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Keep It Tight

Salesman Like Me

27 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the concept behind 'Keep It Tight' podcast?

3.17 - 20.676 Deirdre O'Kane

We said we'd keep it tight. We would 100% lied. We did. I'm Deirdre O'Kane. I'm Eva Doard. So keep it tight is basically the unfiltered chats that we'd normally have in the WhatsApp. The kind of carry on you'd screech off for your mate. Maybe like your mum. No overthinking. We kind of just let it all out. And somehow people keep showing up to hear more.

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20.796 - 49.188 Deirdre O'Kane

Follow Keep It Tight wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday. Now brought to you by ACAST. Keep it tight. Welcome to Keep It Tight. Keep it tight. Emma's here and her face has calmed down. My face is back in business. Well, just about. Yeah. Were you worried in case we're going to be left looking like the elephant man?

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49.469 - 73.792 Deirdre O'Kane

Well, by the time I talked to you, so say our reel that is up at the moment. For anyone who's not following, Emma had two laser treatments on her face and her face. Yes. We were talking about it last week. Blew up. My face blew up. giant head. None of my family could look at me for a week. I spoke to you on Thursday. So I got it done on the Tuesday. The head grew on Wednesday.

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73.852 - 92.494 Deirdre O'Kane

And by the time I was chatting to you on Thursday, that was it starting to go down. Because remember I said to you, this is better than it was. So, I'll be honest with you now. Yeah. Because I know there's a lot of people that actually want to know about the treatment and there's other people that wouldn't be doing anything to themselves or whatever.

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92.534 - 93.235 Emma Doard

Mm-hmm.

93.518 - 125.991 Deirdre O'Kane

So two lasers, dah, dah, dah. And I'd obviously watched loads of videos online. I had not seen anyone's head scale to the size that my fucking head did. I was so swollen. Me eyelids were swollen. I was like, if my mother sees me, she's going to be booking in the last rights, okay? I had gigs on... Saturday and Sunday. And you had this... You did the treatment on what day? Tuesday. Oh, God.

126.011 - 132.862 Deirdre O'Kane

Right. So Tuesday. By Wednesday, by Thursday. I would have thought by Friday had it come down. It was continuing to go down.

Chapter 2: What happened to Emma after her laser treatment?

132.882 - 151.627 Deirdre O'Kane

Right. But then on Saturday, I'm going to Belfast and it's a bit... It's the texture then, you see. So you're still kind of pinky, but you're... I suppose you're kind of shedding a bit, right? Can I just ask you one question? Yes. Why did you do two together? Because no... I don't want to do one at a time.

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151.647 - 158.174 Emma Doard

No, because this is the way they do it. Okay. To target all things. Okay. To target your fine lines.

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158.194 - 184.447 Deirdre O'Kane

And the results are going to be fine lines. Fine lines, pigment. So today now on my face, all I have... You do look lovely. Your skin looks lovely. I just have a... Well, it's not complete yet, but all I have is a tinted SPF. Okay. And that's all I had. That's all I really had on my face. Yeah. So I go to Belfast on Saturday and the face, we're stitching the face together. Let's be fair. Okay.

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184.587 - 186.03 Emma Doard

Texture's your issue.

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186.23 - 212.271 Deirdre O'Kane

and it's pinky okay so I said in Belfast I told them the story because I always tell everyone what the fucking story is at all the gigs on stage you mean you told the audience yeah yeah yeah I said I'm after getting BBL and Halo and I knew I'm not just saying this but I knew if anyone's going to fucking understand this situation it's the women in the north because they're fucking all over everything they are into their treatments they are into beauty oh yeah the most like

212.251 - 236.846 Deirdre O'Kane

The most glamorous women in the fucking country. Aren't they? 100%. So I was like, well, this is the perfect place to be telling them because they'll all fuck it now. I won't have to explain nothing. And I says, I'm actually getting this BBL Halo thing. And I was like, look, unless somebody's on their way out and we need the photo, like, girls, they're ahead of me. I says, has anyone had it done?

237.006 - 248.655 Deirdre O'Kane

And some fella puts his hand and he goes... Yeah. I said, did you have it done? He goes, me mammy. I was like, oh, tell us. He says his mammy had it done.

249.557 - 257.715 Emma Doard

And I said, well, how did she get on? I was like, how were the results? I said, oh, she had to go back. I was like, why did she have to go back?

258.792 - 266.341 Deirdre O'Kane

wasn't happy with the results. I was like, what happened? I was like, fuck's sake. Oh God. That's the last thing you want to hear is not happy with the results.

Chapter 3: How did the audience react to Emma's appearance at gigs?

422.03 - 438.235 Deirdre O'Kane

I'm just trying to be honest with you. You're scaring me now. You're actually frightening me. No, but sorry. Four days for CO2, get a fucking grip. That's not possible. Really? Oh my God. Okay. Okay, nurse Emma. Oh, you know I'm a nurse. Actually, it's so funny. I showed my mom the pictures. Wow.

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438.475 - 441.079 Emma Doard

And she goes, God, she said, so funny.

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441.099 - 464.879 Deirdre O'Kane

She goes, it's mad that that happened to you. And you being a nurse... And I said, well, I was elongating the fuck out of myself and staying hydrated. And drinking a lot of water, I'd say. Oh, and praying. Any other crack? I went to Derry on Saturday then. Yeah, our beloved Derry. And so that was great. But you know yourself, holiday in the car. Yeah.

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464.979 - 484.05 Deirdre O'Kane

And I said, right, we'll have a good laugh now. I was showing the lads all the pictures of me. And we were all screaming, laughing, screaming, laughing. And I was showing it to Mickey Bartlett. Yeah. He was hilarious. Like, he's just fucking hilarious. Isn't he? But I showed him and I was like, he's like crying, crying. And I was like, Oh, no, Mickey. Like, honestly, I was so depressed.

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484.191 - 493.664 Deirdre O'Kane

I was like, Mickey, I wanted to hang myself. I was so bad. And Mickey says, how would you fit the rope around your neck? That is very dark. I know.

493.824 - 498.031 Emma Doard

Sorry. I shouldn't have done a trigger. But that's comedians backstage.

499.272 - 504.82 Deirdre O'Kane

Yes. Let me explain to the people listening that we are a tad desensitised. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

505.061 - 505.862 Emma Doard

Oh, yeah, you'd be howling.

506.583 - 526.703 Deirdre O'Kane

Yeah. Andrew Ryan was there, my good mate. He says to me, I have a story for you. And I was like, come on. She's loads of crack for me. He goes to the comedy store just the weekend before, right? So, you know, and then came to do the gig in Derry. He said he's doing the gig. Now, I won't go all to the ins and outs because I'm sure other people are going to be telling the story.

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