Romantic partners often support and help each other out with different things. And with ADHD in the relationship, there might be some extra support needed here and there. But what happens when that support crosses the line into parentification, or taking care of your partner like they’re your child? Or the other way around, where your partner is responsible for taking care of you?Psychologist Lesley Cook (@lesleypsyd) visits the podcast to talk about how to notice parentification happening in your relationship, and the resentment that can build when it goes unnoticed. Related resourcesLesley’s TikTok, @lesleypsydA Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle FrankTimestamps(03:03) What is a parentified relationship?(05:37) When an ADHD partner is the “parent” in the relationship or takes on too much responsibility(07:33) Are parentified relationships typically gendered?(08:48) Fairness versus equity in relationships(11:44) Weaponized incompetence(14:49) What happens to a relationship when it’s parentified for too long?(17:19) Notice, shift, repair(18:45) What to do when you notice yourself taking on too much responsibility for your partner(21:08) People pleasing, and the need to fix things(22:46) How to ask the right questions to your partner(24:07) Noticing your ADHD at play, and using it as an explanation, not an excuse(28:02) Setting an example as a parent to kids(32:24) Lesley’s parting advice(33:00) Where you can find Lesley and creditsFor a transcript and more resources, visit the MissUnderstood page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected]. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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