First comes love, then comes the prenup
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What misconceptions exist about prenups?
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Hi, Rima and team. This is Alina calling from Seattle. I'm a huge fan of the podcast. I don't know exactly when I started listening, but I know the first episode that I remember is the one called Divorce Story because it was a way that my partner, now wife, and I were able to have more open conversations about prenups. I particularly knew I wanted one because... I had my own business that I started years before we got married, and I knew that I wanted to protect it. And that podcast was something that we both listened to, and it helped us open up the conversation.
I'm Rima Grace, and welcome to This is Uncomfortable. Alina is talking about an episode we did back in 2020 about divorce and how it helped her and her partner talk openly about prenups. She called our hotline to share her thoughts, which you can also do, by the way. The number is 347-RING-TIU. We've told a lot of stories over the years about money and relationships, and prenups is one of those topics I've been wanting to come back to and dig into a little more. Back when I got married, I knew very little about prenups. They just weren't something people around me really talked about, felt kind of taboo. But these days, it feels different. About 15% of Americans apparently have a prenup, and nearly half say they'd be open to signing one, especially Gen Z and millennials.
So this week, we're talking prenups, the misconceptions, how they actually work, and the bigger questions they bring up about love and power. I'm chatting with two people who see couples at some of their most intimate crossroads, family lawyer Sahar Taylor and financial therapist Aja Evans. Sahar and Aja, welcome to the show. Thank you for having us. Hi, thank you for having us. So excited. Okay, so I want to start by playing this clip from the Bravo reality show Vanderpump Rules. The show follows the dramatic lives of restaurant staff in West Hollywood. And there's this moment from the show that I always think about when the subject of prenups comes up. In this scene, Katie and her fiance, Tom, sit down with a lawyer to talk about getting a prenup.
All right. So. Yeah. You're here for a prenup. Well, yeah. Okay, why don't we start by you telling me what your assets are? Well, we don't have any property. You mean real property, real estate? Yeah, we don't have any real estate.
No.
Yet. You have a bank account?
I have Wells Fargo.
Approximately how much is in the checking account?
$200,000.
And the savings?
$4,700.
How about cars?
I don't own a car, at least.
Retirement plans? Do you have anything like that?
My plan for retirement was to die.
Tom, same questions for you. This is everything. I screenshotted it for you. Okay. Katie has more money than me right now, but who knows how much money we'll have in the future. When two guys get married, all your earnings are called community property and they get divided equally. Yeah. Even if she makes 10 times as much money. I wouldn't want any of her hard-earned money and I don't think she would want mine if we ever, you know, did get a divorce. Okay. Yeah.
Sahar and Aja, what are your reactions to that clip?
Social media is wild and so is reality TV. Yeah, definitely. I feel like they ended up actually getting married and getting a divorce in real life. Yes, that is exactly what happened. Which is why it's important that they got the prenup, right? Yeah, exactly.
So Sahar, you're a lawyer who works with couples on prenups, right? Yes. So what did you think of that clip?
I mean, this is typical.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What misconceptions exist about prenups?
0:00–5:58
2
How can a prenup protect against debt?
5:58–10:52
3
What emotional conversations do prenups initiate?
10:52–14:56
4
How do you start a conversation about prenups with your partner?
14:56–21:11
5
What are common provisions to include in a prenup?
21:11–28:20
6
How can couples stay connected during prenup negotiations?
28:20–34:58
7
Do prenups actually help couples communicate better?
34:58–35:29