John Carpenter Presents Something Wicked
S01: E01. NO BODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
05 Apr 2026
Chapter 1: What fictional story inspired by real events is introduced?
While inspired by real events, the following story is fictional and does not represent any actual person nor event. Imagine a city unlike any other, where the denizens of this world and others collide daily. Welcome to New Orleans, babies. And please enjoy a stormy little cocktail the locals like to call Something Wicked. John Carpenter presents Something Wicked.
Produced by the 12 Angry Bears in association with Storm King Productions. Investigate more at 12angrybears.com Oh, I love a parade. With lowered head, I bet you call it a funeral procession. But me? Oh, the weeping. The horse-drawn coffin. Oh, and the mournful cries.
Jesus, I'm my baby. It's my baby, Mom. Brothers and sisters, let us bow.
Hmm, but soon they'll ruin it with their joyous dancing and revelry as they leave the cemetery celebrating the life of a loved one. But here's somebody that intrigues me. See her?
Chapter 2: How is New Orleans portrayed in the context of the story?
The passenger sent you down her seatbelt in that old hearse, flossing its way through the Lower Garden District. The one with something wicked history tours on the sides. That's Nikki Goodluck. And while she may be a young woman now, she's still that little girl whose desperate whispers caught the winds many years ago in sunny Los Angeles. And the winds, they tickled my ears.
Oh, in the spirit of full disclosure, folks, this tale is a dark ride. Welcome to New Orleans, baby. Tourists! Look out, Paige! Only tourists use the horn here. We're much more laid back. Then could you slow down a bit? Don't worry, Nikki. I never drive faster than I live.
But you live recklessly fast. Beats the hell out of dying slow like most folk. But if you kill us before we get to the Buc-ray, I can't fill in for you on the tour. If he wants to be a New Orleanian, you got some lighting on, Nikki. Copy.
Copy? Order you on CB radio? And another thing, say the French Quarter or just the quarter, Vucat rate will go right over the tourist heads. And another thing, forget all that north, south, east, west bullshit. Down here it's lakeside, riverside, downtown, uptown, meaning down river and up river. You gotta sell it, baby.
Paige, I have no doubt I passed that 300 question exam, but I have not received my guide permit from the city yet.
If your car's broken into, you'll wait four to six hours for an OPD to show up. If they do at all, you don't gotta worry about the history police, the band of police, the dream police.
Ooh, do you think Cheap Trick's gonna start touring again?
What? Look, the city takes this very seriously, Paige, and so do I. And so should you. It's your company, after all. I don't know about this proposal. Are you saying Jeremiah's not right for me?
You think I'm rushing into this, don't you?
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Chapter 3: What mystery surrounds the missing girl, Tuli Andrews?
Okay, let's go create some infotainment.
Hey, Jay, what's happening?
Got a new business model I want to hit you with, T-boy. Better get both on right, because I'm about to drop some heavy knowledge on you.
How heavy?
Like a half a million word, and that just for starters.
Always got time for my chief operations officer.
Damn, T-Boy, you take that corporate and positive game life serious.
It's a whole new world, AJ. But if you're going to take over the 9th Ward 60s one day, this can't be one of your get-rich-quick schemes.
Why y'all got to be busting my balls like that and shooting me down?
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