, I think of all the character defects, I'd rather have that than a lot of the ones I have. I mean, Oh, I have a lot of others too. This is just one that's been consistent my whole life. There's this, that movie, we watch it every Christmas.
I think it's called The Family Man and it has Nicholas Cajun and Taylor Leone. And so it's kind of like a Charles Dickens thing where he goes and he gets a glimpse of what his life would be like if he wasn't this rich hedge fund prick, blah, blah. And so he goes to the mall and he tries on like a Zinnia suit.
And he puts it on and he goes, it's amazing how much better of a person I feel like I am wearing this suit. It's just like a, it's like horrible. And I completely related to his character. Like I totally get that. Like, I feel like a better person in a great fucking outfit. I feel better. Not only do I look terrible, it's just so fucking awful, but I totally have it.
I would argue that I'm a better employee. I work harder. My brain is sharper. I feel smarter. I feel better. Yeah. It's true. I understand. I totally get it. Okay. In lieu of a review, I have an email. that a distraught listener has sent us. They have a grievance.
And it says, Dear Jennifer and Pumps, a month ago, all my office colleagues had to do a color personality test and then discuss why we are the way we are. No surprise to me, I'm a thinker, not a cheerleader. Last week, we all had to do a team building activity where we took a personality test. And guess where I ended up? Same result.
Today, I just got an email invite to another team building event that is an escape room. Not two weeks ago, I said to my coworkers that I'd rather shoot myself in the head than do an escape room. I'm 65. I'm looking to retire in a couple of years.
In the 43 years that I've been a working professional, I've done every color test, personality test, ropes course, icebreaker, team building, morale building, how to manage a team, two truths and a lie, potluck, lunch and learn, trust exercise, not to mention office door decorating contests, pumpkin carvings, chili cook-offs, and birthday parties. Can I just work?
I don't have enough time left in my career to learn anything new. I don't care about other people's personality, color, because clearly they don't care about mine. Please, I've had it. That's a nightmare. I have so many questions about that. That is just such a nightmare. You hear these stories about all these just exhausting team building bullshit things and then what your color is.
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Chapter 7: What are the societal impacts of billionaire influence?
Well, I think in her and the emailers, she has no choice. It's a job requirement. No, I know, but as an employer, why would you want all this crap? Because you get these focus groups that come in and do all this bullshit stuff. And I think this comes from, I'm telling you, this all starts with gender reveal parties.
Whenever they started the gender reveal parties and we started celebrating humans in utero, then we started inventing a lot more activities to do. We started inventing kindergarten graduation, preschool graduation, lower school graduation. I mean, like all of this shit to where it just, it builds and builds and builds to where the whole life is just a superficial house of cards.
And then you're doing trust falls and color stuff at work. Nothing means, it means nothing. If her color would have been a completely different color, she still has the same fucking job with the same set of employees. All of this has to do with over-celebrating, over-thinking, over-analyzing, not being efficient. This is an inefficient society. Yeah, I agree.
Okay, and I've got a news story for you. Jen, you just came back from Mexico. You were talking about your dogs. There's a lot of new paperwork you have to have. And so there's this story going viral of this woman that went to an airport with her dog. And then I'll let the video play. It'll explain it. We're back with a dog left alone at the airport in Las Vegas.
Video shows the woman leaving the Golden Doodle Mini Poodle at a JetBlue ticket counter earlier this month. Authorities say she didn't have the right documents to travel with it as a service dog. She is now facing animal abandonment, among other charges. The dog, now known as JetBlue, is at a rescue facility awaiting adoption. And I have a good news update.
Before you respond, the dog was adopted by the officer that rescued him. So I saw this online and I just can't imagine that you would leave your dog at the airport. And I watched the video multiple times. And the woman has a Stanley-esque style cup in her hands at the ticket counter. And I think that if you go back to our first episodes and look at the case that we're making for
what what is a precursor to fuckery what is a precursor to making horrible life choices what is a slippery slope to maga what is a slippery slope to being a dog abuser you can go back to doing trust falls at the office you can go back to the inception of this podcast and it is gender reveal parties stanley cups and there's this through line to all of these things that i oppose fundamentally
And so I just felt so bad for JetBlue and I'm so glad that JetBlue, number one, I'm glad that JetBlue was left because JetBlue needed a new owner. But I just think about how her feelings must have been hurt at the airport. And I'm so glad that that officer found her and adopted her.
And I saw a picture of the officer with his family and he has like kids and, you know, doodles are like so family friendly. oriented but if you if you look at that video she clearly has a thermos stanley cup style beverage in her hands i just i just eagle eye hawk that out do you see it kylie Oh yeah, it's orange, right? She's got a big, yep.
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Chapter 8: How does the guest envision the future of America?
No question. There's no question. Oh my God. So I read this story. We need to dive into this for IHIP news that, okay, you know, there was the story about Kristi Noem, um, and the, uh, jet and the blanket left on the jet. Yes. Well, some loose lips sink ships are leaking a story that something far more embarrassing was left on the plane than the blanket.
And so I'm thinking since she, Kristi Noem, the Department of Homeland Security cosplayer, she's screwing Corey Lewandowski, even though they're both married and Bible thumpers and all this shit, right? I bet it's a bag full of sex toys or something. That's what I thought when you said that. I was like. Butt plugs, butt balls, dildos. The whole nine. Yeah. All of it. And you know what?
And I bet she, I mean, this is pretty graphic, but I'm just going to go and say it because fuck it. We're in Trump's second term. I bet she pegs Corey. 100%. Don't you think she's the pegger? Yeah. Yeah. I bet that's her. I bet she shot a dog. So I bet then when it gets to... I'm a big he woman, all that. Yeah. I completely think so. She's a pegger. Yeah. She's a pegger for sure.
But here's the thing. There's a new book coming out about their affair. And I just want to say on behalf of the I've had it podcast team, I'm going to read it. I am all writing the book walking in some it's like a journalist that's been following their affair in their interaction, but get them on the pod. Okay, we need to find out when it's releasing. They just did an excerpt of it.
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