Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hey, I need you to pause right now. We've been taught the wrong thing when it comes to argument. You should actually never want to win an argument. And I'm getting that in this conversation with one of the best attorneys in the world. In this episode, we break down number one, why the goal should not be to win an argument. Number two, how you should speak less, but say more.
And then we go into how to control yourself, how to control moments and how to control pace. Ladies and gentlemen, make sure you buckle up. I present to you my good friend, Mr. Jefferson Fisher.
Jay, how are you doing today, brother? I'm good, Mick. It's so good to hear you, man.
Chapter 2: Why should winning an argument not be the goal in conversations?
What an introduction. I got to get you to send that so I can frame it somewhere. That's awesome, man. It's so good to talk with you and share some stuff with your audience, brother. So I'm blessed.
Man, I'm the honored one.
Chapter 3: How can speaking less lead to saying more in communication?
I'm the blessed one. And Jefferson, you know, on the show, we like to talk about Your because that thing that's deeper than your why. Right.
Chapter 4: What strategies can help control yourself during difficult conversations?
Like I, I believe when I ask you what's your why, you're going to give me an answer and then I'm going to say, but why? And that usually starts with because blah, blah, blah. So I like skipping all that. It's like, tell me your because. So if I were to say Jefferson, man, today, what's your because? Why do you do what you do? What's that?
Hmm.
Because there will be a time where I am not on this earth. And I want two little kids of mine to be able to know what I stood for and that things will still exist that I created that can still teach them along the way.
I love that, dude. I love that. So grounded in that. And again, I'm a huge fan of you. You started your podcast journey like March of last year, right? That's when I started mine. And you were someone that I truly looked up to. And most people that know me know I don't listen to a ton of podcasts just because I never want to like take ideas or take questions or follow guests.
And that way, when my guests come on, we can be truly authentic. And I'm not asking something I heard. But yours is one that I actually listened to, subscribed to, have left reviews for because I love what you represent because you're giving insights. Your solo episodes, it's like, hey, I'm going to talk to you for 12, 15 minutes, and here's something you can do right now.
And then when your guests are on, man, you really get something out of them. So my first question truly is, why did you know that that was what you needed to do at the time? Being, start a podcast, get that voice, get that out there.
Because I knew that I had to do what was authentic to me. We see a lot of podcasts out there, and I'm like you, Mick, where I, before starting my podcast, I didn't really consume hardly any. I just didn't. Don't ask me why. I saw ones that were like four hours, and I'm like, who has the time? There's no way. I don't even have time for an hour. There's no way. And so I thought...
There has to be some kind of market for people who just want to hear 15 minutes during their commute and just get a little bit of something that they can apply, keep in their mind, help focus and frame their day. And I thought, well, why don't I just do that? And it was also something that fit my life.
I think there's so many times people like you and me or other creators out there feel like we have to mold our life to fit the expectation rather than taking the expectation And dissolving that down, washing it down, purifying that and making it fit your life. And so when I make my podcast, they're short because that's the time I got, you know, so not trying to.
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Chapter 5: What is the significance of the right words and timing in conversations?
So for me, I continually, the dig and absorb and notice interactions go, Oh, that that's really cool. And, and same for you when you run into situations and you go, Oh, okay. I see a bump And my kind of meter of my knowledge of emotional intelligence. We're always, always learning.
Chapter 6: How does emotional regulation impact effective communication?
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir. The next two chapters in the application. I learned this through you and then also from my mentors, Damon, John and Chris Voss. And it's just so timely because I know Chris Voss did an endorsement for a really good friend of mine. As a leader, as a communicator, you also need to understand how to control the moment and control the pace.
And if there's nothing more powerful in your book, Jefferson, it is those two chapters. Because when I told you that my wife, this is a part of what she does with her leaders at her company, it's those two chapters that they spend most of their time on. How do you control the moment as a leader and control the pace for your organization?
So talk through that from your perspective, controlling the moment, controlling the pace.
I love that you picked up on that. That brings me so much happiness because I absolutely agree. Though that section of that chapter to me is by far one of the most potent things you can do for your communication and you're leveling up your leadership. When it comes to controlling the moment and controlling the pace, they're related to each other.
Think of a time where, let's say you're at the house and you and your wife or your spouse, your husband, y'all are arguing, right? Then they say something that gets you to want to react in some way. The faster you go, I mean, the faster you go back and forth, the less control you have. But if I slow it down, the more space I've added and the more we've regulated. That's the power of pauses.
So when you control the pace, that is slowing everything down. So specifically on pace, what does that mean? What I teach and prep a lot of my clients for, because I'm sending them to the
to the wolves, really, for people to try and discredit them, hurt their credibility, to call them out as a liar, whatever it is to help the other side's case, is I will continually say, you were the one that controls the pace of the conversation, not them. Meaning nobody, people listening, hear this, nobody can make you say anything that you don't want to say. Nobody can make you say anything
on their timeframe. You're the one that controls when you speak. You're the one who controls if you speak at all. And you control what you speak. And so when you realize that you're the one that has that power, you're the one that has that. So I don't care what the other person says. I get to choose if I respond at all and when I respond.
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