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Chapter 1: What led to Rhianna's experience of abuse?
0818 715 815. This is LiveLine on RTE Radio 1.
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Good afternoon. You are very welcome to LiveLine. 51551 is the number for your text. You can send me an email, LiveLine at rte.ie or give me a call on 087-484-8888. A little bit later in the show, we are going to be talking about football. Two different games. One of them is definitely going ahead. One of them might.
If it does go ahead, will it be at the Aviva or will it be somewhere else in Hungary? That's the men's game. against Israel. And there is a Sinn Féin motion before the Dáil tonight for the government to get involved in this. The government are likely to survive that motion. But then there's a Social Democrat motion
motion that's going to call for pretty much the exact same thing tomorrow so this is going to dominate the political agenda today and if reports are to be believed the FAI's preference at this point is to move the game somewhere like Hungary now the game that's definitely going ahead is the women's game in France in Grenoble against the French tonight and if they win
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Chapter 2: How did Rhianna feel when the legal process concluded?
they qualify for the World Cup next year in Brazil. This is a group they were planning, expecting to come third in and secure a playoff spot. They've already guaranteed themselves that and they have a free shot tonight at automatic qualification. It is a huge, huge night for women's football, for football in this country. So you can be sure we're going to talk about that on the show.
And I know from people who've already been in touch, since I mentioned this earlier on the Oliver Callan show, that there's a little degree of frustration, I think, among some of the fans of the game and the women's game in particular, that it is the men's game that's dominating the agenda this week.
Instead of talking about World Cup qualification, we're talking about the Ireland-Israel game and people are scratching their heads wondering how in the hell Have the FAI engineered it that they are making the decision this week? I mean, talk about stealing somebody's thunder. So anyway, we're going to talk about all that and more later in the show.
087-484-8888 if you want to get in touch about that issue. Before any of that, though, I want you to cast your mind back to reports you would have seen or read or heard last week. from the Irish courts. And it was John Peters, aged 33, from Willingtonia, Knockrabow Apartments, Dundrum in Dublin, because he was sent to prison for assault and assault causing harm to Rhianna Moore.
And why you might remember it is because of how Rhianna spoke. So eloquently and so bravely outside court following that sentence. And Rhianna joins me now on the line. Rhianna, it is great to talk to you and thank you for taking the time to speak to us.
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Chapter 3: In what ways did the abusive relationship change Rhianna?
How did you feel last week when that legal process finally came to an end and John Peters was sent to prison for his abuse of you?
Definitely a lot of relief that the process was finally over. Obviously, I was in that relationship for three years and then the whole process afterwards was another three years. So a lot of relief that it was finally finished with.
How did that relationship, that three year relationship with him, how did it change you as a person?
Oh God, it changed me in ways that I never imagined. I don't know if I'll ever be the same person. I mean, I've definitely found a lot more strength in myself, but I've lost so much of myself that I wish I could get back. But unfortunately, with trauma, you kind of are forced to grow into a different person.
So describe the person you were then before you met him.
a lot more carefree, a lot happier in myself, a lot less self-conscious. Yeah, just a bit more free in life, really.
And how did you meet him, Rhianna?
I met him on a dating site on Tinder.
And how would you have described him at the time, in the early days of that relationship?
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Chapter 4: What were the early warning signs of Rhianna's abusive relationship?
Yeah.
And the abuse ultimately became physical, but the elements of control, particularly at home, tell me a bit more about them.
Obviously, I'm very limited to kind of what I can say because of the plea as such. But abuse doesn't just start physical. A lot of it starts mental and emotional. And that is the side that sticks with you a lot more than the physical abuse. You know, small things like not feeling like I was capable of even being a normal human being. Basic daily tasks I was incapable of, in his opinion.
And made feel myself, you know, little small things about control of like, you know, what you would wear or things you could do or the food you could eat. And really just like I think a lot of it came down to like my ability in my business as well. That was very much so taken over. as something that I wasn't capable of doing without him as well.
And obviously that was my number one ambition in life and everything that I had worked so hard for. And that number one love of what I was living for every day was then obviously turned against me and made me feel like I wasn't capable of doing so without him.
Was there... Or is there any element of... of guilt or self-blame, you know, when you look back or when you did maybe initially and you realised that those red flags were there but you hadn't seen them?
They were so disguised. They were so disguised by somebody who I thought was trying to help. You know what I mean? This is how they kind of project it.
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Chapter 5: How did Rhianna's self-esteem impact her perception of the abuse?
You see it as, no, this person is trying to help me. Like, this isn't a reflection of them. And it takes so long to be able to actually realize that that wasn't the case. And obviously, then you're fighting through the shame of how did I not see that? Because, you know, it's easy for people on the outside to be able to say, oh, well, why didn't she just leave?
Or, you know, I would never tolerate that. Or how did she tolerate that? But when it happens very slowly and over a long period of time. you become so trapped and embodied in that experience that you don't see straight at all.
Yeah. Yeah. If it was easy to see when people were in it, domestic violence wouldn't be the issue it is today.
It wouldn't exist. It really wouldn't exist. And I do really wish that people had a bit more education around why these situations happen and why we get trapped in it so that we don't get questioned on why did she not just leave? There's a lot more to it.
like on a psychological basis that are so... are the key reason of why you stay as opposed to just asking the simple question of why did she stay?
And when the abuse became physical, you know, was that a case of immediate alarm bells for you or had he kind of ground you down so much that... That no alarm bells went off.
My alarm bells went off. They went off for sure. But my self-esteem was so low. My self-worth was so low that as crazy as it sounds, I genuinely believed at that time that that's what I deserved because I was that bad as a person. I was that incapable of a person that this was the only thing that...
That I genuinely deserved it, which sounds so crazy to even say out loud now in the mindset that I'm in now, but that's genuinely what I believed.
And at what point then do you realise that, you know, you don't deserve this? But what is it that prompts you to do something?
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Chapter 6: What was the significance of the safety check in Rhianna's story?
On the weekend that he was first arrested, I... I knew something bad was going to happen. I feared for my life that weekend. And I had for the first time texted a friend to say that I needed help. And I had never done that before. It was at a point of literally I was desperate, you know. I had never asked for help before.
And when I had sent that text message, my phone was then taken off me by him. And that message was tried to be removed. And then I have no concept of the time of that evening, but within a very short period of time, the guards were at the door because a safety check was done on me.
So I had never actually had that physical strength or that emotional strength to come forward and say, this is enough, I need out. I was put in that position where a safety check was done on me because I still didn't feel capable of being able to walk away from that or understanding what was clearly happening.
And it was only for that safety check that was done on me that night that it now wasn't just existing inside the four walls of our home anymore. it now existed outside and to the guards.
Was it your friend who called the police that night?
It was my friend who called the police, yeah, and requested a safety check.
Maybe this is impossible to answer. Would you have stopped your friend calling the police if you could have that night? You know, as in... No. No, OK, so you weren't at that level of denial. You really were desperate.
Yeah.
Yeah, that night took everything in me to send that message. To send that message was as much as me walking into a Garda station. When you're in that situation, you can't just ask somebody to walk into a station and say what's happened. It took as much strength from me to send that message that day because I knew that that was going to have to be the end.
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Chapter 7: How does Rhianna view the intersection of therapy and justice?
If this moment, that moment you ring your friend when you feared for your life is the absolute nadir, tell me, describe your, describe what Rhianna Moore was like that, what she was like in that moment, your emotional state, the type of person you were.
When I made that, when I said that.
Yeah, at that lowest point.
Oh, my God. Completely distraught, broken, unrecognisable. I felt like almost like a child in myself. Like I couldn't even think for myself with an adult mind, you know, like an adult mind would say, bring the guards and do this and do that.
I was completely lost and needed guidance of even how to go to the next step, you know, even trying to wake up in the morning and do basic things became so, so difficult. But I was completely lost. completely lost in myself. I didn't even recognize myself when I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't trust my own opinions. I didn't trust my own voice.
I was just completely embodied by the whole experience that had happened to me. You know, you really do become a different person and it takes a long time to trust yourself again and to kind of even get any inch of that self-worth back in yourself.
I know, Rhianna, I've spoken to victims of abuse like this before. And what some of them have said, and they said it's hard to explain to anybody on the outside who hasn't gone through it, is that they've become so... Part of the abuse is that your abuser makes you utterly dependent on them in so many ways. And that there's this weird period afterwards where...
You know, there's relief, it's over. But you kind of, on some level, you miss them or you miss their presence. You know, they were around all the time. Did you feel that?
Absolutely. And you know what, that was one of the things that I felt a huge amount of shame around afterwards. I felt so much shame in myself for grieving that person. I felt so much shame in myself for having them emotions. There were some things that I didn't even say out loud because I didn't want to be judged on anything. how I felt.
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Chapter 8: What message does Rhianna have for those currently in abusive relationships?
My friends have suffered. My family has suffered. His family has suffered. You know, even the shame that I felt of the pain that I felt seeing his family in court the other day, like I felt nothing but guilt towards them as well. And it's just, look, I'm a human being at the end of the day and these emotions are always going to arise.
You said about... needing time to build yourself back up. I assume that's done primarily through therapy and things like that, is it?
Yeah, it is, definitely. I think I still have a huge amount of healing to do. Obviously, you have to keep this, not that you have to, but it's always on the front of your mind. Every morning you wake up, it's still there because I've had to fight for this for three years, you know? So it's not like I've got to do the deep healing that I've needed to do yet. There's still a lot more to come.
But yes, the majority of that does come from going to a therapist.
And how then did you feel during the legal process when the prospect of your therapy notes being introduced as evidence became a reality?
I felt very blindsided, to be honest with you, because I was requested them only weeks before the trial. I had heard about the whole thing, about the therapy notes being brought forward. But when you're a victim and you're going through the process, you try to avoid... You try to avoid these conversations as much as you can.
And I know that might sound very weird, but me seeing things about the therapy notes being used on social media and that kind of thing just re-traumatized me. So I didn't educate myself on them as much as people might have expected me to, because I'm still very much so in survival mode in my situation. So when it was brought to me that I would have to bring them forward, it was...
traumatizing because not only have I had to relive every experience in preparation for trial, I now had to re-traumatize myself with anything that I may have ever said because therapy is not always, you know, it's not always factual.
There's a lot of like thought and emotion and feeling that goes into it to try and dive deep into why that situation may have happened or why you ended up in that or, you know, how you felt during certain things. So you're incredibly vulnerable during that time of speaking. So when I had initially found out that that was going to happen, it was a huge shock. Obviously, I was asked.
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