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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
yes guys welcome back to another guest episode one of my favorite little sub series that we do here is that game show steven it's called would i lie to you would you lie to me you idiot i don't want to get sued we're getting sued now it's called would you lie to me and we bring back some of our favorite guests from years gone by on happy hour and we get them in the studio and play would you lie to me and this is our biggest ever gap between guests i think
Yeah, the guest today was maybe in our first 20 ever.
Yeah, I think 2019 we had this man on. It's Daniel Sloss, the Scottish comedian, the very funny, the very dry, the very honest Scottish comedian, Daniel Sloss.
We don't only play the game, though. Before we get into that, he tells us all about his new love for Ark Raiders.
And his new love for his children. Mainly Ark Raiders. Not his new love. I think he's always had a love for his show. But it's mainly Ark Raiders. It's Ark Raiders and Would You Lie To Me with Daniel Sloss. Jackmate's Happy Hour. Hello, guys, and welcome back to Jackmate's Happy Hour podcast. Now, we've got a full house here today. We've got Robbie Knox in a lovely jumper.
Thank you, my mum, this is it.
Did your mum do that? Yeah. I was going to say, because I used to net, and it's, yeah, yeah, me and my friend went to a very, one night on a lot of cocaine. At New Year, we were like, we should try and beat each other at something this year. But it's got to be something neither of us had done before. So we got into knitting. Is it hard? It's very hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But the goal was for the end of the year to knit each other a Christmas sweater. And his was unbelievable. He knitted an image into it, which he had to work out the pattern using Microsoft Excel and stuff. Whereas mine was just a shitty green one that looked a bit like the Grinch. Do you still do it now, do you reckon? No. I reckon nothing is wonderful as what your mother has done.
Is your mum on cocaine? I think so, yeah. Do you know what it is? Yeah, she does it really fast. She's fucking pegging them out.
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Chapter 2: How has Daniel Sloss's life changed since his last appearance?
I'm recycling your guests. Has anything new happened?
Well, you say that. Your life's pretty fucking different now, isn't it?
Yes, yeah, yeah.
You've been married? You got married? Been married, made it sound like. Still married, yes. Love of my life. And two children? Yes, boy and a girl. Wow, congrats. Is that the thing people say, congrats? I'm very much like... What? What? What do you think?
Oh, sorry, mate.
My life is not... I'm still fucking hungover. So, like, what do you... I'm trying to be... I'm still hungover.
You can be hungover as a dad. Yeah, man, it's the best. But, like, I feel like it's different. I wanted to be a dad forever. Did you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's everything I dreamed of and more. Like, I found the sacrifices a lot easier to make because I was... I've been thinking about it for 10 years. I meet some parents, the way they talk about their fucking kids.
It's like, did you not do any research on what children want?
Oh, we literally, we did an episode with a YouTuber, one of our mates called Danny Ahrens recently. And he said that having a kid was like, originally like the worst thing that ever happened to us.
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Chapter 3: What unique experiences does Daniel Sloss share about fatherhood?
You sadistic fuck. So that sucks. Childbirth sucks, obviously. And then like women have a sort of, my wife, my wife doesn't remember the trauma of childbirth because they have a chemical in their brain that like once they give birth, their brain was like, if women remembered childbirth fully, none of them would give birth again.
I have thought that before. I've seen that really shitty argument that idiots use online where it's like, what's more painful, childbirth or getting kicked in the balls? And everyone goes, well, no one chooses to get kicked in the balls again. But what were you saying about the chemical?
There's a chemical dump. And sometimes women don't get this chemical dump. They get a chemical dump in the rain that basically erases and sort of reduces the trauma of the last however many hours. And when women don't get that, which is common, that's what PTSD is. That's like postpartum depression. That's where that comes from. It's like they're just remembering all.
And obviously, like my wife, both times, I see her screaming, going through this pain, getting through it. I'm there. You know, as a man, as a father during childbirth, you're the most impotent person in the world. There's nothing. You're the most useless person in the fucking room.
What do you do?
Because your wife is there doing an unfathomable feat of strength. And I encourage, and then the midwives who know everything that's going on and they're talking her through shit. And you're just there like this big, dumb cunt. I'm proud of you. You're the best. And she's like, shut the fuck up. I'm like, I thought I should shut up. I felt like talking would be the wrong thing to do.
And then they say, do you want to cut the cord? No, no, Josh, you're the fucking doctor.
What are you talking about? No, you do all of it. I don't want to do any of it. Do you want to come down and see? No. I want to stay up here with the love of my life and be like, this is terrifying that you're doing this. And then the baby comes out and yeah, she just completely, she was sitting there, she was like, that was so easy. And I'm like, I was with you. None of that was fucking easy.
What are you talking about? That was all, you hated all of that. He's like, no, don't be silly. It's like this instant fucking thing. And then it's like, obviously you're never allowed to complain about it as the dad because obviously women do all of it. But like, when I talk to other dads, it's we remember the war.
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Chapter 4: What is the game 'Would You Lie To Me?' about?
So much stuff. Was it worth it? Yeah, man. He had so many blueprints on him. He had like a bunch of stuff I needed. And the whole time I was like, buddy, I'm not sorry for this. Right. I've said some really, like if my wife heard the things I've said to people who've done the same to me, like the amount of times I've been ratted, right? Where like somebody, it's part of the fucking game.
I extract with someone right at the end. They fucking shoot me in the back. I'm like, fuck, I mean, I was going to do that. So fair enough. You can't get too angry. I've said, and I regret this deeply and I understand how inappropriate this is. I caught myself saying this and the screen went blank because I just died and I saw my own reflection after I said these words.
But in speaking to this guy for 20 minutes, I helped him take down a fucking bastion. I let him leave with all the fucking bastion cells. We extracted her together. He shoots me in the back of the head and I said, hey, father to father, I hope your kid dies. And then the screen went black and I saw my reflection and I was like, I should probably not play this game for a couple of days.
I think I'll just report myself.
I've seen clips of this. It seems to be everywhere. And I just, I don't know how you get... How do you get it? Well, you have to start playing it.
You play Fortnite. It's on PlayStation, it's Xbox, it's on everything. He's solving it well, hasn't he? Download it, give yourself fucking three. And also, you'll end up in friendly lobbies at the start. Most people in this game are fucking good. And if you're friendly most of the time, it'll put you into fucking friendlier lobbies.
But there's only one way to get into PvP lobbies, and that's to start fucking killing guys.
Does your voice get recognised?
Have you ever had it when you're speaking? No. How famous do you think I am? You've got a fairly known voice.
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Chapter 5: What are some outrageous statements made during the game?
But last night, someone wrote Jackmate to me. What? On where? On Rocket League when I was playing. They just type in the chat and Rocket League's known to be really toxic. Yeah, yeah. And then he was just being really mean to me afterwards. What was he saying? Just kept telling me I was rubbish. Yeah.
That's really mean. That's why I'm not worried about any of this. Everyone who plays this game, there's this understanding which is like, look, when you hurt my emotions, it's going to be five seconds where I'm not expecting a betrayal. Of course I'm going to say horrific things during that time. It's just like this real standard understanding amongst gamers where it's like, look...
you know don't you know don't hold what i say against me my worst moments against me for life it's like you're venting you're letting it out it does sound really good it's the best game in the world move on from fortnite yeah no i can never move on from fortnite i'm 33 now and i'm still bashing out you play fortnite i used to back in the day and i was i i loved fortnite for a fucking bit but this scratches an edge does it pvp the way that fortnite never fucking
What is the actual premise then? Do you level up? Yeah, you level up, you build up your benches. Obviously, if you want to go in with better gear, instead of starting with the shittiest weapons, you can build guns on the outside to take in. And in order to build better guns, you need to have better benches. And in order to get better benches, you've got to kill certain robots in there.
to get their parts. So sometimes you're with your friends and you're like, we're going to go in with like big fucking, I'm going to spend like a hundred thousand. I'm going to pimp out my fucking, I'm going to, and then you get fucked up instantly. And they're gone forever then, are they? Gone forever. And it's, it's gambling. It's like this, the man, the feeling of, the feeling of extracting,
with like heaps of stuff like when you're with two of your boys you're playing fucking trios and like you've ratted another you stabbed a group in the back you took all of their fucking gear you took down something big you've got a bunch of blueprints you've got a bunch of stuff that you fucking and you get to extract and you get out fucking man it's like leaving the casino a millionaire what's it like on the other end of it though when you're leaving and you've lost everything
Oh, and yeah, man, look, I've said, if you think what I say to strangers online is horrific, it doesn't compare what I tell my friends who've let me down mid-game. One of my friends, he isn't even overweight, but we just make fun of him for being overweight.
he's not at all it's just you know we just want to be toxic to him I told him that I was going to slit his throat and drink the chocolate milkshake out of his esophagus because he caused us to lose a game well that is one of the best answers we've ever had at Hall of Fame now Dan
We are playing today a game of Would You Lie To Me. It's a never-before-seen concept, bulletproof. So you're going to be playing against Stevie, ultimately. You're going to have nine statements, nine prompts. Some of them will be true, some of them will be lie, and you have to convince Stevie of the opposite way, if that makes sense. Now, how many times have you been beaten, Stevie?
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Chapter 6: How does Daniel Sloss discuss his experiences with celebrity encounters?
Okay. Can I just say, I know if this is a truth or a lie, and if this is a lie, that is the best. Yeah, that's incredible.
Just so much. Although he's now got in my head a bit. You can't pay attention to Jack. I'm the little minx here. I was straight away, well, that's got to be true, because that's the most convincing story I've ever heard.
Yeah, because the first sentence obviously isn't exactly that, but you have created the beast, essentially, there.
Mm-hmm.
Then sometimes the lies are within other truths.
Yeah, but that's a little bit shittier. Yeah, it can't be too much. What was he doing? When was the McGregor-Mayweather fight?
18. No, no, no, it was pre... I haven't done fucking Netflix at this point. Fuck, it might have been 2016. Wow, it was that long ago?
Yeah. Okay, so yeah, that was pre-Current McGregor. Fuck. See, normally I'd be able to ask more questions. You're just giving me so much information there. It's just... If that's a lie, then I'm never going to trust another word you say.
Bear in mind, though, there's something going back to context to this either truth or lie. Back in my 20s, I was doing fucking heaps of cocaine, so I've learned to make up lies. You have no idea how many asses I've made. Would I just talk shit out of my ass?
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Chapter 7: What insights does Daniel provide about the comedy industry?
We'll stick that on the front of a robot. We'll have it spinning vertically. so that anything that hits it just gets fucking set up and we'll make it like 20 times more powerful than a HypnoDisc. And that got knocked out straight away because it turns out that's illegal. You're just not allowed to make that. First of all, they don't sell those.
My dad stole that from a friend that works on the record. You can't just have access to these plates. Right. And then also, you know, the health and safety people saw us revving up backstage and it was loud. It was super loud. And, you know, the BBC was like, hey, if this is designed to go through rock, it's going to go through four inches of bulletproof glass if it comes off.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Yeah. That makes complete sense. That's... I'm leaning towards true straight away, because if not, you've come up with all talk and bought out of hell so easily. He's a comedian.
Puns. Yeah. He's also a very good comedian, so he can make stuff up. I know, but that's just... Where are you at, pussy bitch, over there?
If you like the opinion of pussy bitch, you'll happily give it back. Only if asked, because he's a pussy bitch. I was totally convinced with all talk. Yeah. Right, right. I'm a little bit more suspicious of the second robot. But out of hell. But out of hell, yeah. I think a diamond drill thing would be noticed if it got missing from an oil rig.
He didn't say it wasn't.
Was it?
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Chapter 8: What is the meaning of life according to Daniel Sloss?
So instead of it just being a regular iced coffee, if you make coffee and you stick it in a Ninja slushie machine with a bunch of either... fucking cream or milk into the thing it comes out as like a frozen slush and if you put that in with like espresso martini stuff it's a boozy slushy coffee thing and because it's got coffee in it you're legally allowed to drink it at 10 in the morning
And you call it Slushy Coffee.
Oh, I thought you said Slossy Coffee.
Slossy Slushy Coffee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it works. My nickname in high school was Slush because people were making fun of Sloss. So it's like a... In the same way that black people reclaim the N-word, I'm reclaiming Slushy.
Okay, okay.
And that's your right. I'm taking this word that was used against me. Yeah.
and i'm redefining it okay um and i make it for comedians whenever i live in edinburgh back in my fucking back in the original edinburgh french days i was a fucking party head i'd be out every night getting fucking shit faced now i sort of uh like to assign myself the role of i'll occasionally get drinking but i like to uh you know remind comedians that there's stuff to do during the day
And because I have kids, whenever my comedian friends come to see me, they're normally coming very fucking tired, very fucking hungover. And the best way I can make them fun for me and my kids is to get them slightly drunk and buzzed up on coffee at 10 a.m. in the morning.
How often would you say you have these coffees? When I'm with my kids? Never. I'm not fucking drinking at 10 a.m.
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