Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Jackmate's Happy Hour. Hello, guys. Welcome back to Jackmate's Happy Hour podcast. It's episode 666. You know what that means? It's a Thursday. Satan. Demons. Oh, it's a Thursday as well. Yeah, but do scary stuff.
damien is that was that is your name that's the what what you know it's paul yeah you know it's paul you did a whole pull your pants down routine i just i wanted to make that joke damien's the omen the baby from the omen the son of the devil your pants down on stage every night i had to pretend that i'd just done it off the cuff horrible horrible stuff i'm really ashamed about what we did on that show
I feel like there's going to be a little bit of that in today's episode. Yeah, probably. To honour 666 being the day of the devil, being the day of all bad things, being just a demonic number.
It's important to honour the devil. It's important to give him his props. You know it's not day 666. The day of the devil is the episode of the devil.
Yeah, we wanted to do something around the number 666 and a happy hour fan favourite that you guys seem to like over the years is when we design dream stuff. So we've done our dream holiday, we've done our dream day. Dream theme parks. Yeah, we've done our dream... Religion. Yeah, that was a touchy one.
But today we're going to flip it on its head and we are going to design each of our nightmare days. Stevie, Robbie and Jack in the house, by the way. Alfie is away for a little while, isn't he?
Yeah, a nightmare day for him is making him leave the house. Where is he?
I think he's going to World Cup. Oh. So he's out there for a long time with away days. So I can't wait for all the comments saying, he's off the pod, he's been kicked off.
I can't wait for his old car when he gets back. Let's give you some stories. There will be some stories.
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Chapter 2: How do they define a Nightmare Day?
as per usual with this podcast i misread the assignment a little bit so i designed i realized halfway through so what i've done is i've actually designed your dream day stevie i thought it was weird i thought we'd done that before oh that'd be quite nice yeah nice day then yeah i picked everything you would love to do so it's gonna be a bit weird i did realize halfway through and i have designed robbie's nightmare day
Oh, so the first start of my day is going to be quite nice, and then it's going to get bad.
No, no, no, no, no. All of yours is lovely. You're going to love every element of mine. That seems a bit unfair on me. You drew the short straw. Okay.
I feel a little bit better about it. Robbie wanted to know kind of what the level of nightmare is here. Probably not going to be that bad, Robbie.
Robbie, where does Stevie's nightmare day take place?
Stevie, you wake up in Morsin Ram, a village in Mingalia, India, in the northeastern hills near Bangladesh.
Okay.
You would hate that. I've not heard of the place. Oh, you should have because it averages around 11,871 millimetres of rain per year driven by monsoon clouds funneling up the hillsides, making it the wettest place on planet Earth. And you have no umbrella.
Oh, that's good. That is horrific. Yeah, you hate being wet. I hate being... That is the weirdest thing to think of. Yeah, imagine that.
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Chapter 3: What breakfast options are considered for the Nightmare Day?
So every time I go over the speed limit, look, this does imply a speed load.
Any form of slight, you go slightly over or you accelerate a bit fast at that junction. Yeah. Sometimes you got to. Yeah. Sometimes you do by mistake. Oh, sorry.
That would piss me off quite a lot. You did do a speed awareness on like your first year, didn't you? Second year, once.
how about if the car it makes a pinging noise and a little video screen pops up you can see the dog doing it that you have to try to concentrate on driving while that's happening there but then I catch the dog I would set up a situation where I'd have friends waiting on the corner you ain't got friends there's hundreds of dogs you got no friends check mate go on Jack um
I'll be honest, I forgot to get you a gift. You forgot to get me a gift. But I did buy you a Monster Energy drink this morning. You did? So I think that would be what I've given you on your nightmare day.
Okay, in that case, Robbie's is worse. I don't want dog shitting outside.
Right, so you've got the black box installed in your car. Yep. And the dog will shit on your doorstep every time you go over the speed limit.
Yeah. Lovely, okay. That sounds so random for anyone who didn't hear the episode about the whole dog shit saga.
Yeah, yeah. No new listener can enjoy this podcast.
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Chapter 4: What activities are planned for the Nightmare Day?
So, Stevie, this is your official Nightmare Day in honour of episode 666. You wake up at your neighbour's house, right? Fucking hell, it's a great start, isn't it? But don't worry, though, because... I don't think anything happened. Instead, he just made you a breakfast. He put a banana in my ass. He made you eat that.
It's so much funnier that by using that together. Yeah. He's done it.
Yeah. Then you have to get dressed for the day. So you put on your lovely crisp linen white cloak with a big pointy white hat slash hood. And then you go to your mum's for a barbecue. Byron's there. Mac a shag, sir. Byron probably did as well. I'm inferring that at the same time. Robbie, you are in the corner enjoying a burger. You go over and you hand Stevie a gift.
Inside the box is a black box that you fit in your car and any time you go even slightly over the speed limit, a dog shits on your drive. For some reason, you're hanging around all day with Matty Healy, Ian Watkins and Ian Huntley. For some reason, you picked those people. You picked them, mate. You picked them. Yep, thanks, Robbie.
And then you get a bit hungry after all the bants with the lads throughout the day, so you start to snuffle a KFC out of my arsehole. Twice in one day.
You pick one of them, it's like I had to go with one of them. If you say it twice...
Now, this is funny, because in this one that you've chosen, you're just you. You're not the big, fat, teethy mess. So you're just you, as you are now, in a sauna with Aaron Huckabee, taking photos.
I said that still. I still fucking hate that. Yeah. You get made fat for it.
Yeah, well, you're just enough okay. So you're a bit bloated, at least. And then, at the end, you're doing a collab. Round I'm Alex's. Yeah, it's not amazing. No, that's your nightmare day. Rate that out of 10, how much you'd like that. What would be the worst bit of that for you? Is it the cloak? Is it the snuffling? Is it the Watkins? Weirdly... Weirdly, the banana.
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Chapter 5: What are the details of Robbie's daytime activity in Barcelona?
And it was super exciting because I don't think I've ever experienced an airport with you. We haven't flown anywhere together, have we? Dublin?
No, we got the ferry.
We've never flown anywhere together. And Robbie is the self-proclaimed, I wrote God of airports, but King of airports. And I've never seen him in action before. So Robbie and I get to the airport and I pass through security. But then when I hear some beeping, I turn. I look back and see Robbie has been pulled to the side and his bag's being checked.
Oh.
Robbie's escorted away and into a high-security room. I'm told that I have to wait outside the room for him. Frustratingly, for the next two hours, I couldn't see what was happening, but I did hear an occasional whimper from Robbie. It'll be the strap-on at the band, won't it?
Yeah. If it got married, that would have set off the thing. Yeah, and it's full metal, I forgot to say. Full metal strap-on.
Weirdly, that's a great band name. Weirdly. We're seeing them at Downloads.
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Chapter 6: How does Robbie's airport experience unfold?
The bit where I go and get violated by security isn't as bad as the shame of making a mistake. If you'd just left it at you've got a bottle of water in your bag, then I'd be more upset than the other one.
Yeah. I've been in an airport with him. Yeah? Yeah. When we went to Belgium for the skiing.
Oh, yeah. I think so. We did not go skiing in fucking Belgium. All those Belgium ski results. What the fuck are you talking about? Did you fly to Belgium? Yeah, we flew to Belgium, didn't we? No. Where did we go then? Austria.
Same thing, isn't it?
We might have flown. I think we probably flew to Switzerland. We flew to Germany.
quite possibly never been swiss so yeah germany yeah there we go so robbie in my nightmare day you have absolutely ballsed up the airport and i know how much the king of airport that will get to you yeah that will get to you yeah that is that is upsetting robbie we're going out for the day so you're going to leave your favorite kids at home for the day um my kid uh i've got your pub crawl planned hold on is isaac just staying at home with the bodies of the murdered family
Yeah, but Fortnite's on, so you will barely notice.
Yeah, you wouldn't. You wouldn't.
I was at home the other day, walking through my living room, and I just heard you hanging about. I was like, what's Stevie in my fucking house?
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Chapter 7: What is Robbie's nightmare dinner plan?
And I was like, Otto was playing with Isaac on Fortnite. I just heard him in the background. I don't want to hear Stevie go back his day.
What's quite funny is Otto and Isaac have played a few times together recently, and Robbie put up a... picture you put up a picture on your close friend's story in your living room yeah i could see otto in the background with a playstation controller but no headphones on so i ran into the room because i was just in the kitchen i went isaac isaac mute that he muted and i went
Anything you say will be heard through Robbie's TV. Because I realised he didn't have headphones on. I was like, whatever you do now. Because Isaac gets so hyped up when he's playing. And he just goes, kids are weird. And he constantly just says random little things that are popular at school. They'll just go, shimmy, shimmy, yay, shimmy, yay, shimmy, yah.
For some reason, Swallow La La is big at the moment for kids. And I was just like, just be careful. Bev and Robbie might hear anything you say just as a warning.
He doesn't say anything bad. Oh, he crashes out sometimes. Does he? He can get angry. What sort of things are you going to say that I'm going to get offended?
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Chapter 8: How does the night end for Robbie on his nightmare day?
Oh, nothing bad, but I just don't want him getting angry and stuff with Otto. Not with Otto, but like on call with Otto.
I've got a pub crawl planned for you, Robbie, and it just so happens to be the day that England get to the World Cup final. Right? So there's going to be hundreds of really pissed up, really energetic England fans. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you're completely naked. I've actually got you a Scotland shirt.
Oi! He's not completely naked.
He's got the... So I've got you a Scotland shirt. All the England lads are in there. They all love you. I don't know if they love you, but they all recognise you. They're talking to you. Probably cocaine involved. And I've got you some cocaine. I've got you some low... I've got you loads of cocaine, some ketamine as well. I know what you're thinking. Wouldn't this be a bit embarrassing for you?
Because you're naked from the waist down with a thing up your bum. But you will be sat down at our favourite table in The Murderers.
Oh, yeah.
So it'll only be when people come up and ask for a selfie with you that they'll see your cock in the background of that. So, yeah, that's your day. England, Scotland, who knows what the score will be.
Yeah, I mean, I get what you're doing here. Yeah. Scotland have never got past the first round of a major tournament. You think we're going to get to the World Cup final and we're going to be gutted? You've got to do loads of ketamine. I probably will anyway. If you're going to get to the World Cup final, I'm doing loads of ketamine.
You said cocaine. Don't change the drug.
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