This week is an emotional roller coaster filled with a tale of dog hospice, discussing the institution of marriage (love it) and why i'll never go to the battleground of coachella. Enjoy!!Sponsors:The Knot: Let The Knot be your partner in all things wedding planning. Get started at theknot.com/audioDraftkings: Sign up with code GABBYWINDEY and wager a minimum of five dollars to receive FIVE HUNDRED CASINO SPINS ON A FEATURED GAME. casino.draftkings.com/promosGoPure: Get 25% Off @goPure with code GABBY at https://www.gopurebeauty.com/GABBY #goPurepodWatch the Materialists trailer on A24ʼs YouTube, Instagram, TikTok-- In theaters June 13thProduced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: What happened to Nardo the dog?
You need to know you are appreciated. Oh, I couldn't even find the word because I've never felt it. All right. You'll see here. You'll see here. Nardo is with me and We didn't think that was going to be the case this week. And no, I'm not being facetious. No, I'm not being satirical. It was scary. It was scary. It was scary. And that's where I'm going to start.
The dog, oh, the dog, the dog, the lymphoma, the dog. It's devastating. It's devastating. Nardo, Nardo got old in a week. He aged 10 years in six days. Look at him now, he's quite comfortable because we're doing our best to nurse him back to health. And I might interject here. Last week, I got my video taken down because of the... He's okay, Nardo. You can see he's walking a little weak.
He's getting old. I hope he's going to find some treats or water there all over the house. But let me start from the beginning. Last week, my video was taken down because the bandwagon, because some thousands of you are already turning your back on me and what reported me. Now I'm only following in the steps of my brethren, Joe Rogan, misinformation, selling nicotine. Well, what the fuck?
How am I supposed to make money? I'll never do it again. I'm sorry, Lucy. I'm sorry. I can't be promoting that. I can't risk not spreading the word. Anyways, Nardo, we don't actually know what he has because they wanted to put him down three times. No, I'm not kidding. So... So either Nardo is the original Scamanda.
Either he's faking his questionable undiagnosed blood cancer for GoFundMe's money and social media attention. Or the vets are. Or it's the chicken or the egg. Which came first? Because I don't know. Because I don't know. They said put Nardo down. We don't know what else to tell you. Dogs this sick normally don't make it. You're going to have to put Nardo down. Devastating, bawling, crying.
My dad was in town. Just by a stroke of luck, we all said goodbye at the vet's office. We held him like a baby on the way home. His poor little legs were limp and weak. He was bleeding. He was spontaneously bleeding. He has no platelets. Zero. They said they did a smear. They couldn't find one platelet. Not one. Not one. Okay. Well, get me in there. Get me in there because you're too wise.
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Chapter 2: What challenges did Gabby face with Nardo's health?
aren't even acting like one. They're not even converging. I'm sure there was one. There's not even one spontaneously bleeding, had a nosebleed everywhere. He's too sick to diagnose. But we're going to keep him in the hospital. No, the fuck you're not. We're checking his ass out. AMA, against medical advice. Let me take him home. I was a nurse. I can give all his medications.
I know exactly what to do. You're not going to tell me. This went on all week. All of a sudden, I'm back at nurse. I'm at the bedside. I'm giving meds, Q2, Q4. I'm lethargic. He's lethargic. Something's going on. Something's going on. We go back to the vet at midnight. He had a bloody stool. What's it going to be? What's it going to be? He's not making much progress.
The meds aren't working instead of zero. Now the platelets are 7000 and they're supposed to be and they're supposed to be mere. I don't know. and there's supposed to be a mere 40,000, you're nowhere close. Here's a list. Here's a list of veterinary doctors that do in-home, you know what, I can't even get myself to say it. We cry ourselves to sleep.
We get Nardo his last hamburger, what we think, and some French fries. He only eats the patty. He knows how to eat around the whole bun. I'm up all night watching his breathing. The next morning, he leaps out of bed. Excuse me? Excuse me? We were just calling around for an emergent appointment. Based on your breathing, we didn't know if you were going to last. Call it off. Call everything off.
Debbie and Adam come over. They immediately put him in good spirits. What's going to happen? Does the dog want to live? He doesn't want to die. He wants to live to see another day. He wants to terrorize the cat. Well past seven years and nine months, an average age for lymphoma. Are they okay? Is everyone okay? This obviously very distant relative of a wolf has come with its own mutations.
I didn't mean it when I said I thought I got a lemon. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe a lime. Anyways, a lime with sugar. We call it off again. Wait a day. He's still tired. I'm able to force feed him some potatoes in the back of the throat. I'm sorry, Nardo.
We have to get you something to eat so I can give you the one medicine that's supposed to stimulate the bone marrow, to stimulate the platelets, to make you feel better. The platelets, the platelets, the platelets. Check his gums. Are they pink or pale? I can't tell. Sending videos, sending videos to Amber. What an angel.
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Chapter 3: Why is Gabby running her own dog hospice?
These people who love, love, love animals and have dedicated their lives to answering the phone from people like me who have so many questions on whether they're going to have to do the hardest thing. And yeah, and yeah, the real gag is, is that I stand by my dog mom's take. I'm sorry. The millennials have ruined it for us.
I don't have to be a mother to love something with all of my four chambered beating heart with more arteries than you can count. I don't have to be maternal. You don't have to give me the name dog mom. Once again, the millennials have ruined it for us. So we call it off. I take him to the vet again. He has a standing appointment. Let's get his blood drawn. Let's see what they think.
She comes back. She comes back with the same voice, with the same eyes. We know where this is going to go. All right. Give me the leash. I'm done here. I'm done. I'm done listening to anyone. I'm done taking everyone's advice. Just give him back to me. I'll do whatever. I'll do at this point, whatever the fuck I want. I'm running my own doggy hospice. Bring your dogs. Bring your dogs.
I have a plethora of medication that my psychiatrist has offered me and you won't find on Reddit. You won't find the dosages on Reddit because they're too afraid. No, I'm not giving medical advice. Yes, this is Miss... I can't say it because obviously... I'm walking on thin ice around here because you're waiting. One of you is waiting with the finger on the trigger. When am I going to report?
I want to press the flag button so bad to ruin it for everybody. Well, you're not going to get me. I'm not selling anything. Anyways. There's no dog hospice because they can't trust the two-legged homo sapiens not to abuse the narcotics. Obviously, you cannot be trusted. Once again, you perverted freaks. Hands off, paws off. I also cannot be trusted. Mine are prescribed, so I can give it to him.
So I'm doing my own thing. I'm doing my own thing. But she did. But on the last vet appointment, she did. She checked his blood for us. Thank you. This might be the last time. We'll call you with the results never called. Okay. Okay. Some dire needs, I guess. some really pertinent information that you thought I should have.
So desperately, longingly, sad-eyed in the office, in the sterile medical room, and you never called. Okay, well, tell me why he's jumping on and off and on and off and on and off. And by I mean jumping, I know he wants to get off, so I have to get up and hold him.
And just the right way to not hurt him, to get him off the bed and on the bed and off the bed and on the bed and off the bed and on the bed. Do you want to go outside? Do you need to potty? Do you need the potty? No. Okay. So he's sniffing on the counter. Oh, you want to treat your appetites back? What is this? Two pods on the counter. He's looking for his treats. Okay. What am I supposed to do?
He's back to life. He hasn't been interested in food in days. No kind of food. Not even the chicken from the rotisserie. mind you, from sprouts, the good white meat. You don't care about this. I don't even know you. You must be sick. Your blood, your own blood is attacking you. It's devastating. Now he wants all his treats.
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Chapter 4: How did Gabby cope with Nardo's illness?
And you really don't know what you have until it's threatened to be taken away from you. And this is what they all say. It's one of those things that you just don't know until it happens to you. I just didn't know. Oh, okay. Okay. Nurse Candy, you're dog sick. We've heard that before. We've heard that before. Just retire. Okay. We'll all give you a little PTO. It's okay. It's okay.
Okay, but now my dog's sick and I had to call off every single thing because like I said, we've been at the vet four days out of six, sobbing, bawling, don't know when it's gonna come. I can't get on a meeting. I'm delirious. I can't even think straight. Flip the camera. I flipped the camera to a for real, God forbid, barely breathing, roided out dog.
And you want to talk about my concept for a face lotion? I'll give you one guess. It's moisturizing. And then it does. It makes you do the craziest things. This dog. This dog will make you crazy. This Nardo. Yeah, maybe his breath is as smelly as his ass. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. He's no competition for danger at the door. Yeah, maybe. Instead of barking, he might do the smile. Smile, Nardo.
Chapter 5: What are Gabby's thoughts on the term 'dog mom'?
The vet loves that. He loves the vet. The craziest thing I've ever seen. He goes right into the clinic, says hi to everyone and smiles. This is the dog they'd been telling me to put down for three times. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe Z doesn't know what to do with the burglar, but I do. So what? They want to come in and take my new Roku TV. How about I make it easier for you?
I'm just going to leave you some tithings at the door. I'm just going to leave you a little bowl full of all the cash I have and a relative's Rolex. It's yours. Don't come in the house. You don't need to ransack here. You can get that Roku TV on sale. It's nothing. You don't want that. It's too big.
You can't, your brain can't really perceive something too big because I imagine, because I imagine it's not very big in the first place, judging by the pantyhose that fits over it. No, your head's too small. Get out of here. Take the money and run. I'm doing you a favor. I'm making it easy on you. Leave the dog. Leave the dog. He's of no use to you now.
because his blood is sick because the blood's attacking itself. So now I have to introduce new meds. And then finally, hopefully we can go in with the diagnosis, but, but can you believe it? It's been such a devastating week. And then Robbie had to leave. She had to go on tour. She doesn't know what to do with herself. Really? She's like, Oh, I've just been taking him for granted.
Do you think I can catch his cancer though? Please, please don't. Well, do you think the cat can catch it? No, no, I don't. And can we think about the dog for once? This is about the dog, not about the cat. Just kidding. The dog does have a way better presence. Oh, Freudian. I know there's a lot of cat lovers out there and I'm sorry. I have an unpopular opinion.
And I will be so fast to redact if Diet Coke wants me to, if they come around. But I prefer a Pepsi Zero to a Diet Coke. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Report me. Because everyone else is too afraid to say it. Coming this close to losing a loved one will make you do crazy things. Like when your grandma's like, oh, your Nana really loves you.
And you're like, I'm going to have to take your word for it because I don't remember Nana. I met her maybe when I was three years old, sat on her lap. And I only know that by a photo, but I'm going to have to take your word that she loved me. But when you love something, you want to tell everyone else how much they loved him. Okay. To all my friends all week. Oh, Nardo loves you.
My one friend in return. At least the cat will be happy. Okay, well. Well, I appreciate your honesty. me to the family do you mind sending a video of your voice nardo loves voices it puts it it makes him calm it eases his breathing it slows down his heart but not too slow let's see if he can oh good boy see he is kind of weak but i'm making him dinners and i'm gonna give him a bath tonight
Oh, will you send me a video of your voice so I can play it for him on repeat? I'm going through the live videos. I'm going through the live videos. See if they have anything to say to Nardo. Screen recording and playing and playing and playing. This is for Nardo. This is what he needs. This is what's going to save him. And look at him.
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Chapter 6: What new movie is Gabby excited about?
New customers only. Non-withdrawable casino spins valid for featured game only and expire in 168 hours. See terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos. Ends 4-27-25 at 11-59 p.m. Eastern. So now let's get on with it. Yes. Ah, yes. Now let's get on with it. We can change our last names willy-nilly, but you can't change one letter on your passport. Hunter Schaefer, what is going on here?
Why do you even care? I know. I know. I know it's not about the gender. It's not about the letter. It's about the executive order. It's about the power. But come on. What's it even to you? Why do you even care? Why do you even care you don't? You're so far up your own ass. You can do a 360 in your small intestines. You're not going to get me thinking that you care about LGBTQIA people.
Not that little dweeb. sitting at the clerk's office, going through the passports, somehow figuring out who Hunter Schaefer was because I know these people and no offense if you're here, if you're here doing this job, obviously there's an exception to every rule, but there are some places that do not know culture. One of them is being Next Health. They never recognized me.
I don't know where they live. It's some kind of a, it is some kind of a different dimension. And yes, yes, that is my litmus test. Okay, you know, at least for the last two weeks, my fame has been incomparable, unfathomable, better believe it. As evidenced by, don't make me say it, your finger on the report trigger. How do they know what's going on? How, how, how does this,
Punching in and punching out. Government dude. Who I'm assuming is straight and has never even heard. Of the IA of the LGBT community. Cure, I mean, I understand it's the T and the this, but please just give me a second and go with it. They've never even heard of this. So you're telling me now you're going out of your way to the uppers, to the uppers, to the uppers, to the uppers.
Look, we have a problem, mayday, mayday. And you still, and you still are able to pump out that passport faster than you can say, I'm a pervert. That's the real question is how are they working so fast? That's the real question is who squealed? Who's the squealer? Who is the narc? As the old true but trite saying, snitches get stitches. Mind your business.
At the previous passport, said female, look the other way, turned a blind eye. Have you never covered for a friend at 16 buying cigarettes at the gas station? No, sir, I swear. She has a good skincare regimen. She's 18. Have you never? Come on. Come on, just put your head down and act like you never saw anything. Just make a duplicate. Hers was lost.
It wasn't going in for any kind of a last name change, any kind of a correction. And don't even get me started on the ones who want to change the last name, the institution of marriage. Yes, I believe. Yeah, you didn't think it was going to take that kind of a turn, but it did. But it did because it's all a distraction, as you know, because we're talking about this because look at me.
I'm seeing fucking red. Hunter Schaefer did not go through all of this for that to be embarrassed at the airport. Oh, no, no, no. Embarrassed the other one who hasn't cleaned under his fingernails in weeks. You're disgusting. Wash your hands. No, because it's a distraction, as we know, from the real problem that said toddler is going to be a trillionaire. Yes. Yes.
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