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Chapter 1: What is the premise of the 'Keep It Tight' podcast?
We said we'd keep it tight. We would 100% lied. We did. I'm Deirdre O'Kane. I'm Eva Doard. So keep it tight is basically the unfiltered chats that we'd normally have in the WhatsApp. The kind of carry-on you'd screech off for your mate. Maybe like your mum. No overthinking. We kind of just let it all out. And somehow, people keep showing up to hear more.
Follow Keep It Tight wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday. Now brought to you by ACAST. Welcome. Good morning. Welcome to Keep It Tight. Good morning. Good morning. Me and Emma are quite the picture here. We are what we describe ourselves as polar opposites. Yeah, I think we're so polar opposites this morning. I'm nearly going to put the shades on.
It's nearly like I'm going to put the shades on. Yeah, you put your shades on and I'll brand. So basically, the reason we're postpartum is Emma is exhausted because she's working herself into the ground at the moment. She's on a mission. I'm on a mission. Well, you've done 10 day holiday. I think I've done 10 days work straight. Yeah, and you look pale and I look brown. I do. Do you know what?
Do I look brown? You do look brown. You look like a woman that's been on holidays because I saw you with all the yellow and the bag and everything. And all the new little bits of jewellery. It's just classic. You say, there's a woman who's been on her holidays. They're lovely.
Chapter 2: How do Deirdre and Emma describe their contrasting personalities?
And the earrings are lovely as well. Triumph. Triumph. Finally, I've got the second... The second piercing is, you know, interchangeable at last. If anyone's watching on YouTube, they'll see my lovely chain that Deirdre got me, which is like bang on me. Yeah. I've got lovely earrings. The earrings are kind of dressy. So that's given me a lift, as Deirdre would say. She needed a lift.
I mean, it's just amazing because you're just so... I can see on your face. I didn't even put any makeup on. I just put on something. God, if that's you without makeup, you look great. I just put on SPF 50. See now the laser and the peel? Oh my God, I see it now. I see the laser peel result now.
Chapter 3: What challenges did Emma face during her recent holiday?
If that's you with nothing on your face, wow. I've just SPF on. Wow. Well, there you go. All that swollen face disaster was worth it. The only thing I will say about it was, because it's been a few weeks now, So what is this? Halo and BBL. I got in facial rejuve. They invited me in. Thank you. But the only thing is, at the moment, it's a little bit like... I've just started retinol.
So there's still a little bit of purging. There's still like the odd little spot that comes up in places I would never get spots. But I feel like the skin is so glowy now, I'm willing to just put up with this last little bit. And it's only myself that would notice really. See, I couldn't leave the house without a bit of makeup on my face. I'm amazed now you're telling me that's just SPF.
That's not even a tinted moisturiser. I've nothing on. Wow. Okay, that's impressive. It is good. The skin looks amazing. Did you book in for your H2O? No, because I won't do it until the winter. I won't do it until the winter. There's no point in doing those things in the summer months. Yeah. Not me, especially. The sun worshipper bunny. Yeah, yeah, true.
Even though I have the factor 50 on my face, obviously, for the whole holiday, but you still get plenty of colour through the factor 50. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you have to have the factor 50. Anyway, Darlene, I feel I have a bit of guilt for being, I couldn't be more rested to the point of, I never had a holiday where I switched off this much. I barely looked at the phone. Brilliant.
I hardly looked at it. I was allergic. I was just, it's funny. I shut down. You probably reached a point where you were like, I'm done now. I shut down completely. Also, I was very determined to read my book. I was like, that fucking phone has been distracting me so much that I told you I haven't read a book in nearly a year. And I was going, this is out of hand. And who went on the holiday?
Oh, the family, the whole family. The whole audience. Very successful because we went to... Steve's... Well, we're very lucky. Steve's sister bought a house with her husband and they renovated it. And it has like this... So it's like it's a villa. So it is a main house and then it has these two little satellite houses. Oh, wow. And... Yeah, and in fact, almost three.
One is in the main house and then two little satellites outside. So both kids were able to bring a mate. So we had our own little house. Daniel had a mate in his little house. Holly had a mate in her little house. Imagine. Perfect. Ah, like perfect. I think it was one of the most successful holidays we've ever had. Wow. Only took 20 years, says you.
Yeah.
Well, holidays are hard to get bang on right. And everything has to go right. The travel and the weather has to be right. You have to like the hotel or wherever you're staying. Or sometimes the kids are fighting. Things have to be good though as well. Like, you know, even like your finances and stuff. Everyone needs to be healthy. All the extended family. You can't.
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Chapter 4: What was the family dynamic during the holiday in Ibiza?
But we had one day of torrential biblical rain. I mean, one day early in. Yeah. Holly just arrived. So we all, that was the other thing that we, everyone arrived at different days and left on different days. So there was a bit of tuna thrown to the airport and Steve was doing a lot of driving. So that was... Yeah, that was one little lump in the custard, but it was grand. A lump in the custard.
Yeah, but... It's fearful for Midsomer's murder thing to say, a lump in the custard. You've been hanging around with Protestants too long. That's what's rubbish you. I said that for years, a lump in the custard. But anyway, I was lumps. I was lumps all over the place. Oh, okay. Anyway, talking about it, I kept saying to Steve, why am I being bitten so badly? This is not normal.
So he said, I think it was that day of rain. He said, I think the mozzers came out. You know, almost like... You're in the jungle kind of weather. Do you know what's so sad about this is you're telling me about this and I'm here listening to you getting ready to diagnose you and give you nurse Emma. Nurse Emma. Yeah, what are you drinking your water? No. Interesting enough, I get eaten alive.
Yeah. Always. Always. And even I remember on one of the holidays we went on, I thought I had it made because we were at the pool, but I found a lovely shady spot. So I was sitting right in with all of them getting eaten alive. I didn't realise. Shane doesn't get eaten at all. Kids don't get eaten. My mother, eaten alive, like lumps, bumps.
It's so unfair that it's so fecking random that some people don't get touched. Yeah, but she said since she has gotten older and she's ate the other side of the menopause, they're not interested in her. Oh, that's great. So you just have to wait until you've finished the menopause and you'll be grand. Yeah, but it's to do with your pheromones. So...
You've got something good going on there because if they're into eating you, they're attracted to you. It's to do with your pheromones. Get off the stage. Yes. Really? Yeah. So she's a Tilly. Holly's made Tilly. She was bitten alive. God love her. I should have said she was fertile.
Yeah.
It's all good news, babe. Yeah. So my mum said once that all stopped, they weren't, she said like, she'd get the odd bite. But I remember as a kid, like, she'd get like lumps everywhere. Oh, my God. Lumps out of her. So you've still got sexy juices going on there. I mean, you're lovely. I certainly hope so. You're going around like the elephant man.
She's looking at me like, well, you've still got sexy juices going on, like as if I'd retired from sexy juices. I'm talking about clinically. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm talking clinically. No, look, come on. I've got my clipboard. Yeah. You know, if I was going in to have a baby now, I would call myself a geriatric mother, even though that's hurtful.
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Chapter 5: What unexpected issues arose with mosquito bites during the trip?
So you get that very, you say, we've landed, you get to a beat, you tell me when you've Got to the venue, we're at the venue, you tell me when you're in. Yeah. 6am, you tell me we're done, we're out. You text me to say we're now at the ferry port and we're on it. Because obviously I was responsible for somebody else's child as well. Yeah. They were my conditions. Right.
Phone cannot die and you must remain in contact. After that, I was like... Water. Could you make sure you drink lots of water? Could you please not take anything illegal? Just have your drinks. That's it. Okay. And the other thing was, Harry has to tell his parents he's gone. That's an absolute must. That's fine. So that's grand. So there were my conditions. What else happened?
Yeah, so he was getting it. There was a lot of questions because there was... Steve is dad, obviously, and then there was the aunt and Susie and her husband, the pizza, everybody was asking the questions and everybody was looking as much as I, is this a good idea? Is this a good idea? But I was, my instinct is, it's an adventure, let them go. Yeah. Let them go.
Like they were, I could see they were fucking wired about this and I was thinking, this is like, isn't that how you make, that's memories, isn't it? Anyway, it all worked out. Basically, I think I stashed them another 50 quid before they went to bed. And I said very quietly to Daniel, I said, now, I said, I trust the two of you because they've been grilled. So I said, now, I trust you both.
I trust you implicitly. I said, do not let me down. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. So he said, I never do. I never do. I said, that's fair. Okay, so off they went. Well, when I collected them, we went to the ferry port to collect them, to take them to the airport. They walked out. It was like a scene from The Hangover. I'll show you the photograph because it will make you howl the fucking...
Daniel especially just... You know, no sleep whatsoever. They were so... They had a bit of luck because he said when they came out, thousands of people came out of that venue. So, of course, there wasn't a taxi to be had. And the port, the ferry is like... They walked. Initially, when they got to Ibiza, they walked from the port to the venue. It was a two-hour walk.
But he said, we kept stopping and we were stopping and getting a beer. We were going into a garage or we were doing whatever. He said, we were just happy chatting. But he said, we had too much time to kill. So we thought, well, I don't mind us getting a fucking taxi up there. And they're kind of fit fellas, you know, so they weren't like, no, we'll walk.
And they were saving their money probably as well, I'd say. It was just as well.
because in the end I said what did you drink and he said well we had to drink we had to drink tequila shots because they were the only affordable thing he said every regular drinks were 15 20 quid but the tequila shots were eight euros okay so we had six of them yeah like we want to get pissed they did one an hour they did like they basically did one an hour sort of thing yeah and that was obviously kept on going he's like his mother in that sense very sensible about like look we have to get pissed
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Chapter 6: What was the experience like for the kids on their night out in Ibiza?
Does it? I think some people can make them work. I have seen nice ones, but not from me. Not a fascinator. No. Fuck off. Don't mind the one with the hairband fascinator. But who cares? Leave it alone. Well, I just think hair bands are, to me, hair bands are just, are preppy. Oh, yeah. And just to make you think of little girls. Well, it makes me think you're putting on a string of pearls next.
Okay. I just think, okay, well, there's no rock and roll in that. I can't. I've never worn a hat to a wedding. I don't know if I'm there yet, but I do like a hat and I have tried to embrace hats more. Right. Because I do have a good head for a hat. I have a big head. You have a great, yeah. I have a great head for a hat. Yeah.
And it took time because when I was, I'd say sixth class, maybe fifth class, there was a buzz where they had the crushed velvet hat. It was like from Blossom. Oh, like my little Barbra Streisand hat that I was gifted. The floppy velvet hat. And the rose in the middle and they were big. And I begged my mother, I think I said this before, dragged her up to pennies, it's time to buy the hat.
Couldn't get a hat to fucking fit my head. None of them would go anywhere near my giant head. Actually, somebody was telling me today, I fucking held. So she is, her mother is Irish. Her father is English. Her husband is Irish from Longford, right? And they had their first daughter. And, you know, obviously it's a lot having your first child. And there's all this stuff going on.
I think the labour was kind of a bit panicked and, you know, it's all happening quickly. And they're worried about her daughter, like a newborn baby, thinking, oh, my God. And they want to run these tests on her and stuff. And they want to take her off for an MRI because they're worried about the size of her head. And she's panicking, right? Child just had a big head.
The husband walks in and they go, oh, sorry, no, we're your grand. He had a big fucking Irish head. And he does, he has a giant Irish head. The husband walked in and they just went, oh, no, it's your grand, the child. It's just... Yeah. Literally said cancel the MRI when they saw the husband.
Like, he's from Longford, but he has a big... Well, I don't think that has a... People from Longford have big heads. Just putting it in context. Well, now he's from Longford. No, I'm just saying, he doesn't have an English father or whatever. Like, he's from Longford, true and true. But he has... Like, and I'm... I can't talk. I have a giant head. Emma!
Where are you getting this idea that you have a massive head? You don't look to me like you have a massive head. That's hair. You've got a lot of hair. No, but look. It's huge. It's huge. It's huge. Well, I think I also have a big head because it's quite, I find it, that Barbra Streisand hat that I was gifted goes nowhere near me. She's very slight. I can't get that on my head.
I can tell you that. Tell us about the hat anyway. Anyway, I couldn't remember whether I told you this or not. Big hat? Well, so I can't wear hats, as you well know, because you've seen me in helmets and all kinds of things. I've seen you in helmets. Yeah, not great. Yeah, but even a baseball cap. I don't wear them well. I've got a big, round Mrs. Moon face and I look fucking stupid in that.
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Chapter 7: How did the fancy dress party lead to misunderstandings?
But even then, when you put your head back to read, you're stuck with that fecking... I know. ...thing behind your head.
Yeah.
Anyway, I saw this hat and it was a bright yellow straw hat and I just loved the colour. Saw it in the window and to tell you exactly what it is, it is the, you know the Audrey Hepburn hat from the poster of Breakfast at Tiffany's? It has a wide brim but it comes down over her face a bit. Okay. Like a bucket, almost like a wide brimmed bucket hat. Wow, I'm describing this so badly.
Anyway, it's that in yellow. Gorgeous, isn't it? Yes. So, but, that's the end of this story. I was just thinking, I do actually have a wedding to go to next year. Oh, that's what I was going to ask you. Oh, next year. But I haven't been to a wedding in so long, I'm all ready. I've found myself already looking at shoes going, oh, that could be nice for a wedding.
Oh, there's a hat, that could be nice for a wedding. Oh, there's a bag, that could be nice for a wedding. I think you really had a wedding a while ago. Me? What? Whose? I think you had the skirt. The gold sequined skirt? That was the 60th. I feel like you were chatting to us here about a wedding. No. No? No, couldn't tell you when I was last at a wedding.
Okay, I was convinced that you had been at a wedding. I'm trying to think now. No. Not recently. Did you not go to an abroad wedding? No, that was a, we had the lovely kind of reunion wedding vibe in Italy. Yeah, that one. That was a kind of a, wasn't even a renewal of ours. It was just an anniversary thing. Okay. So that wasn't a wedding, no. Oh, I feel like it was a wedding.
Okay, so wedding in 2027. No, there hasn't been a wedding. Summer of 2027 wedding. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So I have a hat now. So we have a hat. But I might wear it. You know, obviously it might not. It might not do. But I just thought I'm going to buy this because I haven't actually seen a hat. I don't think you'd see it here. I haven't seen a hat like that.
The only thing is if you buy a hat on holiday, transporting at home. I did very well. It went up on the top. Emma, by the way, are you also very proud of me because I was hand luggage only for my 10 day trip, a little 10k case. Yep. No bother on me. Ten days? Ten days. It's summer clothes. Yeah. They roll up into nothing.
And by the way, if you have a washing machine, if you were in an Airbnb or a villa. Oh, you had a washing machine? Forget it. You can just wash everything. Yeah. Okay. With a washing machine. Because in fairness, in the hot weather, I know, but then you're looking at, now I need two tops every day. Well, I just wear shirts, the linen shirts to the pool. That's me. Yeah, done. Done. Shirts.
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