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Life Kit

How to dump an energy vampire

25 Jun 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What is an energy vampire and how can I recognize one?

0.031 - 10.288 Ira Glass

This is Ira Glass. On This American Life, one thing we like is a good mystery. Sometimes about really big things, but most times, the little mysteries are the best.

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10.589 - 15.617 Daniel Green

Our lost and found is currently filled with pants. I don't know what, I've never seen this happen.

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16.058 - 16.719 Tonya Mosley

Wait, this is true?

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16.759 - 23.811 Ira Glass

This is true. Mysteries of every size, each week. This American Life, wherever you get your podcasts.

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30.271 - 46.184 Marielle Segarra

I think there's like a gnome stealing my jewelry. You better do some kind of trick. An ancestral ring, one gold hoop earring, a necklace with the Virgin Mary on it have all gone missing. I think you need to provide an offering. Yeah.

46.345 - 59.856 Malika Garib

You need an offering to the borrowers, yeah. Yeah. Clearly they need some things. What do you think they like? I think you should, can I just say an idea? Please, yeah. Offer like a decoy tray of like other jewelry and like put it in an obvious place and so they can be attracted to that decoy jewelry.

63.16 - 67.726 Marielle Segarra

What about those fake gold coins? Yeah, like chocolate coins?

67.746 - 79.2 Mariel Segarra

I think they're trying to get your attention that they need some useful things, like get a Barbie car, get a little Barbie mansion, you know? They're telling you. What do you people want? They're taking your valued things because they need some things of value, I think is what's happening.

79.241 - 106.208 Marielle Segarra

Are we waiting for something? No. Okay, we're just talking, but I feel like this is very actionable advice. Thank you. Thank you. This should be the bonus tip, actually. Okay. Well, hi. It's Mariel Cigarra. Welcome to another edition of Dear Life Kit, the series where you send us your questions and we try to dole out some helpful advice. We're actually trying something new today.

Chapter 2: How can I set firmer boundaries with my friends?

444.18 - 458.426 Malika Garib

I don't know how and why, but they come to me. They dump on me. They tell me all their, like, like, they vent at me and they talk at me and then, like, they don't let me leave me any room to, like, speak. And I think that it's because I'm way too nice.

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Chapter 3: What should I do when my success makes my friends uncomfortable?

458.827 - 473.842 Malika Garib

And I don't have any boundaries with friendships, too. It's like, I'll just keep hanging out with a person because I feel obligated. So for this high school student, I spent a lot of time looking through all of our friendship episodes. And I found the perfect advice for you. I'm ready.

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473.922 - 495.99 Malika Garib

From an interview with the writer Rachel Wilkerson Miller, who wrote the book, The Art of Showing Up, How to Be There for Yourself and Your People. And her advice was this. Break up with a friend like you would break up with a partner. Here's what you might say to this energy vampire. Listen, I appreciate that you want to be friends with me, but I'm just not feeling the connection.

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496.551 - 506.766 Malika Garib

I know we're in a lot of classes together, so let's try to be cordial with each other when we see each other. But for now, I'd appreciate if you gave me a little bit of space. I hope you understand.

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508.93 - 533.629 Mariel Segarra

That seems like maybe easier to say over text. Yes. I mean, I think that your response, Malika, I also think it's a mature one. Maybe a little too mature. Yeah, here's the thing. Okay, so my initial thought was I think it's a mature one, and I think it would be very good in an ideal world. Right. But high school is very far from an ideal world, right? Right. You're right. Yeah.

533.669 - 547.818 Mariel Segarra

I think it's very far from an ideal world. So what would you do? Okay. So my solution, the first thing that came to my mind, it's a weird one. Stick with me. Okay. But the first episode that came to my head, the first advice that came to my head was the episode on how to raise a toddler, on how to talk toddler.

548.039 - 548.58 Malika Garib

Oh, my God.

548.72 - 566.176 Mariel Segarra

That is not the connection I thought you were going to make. But say more, please. Okay. This person can be really – sounds really irritating, sounds like they're being really illogical, like they're being really nonsensical, not very far away from a toddler. And when you are communicating with a toddler and you want them to change their behavior, you have to be really creative.

566.817 - 599.176 Mariel Segarra

So sometimes that means you have to like – Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or I might try to, like, positively reinforce someone else's behavior, you know? Like, I might, like, go to someone who I actually think is cool and, like, try and talk to them about that thing that I thought. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I might just, like, turn my back.

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