Eddie Huang Drops the Tough Guy Act
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From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin. This is Modern Love. And today I'm talking to Eddie Huang. Eddie kind of does it all. He's a chef. He makes movies. He's the author of the memoir Fresh Off the Boat, which became a hit TV show. And in Fresh Off the Boat, Eddie talks about what it was like for him growing up in America with parents who were Taiwanese Chinese immigrants. It was really hard. Eddie was bullied a lot. He felt lonely. And he responded by fighting back. He became a tough kid no one could pick on. And that tough kid grew up into a tough man. Now, Eddie has a new book out. It's a novel, but the main character sounds a lot like Eddie. He's a middle-aged guy, Asian-American, struggling to figure out the kind of man he wants to be, especially when it comes to his relationships with women, which the guy in the book is really, really bad at.
Eddie's had to work through a lot of this stuff himself in his own relationships. And I wanted to know, when you've tried so hard for so many years to prove to everyone that you're not weak and you're not vulnerable, how do you let someone in? Like, what happens when the tough guy meets someone he really likes? Someone he might even love?
Eddie Huang, welcome to Modern Love.
Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm excited for this.
We're excited to have you. Eddie, I want to start this conversation by asking about something I think has been important to you for a long time, masculinity and Asian-American-ness. On that note, back in 2017, you wrote an op-ed for The New York Times about these ideas. I'd love for you to read a part of it. Does that sound okay?
Yeah, sure. Okay. Okay. Every Asian American man knows what the dominant culture has to say about us. We count good. We bow well. We're technologically proficient. We're naturally subordinate. Our male anatomy is the size of a thumb drive and could never in a thousand millenniums be a threat to steal your girl. As a kid, you believe the things you're told about yourself. But as I grew, I started to see things unravel. I wasn't subordinate. I didn't count good. And outside downloading gifs of Daisy Fuentes, I was terrible with computers. Over time, I began to find solidarity with my singularity indifference. Yet the one joke that still hurts, the one stereotype that I still mistakenly believe at the most inopportune bedroom moments is that women don't want Asian men.
We just don't have the ingredients.
I mean, 2017, almost 10 years ago. But as you read that, I don't know, what comes up for you?
You know, funny, I've not seen this since 2017. And like my right shoulder just started twitching when I was reading it.
Huh, why?
And I think that I've gotten past a lot of this. I don't think about it anymore. And like when people tell jokes about like, Asian penis side, like, I'll laugh. It's fine. I'm over it, you know? But I think just being transported back to that place when I was still very bummed out about it, you just remember and, you know, you start to twitch a little bit. So, you know, as a 44-year-old man, you don't love admitting that these things really hurt your feelings, but they did.
Huh. I want to go there to that place.
Let's hurt my feelings.
Well, I think we're going to loop around because there's a beautiful love story, you know. But I want to go there because I'm really interested in your openness to talk about this. And I want to sort of take us back or take you back to the time when you were sort of actively hurting about this, right?
Yeah.
Can you tell me, however far back this question takes you, do you remember how you first realized that this was how Asian men were seen by some people?
Whoa. From a very, very young age, race was just like an interesting thing.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–9:35
2
How did Eddie Huang’s 2017 New York Times essay shape his view of Asian-American masculinity?
9:35–17:00
3
When did Eddie first notice he was treated as an outsider and how did bullying affect him?
17:00–20:18
4
How did school incidents and peer shaming push Eddie to become a fighter?
20:18–36:23
5
How did media portrayals and a college book influence Eddie’s understanding of Asian male emasculation?
36:23–42:08
6
How did Eddie’s early dating experiences reflect the stereotype that Asian men aren’t desired?
42:08–53:07