LuAnna: The Podcast
'You cannot be tried on your morals, everybody's morals are different!'
04 May 2026
Chapter 1: What happened at Sam Faiers' launch event?
This is a Global Player original podcast.
Be warned, it's Luanna, and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. But you know you love it. How would you feel if your daughter had had sex with Russell Brand at 30? It was really awkward and quite embarrassing. It's Maybank holiday, bitches. Have a jig around the maypole. MP Lulu. It was wall to wall, stinking of diarrhoea.
If it's got a screw top, I'm not drinking it. And as if it couldn't have got any worse, when they opened the theatre doors to put me under for the operation, oh!
LAUGHTER
Good morning. Good morning. I think I'm laughing.
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Chapter 2: What insights did Anna share from her trip to Parliament?
It's so bright in there. We are hanging out of our arses and Lou is just being so sass. She's sitting here with her sunglasses on. My toy pedo.
I haven't got a bra on either.
The titties are out. You've got good tits to be fair. Oh God, I need to have my boobs re-done.
No you don't.
I actually was looking at your boobs yesterday when you were naked. We were naked together guys. But when we were getting ready to go out, I was looking at your boobs and I was like, they're really good boobs.
Really?
Really good boobs, seriously.
One's bigger than the other. It doesn't notice. I can notice it. And also this one. You've just got good nipples. I have. You've got good nipples.
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Chapter 3: How can love recover after betrayal?
I don't have like big burger nips. Burger nips, yeah. I don't like big nipples. Could I have a tissue piece of my ever runny nose? Oh God, here we go. I've been waxing my nostrils.
Oh, here we go. Hi guys, by the way, welcome to another podcast, the shit show that continues every week.
Chapter 4: What are the implications of Russell Brand's viral interview?
Headed up by producer extraordinaire Imogen Rosa Tissier-Hartz.
How are you? How's the cough going? Cough is better. Didn't you just cough then?
Did I just cough?
Chapter 5: What is the UK’s new smoking and vaping legislation?
I think she did a throat clear. Was it a throat clear? Right. It's like you've got a tick. I think it's a nervous cough. You make me nervous, guys.
Crumble's here. He's like our therapy dog. Crumble is here. Bex, earlier this morning, you have seriously hyperfixated on the dog.
Chapter 6: What shocking confession was made about tuna oil?
Oh, you have?
You've gone into like ADHD hyperfixation. You do, yeah.
That's okay.
It's your first time meeting Crumble. I feel like you've not really like made a fuss of him.
Well, I wanted to let him come to me when the time is right. I love that. Exactly.
That is actually the correct thing to do. Do you know what happened yesterday? Go on. To Crumble. I was in the nail bar getting my nails done I took him with me obviously just fast asleep on my lap sleeping and then I do love my nail guy Sam and it is his business however he did decide to pick crumble up by his neck Oh, wow. I was like, don't pick him up by his neck.
Don't pick him up by his neck. Obviously, my hands were tied. Also, don't pick him up, full stop. And I was like, don't.
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Chapter 7: How do the hosts feel about their personal experiences with relationships?
He didn't pick him up by his neck. He just picked him up like that. By his neck. Okay. And how did that go? Poor Crumble. I think he was shocked. He just did nothing. He just sort of hung there. Oh, my gosh. I know. Oh, he seems fine, guys. Don't worry. Animal welfare. We are all good. He's fine. Did you tell? But Crumble did not want to go near him after that. Well, I'm not surprised.
And I'm not surprised.
If someone picked you up by your neck, would you want to go back to them?
Well, that depends who it was.
It is. Listen, guys, May the 4th be with you. It is bank holiday Monday. I hope you're all having a nice May Day bank holiday. In fact, it says here, as Imogen has written, it's May bank holiday, bitches. Have a jig around the Maypole.
Do you know what we should do? We should go to my little garden bit where my wisteria is and we should jig around that. Do a diddly-dee? Do a little diddly-dee. A little Morris Dancer diddly-dee. Talk to your boss today. I've got crumbles, got a belt. Get these. I swear I'm home. Don't waste the tissues. Okay, I'll do it then.
In homage to it being May Day.
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Chapter 8: What advice do the hosts give about self-care and personal growth?
You can enjoy us on YouTube. Oh, shit.
There we go.
I've got a whole situation over here. This is my SOS situation. I've got lip balm, hand lotion, dash, the coffee thing you made me, glasses, cleaner. I've got crumble treats.
Yep. which I've cut up into little squares. This is great content.
It is great. But anyway, how is everybody? Now, you might be wondering why we're hanging. So last night, so let's fill you in. So Sam Fez, friend of Luanna... is quite honestly a bloody amazing boss bitch. Isn't she? Like she's created this amazing brand. She's conquering the world. Yeah, this revived collagen.
Those of you that know Sam, obviously off TOWIE, but now just like way so much more than that. And she did a launch. She left TOWIE behind. She has. She did a launch last night where Mel B is one of the new brand ambassadors.
An actual Spice Girl. Actual Spice Girl. Mel B is now 50. Can you believe that? Was she there?
Yes. We got a picture with her and everything. Oh, well, so this is why. I mean, we obviously were there for Sam, but Mel B was there and we were like, we don't go out, as you all know. We were very excited.
No, and in the car on the way there, I said, oh my God, I've been working in this industry now for like 13 years and I've never met a Spice Girl. And I've been like, well, I've been out in John's house and Posh Spice has been there, but I didn't interact with her. So I can't really class that. You can't really class that. But that's the closest I've ever been.
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